6-12 month thread....

[[mr...]]

Today marks 6 months that I have had the privilege to be benzodiazepine-free! I would not have been able to achieve my goal of benzo-freedom, nor been able to maintain that freedom, without your love, support, & understanding along this journey. A hearty THANK YOU, as today is as much a celebration for you as it is for me! Praising God for 6 months of freedom!!!

 

My healing continues to progress it's way along, and I am so grateful for that. I remember so many others making the comment that things just continued to go away along the way, in a way that you almost didn't notice it. I remember that I simply could not relate to such a statement ~ I thought, BELIEVE me, I'll remember the date & time that XYZ symptom(s) go away! But I now understand what they meant ~ healing happens at such an ebb/flow, back & forth, 2 steps forward / one step backwards kind of pace that you do, truly do lose track of what's here and what's gone. And, they (symptoms) continue to grow milder and milder as time goes on...so it really does happen, where you wake up one day and think to yourself, "Huh...I don't remember the last time I experienced XYZ symptom..." Or, XYZ symptom can make a brief appearance again, and you realize how "out of practice" you are at its experience...because its been so long since you've experienced it! Anyways, lol.

 

So, I'm sure you're asking, is she still symptomatic? And the answer is yes ~ but it continues to lessen and lessen all the time, and more & more hours and days of "normal" are occurring (Praise God!). I have less and less of a "need" or desire to come to the forum for support, and as a result have been spending less and less time here (which I am grateful for, but I do miss you all !). More "rational" brain over "irrational". Less and less "benzo fear". More & more capability to handle stress ~ less and less "fear" of it. More desire. More "happy". More of the good; less of the "not-so-good" (again, Praising God!).

 

I just wanted to share with you how things continue to get better Healing is OURS, Amen! Take care gang; I am thinking of you.

 

Mrs.

[[Wo...]]

Thanks for the update mrsalw! That's great news. I'm not on here much lately either, but I happened to see this. 6 months is a huge deal. Great job!

[Guest [Ma...]]

A big Yeeeaah !!!!from me too Mrs!!!  Thank you for all of your encouragment. It is so very much needed and appreciated 

[[ra...]]

That's great Mrsalw. Super encouraging! 

[[hi...]]

I'd like to join in over here, too. In month six, struggling with fear, dread, health anxiety and general fear of future.  Wondering if it's really still w/d or just me now.  Good stuff.

 

I feel the exact same way.  :-[

ex. if I have to take any new pills, I research them all first. I think i'm still sensitive from all the benzos I took.

my health anxiety is through the roof, because I recently was given some anti-nausea meds & they made my anxiety go crazy.

I didn't fill in the prescription.. but even the thought of what they put me through, from that one pill, makes me anxious.

[[hi...]]

...like I would have never thought I would still be having w/d sxs

...6 months out!  >

 

it's frustrating. my anxiety is already up due to me, reflecting over the messy "anti-nausea" pill I took

I am mentioning it like crazy , but it is helping me calm down..venting about it.

my stomach has been the main thing still bothering me. benzo belly?

yeah, well that has stuck around for me. & occasionally , I may reflect on what I went through , being on benzos

& sexual libido ....up & down.. serotonin imbalance maybe..sometimes insomnia.

oh kinda sensitive to sunlight, still..

I don't wear those faux glasses indoors daily, at least not for the reason I used to. now, I wear them because I like the look.

 

 

[[Wo...]]

...like I would have never thought I would still be having w/d sxs

...6 months out!  >

 

it's frustrating. my anxiety is already up due to me, reflecting over the messy "anti-nausea" pill I took

I am mentioning it like crazy , but it is helping me calm down..venting about it.

my stomach has been the main thing still bothering me. benzo belly?

yeah, well that has stuck around for me. & occasionally , I may reflect on what I went through , being on benzos

& sexual libido ....up & down.. serotonin imbalance maybe..sometimes insomnia.

oh kinda sensitive to sunlight, still..

I don't wear those faux glasses indoors daily, at least not for the reason I used to. now, I wear them because I like the look.

 

It is super frustrating, but it will eventually get better. 6 months is definitely normal to still have sx. This is a long slow gradual process, with setbacks. It truly messes with the balance of ALL our systems so all the things you mention are "normal." I hope you feel better soon.

[[...]]

Hey Guys

 

I'm now in the 6 month club!

 

I'm 6 days into the sixth month.

 

Still sick.

 

Had a nice 10 day window last month but usually sick 4 out of 7 days each week. And many times sick 3/4 days in a row.

 

Benzo Flu, and Anxiousness/nervousness mainly.

 

Don't take anything for it yet, but may soon....

 

Just waiting. Sucks for me because I'm agoraphobic now too. I try and do CBT on 'good' days but some days I'm jumpy as a cat. Haven't driven a car in 1 year because of this shit.

 

Sigh...

 

Any advice? Tips? "Safe' meds???

 

Thanks..

[[...]]

Today marks 6 months that I have had the privilege to be benzodiazepine-free! I would not have been able to achieve my goal of benzo-freedom, nor been able to maintain that freedom, without your love, support, & understanding along this journey. A hearty THANK YOU, as today is as much a celebration for you as it is for me! Praising God for 6 months of freedom!!!

 

My healing continues to progress it's way along, and I am so grateful for that. I remember so many others making the comment that things just continued to go away along the way, in a way that you almost didn't notice it. I remember that I simply could not relate to such a statement ~ I thought, BELIEVE me, I'll remember the date & time that XYZ symptom(s) go away! But I now understand what they meant ~ healing happens at such an ebb/flow, back & forth, 2 steps forward / one step backwards kind of pace that you do, truly do lose track of what's here and what's gone. And, they (symptoms) continue to grow milder and milder as time goes on...so it really does happen, where you wake up one day and think to yourself, "Huh...I don't remember the last time I experienced XYZ symptom..." Or, XYZ symptom can make a brief appearance again, and you realize how "out of practice" you are at its experience...because its been so long since you've experienced it! Anyways, lol.

 

So, I'm sure you're asking, is she still symptomatic? And the answer is yes ~ but it continues to lessen and lessen all the time, and more & more hours and days of "normal" are occurring (Praise God!). I have less and less of a "need" or desire to come to the forum for support, and as a result have been spending less and less time here (which I am grateful for, but I do miss you all !). More "rational" brain over "irrational". Less and less "benzo fear". More & more capability to handle stress ~ less and less "fear" of it. More desire. More "happy". More of the good; less of the "not-so-good" (again, Praising God!).

 

I just wanted to share with you how things continue to get better Healing is OURS, Amen! Take care gang; I am thinking of you.

 

Mrs.

 

Great post!

 

I'm at six months too but still sick...Hope to turn around soon..

 

You are right when you say that sxs do fade away and you may not notice, simply because many of us are bombarded with so many sxs that when one stops there is always another..But, it is true that the sxs do seem to be a bit 'less' so. Or the 'bad' days are a tiny bit less 'bad' each day. Or like, still getting hit with the belt everyday, but now it doesn't sting quite as bad as before. Progress.

 

Praise God!

 

Say a prayer for JACD!

[[Jo...]]

JACD - I got this off of Dr. Mercola's Website...

There are Many Natural Effective Treatments for Anxiety

 

Anxiety disorders can be debilitating and in some cases require professional guidance, counseling, and treatment (including psychotherapy and behavioral therapy). But please don't underestimate your own ability to make positive, oftentimes life-changing, decisions to help you take back control of your health. If you often feel anxious or have panic attacks, I strongly recommend:

 

Exercise

 

In addition to the creation of new neurons, including those that release the calming neurotransmitter GABA, exercise boosts levels of potent brain chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, which may help buffer some of the effects of stress. Many avid exercisers also feel a sense of euphoria after a workout, sometimes known as the "runner's high." It can be quite addictive, in a good way, once you experience just how good it feels to get your heart rate up and your body moving.

 

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

 

EFT can be very effective by helping you to actually reprogram your body's reactions to the unavoidable stressors of everyday life. This includes both real and imagined stressors, which can be significant sources of anxiety. In the following video, EFT therapist Julie Schiffman discusses EFT for stress and anxiety relief. Please keep in mind that while anyone can learn to do EFT at home, self-treatment for serious issues like persistent anxiety is dangerous and NOT recommended, and you should consult with an EFT professional to get the relief you need.

 

Optimizing Your Gut Flora

 

Your gut and brain actually work in tandem, each influencing the other. This is why your intestinal health can have such a profound influence on your mental health, and vice versa; as well as the reason why your diet is so closely linked to your mental health. Prior research has shown that the probiotic Lactobacillus rhamnosus had a marked effect on GABA levels in certain brain regions and lowered the stress-induced hormone corticosterone, resulting in reduced anxiety- and depression-related behavior.11

 

So optimizing your gut flora with beneficial bacteria is a highly useful strategy. This is done by eliminating sugars and processed foods and eating plenty of non-starchy vegetables, avoiding processed vegetable oils, and using healthy fats. Additionally, eating plenty of fermented vegetables or taking a high-potency probiotic supplement would be useful to reestablish a healthy gut flora.

 

Omega-3 Fats

 

Your diet should include a high-quality source of animal-based omega-3 fats, like krill oil. The omega-3 fats EPA and DHA play an important role in your emotional well-being, and research has shown a dramatic 20 percent reduction in anxiety among med students taking omega-3s.12

 

 

[[ra...]]

Wow, Joney, congrats on being med-free. I hope to get there one day!

 

Those are all good tips you shared. I'm trying to practice those and I think I am improving, but it's hard to notice day by day. It's only if I think back a few months that I realize I am doing much better and the fear does not have as strong a hold on me.

 

It's certainly tough, though. It feels like it's been so long and I can't believe how much longer I might still have to go.

 

Best thing is to take it one day at a time. Good luck to all of you.

[[Jo...]]

Rapunzelblue...Thank you...I feel blessed to have been able to get off all of these drugs. I wish I could say I feel great, but in all honesty, I'm still battling anxiety. It may be a beast I will have to battle forever, I don't know...I hope not. I do have periods of feeling pretty "normal", but the anxiety always comes back. I am determined, however, to continue this without any more drugs. I really just think they make the situation worse and may temporarily help, but in the long run not good for you.

 

I have a question to ask you. A friend of mine is trying desperately to get off of Effexor and I see you are trying to do the same. Because the pills are not ones that you can cut, how do you reduce your dosage? She's gotten down the the smallest amount she can, but when she stops taking the last pill, she's emotionally a wreck. She's tried doing it by taking a pill one day and then not the next and so on, but that hasn't worked for her either. She's tried several times over the last few years with no success.

 

 

[[ra...]]

Joney, I really agree with you about drugs. My good friend has been drug-free for several months now too and he was saying the other day that he's not sure he feels better off than me because he still doesn't feel great. But I think he is DEFINITELY better off because you are at least at a clean starting point now and you are much more educated about what might help you! I hope the anxiety gets easier for you to manage over time, even if you still have to deal with it. It's a really tough thing, but I really admire your determination and I think that just the fact that we're willing to face this without drugs says a lot. 

 

About tapering Effexor... I'm so sorry to hear that about your friend. Effexor is certainly a monster and I hate the doctor who put me on it. He had no idea what he was doing. I have been going down by 37.5 mg which is the smallest size capsule I have been able to get. I'm also a wreck after a cut, so I am thinking of trying a method I found on the SurvivingAntidepressants forum--opening up the capsule and counting out or weighing individual beads. Here's a link to their thread on tips for tapering off Effexor & venlafaxine, both XR and regular. I found it really helpful! http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/272-tips-for-tapering-off-effexor-and-effexor-xr-venlafaxine/ There are several suggestions in there in addition to counting out beads, like maybe she can find a pharmacy to prepare her a liquid form. I didn't know that was possible.

 

Best of luck to your friend. I hope we both succeed as I know I was not this bad before all the drugs and I need to be better.

[[Jo...]]

RB - I just realized that you and I got off the benzos pretty much the same time, I think I'm only a week or so ahead of you. Thanks for the link...I will send it to her and hope she can get some advice through that Web site. She is at 37.5...which she said was the smallest amount you could get down to and yes! because the pills are made of the little beads, it was hard for her to get down any further. I think I did suggest to her to try to count the little beads, but she didn't want to do that.

 

So, overall do you think you feel better? I have to say that when I'm feeling so anxious I wonder why in the world did I get off the benzo in the first place. But then I read so many posts where the more you take, the worse you feel. I had a hard enough time getting off of .50 of klonopin that I took over a period of a little over a year...I cannot imagine if I would have taken more, or had I let it go on longer. I have had thoughts of it being so much better when I was on the benzo, but then I look back to some of my journaling (prior to this Web site) and realize that I was having a hard time while I was taking the benzo, too.

 

I really would just like to feel anxiety free...this seems to be my one and only issue. Well that and I feel like I am more forgetful and my brain is just not working as it once did...which in turn gives me more anxiety  .  Now I don't know if it's the benzo and AD use that is causing the forgetfulness and such, or if my being anxious (because that can cause it as well) or maybe a combination of both.

[[ra...]]

Ah, cool! Benzo buddies!

 

I hope your friend finds the site helpful. I didn't want to do the bead-counting either but I've had such difficulty that I think it's probably a good idea. Since the beads can be different sizes and there's a different number in each capsule they recommend weighing. I got a jeweler's scale that's sensitive to milligrams so I can do this.

 

I know my cognition is better. I'm not misspelling words all the time and my thinking is much more clear. I'm still forgetful from time to time and it's hard to focus but overall my concentration and memory are much better than they were a year ago.

 

I've been in a wave of depression for awhile now but I know that earlier on, just a month or so after my taper, I was feeling hopeful and great about life. I'm hoping that comes back. I do think I am less anxious than I was in the height of my benzo tolerance. From the research and stories I've seen, the average length of recovery is 6-18 months, so we might still have a ways to go yet. It's such a long road but I find that encouraging, because I want to think I can still get better.

[[Jo...]]

Well I'm happy to meet you and I'm on here quite a bit, so if you ever want to chat....PM me or stop by my blog.

 

[[ra...]]

Thanks Joney! Sorry for the late reply, I'm on a trip. Awesome convention with friends and I think I'm doing better at attending things than last year even though my anxiety & hypersensitivity to sound are pretty bad. I hope you're coping OK! Somehow I missed your blog, I'll have to check it out.

[[...]]

Hey Guys

 

6 1/2 months off Xanax now.

 

And sick a lot. Like 5 out of every 7 days. Only got one window in six months, for 10 days last month. Now back to 5 days sick every week.

 

Benzo flu, hangover, and anxiousness all the time.

 

I thought 6 months in, that this was supposed to 'get better" by now...

 

I thought I did everything right,,long slow 10 month taper...nope. This sucks. When do we turn that corner.

 

I'm sicker now then I EVER was when I was on Xanax.

 

Yay! I'm 'drug free'..

 

But who cares? So what! if I feel like shit every day and have no life.

I'd rather go back on a drug but be able to function. This is bullshit.

 

I'm sick of being sick. This is WAY worse then any 'problems; I ever had when taking Xanax.

 

But,  I guess I'll continue to wait. and wait. and wait. and wait. and suffer. and suffer. and suffer.....

 

 

[[...]]

Sorry to be a downer, but I really thought by 6 1/2 months off things would change. I knew I wouldn't be 'cured' but..still.

 

I already have given up 16 months of my life to this nightmare.

 

And things are worse then ever.

 

See, my life on Xanax was not that bad..I was only on it about 5 years off and on...

 

This has been way worse getting off it then it was being on it. At least then I had a life.

 

Now I can't do anything.

 

I can't be one of these 24 month guys.

 

I can't..

 

But, I'll keep waiting for now..I guess...

 

But this better change.

[[...]]

In fact. I can only keep 'hanging on' like this because I don't work and I had to move back in with my Mother. And she pays all the bills and buys food etc..

 

If I was living ( how I was) on my own and was working etc..

 

There is no way in hell I could have done this.

 

No way.

 

Maybe I would have tried for a week but said nope, fuck this..I got to work. I can't 'drop out' for a year or more to 'heal'.

 

No way. I bet most people can't . Thats why they all stay on this shit.

 

Who has time to drop out for 1 or 2 years to 'heal'? To 'get better'.  Maybe.

 

This is ridiculous.

[Guest [Ma...]]

Hi JACD,

 

Yes I hear you about this being ridiculous and certainly exhausting and that is putting it mildly. I experienced some windows at 6 months which made me realize the windows prior to that were just a decrease in sxs . I have felt so badly as far back as 2 months into taking Ativan... Interdose and then tolerance for almost 3 years .. Huge crossover to V and quick taper at the end of June last year threw me into utter hell but good news ... I m rounding the 8 month mark of being off completely off and now seeing " real " progress. I was given some advice not to compare today with yesterday but to a month ago. For the most part I m pretty good most of the day .. The raging anxiety has decreased and that's so big for me as it was unbearable ...got to keep on going believing in " intrinsic  health " .. The brains ability to heal ... "To get it right" .... Reading success stories like Eugene s , Eli1111 and many others and not giving in to hopelessness. We are strong JACD... Just think of having made it thus far... Look what you have accomplished .. Way passed anything you thought you could do... Keep on fighting with us !

[[ci...]]

JACD, at 6.5 months, things have changed for you and you are getting better. I turned the corner at 11.5 months and was then able to go back to work. You have come so far, probably going to turn the corner soon, the first 8-9 months were the worst for me. Now at 14 months out, I am 80-85% better on most days, you will get there, too. Always, tell yourself how you feel today is not how you will feel 3-6 months from now, that is what helped me.

 

Hang in there, cindy

[[ra...]]

JACD, I hear you, I really do. I was living alone before and I've moved back in with my parents. The only thing I know is that I was definitely getting worse and worse on the benzo. It wasn't working for me anymore and I would've ended up being fired from my job if I hadn't chosen to leave and taper. I definitely feel so angry about how hard it is now--I feel like the taper wasn't so bad and the worst of it for me started at five months out. But I'm steadily healing and I was even able to get a new job. It feels impossible every day to get up and do anything but most days I do.

 

It takes a lot longer than I think most people estimate or realize, especially in the mainstream. But that doesn't mean for all the months you are healing that it will be this bad. And you might not dramatically turn a corner, but just realize slowly that you are getting better day by day. If you can talk to someone every day who can reassure you that change is happening, that might help. It can be really hard to see progress in ourselves especially when we're this low. Keep going. We just gotta keep going.

[[dr...]]

JACD...it does get better.  It is not something you notice though unless you look back in months and there are nasty periods in between.  For example, yesterday I had a terrible day and had raging anxiety trying to go into a food store.  I haven't had that symptom for a while but it was with me yesterday.  It sucks but I just accept it for what it is and don't dwell on it.  What is different with me at 13 months as opposed to 6 months is that the bad days are just that.  A day or a few hours and then I am much better.  At six months off these periods lasted a few days to several weeks with maybe a day or two feeling okay.  Now it is a day or two a week of feeling bad and five to six of a much higher baseline.  Am I where I want to be yet?  No way, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. 

[[mr...]]

I second what drew & Rapunzel said

 

I will also note that I only experienced a "turned corner" sort of jump up in baseline only once in this process. All the other healing that has occurred like what drew said ~ couldn't really see it unless I looked back 3-6 months. Its like a gradual "unfolding" of sorts.

 

Hang loose, for sure it gets better. What helped me catch hold of that back when I was grabbing at shoestrings each day was to go back and read some of the posting history of those who have recently commented about how they're getting better. So, for instance, take a read through some of Drew's post history ~ you might find, like I did, how much some of the symptoms you are currently experiencing may very well parallel those people you're reading posting history for! For me, I found "heroes" in reading posting history...some folks that paralleled my symptoms in many ways were Northofhere, Sophia, Magrita, Pianogirl, Schatje, & drew28. You will find your own "Senior graduates" to follow in "benzo school" while you go through the ranks of "freshman", "sophomore", "junior", & eventually, "graduate" at your "senior" status and become a "Senior graduate" for the (unfortunately) newer "underclassmen" to follow & look up to You'll get there As Dori from "Finding Nemo" says, "Just keep swimming!"

 

Take care buddy,

 

Mrs.