6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

Jenny and Peace,

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement. Yes I know that it is benzo related ( here I go , unless waves are caused by something else -- just a bad thought  ) anyway -- I know that the waves are benzo related. My windows are getting better and better and I know that my baseline is improving. But going into a deep depression quite frankly sucks. If we think about it the up and down steroid train to ultimate healing is bound to catch anyone by surprise and torment . If you feel great one week and you feel like crap the new week -- is it not "Normal" to feel depressed by the symptoms? Ok I just convinced myself with help from my BB's. I feel  already!

 

life

[[li...]]

This was posted by Chinadoll:

 

It gives us an idea of what happens to so many success stories yet untold:

"At work I could spend the day in the BB archives (don't tell my boss) picking a person from the early days and following their posts though the course of their time at BB.  It was reassuring to see that people really do heal and drift away from here.  Never did see anyone post "Hey I am all healed, No more BB for me!"  They just posted less and less until their final post.  Lots of nice people down there! "

 

interesting is it?

 

Life

[[je...]]

That is so cool!

[[Co...]]

Buelah....that is such great news. It is so wonderful to get our emotions back. I know your little granddaughter was so happy to have you there. You will get more days like that ...I hope you have another window soon..

...Ed....whooohoo....sleep makes all the difference for me too...I am looking forward to celebrating with you when you see that one year mark...so glad you had a good day.

....Peace..happy happy birthday...I so know what you mean about the ' happy face '...it is so touching that you do happy for your kids..  On your next birthdway I bet you wont have to just act happy....I hope you are feeling better.

......Life.  I hear ya...the ups and downs are such torture....and it is depressing to have some days of life being good only to be slammed back I to benzo hell. I think the non-linear healing is the most cruel tricks of e/d...it is exhausting and defeating.. like climbing up the same mountain

over and over....but it seems like your waves are getting shorter...I know it doesn't seem like it. You are so close ....hope your window opens up again tomorrow.

.........wishing sleep tonight and sunbreaks tomorrow to everyone....this thread is getting me from one day to the next...you are all good friends...coop

[[Co...]]

This thread gets me from one day to the next. It is so reassuring to know that the things that scare me to death and make me lose my confidence. are only w/d and others have suffered through them and are surviving. It has been especially helpful to me to see through the posts that others are feeling good for a few days ..or weeks and then have a bad day or so before seeing the sun again. This non-linear pattern is what exhausts me and shoots holes in my faith in the process.

.....As I read through the posts I can see that waves are getting shorter, windows are getting closer, s/x ara becoming less intense and those who are feeling good long enough to catch a second wind are feeling a desire to get back into life outside their homes. I am so grateful for everyone who posts so honestly, wheather they are having a great day or are suffering.

........Our worst days are behind us...our best days right in front of us....coop

 

[[Co...]]

I had such an odd experience today, hoping someone can explain this to me....

.......I got up this morning with anxiety and cortisol surges, but the thing that kept me anxious was that weird full, pressure, vibrating,buzzing sensation in my head along with d/r. It comes with d/r and total cog fog..I get a tightness in the back of my neck and internally in my head. It makes me very anxious and the Benzo Beast yells at me that I am having a stroke or aneurysm and the pull to believe it is powerful....So,  today I had that awful head fullneass and near panics.and feeling unreal. My grandson had an end of the school year celebration. I just could not miss it and decided to be really really brave and go.  I had such anxiety and weird head sensations with dizziness all the way through the program ..and even more weird.  1-2  minutes of clarity only to fog out almost immediately. This went on for an hour ..and I was on the edge of a panic the whole time with dizziness. I honestly didn't know if I would make it through

. .....got home....all the s/x gone!!! ..  has anyone had intense anxiety attacks or panic attacks that went on for more than hour?.  .....in. public place.  ...

....thanks for any thoughts ....coop

 

 

.

'

 

N

 

[[No...]]

Coop - many times during tolerance and taper I experienced what for me was panic lasting at times several days. Happened at home and out and about. Now, "they" say the panic cycle only lasts about 50 minutes. so I may have been in a place of fear and dread brought on by panic. I don't know. So hard for me to try to untangle all the stuff I have been through. Don't really have a "coherent" story.

 

Dozing sleep again, finally just got up. Cruising the boards in the middle of the night.

 

Cheers.

[[...]]

Hey Coop,

 

Interesting how you listed the same symptoms I get, the vibrating and DR and other odd head sensations. 

 

As I suffered with Panic disorder for over a decade what you wrote sounds all too familiar. 

 

You were obviously anxious before you even went to the school, sounds like your anxiousness was caused by WD symptoms. Once in the program your panic escalated, if the program would have been two hours you would have most likely of been anxious until you could leave. The great news is you didn't walk out before it ended, although very uncomfortable you stuck it out. If you would have left after 30min your panic may have settled down but you would be teaching your brain to leave when there is no real reason to.

 

It took me years to grasp exercises to control Panic, this was because I didn't believe in them.  My attacks were mind blowing to the stage of not being able to walk or talk, that point where you pray for death to end the pain.

 

Panic won't physically hurt you but it can destroy ones mind and leave you crippled. Seeing a therapist is a great idea to learn exercises.

 

 

Feel better,

 

 

 

Fonz

[[He...]]

Hi Coop,

I think it's GREAT that you went to your Grandson's program and stuck it out!  I found some information, though I don't know where it came from or who wrote it, but it has helped me tremendously through this healing process.  I wrote it down several months ago: 

 

"Every time you are feeling anxious, you are using anxiety links in the brain.  Every time you react positively and ignore the anxiety, you delete these links.  If we simply accept that right now we produce high levels of adrenaline, accept that we experience the bodily sensations produced as a result of this high adrenaline, accept our thoughts will be negative, and ultimately accept the fear, then the vicious cycle is undermined and, as a consequence, eliminated."

 

Just think.....even though you were very uncomfortable, you attended an important event AND you were working on deleting an anxiety link in your brain!    I have noticed that each time I can push through a situation it helps me in the next one. 

 

I hope you have a great day today!!  Keep on healing! 

[[No...]]

HealingHope 

[[Co...]]

Nova, Fonz and Hope.. . Thank you so much for your support. Hope I love the idea that pushing through anxiety deletes some anxiety links.  Usually my panic is a sense of something is suddenly wrong with dizziness and a feeling of faintness and immediate impending death. The head fullness and vibration seems to be a new way to panic since month 6. Amazing that it all went away the minute I got home. It was a little stressful, my daughter in law has some issues with me and I find myself trying to be very careful about everything when I am with her. As well I have developed a fear of going to school for the boys and now feel trapped when I am there. After my trip to er in Feb. for a NOT heart attack. The belief of sudden heart attack or stroke lived on in my benzo brain.  This irrational fear morphed into the bigger fear of having a stroke or heart attack in front of 22 little 2end graders.  one of them being my grandson, and the poor teacher. I missed several volunteer days at the end of the year. Before my er trip I only worried about beating back a panic attack in the classroom. This irrational fear is so persistent and convincing I think I am going to get some Hypnotherapy sessions to try to kill it. I never had anxiety like this before benzos.

...On a positive note..  I woke up this morning anxiety free....yay! .  I still have moderate buzzing ( more in my head than in my ears.. ?.... but the d/r and health fears are at about a 1.. so it looks like a day in which I will probably feel a little tired and best up...but other than that another day of decent baseline

..  .thank you so much buddies. ..I love it that this thread keeps going ..we are all getting better as we close in on year one...who knew it would be so hard, change our lived profoundly and that we would find. friends to walk along with ..  coop

[[je...]]

Interesting point Fonz and Healing. I've have social anxiety my whole life, and so I have always purposely avoided social events if possible. I always feel safest at home. Coop, I have experienced what you went through many times. As soon as I was safe and out of my uncomfortable situation my panic would disappear. I really need to focus on pushing myself, but its so hard I feel like I look visibly nervous which makes me more nervous and I just want to get out of the situation. Tough stuff. Thanks, Jenny

[[...]]

It is nice we can come on here and share!

 

Here's what helped me, muscle relaxation, breathing techniques and Cognitive behavioral Therapy. If it gets out of hand buy the book "Anxiety and Phobia work book" By Edmund J Bourne. 

 

If you get bored go to my web site, you can read a bit about panic attacks and my experience. If using a phone make sure it's on "desktop view". The link is in my signature.  I have yet to add to the taper/WD section.

 

 

Cheers,

 

 

 

Fonz

[[ma...]]

Does anyone have nausea that gets worse after eating and low blood pressure? I'm so weak today and it just gets worse every time I eat.  I'm 8 1/2 months out and I thought I would be getting better not worse, starting to think it's something else. 

 

Mama

[[Co...]]

Are others still experiencing significant panics at 6 months and past?...having one after another today with big anxiety and pulsing head...not the decent baseline I expected today...coop

[[No...]]

Coop - haven't had panic after panic for several weeks. Used to have them on a regular basis for years. It is very exhausting and confusing. And then the damn stuff just stops. Can't offer any suggestions, never found any. It will cycle down eventually as they always do.

 

Spent several hours today talking myself out of my version of hypochondria. Stayed the course, but it was touch and go for a while. Exhausting. It passed and I am quite a bit more level at the moment.

 

Don't even have a laugh for us today. 

 

So much for Wednesday. Will see if I can sleep tonight.

 

Take care, folks.

[[Sk...]]

Hi, sorry to change topic, I'm really feeling bad now.

 

It's been two days but nights are always much worse. I have night anxiety apparently.

 

I hope to feel much better tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow is my month day so to speak. But I'll bother you with my celebrations tomorrow, usual place!

 

After all the occasion warrants a bit of pomp!

 

Here in Italy it's a quarter past 12 am. Soon I'll be going to bed with my blocknote at hand on which I jot down my obsessive thoughts in the attempt to get some relief from them .

 

Wish you all well,  have a good night if you can.

 

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

I'm so sorry to hear of your hard days and nights. I'm hoping you feel better tomorrow Sky and that there's nothing to write down tonight. I'm hopin your mind is calm and you get some decent sleep.

 

Nova, Coop, Mama - I'm thinking of you all too. Look back a few days if you need to ground yourselves in the truth of your healing. You've all been better than this and you will be again! Hopefully soon!

 

I'm doing ok. My hormones are settling down and I'm a lot less weepy. Not perfect, but I'll take the improvement.

 

Healing is happening!

 

 

[[li...]]

I must say that you all are a great group of people!! You get some real good advice on CBT and everything here. "Panic about Panic" Coop is what keeps it going for days. That is you may worry about the worry. And when that has happened to me in the past I just breath deeply even if it takes an hour -- it usually goes away.

 

I went to the Doc today and was told that I have a low thyroid function and they gave me some pills to lift it up. Im not sure I want to take it. Does anyone know about this condition?

 

Life

[[pa...]]

It could be a stimulant.  I'd try to find out a lot more information before I took it.

[[Co...]]

Sky....yes indeed.. it is cause for celebration. ..I wish you felt better.. tomorrow could very likely be a much better day...I have a feeling I will be awake tonight too...feel free to pm me if you need distraction....thinking of you Sky.......coop

[[Co...]]

Nova...sorry you are still not bouncing ....no worries about not having a funny to share...( I for one do not feel like laughing either)  ..I am so glad you have been free of panics for several weeks, I thought I was too......the hypochondria is such a torture..I wound myself into a b/p of 177/ 85 today thinking my head pressure and dizziness and nausea was a stroke. .things are calming down now...lasted so long....you are right...exhausting.

.....Nova, during a window does your hypochondria go away. Mine either completely subsides or reduces to a mere whisper. My heart is with you....a day of hypochondria takes it out of any of us. .. You will get your twinkle back Nova.  You are. a Mighty Man to go step for step with the Benzo Beast.......so glad you are on this thread....sending you wishes for a better day tomorrow...coop

 

[[Co...]]

Life, I don't think thyroid medication is a stimulant in the true sense of stimulants. Thyroid is a hormone that our body produces A low thyroid can make people feel tired and even depressed.  But it is also common for our thyroids to get out of whack during w/d. .If you are uncomfortable with a thyroid medication a. Dr. of Naturepathy might be able to suggest a thyroid support formula. Vitamin D also plays some part in how our thyroids function.  If your numbers are not seriously off the thyroid often rights itself,  but you should keep having it tested.....

.....you are it is a horrible spiral to worry about the worry...I have constant hypochondria and every physical s/x can trigger a panic. The head pressure and buzzing with d/r is a new s/x and I got scared enough to spike my b/p to 177/ 85...then that scared me ...and there I was ...in an all day panic....thought they were behind me...now the trick is to not obssess about the s/x as thtey are resolving

.....Life, I so appreciate that you are on the thread...you are an inspiration and I am sending you wishes for healing....and healing......coop

[[No...]]

Coop - when you take your BP (I am assuming youi have a home unit) do you use the "take-3" method, that is settle down, feet flat on the floor, 3 deep breaths, take first reading ... wait 3 minutes, breathe and take 2nd reading ... wait 3 minutes, breathe and take 3rd reading ... then average the 3 readings. I often find that even with the average high, I will see the readings go down, or see them fluctuate. And sometimes they are high for 3 readings. My BP can be all over the map. I keep a chart, take a reading when I remember, at different times of the day. Over the course of several months I will see whether my BP is in the range I want it to be or not. It took a lot of the grawing worry out of it for me. I used to be pretty hyper about BP until I started this method.

 

And I do not want to add to your worry, so ignore this if it is "too much" for now.

 

NovaScotia

[[Co...]]

Thank you so much Nova.. .I have not heard of the. '3s ' approach, but it makes sense to me. I am trying not to obssess, but of course right now I am. My normal ' high. ' b/p is 130/ 75...my typical b/p is about 115/70.....I got all freaked out about the pulsing feeling and ' buzzing,' sensation in my head.. it's not one of my common s/x....things now are in the obssessive worry range instead of 9 alarm flaming panic....trying so hard to let it go, but I know it will take a couple of days to recover from this one ...definitely a set back....I did take 6 mg of atenolol that the er gave me in Feb for same s/x....also hot lavender epsome salts bath soak ...by tomorrow I should be at a place where I can begin to actively work my CBT breathing etc etc...just trying to float a over it for Nos.

....Nova thank you so much....the support is a comfort....I really didn't think it would be this hard again....I hope your hypochondria is letting up...it is the ......coop

 

w orst torture...here 's to a better day for all of us tomorrow.....