Knackered Enters and Exits with Benzos

   Hey there.  Knackered here.  I’ll admit it.  I’m just going to come right out and say it.  I am a life long fan and groupie of that comedic trio famously known as the Three Stooges.  Loathed by my mother as ‘terrible role models’, ignored by my father who called them a ‘waste of space”, but adored by my German grandmother, my brother and me, their antics sent us into hysterics.  The three of us sat on the couch and watched the three of them whenever she came for a visit.  Snacks were proffered from the saddle bag sized purse that Granny packed around.  It always contained ‘someseeng to muench on’.

   Amidst the bonking, whapping, boop-boop-booping and yuck yuck yucking sound effects, our favorite scene always occurred when the three of them tried to enter or exit any kind of a door.  Of course, being the three stooges, they always did it at once, with all three displaying their usual antics that endeared them to our audience.  They usually made it in ok, but getting back out was a three way squeeze of nonsense.

   As crazy as the antics of the Stooges was, their brief sketches on the black and white screen have some direct parallels that will work for our real time today.  Most of us have joined clubs, exercise and book groups without much thought at all.  I’ve even paid dues ahead of time before I’ve been to any meetings or events.

   Often though, once I’ve found my way into stuff, getting out of it is another matter altogether.  Friends and members who pulled us in are usually pretty chagrined when we try to get back out.  Social status is at sake and if we’ve paid ahead or already bought the book, leaving makes it all the more painful.

   The Benzo ‘club’ was so easy to get into.  When I started taking them, providers were handing out scripts like candy at the curb during a parade.  They worked well and were cheap.  All I had to do at the time was mention the three word password, “I have anxiety”, and voila, I had won the prize.  Or so I thought.  They helped my worried mind so much that at subsequent appointments, I even asked for more.  I was never denied.  Nor was I ever informed at any time in the following 30 years that they could have any kind of harmful or long lasting effects.

   I’ve usually been the kind of person that searches out these kinds of things and challenges before I accept.  Sadly, at the time, the internet was in its infancy, nobody owned cell phones, and people had not taken Benzos long enough to provide evidence of withdrawal concerns.

   Along the way, no provider ever tried to pull the trigger on the process or slow me down, until finally they did.  Too much, too long, too old, no more.  I was shocked.

   And so, like so many other things in my life, getting into the whole thing was easy, getting out of it is still a work in progress.  Friends here at BB have helped a lot and so have the friends of Winnie the Pooh.  Although Winnie had stuffed wool for a brain, his friend Christopher Robin was wise.  He told Winnie to “Always remember you are braver than you think, stronger than you seem, and smarter than than you think.”  Lessons to live by.