6-12 month thread....

[[Lo...]]

8 months off today, still fell like - well - crap.  Head and body pressure, anxiety pretty much  all the time.  Blood pressure is finally evening out at about 130/75 after two months of spikes.

 

Going to a meditation class tomorrow to see if I can learn from it.

 

Sweet pea

 

Happy 8 months off Sweet Pea! (Love the name)!

 

[[...]]

I’m about to hit 11 month mark and I’m in the biggest wave. It started last week and after a brief burst of energy on Sunday afternoon, it continues. Not that I felt fab before, just sometimes feeling a bit better. I’ve never really had health fear before however I’m finding it hard to believe I can feel so bad and not have something wrong. I’m at work and struggling, the fatigue, burning pain, headache and jitters are testing me. Can’t breathe properly either; I’m going to go for a walk to see if that helps. How can it be that you can feel so crap this far out?  :sick:The strength needed to get through this is unbelievable.

 

Hi Marj! I'm with you...feels like the further out I get the worse. You should check out the 12-18 month thread. Some folks are all healed up and some are still in the storm.

 

Its daunting I know. I've been depressed for a couple of days. Crying...

 

Praying for you Marj...that better days are coming our way.

 

Just let those tears flow LM they are healing. I cried at lunch time although I felt a bit brighter after my walk. Keep the faith it will get better There has to be a reason for going through this and maybe it's to make us stronger so nothing will wobble us again and our kids will learn from our strength. We WILL make it, it just sucks for now but look how far we have come. I have heard from so many experts that the first year is dificult unless you are very lucky. We are nearly there and I'm sure once we see improvement nothing will stop us. Just think, no more faking it and the fact we can fake it is so positive.

 

SoCaler - I too have hideous neck and shoulder pain/tension. Last monday I had none so it proves it is just our sensitve brains sending faulty signals until it gets it right. Mood is flat and I get quite irritated sometimes.. who wouldn't. It will go

[[Lo...]]

I’m about to hit 11 month mark and I’m in the biggest wave. It started last week and after a brief burst of energy on Sunday afternoon, it continues. Not that I felt fab before, just sometimes feeling a bit better. I’ve never really had health fear before however I’m finding it hard to believe I can feel so bad and not have something wrong. I’m at work and struggling, the fatigue, burning pain, headache and jitters are testing me. Can’t breathe properly either; I’m going to go for a walk to see if that helps. How can it be that you can feel so crap this far out?  :sick:The strength needed to get through this is unbelievable.

 

Hi Marj! I'm with you...feels like the further out I get the worse. You should check out the 12-18 month thread. Some folks are all healed up and some are still in the storm.

 

Its daunting I know. I've been depressed for a couple of days. Crying...

 

Praying for you Marj...that better days are coming our way.

 

Just let those tears flow LM they are healing. I cried at lunch time although I felt a bit brighter after my walk. Keep the faith it will get better There has to be a reason for going through this and maybe it's to make us stronger so nothing will wobble us again and our kids will learn from our strength. We WILL make it, it just sucks for now but look how far we have come. I have heard from so many experts that the first year is dificult unless you are very lucky. We are nearly there and I'm sure once we see improvement nothing will stop us. Just think, no more faking it and the fact we can fake it is so positive.

 

SoCaler - I too have hideous neck and shoulder pain/tension. Last monday I had none so it proves it is just our sensitve brains sending faulty signals until it gets it right. Mood is flat and I get quite irritated sometimes.. who wouldn't. It will go

 

You're very right. There is a reason (a divine one) behind all of this. I want to go back to school and get my MS in Integrative Health and Nutrition and help people. I also want to help people learn VRT (vestibular rehab therapy). Now before Lyme and this crap this was not my dream...now its my goal!!! 

[[Lo...]]

Some serious inspiration! I remember this post!

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=51940.0

[Guest [Ma...]]

Thank you  LovingMother....this is wonderful !

[[Lo...]]

Thank you  LovingMother....this is wonderful !

 

You're welcome!

[[...]]

11 months today and what a day Really thought I was about to lose the plot this morning and fall into a deep pit. somehow I managed to push through went to an induction for work which I know was playing on my mind thus making everything worse. It was ok, got home and crashed for an hour just breathing and telling myself I can do this over and over. Had a little toxic snooze and of course now jittery but better. I know there have been some little stressors contributing to this, stuff I would not normally give a second glance, however everthing is like a major catastrophe

Cannot believe a week last monday I went to bed thinking wow, can't believe how hopeful I feel and ever since it has been just torture and I have never had a 'window' as such, just periods where things have been easier.

I believe what Baylissa say's is true about acceptance; it is so hard sometimes but maybe this is something we are supposed to learn to make life in general easier. Also my dear friend who I have got to know on here wisely says to me 'what you resist persists' . I wish it would just push of now, we have all had enough

Blessings and prayers to everyone suffering

 

[[Lo...]]

11 months today and what a day Really thought I was about to lose the plot this morning and fall into a deep pit. somehow I managed to push through went to an induction for work which I know was playing on my mind thus making everything worse. It was ok, got home and crashed for an hour just breathing and telling myself I can do this over and over. Had a little toxic snooze and of course now jittery but better. I know there have been some little stressors contributing to this, stuff I would not normally give a second glance, however everthing is like a major catastrophe

Cannot believe a week last monday I went to bed thinking wow, can't believe how hopeful I feel and ever since it has been just torture and I have never had a 'window' as such, just periods where things have been easier.

I believe what Baylissa say's is true about acceptance; it is so hard sometimes but maybe this is something we are supposed to learn to make life in general easier. Also my dear friend who I have got to know on here wisely says to me 'what you resist persists' . I wish it would just push of now, we have all had enough

Blessings and prayers to everyone suffering

 

Happy 11 months off! I want you to know I am so very proud of you. I know you don't feel well, but you're doing well and these stupid symptoms will go away. I have no doubt about that. 

[[Wo...]]

Congratulations on all the latest month-aversaries! I just passed 8 months myself. I wish I could be really positive at the moment, but I can't. I found out I have to go on blood pressure medication, and it's really bumming me out. I hope everyone else is doing well and getting some relief.

[[Lo...]]

Congratulations on all the latest month-aversaries! I just passed 8 months myself. I wish I could be really positive at the moment, but I can't. I found out I have to go on blood pressure medication, and it's really bumming me out. I hope everyone else is doing well and getting some relief.

 

Hi there, happy 8 months off to you! I'm having a rough time too. Sorry about the blood pressure meds, praying its temporary and that it gives you some relief.

 

Praying we all turn a corner real soon...we deserve it!

[[...]]

11 months today and what a day Really thought I was about to lose the plot this morning and fall into a deep pit. somehow I managed to push through went to an induction for work which I know was playing on my mind thus making everything worse. It was ok, got home and crashed for an hour just breathing and telling myself I can do this over and over. Had a little toxic snooze and of course now jittery but better. I know there have been some little stressors contributing to this, stuff I would not normally give a second glance, however everthing is like a major catastrophe

Cannot believe a week last monday I went to bed thinking wow, can't believe how hopeful I feel and ever since it has been just torture and I have never had a 'window' as such, just periods where things have been easier.

I believe what Baylissa say's is true about acceptance; it is so hard sometimes but maybe this is something we are supposed to learn to make life in general easier. Also my dear friend who I have got to know on here wisely says to me 'what you resist persists' . I wish it would just push of now, we have all had enough

Blessings and prayers to everyone suffering

 

Happy 11 months off! I want you to know I am so very proud of you. I know you don't feel well, but you're doing well and these stupid symptoms will go away. I have no doubt about that. 

 

Thank you LM, we are so so brave and WILL recover even though sometimes we doubt it I am having one of those days today after feeling better yesterday afternoon. I think some stress is catching up with me, I'm so jittery and tense. Never mind 'deep breaths'

 

Take care

[[Lo...]]

11 months today and what a day Really thought I was about to lose the plot this morning and fall into a deep pit. somehow I managed to push through went to an induction for work which I know was playing on my mind thus making everything worse. It was ok, got home and crashed for an hour just breathing and telling myself I can do this over and over. Had a little toxic snooze and of course now jittery but better. I know there have been some little stressors contributing to this, stuff I would not normally give a second glance, however everthing is like a major catastrophe

Cannot believe a week last monday I went to bed thinking wow, can't believe how hopeful I feel and ever since it has been just torture and I have never had a 'window' as such, just periods where things have been easier.

I believe what Baylissa say's is true about acceptance; it is so hard sometimes but maybe this is something we are supposed to learn to make life in general easier. Also my dear friend who I have got to know on here wisely says to me 'what you resist persists' . I wish it would just push of now, we have all had enough

Blessings and prayers to everyone suffering

 

Happy 11 months off! I want you to know I am so very proud of you. I know you don't feel well, but you're doing well and these stupid symptoms will go away. I have no doubt about that. 

 

Thank you LM, we are so so brave and WILL recover even though sometimes we doubt it I am having one of those days today after feeling better yesterday afternoon. I think some stress is catching up with me, I'm so jittery and tense. Never mind 'deep breaths'

 

Take care

 

Take care sweetie, we will get through this indeed! We have too. 

[[dr...]]

this was a pm i recieved from someone who healed...it helped me

 

hi- I was still pretty messed up at 10 months. And I had some big waves hit me repeatedly as I healed. I know how hard it is to think that you will come out of it on the other side when you are hit with it again. Each time I would forget any healing that had taken place and be sunk into this pit of worst its ever been thinking.

Between us, building up the tolls to cope with anxiety, whether it be from withdrawal or after in your back to baseline life, are really necessary. I personally think that there really is not any pharmaceutical tool that is going to take emotional issues away completely, and that learning how to endure and accept and move through it in spite of it, is vital to dealing with withdrawal and life after. The truth for me is that I was anxious before benzos, anxious as hell during withdrawal, and anxious now. It is a part of me. And so I move forward in spite of it, knowing it will not take me down, it will just be a pain in the butt trying to convince me it will. I am glad if anything of my experience can be a help to someone else who is going through it. Just remember- you are indeed going through it, even though it might seem like you are standing still and stuck in it. it gets better. And its never ever linear, so you can't focus on the dips and bumps. It is what it is, and my way was different than others in my same timeframe, but in the end- everyone that started withdrawal with me is not still around benzo buddies still in the thick of it. You heal. Some of them go back on, and some like us, swear off it for good. It just loses its ability to help anything so quickly, and tolerance happens. You made the right decision, and also to stay in the game of life, despite being in withdrawal. Drag yourself to work, distract as much as you can and keep going. Print out your own post from this month ans see where you are this time next year- you will be amazed.

best-

[[Wo...]]

this was a pm i recieved from someone who healed...it helped me

 

hi- I was still pretty messed up at 10 months. And I had some big waves hit me repeatedly as I healed. I know how hard it is to think that you will come out of it on the other side when you are hit with it again. Each time I would forget any healing that had taken place and be sunk into this pit of worst its ever been thinking.

Between us, building up the tolls to cope with anxiety, whether it be from withdrawal or after in your back to baseline life, are really necessary. I personally think that there really is not any pharmaceutical tool that is going to take emotional issues away completely, and that learning how to endure and accept and move through it in spite of it, is vital to dealing with withdrawal and life after. The truth for me is that I was anxious before benzos, anxious as hell during withdrawal, and anxious now. It is a part of me. And so I move forward in spite of it, knowing it will not take me down, it will just be a pain in the butt trying to convince me it will. I am glad if anything of my experience can be a help to someone else who is going through it. Just remember- you are indeed going through it, even though it might seem like you are standing still and stuck in it. it gets better. And its never ever linear, so you can't focus on the dips and bumps. It is what it is, and my way was different than others in my same timeframe, but in the end- everyone that started withdrawal with me is not still around benzo buddies still in the thick of it. You heal. Some of them go back on, and some like us, swear off it for good. It just loses its ability to help anything so quickly, and tolerance happens. You made the right decision, and also to stay in the game of life, despite being in withdrawal. Drag yourself to work, distract as much as you can and keep going. Print out your own post from this month ans see where you are this time next year- you will be amazed.

best-

 

Great post Drew. I think coping skills are so important in WD and just regular life. Even when we get better there's going to be anxiety. That's just life. We all have to learn to cope with it without a pill, if we want a med free life. A lot of folks disagree with me on this, but CBT has helped me a lot with at least the thinking aspect. Thanks for posting that.

 

Now I just wish the physical stuff would give me little break. Month 8 has been rough Benzo flu, hypertension, palps etc. Blah blah blah. Boo hoo me.

[[dr...]]

I agree wonder...while what we have won't be as bad in the future learnign CBT other skills are just great tools to have in life.  I am starting up a cbt regimen with a professional since I had trouble on my own.  I already do many things such as daily meditation, weekly massages, etc...When in a wave nothing will help with my crazy ass thoughts but one day these waves will end and I will be able to handle anything except another benzo withdrawal.

[[mr...]]

Hi friends,

 

I've posted this elsewhere, but wanted to mention it here also

 

Love to you!

 

Mrs.

 

Hello gang

 

Just a brief note to say that I am officially four months benzo free today!

I have updated my progress in my post in the Benzo Free Section of the forum (called "Mrs. has taken her last dose!"), if it can help.

 

I think about you often, and read every day I may "lurk" more than post, but I love being engaged in all of your lives! 

 

Welp, anyways That is all for now - Happy Friday to you all!!

 

Mrs.

[[Wo...]]

Congrats Mrs! I love hearing about everyone's milestones. I think it helps to see we're all making progress. Please keep "lurking!" We need your positivity around here! 

[[ho...]]

Hi, I'm 5 mnts and 2 wks c/t off off benzos. my most recent thoughts have been regarding how mind blowing hard the past 5 and a half months have been and how in the world is this going to pass. Or get better. Insomnia, ocd, depersonalization, anxiety/panic, intrusive thoughts, and depression. It's a struggle not to focus 24/7 on my sx. Trying to do little things, and staying busy help. Feel alone going through this also, not alot of people understand.

[[Lo...]]

Hi, I'm 5 mnts and 2 wks c/t off off benzos. my most recent thoughts have been regarding how mind blowing hard the past 5 and a half months have been and how in the world is this going to pass. Or get better. Insomnia, ocd, depersonalization, anxiety/panic, intrusive thoughts, and depression. It's a struggle not to focus 24/7 on my sx. Trying to do little things, and staying busy help. Feel alone going through this also, not alot of people understand.

 

You're not alone! You got us! 5 months was rough for me! 6 was horrible...thank God for BB's! Great folks on this thread! Post questions, how you feel...we are here for you! 

[[...]]

6 months off as of yesterday and honestly I am worse than I was at 3 months.  I have had very little physical symptoms other than insomnia but depression, anxiety and hopelessness are really bad right now.  I feel so awkward around people now and can't talk.  It's like my mind is half a second ahead of my speech.  Does that make any sense??  It makes it impossible to hold a conversation with anyone. 

 

I'm just really down right now. So scared about my future and questioning if any of this is even worth it. 

 

[[Wo...]]

Hey Smc, congratulations and welcome to 6 months benzo free. 

 

It's vey common at this stage to feel like you're not making progress. You'll hear from many folks here that they feel the same way. I go through it in waves all the time. I hope you keep going, cause it's so worth it.

 

I think you should give the CBT a good chance to kick in. It takes some time and effort, but it can really help with the negative thoughts, IMO.

 

Good luck.

[[Lo...]]

6 months off as of yesterday and honestly I am worse than I was at 3 months.  I have had very little physical symptoms other than insomnia but depression, anxiety and hopelessness are really bad right now.  I feel so awkward around people now and can't talk.  It's like my mind is half a second ahead of my speech.  Does that make any sense??  It makes it impossible to hold a conversation with anyone. 

 

I'm just really down right now. So scared about my future and questioning if any of this is even worth it.

 

Hi Smc, congrats as well for being 6 months off! Months 5-6 I was slammed hard! I saw a window end of November, December was fantastic and the best so far, January started out nice but ended hard and months 9-10 have been indeed rough all over again.

 

It is truly a rollercoaster. Hang in there. Read the success stories. That's what gets me through the hardest days.

 

You will and can make it! 

[[Wo...]]

So I had a really bad wave that lasted about 2 weeks, and then it lifted for about 2 days. Now I'm right back in the storm. This is just exhausting. I don't think I like month 8 very much.

[[...]]

Thanks guys.  I'm sorry that you have been getting waves as well.  Guess all we can do is take it one day at a time and keep on fighting

[[Lo...]]

Thanks guys.  I'm sorry that you have been getting waves as well.  Guess all we can do is take it one day at a time and keep on fighting

 

As my friend told me, "All we can do is put one foot in front of the other and move forward."