12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

My thought for the day..

......The first year is survival.. the second year is endurance...and then we heal.....coop

 

That is very, very good, and sooo right.

[[dr...]]

Peace-glad the dentist went well.  I had my appt last week.  Glad I don't have any anxiety over dentists. 

 

Sky-sorry you are having such a hard time.  Nite all

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

 

Thank you all for your advice and support regarding my upcoming trip!  I've decided to go, and I am feeling more excited than afraid....which I'm taking as a good sign. I'm still really, really nervous about the flights and the overall stress on the trip (traveling with almost 50 people, with almost no down time), but Klonopin has robbed me of so much and I'll be darned if I will let it take this from me, too. I hope I'm making the right decision, but I won't even know that until I'm in the middle of it. I hate how not trusting my body puts a negative, scary spin on everything!

 

I've been feeling really good this week. Sleeping great, no anxiety, very little chest pressure and burning nerves. It's been nice!

 

Lots of love to you all! It's time for bed as tomorrow is a busy day: field trip and our classroom Valentine's party.

 

HH

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

I have somewhat of a dilemma and I welcome all of your thoughts on it. I found out today that I have the opportunity to go on a school-sponsored trip to the east coast. My oldest daughter is going and due to a change in the original circumstances I am able to go, basically for free. 12 days touring Boston, NYC, and Washington DC during spring break. I want to go so badly, (what an amazing opportunity!!), but I am afraid. I'm afraid of being thrown in a wave while there, of getting really sick. I'm also pretty afraid of flying.

 

I don't want this damn withdrawal to hold me back from experiencing this with my daughter!  :tickedoff: But I also don't know that I trust my body to be ok on such a big trip.

 

I tend to be a "push through" type, but will this be too much? That's the million dollar question....

 

HH, if I were you, I wouldn't miss this for the world.  I think it's the opportunity of a lifetime, and there will actually be a lot less stress than you think.  You'll have only one kid, no spouse, and you don't have to work.  I think you can do it, and I think you'll always regret it if you don't

 

Hi everyone! I hope all if you don't mind an almost 10 months off this stuff chiming in here. I read posts just to get a sense of what the future will hold and for a lot of encouragement and inspiration. This past month has been very daunting and disturbing in regards to my symptoms. Like right now I've been dealing with shortness of breath off and on all morning, heart palps, leg weakness and I'm still struggling with to disequilibrium that I have constantly.

 

HH...I can't tell you what to do but I would go and do you have contacts in each of the cities that you will be in? I will tell you right now I work in Washington DC and live right on the outskirts so while you are here if you want to just touch base and let me know how you're doing just know that you have a fellow benzo buddy here in one of the pit stop since you will be making. sometimes it's comforting to know at least one or two people in the places that you will be in.

 

again I hope I'm not intruding since I'm not 1 year off yet for another two and a half months but again your post really do encourage me because this month 9 to 12 mark has been a doozy for me so far. Month 7 was such a joy, half of month 8 was good...going into month 9 the waves slammed me again.

 

Everyone be well and I keep each of you in prayer. 

 

Hi LovingMother!

Thank you so much for your offer of real-time support when I'm in DC! So very sweet of you! 

You are definitely welcome here, it's a great place of companionship!

[[Sk...]]

Dentist was fine. The whole office is run by ladies and the vibe is just awesome. I have 'slight discoloration' but not a 'cavity' yet. So they're going to wait and watch. We talked about my med sensitivities and turns out they are very conservative with the drugs. For small cavities, they use no numbing agent and when needed they only use epinephrine free. I also sat for a new mold of my bottom teeth. And it was all ok. Effortless? No. But manageable.

 

Manageable is fine but I'll take effortless anytime now....

 

Peace2

 

Peace, great to hear you found such nice people at the dentist and that it all went well. We just have to be more aware of what we take and never take anything we know about  and we will be fine.

[[Sk...]]

Sky,....my list of cog fog deficits looks just like yours. How you have managed to work at all..spend weeks away from home to take care of your mother....with challenging family members  is huge....I couldnt have done any of that.

....Is your physical energy still whacked? ...On good days I have fair to good mental and physical energy.. on a bad day I am done in by noon......Sleep good Sky.....coop

 

Coop, I don't dare do exercise yet. WHen I try to do something simple, like kneading the dough, to help mr Sky make pizza, I just get so much pain in my brain, and my heart acts up. So, I take that as a sign for what I can't do. But I can take nice bike rides and I was able to walk in the snow.

 

Funny thing is, exactly a year ago, I was as sick as a dog, but I could manage a little exercise. Why would that be ?

 

Coop, I am afraid you and I have very similar symptoms.

 

It's funny, about the age thing, I get many students, that are in the 56-67 age bracket and they all wonder about their cognitive abilities. They complain with me about thinking they are less intelligent now  and how that will affect their language learning.

 

But here's the thing, they are the best students ! THey put in the work, they  pay attention and get results. But if they only knew who they are complaining to !

[[No...]]

Well ... its Thursday here in the Maritimes ... sunny and cold, but not so cold as it has been ... getting ready for a stormy weekend ... that is the weather ...

 

I predict I will calm, cool and collected ... wouldn't that be nice ...

 

Woke up with a patch of heavy anxiety ... I guess it felt ignored and went somewhere else ... time to saddle up and hit the library and the grub shoppe ... gonna be messy out there for three days ...

 

Hope this finds everyone mellow and thinking Spring thoughts ...

 

[[Co...]]

Morning Nova,...that sounds so cozy...the library for a very good book and some yummy staples for a 3 day storm. In spite of the morning anxiety you sound better and I am so glad to hear it.. It's 530 am here in the pnw..    We are having spring it seems but I won't be going out until 7...so listening to the slanted negative news and some YoYo Ma at the same time...So far some slight funky head sensations but other than that good and enjoying my half cup of decaf. and the lingering scraps of a happy little dream. I think it was a dream of how I want life to be...how it used to be...a happy social event with my family and friends that I was having a lovely time with...a nice morning so far..hope it holds.

....Yesterday was so wierd...cycled between waves and windows all day.  Sometimes within the hour.  That went on all day long.. on we go...another day closer. ...

.....Enjoy your walk and shopping and cooking Nova.  .coop

[[He...]]

Good morning. It's supposed to be almost 65 degrees here today, definitely is a non-winter Winter this year. I wish it we could have some of the east coast's snow...we desperately need it.

 

I woke up with some anxiety today, too, Nova. It's almost gone now but I have a feeling it's lurking under the surface.

 

Coop, I hope the cycling yesterday means it will be a better day today, staying in a window!

 

Thinking of you all and sending healing your way!

Love, HH

[[No...]]

Coop and HH ... well ... guess it is going to be an anxiety day here  ... not bad ... just a little disruptive ... it was nicely pleasant outside ... the wind was cold, and the sun was bright ...

 

Back home now and just puttering along ... not much "exciting" around here ... and that is okay ...

 

Have a good one, Folks ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova....we can be anxiety buds today...me too my nice morning is morphing into garden variety anxiety...mostly mental and not the wild sx driven anxiety that comes wit head pressure or b/p spikes....as you say, " better, but not better enough"...I am also looking at a low key putter putter day....getting ready to take the dog for his walk...

....Nova,...hope it burns off for you...enjoy your puttering ...are you cooking today? .....coop

[[dr...]]

good morning....if you all don't mind I am not going to join you all in anxiety land today(fingers crossed).   Slept from 10-5:30 with usual wakeups every two hours but it was restful.  Woke up with everything in  head magically gone, body soreness greatly reduced, and no anxiety.  Feeling almost effortless mind.  Hope you all join me and I feel like this all of the day.

[[No...]]

Drew ... good to hear ... enjoy your day ... 

[[Aq...]]

Drew, lucky for you, i hope it holds!!

 

Unfortunately I am joining Coop and Nova today.  the past 2 days have been an anxiety ridden mess.   Lots of head symptoms that I haven't had before as well.  My neck is really sore and my head feels very full and I have have my usual floaty feeling.  This one is new though: My eyes feel very heavy and droopy, especially my right eye, just feel like i am being pulled down. 

 

I stopped wearing my glasses while I have been recovering because it feels like they make my anxiety and DR worse, but these last few days with the eye symptoms, i find myself wanting to wear them again.  Yes, I can see better with them, but I am afraid they just make me too dizzy

 

Good luck everyone.  Tomorrow will be better!

[[Gr...]]

Sky,....my list of cog fog deficits looks just like yours. How you have managed to work at all..spend weeks away from home to take care of your mother....with challenging family members  is huge....I couldnt have done any of that.

....Is your physical energy still whacked? ...On good days I have fair to good mental and physical energy.. on a bad day I am done in by noon......Sleep good Sky.....coop

 

Coop, I don't dare do exercise yet. WHen I try to do something simple, like kneading the dough, to help mr Sky make pizza, I just get so much pain in my brain, and my heart acts up. So, I take that as a sign for what I can't do. But I can take nice bike rides and I was able to walk in the snow.

 

Funny thing is, exactly a year ago, I was as sick as a dog, but I could manage a little exercise. Why would that be ?

 

Coop, I am afraid you and I have very similar symptoms.

 

It's funny, about the age thing, I get many students, that are in the 56-67 age bracket and they all wonder about their cognitive abilities. They complain with me about thinking they are less intelligent now  and how that will affect their language learning.

 

But here's the thing, they are the best students ! THey put in the work, they  pay attention and get results. But if they only knew who they are complaining to !

 

Sky and Coop

 

Funny about being able to do less than we were at the same time last year.  I remember in my seventh month thinking it was over and I went to the gym to get on the elliptical.  Then I stopped sleeping and all hell broke loose, and now I don't think the gym was cause, cause and effect.  I remember back, and we all felt better, or seemed more functional at some point last year.

 

I have a theory that we're doing the first year over again, or that I am, only this time when I start to do more, feel really better, it's going to stick.  I have to remember, just finishing up 15 months, that I'm only three months into the second year.

 

I've had the inner vibrations and cortisol surges, along with increased urination, breathi-ness, and mild cardiac fears.  that package  always seems to go together for me.

 

What's good.  I still go to bed bwtn 2-4 a.m., but this is probably the best quality sleep I've had since I jumped.  Last two days I was a little hyper, energetic, really, feeling my old self, able to laugh, today I felt the definite drag of fatigue, in spite of sleeping well.

 

I noticed the body pain is mostly gone for now.  I do have headaches, head pressure that extends into and down the face.  The head pressure goes into the ears and feels like congestion.  And the DP/DR just pops in and out it's hard to keep a tally, the day is peppered with moments of clarity, I suppose at some point the clarity will be the base and the day will be peppered with the DP/DR, until it fades away.  That I know for sure, for me, will be the last to go, the DP/DR.  I associate that with cog fog, lack of cognitive function.  I've read the best way to deal with it is to socialize, talk to other people, try to get out of my head.  sometimes I do, sometimes I just take a rest and distract.  I don't hate the DP/DR as much anymore because I truly believe it's protective and kept me from cracking up throughout this process.

 

Hope everybody has a better day.

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Friends,

 

Thank you all for your advice and support regarding my upcoming trip!  I've decided to go, and I am feeling more excited than afraid....which I'm taking as a good sign. I'm still really, really nervous about the flights and the overall stress on the trip (traveling with almost 50 people, with almost no down time), but Klonopin has robbed me of so much and I'll be darned if I will let it take this from me, too. I hope I'm making the right decision, but I won't even know that until I'm in the middle of it. I hate how not trusting my body puts a negative, scary spin on everything!

 

I've been feeling really good this week. Sleeping great, no anxiety, very little chest pressure and burning nerves. It's been nice!

 

Lots of love to you all! It's time for bed as tomorrow is a busy day: field trip and our classroom Valentine's party.

 

HH

 

HH, you've spent the night in hotels before, on sports trips, so you know you can probably do that.  The flights, can't help with that, I'm going to be dealing with it myself in May.  All the people and no where to hide.  Make a safe space for yourself.  We have to learn how to do this, how to survive in that big, crazy chaotic world.  I've tried recently imagining a protective bubble fitted around my whole body.  sometimes I do brief mediation, real time, just clearing my mind and slowing down.

 

You can do it.  You've got the tools.  We just need confidence, withdrawal took it all!  You can do this.  Everyone here knows you can

[[Gr...]]

Morning Nova,...that sounds so cozy...the library for a very good book and some yummy staples for a 3 day storm. In spite of the morning anxiety you sound better and I am so glad to hear it.. It's 530 am here in the pnw..    We are having spring it seems but I won't be going out until 7...so listening to the slanted negative news and some YoYo Ma at the same time...So far some slight funky head sensations but other than that good and enjoying my half cup of decaf. and the lingering scraps of a happy little dream. I think it was a dream of how I want life to be...how it used to be...a happy social event with my family and friends that I was having a lovely time with...a nice morning so far..hope it holds.

....Yesterday was so wierd...cycled between waves and windows all day.  Sometimes within the hour.  That went on all day long.. on we go...another day closer. ...

.....Enjoy your walk and shopping and cooking Nova.  .coop

 

Coop, how we want life to be.  that's such a lovely thought.  And here we are, poised, ready, still have our symptoms, but soon they will be gone, and how do we want our lives to be?  Really lovely to think about.  Thank you

[[Gr...]]

Well ... its Thursday here in the Maritimes ... sunny and cold, but not so cold as it has been ... getting ready for a stormy weekend ... that is the weather ...

 

I predict I will calm, cool and collected ... wouldn't that be nice ...

 

Woke up with a patch of heavy anxiety ... I guess it felt ignored and went somewhere else ... time to saddle up and hit the library and the grub shoppe ... gonna be messy out there for three days ...

 

Hope this finds everyone mellow and thinking Spring thoughts ...

 

 

Nova, that does sound cozy, food and a good book.  You were on to the cooking from the get-go.  that's been a source of comfort to me, very healing.  I guess nesting, in a sense, taking life back one piece at a time.

 

How is the rug hooking?

 

I haven't touched a jigsaw in a while, but my family tree is masterful.

[[Gr...]]

good morning....if you all don't mind I am not going to join you all in anxiety land today(fingers crossed).   Slept from 10-5:30 with usual wakeups every two hours but it was restful.  Woke up with everything in  head magically gone, body soreness greatly reduced, and no anxiety.  Feeling almost effortless mind.  Hope you all join me and I feel like this all of the day.

 

Drew, those usual every two hour wakeups were awful, they went on forever.  The good news is they're gone, they just faded away.  It really does happen.

[[dr...]]

Drew, lucky for you, i hope it holds!!

 

Unfortunately I am joining Coop and Nova today.  the past 2 days have been an anxiety ridden mess.   Lots of head symptoms that I haven't had before as well.  My neck is really sore and my head feels very full and I have have my usual floaty feeling.  This one is new though: My eyes feel very heavy and droopy, especially my right eye, just feel like i am being pulled down. 

 

I stopped wearing my glasses while I have been recovering because it feels like they make my anxiety and DR worse, but these last few days with the eye symptoms, i find myself wanting to wear them again.  Yes, I can see better with them, but I am afraid they just make me too dizzy

 

Good luck everyone.  Tomorrow will be better!

 

Aqua-I developed a habit of lifting my glasses up and down all day.  My days with no symptoms I wear them fine.  The days that I am symptomatic they can bother me.  Especially with DR.  I wonder how my vision really was until withdrawal and whether I needed these glasses. 

[[No...]]

Aquaval ... have you been reading my journals? ... yep ... the eye stuff ... I can't make heads or tails out of it ... like Drew I am constantly fussing with my glasses when I am symptomatic ... unlike you I have to wear glasses ... I am blind in one eye and can't see out of the other one ... well, not blind, but you get my meaning ... I naturally have strabismus ... add in the dr and you can have a three ring circus going on ... not only can I see double, they don't even tilt in the same direction ...

 

Gritty eyes, runny eyes, tired eyes, fuzzy eyes, one eye just fine, the other one out to lunch ... floaters, which have gone not to return ... all of them ...

 

What fun we have ... 

[[No...]]

Green ... no rug work ... I still have the "repetitive jitters" ... and winding wool on a cutting stick, well, I might as well stand up and spin around real fast ... I hook for about 15 minutes and start losing connection ... so, the work is still sitting there ... waiting patiently ... I do keep trying every couple of days ... not yet ...

 

Cooking is good ... and it is good to have the reading back ...

 

As for doing year one all over again ... sure smells like it ... lots of comparisons, for me, to the timing of things last year ... at least I have a map of where all the land mines went off and where all the rabbit holes are ... didn't have a map last year ... couldn't have read it if I did ... let's see, if it is 2 PM that must be north ... at 3 PM it moves over there ... that sort of thing ...

 

We just keep sledding ...

 

 

 

[[Aq...]]

Aquaval ... have you been reading my journals? ... yep ... the eye stuff ... I can't make heads or tails out of it ... like Drew I am constantly fussing with my glasses when I am symptomatic ... unlike you I have to wear glasses ... I am blind in one eye and can't see out of the other one ... well, not blind, but you get my meaning ... I naturally have strabismus ... add in the dr and you can have a three ring circus going on ... not only can I see double, they don't even tilt in the same direction ...

 

Gritty eyes, runny eyes, tired eyes, fuzzy eyes, one eye just fine, the other one out to lunch ... floaters, which have gone not to return ... all of them ...

 

What fun we have ... 

 

Wow, okay good, I am not the only one.  Ughh, just add another thing to the list.  This has been so weird.  I know my symptoms have changed since I jumped, but it's not necessarily for the better.  It's just different.  Some things are gone, but new things pop up.  I remember when tapering I would see someone post about burning mouth or something like that.  I thought to myself 'I haven't got that, that's weird'.  Next thing you know I have that.  But now it's gone, replaced my something else. Around and around we go...again. 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... no rug work ... I still have the "repetitive jitters" ... and winding wool on a cutting stick, well, I might as well stand up and spin around real fast ... I hook for about 15 minutes and start losing connection ... so, the work is still sitting there ... waiting patiently ... I do keep trying every couple of days ... not yet ...

 

Cooking is good ... and it is good to have the reading back ...

 

As for doing year one all over again ... sure smells like it ... lots of comparisons, for me, to the timing of things last year ... at least I have a map of where all the land mines went off and where all the rabbit holes are ... didn't have a map last year ... couldn't have read it if I did ... let's see, if it is 2 PM that must be north ... at 3 PM it moves over there ... that sort of thing ...

 

We just keep sledding ...

 

 

Yeah, didn't have a map and couldn't read it, that was the worst, feeling so out of control, staring up at the sky and thinking some alien force was torturing me.  Lostdog talked about that.  We're almost home, I think.

[[Mi...]]

The burning mouth thing may have been me.  That was with me for a long time, probably the first couple months I jumped.  It felt painful to breathe through my mouth or breathe through my nose since the sinus's/inside of my nose seemed affected too.  It occurs less and less as time passes....don't remember the last time it bothered me.  Maybe a month ago I had it for a day and it left?  I don't bother keeping track of that junk anymore, waste of my day.  Like all of you, I'm sick of this beast and it doesn't deserve my attention anymore.