6-12 month thread....

[[so...]]

Drew and Siggy,

 

Thank you so much for the reassurance that the anxiety and early morning rushes eventually dropped off.  I needed to hear your words.  The symptoms you described have been my daily companions for 11.5 months and, when the anxiety leaves me, I know I will be done.

 

Thank you,  Sofa

[[MT...]]

Sorry MT, you know I know exactly how terribly hard the 1 on 1 off thing is. My sleep pattern has very sporadically gotten slightly better and then got worse. I went three months sleeping every night except maybe one 0 night a week. The past two weeks I've been in one of the most absolutely brutal waves. Went back to on off pattern which I of course thought was over for me. Ha I should know better that this crap swings back and forth. My head pressure and burning down my spine is at an all time raging maximum. I'm really hoping that this is the big push of healing for my CNS. Had a descent window for a few weeks just before that. Had hope I was nearing healing. Very suicidal when this wave hit. Anyway, hope you make some progress soon. It's so hard to maintain day after day.

 

Siggy, I know you really get this. The lack of sleep seems to drive everything else up. You've had a super long haul with this and been incredibly strong. I hope the exercise and acupuncture help soon.

 

I was really happy to finally get off all the other meds. That's probably why I'm having more trouble now. It's only been about 10 days so hopefully this will look up soon. You know how hard it is to get through those long nights with zero sleep then the days after when you're wrecked. I was pleased today that after my second zero night in a row at least I haven't felt nauseated today and was able to take a walk. That's something. I try every day to notice what symptoms are even a little bit better.

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[[Si...]]

Sorry MT, you know I know exactly how terribly hard the 1 on 1 off thing is. My sleep pattern has very sporadically gotten slightly better and then got worse. I went three months sleeping every night except maybe one 0 night a week. The past two weeks I've been in one of the most absolutely brutal waves. Went back to on off pattern which I of course thought was over for me. Ha I should know better that this crap swings back and forth. My head pressure and burning down my spine is at an all time raging maximum. I'm really hoping that this is the big push of healing for my CNS. Had a descent window for a few weeks just before that. Had hope I was nearing healing. Very suicidal when this wave hit. Anyway, hope you make some progress soon. It's so hard to maintain day after day.

 

Siggy, I know you really get this. The lack of sleep seems to drive everything else up. You've had a super long haul with this and been incredibly strong. I hope the exercise and acupuncture help soon.

 

I was really happy to finally get off all the other meds. That's probably why I'm having more trouble now. It's only been about 10 days so hopefully this will look up soon. You know how hard it is to get through those long nights with zero sleep then the days after when you're wrecked. I was pleased today that after my second zero night in a row at least I haven't felt nauseated today and was able to take a walk. That's something. I try every day to notice what symptoms are even a little bit better.

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

Yeah I hope it normalizes for you soon. Sleeping even a little every night helps with mood a lot.

[[so...]]

MT,

 

I'm so happy you are finally off the meds and headed for your new beautiful life!

 

Love, Sofa

[[ne...]]

Hi All

 

As you can see by my signature I`m just 6 months off and boy am I struggling. I was sure it was getting a bit better as I was getting some partial windows where sx were more bearable, but I`ve gone into another wave which isn`t lifting.

 

I need some reassurance that those partial windows were a sign of recovery as I`m basically getting scared that this is it- that I`m going to be in this amount of pain and distress for ever.

 

A few things like waking with a cortisol rush had left but is back with full force. The muscle pain is ever present but the stiff neck had eased up, now that is back again....plus many more of these horrible sx.

 

I was hoping, like us all that the 6 months would see improvement, I`m doing everything I should to help my healing but today I`m back in bed and can`t see an end to this.

 

Thanks, I really appreciate you all being here.

 

NCT

 

 

[[Ni...]]

Nevercantell, I hit a horrid wave at 6 months and at 8 months it's finally lifting somewhat.  Hang in there it will pass.  Symptons wax and wane then when that's not enough you get a whole new set of them suckers.  it's different for everyone but I know without a doubt based in all I've read we do heal!

[[so...]]

NCT,

 

You are healing, sweetheart.  That's what this withdrawal process feels like. If you weren't healing, you'd feel nothing.  The symptoms come and go, cycle out, then cycle back in again, waxing and waning in intensity.  That's why this is so so hard.  The process of healing isn't linear with the brain.  We are used to healing linearly when it comes to the rest of our bodies.  You get a paper cut, it heals a little more each day.  Not our brains. 

 

Think of your brain like the motherboard in a computer because that's what it is in our bodies.  If the motherboard gets a virus or is corrupted by a file, it does all kinds of weird things and error messages pop up everywhere out of nowhere.  Same thing with our brains.  No rhyme or reason.  No pattern.  Our brains need to be reformatted and rebooted.  Once that happens, everything works okay again.

 

You are scared.  We all are scared because we are all experiencing things we've never felt before in our lives.  It takes so long we think it's permanent.  It's not.  Keep reading the success stories on this forum and all over the internet.  Everyone heals.  Everyone.  It's the one thing we all have in common.

 

We are here for you.  We are holding you close.

 

Love, Sofa

[[ne...]]

Thank you guys for your kind and wonderful support.

 

I`m still in shock that a small pill could do this but thank goodness it looks like we all heal.

Some days I can`t see any improvement but I think that`s due to having a wave of sx kicking in.

Then my rational mind can see that I have improved in some small ways but this is so hard to deal with every single day.

 

We`ve all had varied lives, but my goodness without doubt this is the toughest thing to go through.

 

Be well soon

 

NCT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ne...]]

What do you do to get through the days?

 

I`m either in bed or on my couch but try to do a few chores in between.  I try to have a short walk, when I can but it`s very short, and the days seem so long.

 

We have to go through this WD there`s no way round it, and if I could find something to make the days more bearable I`d jump at the chance.

 

I cannot watch TV yet, I`m either too uncomfortable with pain or my brain feels too scrambled.

 

What do you all do?

 

Many many thanks

 

NCT

[[MT...]]

NCT, how to pass the slow, hard days of wd is an ongoing challenge. I have a list I make for what absolutely must get done every day but I keep it as short as possible. Then throughout the day I go back and forth between reading (magazines, fiction, occasional nonfiction), watching TV, webbing around, coming to BB, going to FB and then rinse and repeat. I don't ever feel like doing anything so everything has to be forced. Often exercise feels impossible but on the days I don't work I try to get some form of exercise. I notice it passes time and that I'm less aware of my symptoms when I do it. Every so often I get together with friends. For a very long time I didn't since I thought I'd just wait until I felt better but then so much time passed I realized I had to reengage with life and people. It's good you're walking when you can and looking for ways to distract.

[[so...]]

My nerves are too sensitive for any kind of stimulus, good or bad, so I can't watch TV or listen to music.  I'm stuck reading BB all day and playing word games on my Kindle.  What a life!

 

I lay in bed, do my dishes, pace the backyard.  Rinse and repeat Groundhog Day.  When this is over, I will never set foot in my backyard again unless I'm throwing a BBQ for my family.

 

I might even sell this house due to the bad memories.  This withdrawal has been brutal.

 

I hope everyone is feeling better today.

 

Love, Sofa

[[ne...]]

Thanks MTfan- thats pretty much what I do too. I look on here, FB, play a few games and somehow try to do a few chores, but they`re few.

 

I was awake during the night and absolutely fine, back to normal.  I prayed this was over but of course woke today feeling worse than ever.

 

Does a window at night count?  Or are we all ok during the night, something to do with cortisol or something?  Anyone know?

 

sofakingdone-  Ditto I`ve thought the same, I never want to go on the short walk I`ve been trying to take most days, nor into my garden ever again.  As for selling our house - yep- I agree, too many bad memories after this.

 

I `m beginning to hate my bedroom too.  I`ve spent far to much time there.

 

Be well everyone

 

NCT

[[so...]]

My symptoms decrease at night too.  It's the cortisol and atmosphere in he evenings I think.  I don't count them as Windows.  Maybe I should.

[[MT...]]

In the evenings I feel a kind of relief for having made it through the day. During the day I have some expectations that I get a few things done (laundry, cooking, paperwork, not a lot) but give myself a pass come evening so I can wind down in hopes of maybe getting some sleep. Mornings are way harder to face.

[[ne...]]

Think I must be going through a bad wave as the sxs seemed slightly better last week.  Just slightly but enough to manage with. 

 

At the moment my dream is to get 50% better. I`d cope with that.

 

I know we`re all different but does this improve as we go further? 

 

After a CT I`m not expecting a miracle recovery, especially as I was taking a benzo for 10 years but a drop off of sxs would just perfect right now.

Surely these sxs don`t stay this bad all the way?

 

I have pain, dizziness, nausea, and that horrible ill feeling when I wake in the morning...I think that is the worst feeling.

 

Wishing everyone a better day

 

NCT

[[...]]

Woke up extremely weak with Brain fog and hardly able to take a shower this morning had fear and crying spells this morning as well barely able to walk this normal eight and a half months cold turkey anybody else

[[Sa...]]

Woke up extremely weak with Brain fog and hardly able to take a shower this morning had fear and crying spells this morning as well barely able to walk this normal eight and a half months cold turkey anybody else

 

Ddd,

 

Yesterday was my 9 month anniversay off of Klonopin CT.  Today i go into my 10th month.

I feel fine and able and everything is perfect, BUT almost 2 weeks ago i had such a bad wave that i was sure that i would never be well ever again (yes i know, that should be our motto for all those in withdrawal)

It lasted for about a week.  The sysmptoms were all what you described here.  Paralyzing fear and lethargy to the bones, walked like a zombie.  My brain felt like someone had taken a shotgun to it at close range.  I barely said a word and was laying on the couch for the entire time.

All this in one week after having thought i was fully well and happy, back to normal or way better than normal for about 2 months prior to it.

Couple of people here on bbs helped me out by talking to me and reasurring me.  They were a life saver.  Claudia and mina, true angels. 

So i am here to tell you and perhaps reasure you that this thing you are feeling is a wave.  They get shorter in duration, come about after some stressors of sorts or for no reason as you may well know by now.  The distances between them become longer.  You will fell well for longer and longer until we fully recover.

Here is what helped this last wave i had at 8.5 months

Resting,

Pushing to accomplish one or as many items on my to do list as my body and mind allowed

breathing 7-4-7 or any combo that feels natural to your stress level dictated by your lungs

meditation

visualization/fantacizing

Most helpful was reassurance from a couple of veterans of cold turkey here on BBs

 

I hope this helped.  I hope by the time you read this you will most likely have moved on to feeling well again.

Hugs,

Saraa

[[so...]]

I wish I had windows.  I would have hope.

 

Sofa

[[ne...]]

Saraa-  Jumping into your reply to Ddd, thank you so much for that from me.

 

I`m 6 months out as you`ll see by my signature and reading what you`ve said has given me a much needed boost.

Thank you so much for your kind post and I truly hope you continue on the path to wellness.

 

Ddd- I hope today is a bit better for you.

 

sofakingdone- hang in there, I`m in the UK where we have phone support. A lovely lady there told me once that whatever we do or don`t do, we recover. The support group has been running since the 1980`s and EVERYONE they`d had has recovered.  I often think of this as they must have had thousand of people they supported during that time.  They also say that not everyone gets windows but healing is still happening.

 

NCT

[[...]]

I don't know how you do this to reply with the quote from the previous person just tried doing that to SarAa  and I guess I sent a message instead just curious how to do it

[[so...]]

NCT,

 

Thank you for your reassurance.

[[Sa...]]

I don't know how you do this to reply with the quote from the previous person just tried doing that to SarAa  and I guess I sent a message instead just curious how to do it

 

Ddd,

 

I got your message on pm. And wrote back on how to do quote here.  The far right on the page right across the person's name, click the quote button.

 

You went through a horrible cold turkey in fact but let me tell you that it all finally goes away but with something that we all hate.  That horrible horrible word, the only one we don't want to hear.  TIME.  It really did take me almost 7 months to see a major turn around.  Being sure we are damaged for good.  Not true.  Your waves and windows maybe not as pronounced as the next person but try to tune into them and see if you can take a mental note and say them/count them out loud to yourself.  What has improved, what remains.  What can you do now that you couldn't before. 

What are you doing to ride out the Xtreme bad days.  Whats in your fist aid bag, so to speak.  How long and how often do you use them.  Do you set goals?  Mine was to walk straighter when i got off the couch.  Little things like that. 

If anyone here says they were sicker than i was ( which i am sure there are some) i'd be very surprised.  The reason i am saying this is to tell you that you are about to turn the corner, but must not loose your spirits.  It all goes away and for sure. 

The more you let others here know about how long you were on what (that would be creating a signature with that info) the more people who were on are in the same boat can come to your help.  And boy does that help. 

I hope you are having a better day today,

Hang in there, its about to shift

 

[[Sa...]]

Saraa-  Jumping into your reply to Ddd, thank you so much for that from me.

 

I`m 6 months out as you`ll see by my signature and reading what you`ve said has given me a much needed boost.

Thank you so much for your kind post and I truly hope you continue on the path to wellness.

 

Ddd- I hope today is a bit better for you.

 

sofakingdone- hang in there, I`m in the UK where we have phone support. A lovely lady there told me once that whatever we do or don`t do, we recover. The support group has been running since the 1980`s and EVERYONE they`d had has recovered.  I often think of this as they must have had thousand of people they supported during that time.  They also say that not everyone gets windows but healing is still happening.

 

NCT

 

nevercantell,

Exactly what i said to Ddd, you are about to turn the corner. Month 7 big changes of total normalcy for me & i think if you search BBs you'll see a lot of people will agree.  Life is good and you will see it soon.  Hang on and use your tool box, first aid kit whatever you choose to call the things that help you get over the rough days.  The good is coming for sure.  When you think you can't take it anymore and you are about to give up thats when it happens.  I find the old saying so true " its always darkest just before the light".  And boy is the light so good.  You'll be seeing it more and more and very soon.

Hope you are doing better and better yet tomorrow

Hugs

Saraa

[[ne...]]

Saraa- thank you so much for your kind words and support.

 

  I`m in a bad wave again but I have noticed that some sxs have eased off just lately.  The stiff neck and shoulders are still there but no where near as bad as they were.

 

I remember describing them as my muscles filled with concrete but now I can move them freely, I hold onto this as a good sign of healing.  So I think that if they improved then so will other sxs.

 

Right now I`m getting some horrible anxiety waves, muscle spasms in my low back and dizziness, but it would be wonderful to turn a corner at 7 months.  Knowing you did gives me some much needed hope that it will happen for me too.

Thank you again.

 

 

sofakingdone- you`re welcome for the support, we `re all in this together and its simply the worst thing we`ve had to endure.

Ispoke to the UK support group again yesterday and spoke to Ian Singleton. If you google his name + benzos, I`m sure you`ll find him, he has an excellent video that is worth seeing.

I hope you see some improvement soon. It will happen.

 

Ddd hope you feel better today.

 

 

NCT

[[...]]

I don't know how you do this to reply with the quote from the previous person just tried doing that to SarAa  and I guess I sent a message instead just curious how to do it

 

Ddd,

 

I got your message on pm. And wrote back on how to do quote here.  The far right on the page right across the person's name, click the quote button.

 

You @went through a horrible cold turkey in fact but let me tell you that it all finally goes away but with something that we all hate.  That horrible horrible word, the only one we don't want to hear.  TIME.  It really did take me almost 7 months to see a major turn around.  Being sure we are damaged for good.  Not true.  Your waves and windows maybe not as pronounced as the next person but try to tune into them and see if you can take a mental note and say them/count them out loud to yourself.  What has improved, what remains.  What can you do now that you couldn't before. 

What are you doing to ride out the Xterm bad days.  Whats in your fist aid bag, so to speak.  How long and how often do you use them.  Do you set goals?  Mine was to walk straighter when i got off the couch.  Little things like that. 

If anyone here says they were sicker than i was ( which i am sure there are some) i'd be very surprised.  The reason i am saying this is to tell you that you are about to turn the corner, but must not loose your spirits.  It all goes away and for sure. 

The more you let others here know about how long you were on what (that would be creating a signature with that info) the more people who were on are in the same boat can come to your help.  And boy does that help. 

I hope you are having a better day today,

Hang in there, its about to shift

 

Saraa- thank you for your response in helping me out with how to do the Quote.  your words were really inspiring and yes I have seen some improvement but when you go back into this horrible waves it's really hard to look back and see how far you've come. as far as what's in my med bag to deal with this I do Epsom salt baths TENS unit lay on my stomach and try to distract with TV since it's so hard to stand at times for a very long amount I try to put positive thoughts in my head and tell myself that eventually go away and I'll be able to function.  are you well are you past all this are you just at the end of it.  as far as the signature goes at the bottom of what I was on and how long it should show up I was on d diazepam ar 7 months and took  occasionally Temazepam