Today was a bad day

[[no...]]

for s/x's to keep on going on.  It was 6 days since my last cut so I thought I could drive 100 miles to my son's.  I had not even gotten out of the driveway when I was dry heaving with the door open and my head hanging out.  I got to my son's on time but then stayed sick.  And was exhausted.  I cut the visit short and came home.  This is getting on my nerves (another one!).  I have been going through withdrawals for about 8 months only I was too dense to figure out why I was shaking all day and writing like a drunk first-grader.  I finally figured it was one of my medicines.  I gave up one of my medicines and it was not the one.  But the girl that gave the medicine told me to not take the xanax a.m. dose while taking the other medicine.  And I was only taking 2 a day.  So I was knocking stuff over and thinking I was having low blood sugar attacks.  I didn't want to pass out.  Shaking and thought "what if it is the xanax?"  But I was only prescribed 2 a day by one doctor, but some friendly people would give me a 3rd.  So I asked my other doc would he give me a 3rd and he got mad.  I knew I would be shaking nonstop.But he thought I was drug seeking.  Finally I confessed I wanted to get off of them, so so far so good.

 

But I get aggravated with these withdrawal symptoms keep coming back.  And they are the same. GI troubles, shakiness, and  exhaustion.  But I tell myself well you were in withdrawals for a good part of last year.  From waking up to 5 p.m.  I just want to get these things out of my system!

 

I feel for anyone who runs from doctor to doctor trusting them that they may have the answer and the doctor wants to sound brilliant so gives them some asinine story I think they make up as they go.  Because they haven't a clue.

[[wo...]]

Hi Notta, I know how you feel. The frustration can just be so strong. I think the worst is when you feel you can do something, but then, as it turns out,...you can't. You pushed yourself to go in spite of how you felt, because a lot of times this works! Things that never should be a problem can turn disgustingly wrong. There is a certain shock, and anger that comes with realizing just how sick, and how long we were sick with this drug. And Doctor's just watched. Trust is shot!!!  I wish there was more I could do than just agree with you. I have been where you are, and it really does get better. It gets better, in ways that you can not even imagine right now. Keep up the fight, it is all so worth it.

[[no...]]

Thank you WW.  I guess I was too tired and the frustation just came out.  This is day 7 of my second cut and I am still so nauseated.  Woke up and it had started again.  I look down the road and I see 3 or 4 months of feeling so bad and maybe even more after the taper.  I went to one doctor's visit and I was shaking so bad and they never even asked what was wrong.  And at that time I didn't know either.  But I was getting very concerned.  I felt sometimes like I was dying but no one else could see it.  At least now I know what it is and I can get rid of the problem.  Thanks for your patience and kind words. 

 

Yes it was very hard yesterday but I got to see my grandkids and my son and his wife.  So for that I am glad I went.  But I think I will wait a while before I go too far!  You are right it will get better.