Knackered Has Devices with Benzos

   Hey there, Knackered here.  We find our friend smugly pleased with himself.  After much home schooling, he is learning to use his smart phone.  Knackered is no Luddite and is jazzed with the notion of becoming all  things techno.  

   He previously owned a quite capable flip phone, but was informed that he lacked g’s. Unbeknownst to him, while he was sleeping, the world had 5g’d him. While they took his device to a ‘better place’, he was sent away with an introductory model.  His g’s had been restored. 

   Assured that the device could do all that his now fried laptop could, he anxiously hauled it home for a test run.  

   Much of his angst with the techno world hovers around the fact that devices do not  come with directions.  They also do not come with dodads.  The eleventh commandment should state that all dodads must fit all devices.  They’d probably put it right under the other ten and nail it to classroom wall somewhere.

   He is now getting the hang of emailing and texting.  Although a few have undoubtedly gone astray to the wrong people and others have not arrived at all. Those people may not be his friends any more. Of course they won't be.

   Phone calls often go unanswered.  The problem with this is two fold. In the remote chance that someone is actually calling him,  Knackered becomes so exuberant that he starts randomly pushing buttons, cutting off any chance of actually connecting with a  sketchy telemarketer.  Such is his way with these things. 

   Knackered has had some luck searching out things, although he’s still not quite sure if he should accept all cookies.  The same occurs when he’s questioned with the dilemma of whether he wants to sign into google or remain with Safari. He chooses to remain with Safari.  After all, they are watching out for him, having blocked ginormous numbers of folks from messing with his devices.  

   He is delighted with the goodies available to him in the app store.  He was at the same time quite bummed to learn that obtaining them costs.  If he wants music,  podcasts, YouTube and books, it’s quite likely to equal the cost of his monthly payment on the device itself.  Such decisions wreak havoc on his OCD. Perhaps they’ll offer a special sale price if he bundles.

   One thing he steers clear of is the social media craze. His life lacks the bougie necessary for Facebook. Knackered has heard nasty stuff about the idiocy going on at X, and he’s much in doubt as to his worthiness as an influencer.  

   Still he is very pleased to have found out recently that he is a person of some fame.  He was contacted by a Nigerian attorney and informed that his cousin’s  uncle’s mother’s ex husband just passed and left him a fortune in crypto.  But Knackered must first send him his banking details so that the wealth can be transferred. Not only does he not know how to do this, but the opportunity has a stinky edge to it.  Such decisions.  What to do?  

   Amongst such trauma, there are glimpses of hope.  He has become aware that new devices will not require dodads at all.  And, as he has succeeded in burning up his old e reader,  he ordered a new one. Fearing the worst he unpacked and opened it to find out that they were waiting for him. All he had to do was press two buttons and the device sprang to life, quite eager to play nice with his literary requests. Who knew?