Knackered Has News and Acronyms with Benzos

     Hey there, Knackered here. We’re coming to you live today from the studios of KNN. (Knackered News Network)  Sponsored by our pharmaceutical friends at WRCA, inc. (Who Really Cares Anyway).

   We’d like to extend a special welcome and invitation to our closeted apoliticals.  You need to be aware that it is safe to once again reappear.  Word has come down that  both the DNC and RNC are finally over.  Be aware however that repeated political ads are SADly possible in the remaining months leading up to the election. 

   Please note that programing will resume as usual.  Dr. Phil will feature domestic pro wrestling and for you sports fans, both Australian Rules Football and Roller Derby will be on hand.  If you can figure out the rules to either of these two events, please send a post card to our station so we can pass it on.  The viewer that makes the most sense will receive an all expenses paid trip to the underwater kick boxing championships soon to take place.  Viewers are advised that if your taper has the screen images swimming, or if it all seems like brainless chaos, turn the blasted thing off.   

   In other news, we are SAD to note that Knackered himself has reported  there are signs that summer may soon be coming to an end.  If you can find and hold the attention of your children, it may be wise to get out to those back to school sales.  Be sure that you dispel the idea of popular trends in favor of buying things that they will grow into (someday).  And while you’re at it, pick up some academic looking junk to get them started.  

   SAD lamps and Halloween costumes will soon be on sale at stores near you.  Viewers are advised to make sure their lamps are still in working order before the arrival of daylight savings time.   

   Weather will be as unpredictable as ever at this time of year.  While some of you may still be water skiing, we’re currently freezing our as_es off. If your taper has you home bound, feel free to just look out the window to find out what’s going on.  And wherever you may be, make sure to keep an umbrella handy.  

   Our pollsters have already put together the most likely outcomes of the fall election and are now prepared to share them with the public. Unlike most polls,  KNN has arranged the end result as a range of likely outcomes.  Feel free to share them with your families and cohorts.  Results are guaranteed until they aren’t.  The most likely outcome is cited to be GOK (god only knows) and ranging to the possibility of GHU (god help us.)  We sincerely hope this comforts our listeners as they find their way through the corn maze of fall activities.  

   As we end our broadcast, we send out our sincere wishes that you may surf your way through the next wave.  And may you soon find an open window to step through.  Taper on friends.