6-12 month thread....

[[Sa...]]

it's a bit difficult for me to type.

i am a little over 6 months since my last klonopin

a few days ago, i slipped into one of my worse waves yet. severe severe panic attacks, derealization, depersonalization, can't eat, can't drink, can't think, can hardly move. the depression hit hard..i'm left desperate...almost desperate enough to take a klonopin. I'm scared what will happen if i don't get relief.

 

Did this happen for anyone?

This feels like acute or worse...

what can i do? what should i do?

 

I don't really have anyone in my life who i can reach out to the way I can reach out to all of you.

really any input would be appreciated...

i am truly so desperate and would do anything to avoid getting back on klonopin.

im cringing at how desperate this all sounds, and I apologize for it. this is probably the most desperate ive ever felt in life...

 

Thanks for reading this <3

 

 

BB89

 

This is your last wave.  I had a wave in 6 months off and that was IT.  FINISHED. GONE & NO MORE

Hange in there.  Do the belly breathing technique, look up on youtube.  I'll try to find it and link.

It is as calming as K, trust me.  Its over.

 

You are about to see life back to normal like it used to be and i am a testament to that.  I am 7 months in as i took last K on Jan 24th.

Life is beautiful and you'll see if you just put up with this last bump ( heck of a bump it is i know)

 

Take Epsom baths & talk it out, meditate, belly breathing and push through with distraction of any kind, complain, gossip do whatever it takes, you are finally there.

 

I, likely many others are here for you, and stop worrying about sounding desperate as we have all been there.  Be desperate as you like, that is why we are still here to help those coming up right below us.

 

Be proud.  You have done the almost undoable.

Pm me if you need to talk.

 

This wave will be gone in an instant any minute now.

Lots of hugs and love your way

Saraa

 

[[Co...]]

I'm joining you guys. Have not had a window in 4 months now. In so much muscle pain/muscle weakness/no muscle control (bed bound)

I'm scared, and also having thoughts about ending it all (I won't) but it's hard to feel this way. 

I don't know when I will get my first window i need some kind of hope or perspective. Please tell me the muscles will heal or get better or something. I just need something reassuring

[[Ki...]]

I am 7,5 in withdraw and still terrible nerve issue. No tolerance to stress, crying every day, I take antidepressants and 1,5 after taking several tension which lasts for hour. After that get better, but I lost hope for better tomorrow. Just wondering if anybody has this issue

[[...]]

Corsair 12th  I also deal with severe muscle and nerve pain all the way down from my back to my feet at six and a half months exactly the pain is up to where it was bearable and I was able to move and actually walk longer that lasted about two weeks.  so now I've been in a way for about two and a half weeks where the pain was really really hard.  that seems to be subsiding as I get closer to my seven and a half months this Saturday.  so it's normal I'm constantly in and out of bed too because I have extreme fatigue and tired and weak no its normal and its going to pass.  if you go to the success stories and read the blog from Jenny forced to fight it will give you an insight and inspiration to continue through this and how it ends.  I read her blog every single day because it is pretty much close to what I'm going through what she went through.  I'll say some prayers for you as I pray for myself today that I can do more today and get through today God bless

[[Pu...]]

it's a bit difficult for me to type.

i am a little over 6 months since my last klonopin

a few days ago, i slipped into one of my worse waves yet. severe severe panic attacks, derealization, depersonalization, can't eat, can't drink, can't think, can hardly move. the depression hit hard..i'm left desperate...almost desperate enough to take a klonopin. I'm scared what will happen if i don't get relief.

 

Did this happen for anyone?

This feels like acute or worse...

what can i do? what should i do?

 

I don't really have anyone in my life who i can reach out to the way I can reach out to all of you.

really any input would be appreciated...

i am truly so desperate and would do anything to avoid getting back on klonopin.

im cringing at how desperate this all sounds, and I apologize for it. this is probably the most desperate ive ever felt in life...

 

Thanks for reading this <3

 

I'm off over 8 months and I'm hit hard with the same symptoms as you. Hang in there!!!!

[[Pu...]]

BB89-I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Please do NOT take a K. Your brain is working so hard to revert back to homeostasis. I got hit out of the blue with a horrible wave of anxiety and intrusive thoughts (to drown myself while I was taking a bath). This wave was as intense as when I was in acute w/d in Jan. After the wave abated it was as if someone turned off a light switch and I felt reborn again. That was my last wave and then I healed. I'm hoping that the wave you are experiencing now will be your last wave too.

 

Hang in there it really does get better when you cross the finish line.

Always Frantastic:)

 

I remembered your story about the bath. For some reason, it has stuck with me. When I feel really bad (like I did tonight), I think, "Is this my 'bathtub' moment? Will it get better after this?"

[[Sa...]]

8.5 months off

2 months of glory & Boom

I am back in the jail house again

How could this be?

I have driven myself crazy questioning what led to this? Was it because i did too much running around for myself and others? Is it because something is bothering me.  Physhical and emotional stress.

Anyone hit at this point, your words would be very much appreciated

Saraa

[[St...]]

I've just entered month 11 and it's like I'm back in acute. I still haven't even had a window yet but this is still so much worse than it has been. Literally rushing with horrible toxic energy all day, legs are jelly, my body jumps at the slightest sound, sleep has gone to shit waking up every couple of hours etc. I too have been questioning what has brought this on but I think it's just all part of the process.

 

I really don't know how much more of this I can take without experiencing a window soon, just need to see real evidence that I'm healing :'(

[[ne...]]

Can I join you all here?

 

I`m almost 6 months out now from what was a rapid taper that amounted to a CT. I was naive and didn`t know the outcome and regret the CT every single day.

 

I haven`t read through your posts yet but wondered if anyone else CT`d and also I`m 64 - which worries me and the length of time it could take to heal?

 

So far during this, I spent weeks in bed but during the last 2 months I go from bed to the couch. On the few better days I manage a short walk - but is it short.

 

This last week the pattern of my healing seems to have changed, up until then I `ve suffered pain just about everywhere, anxiety and dizziness - with some nausea and night sweats plus a few more of these horrible sx.

But this week I had two very small windows, a welcome relief until the biggest waves followed, which as you all know is the cruelest part of this.

After and during these waves more sx have followed with added headaches and even more nausea and night sweats plus sore eyes and even more pain.

 

Have any of you noticed a change in the pattern of your healing like this?

 

And do these sx lessen as the months go on?

 

So many questions but thank you so much for reading. 

 

I wish you all good healing and let it be quick.

 

NCT

 

 

 

 

[[Sa...]]

nevercantell,

Congrats on being almost 6 months of these meds.

yes at around 6 months i had a wave of depression that lasted several days and then it was all clear for 2 months.

The nature of this healing has no rhym or reason.  It takes unpredictability to a new level

But the good news is that you will get better and have windows that are longer and of a different nature.

I also went cold turkey and from reading here everyone is different as you know.  There are those that have same if not more sxs from tapering.

This is not to say that cold turkey is advisable by any means.  But it is to say that could heal in the same way as everybody else which is with time.

Wish you an easy Saturday.

About the age thing, its a plus as we have a lot more tools in out tool box

 

[[ne...]]

Saraa

 

Thank you so much for your kind reply, it looks as though you`re a bit further along than me - congratulations - to get so far is a big achievement.

 

I`m relieved to meet another CTer and seems you maybe my age group too.

 

Yes, I agree a CT Isn`t the way to go but what`s done is done and we can only hope we recover in good time and not have this drag on for too long.  As you say there`s no rhyme nor reason to this and no way of telling how long it`ll take us.

 

I`m finding it strange how sxs change - today hasn`t been too bad (not good either) I`ve had headaches which are new and nausea - which isn`t new but has come back with a vengeance.

 

Plus all the other sxs , the muscle pains, sore eyes etc.

 

How are you?  Did you find things got a little easier at 6 months?

 

I do hope so.

 

Thank you again and hope your Saturday`s a good one too.

 

NCT

 

[[Sa...]]

nevercantell,

 

For me, as you know its different for all, after the small but horrible wave after 6 months that last a few days consisting of a horrible brain depression i recovered so much so that i called it complete healing.  So complete that i felt even better than before taking klonopin.  I was tireless, hopeful, happy and in awe of how well we can recover from this train wreck.

 

Its been a week now that i am not feeling well again.  But it is as you know different in nature AGAIN.  Don't give the cold turkey another moment of thought as you said yourself, one whats done is done, two we all no matter what the method of jumping was will recover given enough time. 

I feel with cold turkey one is in more of a danger having a seizure as the landing is so brutal and the following 3 months.  But then we all mesh together somehow and will heal with only time.

 

You are about to turn the corner in the next month.  If you look into posts here on BBs you'll see that by end of 6 month you will experience the beauty of life again.  Do not worry about waves as they are part of the course and will blow over.  Having said that being in a wave now its not so sweet.

About your nausea, I have found VSL#3 which you can get from costco, a probiotic powder sachets, are a life saver.  I was recommended this by my GI doctor and has always helped tremendously and instantly with any stomach issues or nausea.

Hugs,

Saraa

[[...]]

Ok six and a half months nerve pain let up was bearable went into a two-week waves once I got out of the wave pain was against bearable now in another way but it seems like one day is harder than the other one day I can seem to walk around with the pain not so bad the other day really tough and stuck in bed will be 8 months Monday and do for my menstrual cycle which is always brutal with this so hoping that after this wave I really get some massive healing hang in there its up and down and around we go until it's gone

[[re...]]

I guess I belong here,don't want to but,nothing else i can do.

 

been dealing with many negative thoughts and emotions during sleep /waking hrs,making it impossible to distract from while being semi-unconscious,making all seem real,until im completely awake,and able to fend off the thought.today it was guilt.

 

just had 3 half day windows,was able to drive ,for food and stuff

 

tried to drive today got gas and had to come home,back in a wave

 

back in the recliner. angry

 

now calm and ok with it

 

red

[[so...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I'm 11 months out from CT and I don't get Windows, just some dirty windshields once in awhile.  I am bedridden, except for walking my beloved companion, Opie.

 

Month 10 was horrific.  I'm hoping for significant healing this month.  Hope is all I have.  I still can't watch TV.  Too stimulating.  The suffering and boredom and inability to do anything to distract makes this a real sh*t show.

 

If my anxiety level would drop a little, I would be so so grateful.

 

Love and hugs to all of you.  Let's hang together until this is over.  I am happy to be in your company.

 

Sofa

[[Co...]]

Can I join you all here?

 

I`m almost 6 months out now from what was a rapid taper that amounted to a CT. I was naive and didn`t know the outcome and regret the CT every single day.

 

I haven`t read through your posts yet but wondered if anyone else CT`d and also I`m 64 - which worries me and the length of time it could take to heal?

 

So far during this, I spent weeks in bed but during the last 2 months I go from bed to the couch. On the few better days I manage a short walk - but is it short.

 

This last week the pattern of my healing seems to have changed, up until then I `ve suffered pain just about everywhere, anxiety and dizziness - with some nausea and night sweats plus a few more of these horrible sx.

But this week I had two very small windows, a welcome relief until the biggest waves followed, which as you all know is the cruelest part of this.

After and during these waves more sx have followed with added headaches and even more nausea and night sweats plus sore eyes and even more pain.

 

Have any of you noticed a change in the pattern of your healing like this?

 

And do these sx lessen as the months go on?

 

So many questions but thank you so much for reading. 

 

I wish you all good healing and let it be quick.

 

NCT

 

 

 

 

 

I also cold turkeyed and I read somewhere here there is a chance that the cold turkeys take longer time to heal because taperpeople don't count the time they tapered. So if you tapered in one year and you heal a year after or you cold turkeyed and you heal in two years it's the same thing. But they say cold turkeys give the worst symptoms compared to people who tapered.

[[Ni...]]

Today marks 8 months benzo free.  Months 0-3.5 spent in acute withdrawal with every symtom you can imagine.  Month 3.5 - 6 had windows did pretty good considering even went back to work. Shortly after 6 months, got hit hard with acid reflux, burning tongue, insomnia, fear and anxiety.  Now at month 8 things have calmed down but dr/dp plus vertigo are back.

[[...]]

Hey guys. 

 

I haven't posted in a while, but I can say that I am pretty done with this shit.  I'm so angry over this shit.  So so angry.

 

I am having a lot of sx's mentioned in some of the most recent posts.  Toxic energy, yup, especially in the am.  Fatigue.  Tachycardia, other arrhythmias, insomnia, depression. 

 

Im also getting lots of anger. I have a very short fuse right now, which is not me.  When I do dream, they are really negative.... .  Dreams of fighting with my wife, family, co-workers, doctors. Dreams of physically destroying stuff that other people in my life love. 

 

Im in a bad place mentally right now.  Never had a lot of support from anyone during this process.  Nobody understand except you guys.

 

 

Honestly,  even in acute I never wanted to re-instate.    8 months later and the last couple of nights of insomnia, I've held the bottle on klonopin in my hand. trembling. 

 

I fucking hate life right now.  Sorry for being so negative.....

[[ne...]]

It`s good to know there`s a few CTers in here, not that it`s good we went down that route.  I`m hoping that once I pass that 6 months mark things might improve a bit.

 

Dare I say some things have got a bit better, I`m not getting the stiff neck and shoulders quite so much and that feeling like death when I wake has been gone for 5 weeks.

Although it sometimes comes back if I have a nap.

 

My worst sx is waking in pain along my lower back and burning legs. It`s weird because I can wake in the middle of the night and I`m ok-ish, but as soon as morning comes it`s back.

Is there anything I can do to prepare for this?

Anyone had this and found a vitamin or something that helps?

 

Thanks all, I`m thankful to have found you all who`re around the same time as me off these drugs.

 

Wishing you all speedy healing and hope we all get our lives back soon.

 

NCT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[St...]]

I'm at 11 months and feel the same way, the toxic energy is so bad my legs can't actually take anymore of the stimulation so they feel like jelly, can hardly walk on them at all right now. My sleep has also gone to shit which just makes everything that much harder.

 

But what choice do we have? Reinstate only to then go through all of this again some day? Fuck that 

 

We've got to turn a corner soon, I just want/need to see a real sign of recovery to keep my spirits up.

 

Hey guys. 

 

I haven't posted in a while, but I can say that I am pretty done with this shit.  I'm so angry over this shit.  So so angry.

 

I am having a lot of sx's mentioned in some of the most recent posts.  Toxic energy, yup, especially in the am.  Fatigue.  Tachycardia, other arrhythmias, insomnia, depression. 

 

Im also getting lots of anger. I have a very short fuse right now, which is not me.  When I do dream, they are really negative.... .  Dreams of fighting with my wife, family, co-workers, doctors. Dreams of physically destroying stuff that other people in my life love. 

 

Im in a bad place mentally right now.  Never had a lot of support from anyone during this process.  Nobody understand except you guys.

 

 

Honestly,  even in acute I never wanted to re-instate.    8 months later and the last couple of nights of insomnia, I've held the bottle on klonopin in my hand. trembling. 

 

I fucking hate life right now.  Sorry for being so negative.....

[[ne...]]

Hi again

 

I meant to ask you all, I`m still quite housebound. I can just about manage a very short walk, or recently I just pushed myself to get to the hospital for a blood test, needed as my thyroid meds have been changed. But it was a PUSH, while in a wave.

 

I have either pain and weak legs or head symptoms making me dizzy ---or all of them.

 

Is this normal at almost 6 months out?

Do I need to push a bit more ?

 

Thanks so much

 

NCT

[[...]]

Yes it's completely normal.  I'm at 8 months tomorrow have weakness in a vibration off balance sciatic nerve pain all the way down to my feet currently on my menstrual cycle so really having an extreme wave right now.  walking and stuff some days worse than others just spent three days in bed as much as I hate doing that it seems if I walk more than I end up a couple of days in bed to rest.  six and a half months had let up with this pain it was easier to bear that went on for two weeks then went in a wave hard pain seven and a half months pain let up again now back in a wave with extreme pain but it seems more focused on my left and my right at this point.  that's horrific as this is its normal so just gotta keep pushing through it soon you'll get stronger and stronger as a so will I hopefully these symptoms will start to just go away or give up

[[re...]]

I just had a 2hr window its closing now...tinnitus is screaming.I'm posting this so that others know that windows do come.

 

red

 

 

 

[[...]]

Awesome red thank you for your post I hope more people post when they have a window what do you feel like  in your window

[[ne...]]

Ddd- thank you for your reply, it`s reassuring to know that this is all normal.

Your signature says you went to a detox place, yep me too. The Biggest mistake of my life and it looks as though we`re getting much the same with sx. This truly sucks eh?

 

redxxxx- So pleased you had that window, it gives an idea of what`s to come.

 

I`ve had a few minor ones, with sx being less but not sure they count? But I had a 95% window one evening where I felt almost normal, it was great!  I didn`t go to bed until almost dawn as I didn`t want it to end. 

 

NCT