Knackered Does Birthday Brunch with Benzos

   Hey there, Knackered here.  Today is a special day for Knackered, but he is not sure how he feels about it.  For right now, he is quiet and contemplative of what lies ahead.

   He is aware that the Knackered cycle of life has completed another trip around the sun.  It is time for another birthday.  He is a bit ambivalent about this.  He is glad that it is happening again.  Although it continues to move Knackered further into aging, he realizes that it can’t be that bad.  At least he is still here to do it again.  That should count for something.

   He realizes that it is the second time this has happened since he started the Benzo thing.  That has proven to be an unending pukefest of suffering.  He continues to get closer to the end, but that, in itself, has made life an unending downer.

   Knackered does not do emotion well.  He is often teased about this by his family, but rarely becomes more saddened, or joyous.  It is just the way his ‘self’ has emerged over time.

   Today he and Ms Knackered have been invited to friends for ‘birthday brunch’.  He does not know what to make of this.  He doesn’t do people well either.  The Benzo thing has made conversation difficult.  He has brain fog and cannot always use complete sentences or express things in a linear fashion.

   Arriving at the house, they linger to chat in the entry way.  Knackered’s legs start to burn and weaken.  He really can’t stand in one place more than just a few minutes.  Another gift of the Benzos.

   The food is good and he eats more than he talks.  That is good.  Nausea is his usual tapering companion and his diet favors oatmeal with raisins.  With a little brown sugar, it is quite palatable.

   Today, excessive consumption leaves him bloated.  He soon excuses himself to the powder room nearby.  He hopes that he does not produce inappropriate noises.

   Time moves on and he does dessert (excellent contribution by Ms Knackered), a birthday candle and several pictures.  One of them is a better representation of the Knackered countenance than the others.  Most of them make him look decrepit.  It is not  a good look for him.

    He gets a T shirt from the friends that says, “Life is good.”  Knackered wonders: as compared to what?  The alternative is not his friend.  Of course it isn’t.  Later that evening, Ms Knackered presents him with a printed, framed portrait of “The Scream” by Edvard Munch.  It is his favorite. Universal angst.  The “Mona Lisa” of our times.  Very evocative;  it is a contemporary representation of his life at this time.

   In the end, he favors the words of Chili Davis (Pro baseball, 1960-) “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”  Knackered favors the latter.  Of course he does.  Happy birthday to you.  Wherever and Whenever it happens.