6-12 month thread....

[[MT...]]

Mrs, thanks for the encouragement.

 

The adrenalin surges are a total pain. There's a cocktail on the insomnia thread, fairly early, that mixes OJ, cream of tarter and salt that helps. Mine are less surgy now but sleep, and mornings still stinks.

 

I hope you get the therapy dog, g33K. It sounds like great idea.

[[so...]]

Hi everyone!

 

This is my first post here after reading the entire thread!

 

I am 9.5 months off CT Gabapentin and Ativan and suffer from insomnia, 4am cortisol adrenaline surging wake up calls every single blessed morning, heart palps, head whooshing pulsatile tinnitus, crushing anxiety, depression, breathlessness, huge weight loss that I can't regain, druggy feeling and gastro issues.

 

Other than that I'm just friggin peachy.  I live alone with my 12 year old pug, Opie, my best friend.  I don't even mind his mackerel smelling breath because I have a hard time bathing much and his breath smells better than I do.

 

I've isolated myself from my beautiful family because I don't want to inflict this torture on my two grown children and grandchildren.  I would like to join this thread and feel less alone on this journey and be supportive of all of you.  Most of all, I would like to get and give constant reassurance that this will end someday.

 

I wish you all healing days filled with peace and contentment.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Does the OJ, cream of tartar and salt cocktail really work?

[[Li...]]

Welcome Sofa..    glad to have you join in with us.  We're pretty much in the same boat in varying degrees.  We can all understand what you're going through. 

 

Tybee... I think a companion dog is a great idea!  They give so much love and stand watch, gaurd, etc.. feeding and walking them will get your mind off yourself too.  Sorry about the fires.. tragic..

 

g33k ...  if it helps, my cortisol surges are waning, and I'm in a window of sorts.  My windiws are not completely free of symptoms but I can go and do things and have energy.  Your's will come too.. time is the key.  One thing I do have going on now is left hip pain, and a general bone and joint stiffness.  Then again I am 61.. some if this may be normal. 

 

Mtfan... that cocktail would certainly be worth trying for some.  I'd try it if I could tolerate oj .. upper tummy issues have been my worse.  But happy I'm off the PPI. 

 

Hugs to all here   and prayers too! 

 

  Lilly

[[MT...]]

Does the OJ, cream of tartar and salt cocktail really work?

 

It seemed to decrease the intensity of the adrenalin surges and sometimes I wouldn't have them when I drank it. Others described the same. There's some reason why it works that I don't recall. It tastes super disgusting though. You have to chug it.

[Guest [Ty...]]

Hi Sofa,

 

Similar sx here too, but I just had two blessed nights of good, deep sleep.  I did have a morning cortisol spike (panic feeling) wake me today, but got up and walked around the house, counting my steps (1 through 4, then back to 1) to give my mind something else to focus on.  It worked, and I was able to go back to sleep!  I've had really really bad night panic on and off (mostly on), so for me to be doing better even for a couple of days makes me feel quite hopeful.  I've still got tinnitus, some dizziness, and the drugged feeling, but am clearly healing in starts and sputters...  This WILL end at some point!  I've put a 16 month time table on my recovery (at almost 8 now) -- hope I don't have to renegotiate with myself  but that feels reasonable. 

 

I'm glad that you've got Opie.  I've got two large blue eyed kitties now and am working on bringing a dog into my life.  Critters can be such wonderful companions!  Do you get out to walk Opie?  I want a fairly high energy dog that makes me get out a few times/day.

 

Hope you have a peaceful day!!! 

 

Tybee

 

 

[Guest [Ty...]]

Lilly -- thanks for your thoughts on dogs.  I have times when I think it could be too much, mainly the potential expense (vet bills), but then I focus again on all the positives and know it will be an asset to my life.  I used to do a lot of animal rescue, but haven't had a dog of my own in about 15 years.  Just kitties. 

 

 

[[Li...]]

Tybee... something to think about anyway concerning the dog..   

 

Lilly

[Guest [Ty...]]

Lilly -- I spend hours every day thinking about it  , researching therapy dog options, and trying to figure out what personality traits would be best to look for in a dog.  Seems that the breeds (or mix of breeds) that are generally used for service dogs (for any of the disabilities) will work best.  I do want a dog that's large enough for me to run with.

[[...]]

We had a 20 lb mini schnoodle.      Fantastic dog.  Non shedding.  Intelligent.  loved to run. 

 

She had a bit of a bark on her but she was very gentle.  A bit stubborn at times but could always be bribed with food.

 

 

I'd recommend them to anyone.

[Guest [Ty...]]

We had a 20 lb mini schnoodle.      Fantastic dog.  Non shedding.  Intelligent.  loved to run. 

 

She had a bit of a bark on her but she was very gentle.  A bit stubborn at times but could always be bribed with food.

 

 

I'd recommend them to anyone.

Thanks, g33k.  I've been looking at goldendoodles, but still thinking...  I'll explore the schnoodle mixes. 

[[St...]]

I am just starting Month 10 after jumping cold turkey off of 1mg of Xanax a day. I am proud of myself for getting this far but i just don't know if i'm doing the right thing anymore. It honestly feels like my mind and body can't take anymore of this withdrawal process, and it's doing everything to try and make me realise that.

 

Let me paint a picture for you... i have been doing everything i can to help my recovery but this is what i experience on a daily basis.

 

- No windows

- Completely housebound, mostly bed bound. No energy to do anything. 

- Inner vibrations / toxic energy ALL DAY it's never not there, i can feel it in my hands, feet, spine, stomach, chest it's relentless. Last night i was woken up in the middle of the night by the sheer intensity of the vibrations.

- Tinnitus so loud that i have to ask my wife to repeat what she says sometimes

- Can't watch television or be on a computer for more than a few minutes, my nervous system just still can't take it even after nine months. I never envisaged this not even in my worst case scenario.

- Severe leg, thigh and hip pain flares up if i try and exert myself AT ALL. 

- The new symptom that has got me freaked is a sporadic short sharp pain in my abdomen area, the pain literally brings me to my knees when it hits. After doing some research my conclusion is that it might be my adrenal glands, i have felt completely adrenalised 24/7 for nine months i'm not surprised that they have finally started causing intermittent pain.

 

I now know that jumping cold turkey was stupid, but i just feel like i am doing my mind and body some serious damage now, the body was not made to cope with nine months of this, and judging by my lack of progress, i could easily be looking at another year of this, more even. I don't want to reinstate of course i don't, but i haven't seen ANY progress in nine months and my body is literally screaming out at me on a daily basis, i don't know what to do. My wife is really scared by the lack of progress, and agrees with me that surely the mind and body can't cope like this for much longer.

 

My doctor is insisting that i go and get an abdominal scan next week, which isn't going to be easy considering i haven't been out of the house for 9 months, it's not even agoraphobia it's literally not having ANY energy to function whatsoever, and if i do force myself to go out i crash shortly after. 

 

I don't know what i'm writing this for, i don't know what i want to hear back from people, but i just really needed to write this, i can't take anymore of this on my own 

 

Is there anyone in this thread that is as bad as this?!?

 

What would you recommend i do?!?!

 

[[re...]]

Hello Stuckindoors,

Wow, that is too much to deal with...I was also on Xanax and I am off, same time frame as you, since December, 2014...I was on much lower dose so my sxs are not as severe, but I did take it for 30+ years, off and on....if it's any consolation, I got those zaps of intense pain in abdomen, but it was short lived thank God....I am pretty sure it is the W/D sxs, and nothing serious....hopefully they will subside shortly....I have heard about "adrenal exhaustion"....you should Google it....there are things you can take for it....I think one was black licorice...a certain one you get at a health food store.....maybe if you treat the adrenal exhaustion you will feel some relief....these drugs are absolute poison, so going back will certainly throw you back into hell, not forwards.....any alternative is better than the poison!!...take care...

[[Pu...]]

7.5 months here. Thanks for starting this thread!

 

I'm not 100% by any means! I'm getting better but SLOWLY!!!

 

I'm learning to live with the anxiety and constant need to be doing something. Today is a rough day. I'm in bed feeling nauseas, dizzy, anxious, belly hurting and tired.

 

I HATE being in bed. I hate having to not do anything.

 

I'm thinking my recovery will continue until the 24 month mark.

 

I take everyday as it comes. I rarely spend time thinking about the future. I think about the present. I think about that one day when I will be healed.

[[el...]]

7 Months in now, and month 6 was pretty great. I was thinking about when it would be time to write my success story. . . However the last 7 days are back to a bit rough, tight upper back and neck muscles and that overall feeling of yuck(muscles feel heavy ish and my mouth is dry, just over all benzo flu feeling). My eyes hurt again too, which I think is related to the upper back and neck muscles once they go, the domino effect begins.  As most of us know by this point healing is nonlinear, but I so thought I was over this. 

 

My sleep scheduled changed and my workouts were getting more intense. I think between the two, it set my healing back. Also I slacked back on my daily benzo healing routine(trigger point therapy, no gluten, etc.)

 

Hoping this rough patch is short lived.

[[Cr...]]

I've finally made it to this group....I wish I could join in better spirits, but I'm pretty mentally broken at this point. This is my second try at withdrawal, last time I got to 6 months it got so bad (so I thought) that I chose to reinstate which was a huge mistake and now I am in a level of hell I never even thought possible from kindling. Essentially I've been at this for upwards of 18 months now if you include horrible interdose wd.

 

I don't really consider what I have as symptoms anymore, it has morphed into a part of me, I'm never without the crippling distortions that have been made to my mind and body. Somehow I am worse off now physically than when I jumped and having a really hard time believing it will get better considering nothing really has. I wasn't expecting to be well by 6 months, but was at least hoping to be able to track some progress.....Everyday is whiteknuckled survival and the most horrible dark depression and hopelessness (mostly due to my situation) I have trouble watching tv and my entire bodies balance is so off its hard to do anything, so distraction is nearly impossible. I try my best to stay mentally strong but I can no longer muster the strength to get through the suffering of the day.

 

I'm really hoping for a sign, something to lift, just so I can know that it's possible. Sorry to come into the group with so much baggage, but it's where I'm at....I'll do my best to contribute, but my mind is pretty hit or miss at the moment, especially when it comes to keeping up with things. I appreciate all the support I can get....Every day is a struggle not to do something stupid...Somehow I've turned those days into 6 months, I'm not sure how I made it this far. 

 

*For anyone interested in a better description of where I'm at, I wrote this long post at 5 months that gets pretty deep into my worst symptoms, I don't feel like going over all of it again, nothing has really changed, a few new things have cropped up though.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=139515.0

[[Sa...]]

Jan 24th almost cold turkey, off.

 

I would say 6th month was the big turn or corner.

7th month i say totally healthy

So why no success story, because i still have the nurse ratched (one flew over the cookoo's nest) personality going on.

Now this could be due to my life's circumstances or the withdrawl will remain to be seen.

 

sleep 7-8 hrs

anxiety- non

endurance- excellent

Mood- good but impatient as in bitchy, unforgiving with mediocrity as in professeur Higgins with customer service on phones e.g banks , utility companies, etc.

 

Unfortunately as i have healed, my healthy diet has gone out the window and coffee and little soda here and there, hot dogs, pizza , ice cream,  all the bad stuff are again on the menu.  This is not what i wanted and had hoped the withdrawal would at least been an opportunity to adopt permenantly the good way of eating that i had chosen

 

Grateful beyond belief.

Prayers for myself to continue to be well and for others in the grip of this horror to see the beauty of healing as i have.

Saraa

 

One more thing, i do feel a total change in personality. My eyes have the look of Mad max after he learns his family has been brutually murdered or any movie where the hero's family has been murdered.  It seems like nothing can hurt me anymore and emotionally i am numb.  I am much stronger than i was before but in a cold way.  I don't know if that makes sense or if i am conveying what i am trying to say.  But its a good strong feeling & not a bad change. At least for me but not so much for my mother that lives with me. lol

 

 

 

 

[[so...]]

Hi everyone!

 

I am 10 months out and still struggling.  I've had a few better days, but my symptoms are all still with me, some to a lesser degree.  Today, everything's back full force.  Most of the symptoms you have all described are mine too.  I don't have pain or visual distortions, but I'm housebound and bedridden with crippling anxiety, heart palps, pulsatile tinnitus in synch with my heartbeat, 4 am cortisol surges every single day, insomnia and gastro issues.

 

I pray this ends soon. Congrats, Saraa, on your healing. 

 

I've been drinking Chamomile tea, one cup a day, since this started and now I find out it effects GABA receptors.  Have I not healed in 10 months because of this?  Boy, I am in need of some serious reassurance I'm not screwed.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Stuckindoors, I completely identify with everything you are feeling.  We are still early in this game.  Hang in there.  Let's just keep supporting each other.  Nobody will be left behind.

 

Sofa

[[Pu...]]

Jan 24th almost cold turkey, off.

 

I would say 6th month was the big turn or corner.

7th month i say totally healthy

So why no success story, because i still have the nurse ratched (one flew over the cookoo's nest) personality going on.

Now this could be due to my life's circumstances or the withdrawl will remain to be seen.

 

sleep 7-8 hrs

anxiety- non

endurance- excellent

Mood- good but impatient as in bitchy, unforgiving with mediocrity as in professeur Higgins with customer service on phones e.g banks , utility companies, etc.

 

Unfortunately as i have healed, my healthy diet has gone out the window and coffee and little soda here and there, hot dogs, pizza , ice cream,  all the bad stuff are again on the menu.  This is not what i wanted and had hoped the withdrawal would at least been an opportunity to adopt permenantly the good way of eating that i had chosen

 

Grateful beyond belief.

Prayers for myself to continue to be well and for others in the grip of this horror to see the beauty of healing as i have.

Saraa

 

One more thing, i do feel a total change in personality. My eyes have the look of Mad max after he learns his family has been brutually murdered or any movie where the hero's family has been murdered.  It seems like nothing can hurt me anymore and emotionally i am numb.  I am much stronger than i was before but in a cold way.  I don't know if that makes sense or if i am conveying what i am trying to say.  But its a good strong feeling & not a bad change. At least for me but not so much for my mother that lives with me. lol

 

I love your sense of humor!! xxx-ooo

[[St...]]

Thanks Sofa are you able to watch TV?

 

Stuckindoors, I completely identify with everything you are feeling.  We are still early in this game.  Hang in there.  Let's just keep supporting each other.  Nobody will be left behind.

 

Sofa

[[St...]]

Please don't say that about Chamomile tea, I drink lots of it too? It's literally the only thing I have that is remotely calming!

 

Anyone got any advice/thoughts on this?

 

Thanks

 

Hi everyone!

 

I am 10 months out and still struggling.  I've had a few better days, but my symptoms are all still with me, some to a lesser degree.  Today, everything's back full force.  Most of the symptoms you have all described are mine too.  I don't have pain or visual distortions, but I'm housebound and bedridden with crippling anxiety, heart palps, pulsatile tinnitus in synch with my heartbeat, 4 am cortisol surges every single day, insomnia and gastro issues.

 

I pray this ends soon. Congrats, Saraa, on your healing. 

 

I've been drinking Chamomile tea, one cup a day, since this started and now I find out it effects GABA receptors.  Have I not healed in 10 months because of this?  Boy, I am in need of some serious reassurance I'm not screwed.

 

Sofa

[[St...]]

Sofa

 

This guy drank Chamomile tea every day through his withdrawal and still healed completely inside of 18 months

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=99689.msg1280767#msg1280767

 

Hi everyone!

 

I am 10 months out and still struggling.  I've had a few better days, but my symptoms are all still with me, some to a lesser degree.  Today, everything's back full force.  Most of the symptoms you have all described are mine too.  I don't have pain or visual distortions, but I'm housebound and bedridden with crippling anxiety, heart palps, pulsatile tinnitus in synch with my heartbeat, 4 am cortisol surges every single day, insomnia and gastro issues.

 

I pray this ends soon. Congrats, Saraa, on your healing. 

 

I've been drinking Chamomile tea, one cup a day, since this started and now I find out it effects GABA receptors.  Have I not healed in 10 months because of this?  Boy, I am in need of some serious reassurance I'm not screwed.

 

Sofa

[[Sa...]]

Sofa,

 

Thank you.

Ughhhh, can't tell you how bad i felt reading your post.  Your suffering at this point after 10 months.  I can tell you that a lot of people here when stuck at about a year or so tried and Accupuncture and see that as their turning point.  Have you tried it, do you consider it?

 

[[so...]]

I'm so sorry if my post upset anyone.  That's the last thing in the world I want to do.

 

Stuckindoors - I can't watch TV anymore.  Everything is over stimulating.  We will all heal eventually.  We may be just around the corner of complete healing.  I feel many symptoms decreasing in intensity.

 

How about everyone else?  What improvements have you all seen?