6-12 month thread....

[Guest [Ty...]]

MT -- same here. Mental cloudiness is the worst, but then I have days with great clarity, and  that gives me hope again.  It's hard to think about myself one year ago and compare that person with me today.  Last August I was kayaking white water, sleeping in a tent, drinking beer around campfires, and easily running 10Ks whenever I felt like it.  Sometimes I wish that I'd just upped the dose of Klonopin and stayed on it, but then I remember the reasons I came off... This isn't easy, and I still struggle to comprehend what's happened to my brain and life.  I'm usually pretty upbeat, but today I'm feeling sad. 

[[MT...]]

Tybee, I think there's grief that many of us feel. We mourn the life we used to have before wd and the healthy, whole life we might have had if we'd never used benzos. However, we're all on this journey to a place that's going to be better than we can probably imagine...benzo free and free from all of these symptoms. Having to do this while our thinking is impaired is extra hard. Some days it's hard to think my way out of a wet paper bag. It feels like so long ago since I was clear. Still, it's better than it was. I don't feel confused anymore, just slow cognitively with an impaired memory. We'll get there.

[Guest [Ty...]]

Thanks for the encouragement, MT.  I do mourn the life I've lost -- I miss it so much! 

I'm in that wet paper bag a lot lately, beating my puny hands against it and crying to be free. 

But you're right that it's better than it was.  I need to be reminded of that from time to time. 

The last few weeks have been pretty rough, but I'm getting through.   

We WILL get there, won't we! 

[[Sa...]]

Lilly555- Sorry you are being hit with CNS symptoms now.  You are healing as we speak, just remember symptoms are a sign of repairs going on. Not fun to say the least but know that these symptoms become weaker and weaker until no more. 

 

MTfan - Are you still taking the gabapentin, seroquel, and amitriptyline?  As they are psychoactive drugs, could they possibly be causing some of the ruminating thoughts? I hope you get relief soon form your symptoms. 

 

Tybee- Being fit and athletic is a winning card that you are holding and one that i think wil ensure feeling great once again and very soon. 

 

Let's all in the 6-12 month thread refuse not to have anything but the best weekend we've had in a long time.

[[Li...]]

Thanks Saara... the sun is shinning today, and thats a start! 

 

Lilly

[[MT...]]

 

MTfan - Are you still taking the gabapentin, seroquel, and amitriptyline?  As they are psychoactive drugs, could they possibly be causing some of the ruminating thoughts? I hope you get relief soon form your symptoms. 

 

Tybee- Being fit and athletic is a winning card that you are holding and one that i think wil ensure feeling great once again and very soon. 

 

Let's all in the 6-12 month thread refuse not to have anything but the best weekend we've had in a long time.

[[Sa...]]

A beautiful saturday to all, 

[[MT...]]

Saraa, I was trying to respond to you above but something went wonky. I still take the meds because otherwise I don't get any sleep at all. The symptoms I have either predated the meds or have been steadily improving with time so they aren't the cause.

 

I hope you all have a fabulous rest of your weekend.

[[Sa...]]

Saraa, I was trying to respond to you above but something went wonky. I still take the meds because otherwise I don't get any sleep at all. The symptoms I have either predated the meds or have been steadily improving with time so they aren't the cause.

 

I hope you all have a fabulous rest of your weekend.

 

MTfan

 

You probably know this yourself but thought to share just incase, I just checked one of your pills AMITRrip and tachychardia is one of its side effects which you have.  Just FYI

I am so excited for you to get off all these when like you said a few months further out when you think its time.  You are an incredibly brave and strong person to have come off benzo after so many years.  So excited for you to feel the beauty of being healthy again

[Guest [Ty...]]

Lilly555- Sorry you are being hit with CNS symptoms now.  You are healing as we speak, just remember symptoms are a sign of repairs going on. Not fun to say the least but know that these symptoms become weaker and weaker until no more. 

 

MTfan - Are you still taking the gabapentin, seroquel, and amitriptyline?  As they are psychoactive drugs, could they possibly be causing some of the ruminating thoughts? I hope you get relief soon form your symptoms. 

 

Tybee- Being fit and athletic is a winning card that you are holding and one that i think wil ensure feeling great once again and very soon. 

 

Let's all in the 6-12 month thread refuse not to have anything but the best weekend we've had in a long time.

Saraa, you're a bright little light on this thread right now!  Thanks for that

 

I hope you're right about the sports.  I did go for a surprisingly good 5 mile run last night.  Temps were in the upper 70s, so I went out just before dark and worked up a mighty sweat!  I've been struggling with runs for a bit, but guess that at least half of it is from heat.  It's so easy to blame everything on withdrawal, but it's good to remember that there are other issues that everyone deals with on a daily basis. 

 

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!!! 

 

 

[[MT...]]

Saraa, thanks for looking out for me. Yeah, I know the tachycardia is exacerbated by the amitripyline. This was an issue even before I took it. If I could find a safe, effective way to sleep without it I would but zero sleep for months on end feels impossible.

 

Good for you exercising Tybee. I find it helps me either cope with or avoid depression and anxiety, among other things. Even when I have bad days I try to make some happen but some days are too hard.

 

I'm glad to have this place to be with all of you.

[[...]]

Saraa

I see we jumped the same week.  Glad to hear you are doing so well. 

 

For me, Month 5 and 6 brought really good improvement.  Month 5 was the most exciting because I put back on 5 pounds in 1 month and starting sleeping much better and feeling almost normal.  Sleep was my biggest hang on symptom.  Rolled into month 6 still doing good but I notice some depression kinda wisps in and out like the fog rolling in then rolls out.  Not horrible suicidial like during taper just a little down.  Pre Bezoed I was usually pretty up.  So.. Think it's still from benzo w/d maybe combined with just getting back to life as normal after the jubilation of being off these things and mostly recovered.  I still wake up now after 5- 6 hours around 4 or 5am with a few funny things going on in my head and sweating but it settles and I get back to sleep and usually get 7-8 hrs.  Not like at times in taper when I woke up every hour with lights and sounds popping in my head and often got little sleep.

 

Tybee

I hope you break free of your bag soon and are out in th fresh free air having a good life.  Hope you're running 10ks again --.  Am so impressed you could do that.  If you only have anxiety at night have you tried just OTC doxylamine.  It might be enough.  It helped me a lot.  Also magnesium.  Another girl is taking intersol something like that it's one of the B vitamins.

 

Lilly

Good to see you here.  Congrats on your window and hope it comes back. 

 

MTfan

I had a terrible time with tachycardia.  It's completely gone now.  Hope yours clears soon.  I may be a little ahead of you since I took the benzo for a shorter time.  I think taking magnesium helped and helps me sleep too as well as with the muscle twitches I am still plaqued by.

 

 

[Guest [Ty...]]

Hi all! 

 

jth, I'm running more 4 to 5 milers with an occasional 6, but at least I'm able to do something! 

It's always a little strange when I read about people who lost weight early on.  I gained about 5 pounds, despite staying pretty active.  Comfort eating    I've lost most of it now, but still have those last 2 stubborn pounds.  I wish I could sleep as you are, but that's still my big struggle.  I can't take doxylamine -- it messes with my head.  Magnesium seemed to help during the earlier months, but my night anxiety now is way bigger than what Mg can address.  I actually tried trazodone 25mg (tiny dose) for 10 days and it worked great, but has stopped working now, so I'm quitting it rather than increasing the dose.  Not sure what to do about the nights -- they're scary.  I'd guess that the B is inositol (vit B8).  InterSol is a platelet additive solution, so probably not that.  I only know because I'm a nurse, but that doesn't help me with what we're all here for.

 

MT -- I agree that it's good to have this place!  And on exercise too.  I hate to think about how much worse I'd be without it!  So lets keep on running, walking, hiking, biking, yoga-ing, dancing, lifting, and whatever else is tolerable and at least a little fun.  What do you usually do?

 

Lilly -- I've got the fog too!  It's worst in the morning, for about 2 hours after I wake up.  Feels like I'm taking drugs rather than stopped taking them...  Is yours all the time, or at certain times of the day?     

[[Sa...]]

Saraa

I see we jumped the same week.  Glad to hear you are doing so well. 

 

For me, Month 5 and 6 brought really good improvement.  Month 5 was the most exciting because I put back on 5 pounds in 1 month and starting sleeping much better and feeling almost normal.  Sleep was my biggest hang on symptom.  Rolled into month 6 still doing good but I notice some depression kinda wisps in and out like the fog rolling in then rolls out.  Not horrible suicidial like during taper just a little down.  Pre Bezoed I was usually pretty up.  So.. Think it's still from benzo w/d maybe combined with just getting back to life as normal after the jubilation of being off these things and mostly recovered.  I still wake up now after 5- 6 hours around 4 or 5am with a few funny things going on in my head and sweating but it settles and I get back to sleep and usually get 7-8 hrs.  Not like at times in taper when I woke up every hour with lights and sounds popping in my head and often got little sleep.

 

Tybee

I hope you break free of your bag soon and are out in th fresh free air having a good life.  Hope you're running 10ks again --.  Am so impressed you could do that.  If you only have anxiety at night have you tried just OTC doxylamine.  It might be enough.  It helped me a lot.  Also magnesium.  Another girl is taking intersol something like that it's one of the B vitamins.

 

Lilly

Good to see you here.  Congrats on your window and hope it comes back. 

 

MTfan

I had a terrible time with tachycardia.  It's completely gone now.  Hope yours clears soon.  I may be a little ahead of you since I took the benzo for a shorter time.  I think taking magnesium helped and helps me sleep too as well as with the muscle twitches I am still plaqued by.

 

Jth,

 

Exactly how month 5 & 6 were for me too.  5 was hurray i see i can be normal again. 6 i was hit with depression for 5 days or so that i had no explanation for. Then normality set in.  Not so excited nor so down but very grown up i call it.  Able to do alot.  Greatful.

The depression in month 6 is very temporary. The fact that its in and out is a sign that the mood console is fine tuning itself. It'll be gone by the time u read my post

 

[[ba...]]

3 days ago was 11 months without xanax for me . i was making very good progress i exercise often. i had a set back when i started drinking again i dont know why i do this to myself i feel good when im drinking then 6-8 hours later i feel "waves" hittin me for days after my drinks i felt the same exact yucky way i felt during month 2 after quitting xanax . its hard to understand i feel relaxed at the moment when im drinking then it hits me i think i should wait until 2017 to touch alcohol   :'(

[[Li...]]

Babyangel... I have read where lots have issues with drinking alcohol, and stay away from it.  It is a drug too, and it's easy to forget that.  Hope you can hold on till 2017, and then you may find you don't need or desire it at all.. 

 

Tybee... my cog fog is mornings and late afternoons but really can strike at anytime.  My eyes feel as if they want to roll back in my head.. such a weird sensation.  An almost tickling feeling, and I get blurred vision with it too.. 

 

Saraa and Jth.. thanks for your kind words.. :-) 

 

Mtfan.. what you said about grieving the life benzos stole from us.. I sure feel that way.  I asked why but it doesn't do much good.  I know this has made me stronger in many ways.. spiritually I mean.  It's mostly out of my hands. 

 

Hugs to everyone suffering..  

 

Lilly

[Guest [Ty...]]

Hi Lilly,

Your comment about your eyes made me wonder if you're having any issues with dry eye.  I am, big time!  Dry mouth too, especially at night -- bad enough that it wakes me up.  I'm using GenTeal eye drops (preservative free), which really helps.  Good use for    That made me giggle... 

Tybee 

 

[[MT...]]

Yeah, I think there's a lot of grieving involved in this process. That being said, I don't long for my benzoed life before, just long to feel better.

 

The dry eyes and mouth is weird. Even when I wasn't taking any meds for a while I still had it.

 

We're all struggling but we're getting close day by day.

[Guest [Ty...]]

MT, I had some menopausal issues with dry eye (low estrogen causes it) while on meds, but it got much worse once off.  And the dry mouth is all related to withdrawal -- started and continues when off meds.  I took trazodone for 10 days (off now), but that didn't have any effect on it.   

   

[[mr...]]

Yeah, I think there's a lot of grieving involved in this process. That being said, I don't long for my benzoed life before, just long to feel better.

 

The dry eyes and mouth is weird. Even when I wasn't taking any meds for a while I still had it.

 

We're all struggling but we're getting close day by day.

 

Well said, MTfan

 

You will feel better! Just keep swimming....

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Can I be done with the 6am rush please.    Im sooooooooo done with that.  It went away a little bit during last window but now it's back again as strong as ever.

[[Li...]]

Tybee... yes, I have dry, itchy eyes, and use a soothing eye drops for them.. some of it is definitely due to benzos, and some may be allergies as the pollen has been bad in the UK this summer.  I have the dry mouth too, and this is usually when I have slept really hard.  But I hate waking up with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth.  I have to keep water on my night stand.  Glad the icon gave you a laugh.. we could all use more of those! 

 

g33k... I've been in a wave with lots of cortisol surges in the am, calming down in the afternoons.  But sometimes I can get them out of the blue after I go to bed.. they're getting better.. if this would go away I'd feel fairly ok. 

 

Lilly

[[...]]

I am of the same opinion Lilly.  If these rush's would stop robbing me of sleep, I'd be a hell of a lot better right now. 

 

 

 

[Guest [Ty...]]

Lilly -- same here with water at bedside and waking up dry as the Sahara, which is scary feeling! 

 

I had a really rough night -- terrible nightmares and panic...    My closest friend lives in Winthrop, Washington and was evacuated from her home yesterday because of the wildfires that just killed 3 firemen.  A combination of that and other things left my mind restless, and it all came out during the night.  I'm sitting on my deck now, watching the river flow by and feeling so much calmer.  Days are fairly good, but it's the nights that get me, right g33k? 

 

I've made a decision to begin looking for a therapy/companion dog to help with panic attacks.  I love dogs, but haven't had one for some years.  I think it might be time... 

[[...]]

Ya, I'm kind of disappointed this far out and my nights can be so frustrating.  I cant wait for the weekend so at least I dont have to go to work after a 'BS' night.