Tinnitus for 6 months now. So frustrated. Do you have it too?

[[cr...]]

I am actually considering going back on Klonopin.  I can't believe I am even saying it, but it is true, on account of this ringing. I am so miserable.  This is my reward for the agony I have endured for over a year getting off of this drug?

 

What is the point in staying off of Klonopin?  The very effects I quit the drug because of are still with me today, only now because of the ringing.  I can't sleep.  I can't concentrate.  My anxiety and depression are worse.  I am thinking about suicide more... All of this thanks to the awful high pitched ringing in my ears that never stops. 

 

I can't hear the birds sing.  I have always loved to hear the birds sing in the morning.  Every once in a while I catch a quick chirp through my tinnitus, but it is few and far between-all the while knowing they are singing beautiful songs all morning but I can't hear it because all I can hear is RINGING.

 

6 Months. 6 Damn, f**king months of miserable ringing.  And the very medicine that caused the ringing still has the power to seduce me into its arms with the promise that it might end this misery.

 

I am so angry.  I am going to be miserable regardless.  I can take Klonopin and be miserable without the ringing, or I can not take it and be miserable with ringing.  These are my sad choices.

 

Why do I even keep trying?

 

 

[[tr...]]

Hi CC,

 

I answered your post on your other blog.  Take care! 

[[Be...]]

I answered on your new thread about restarting klonopin. (Just so you know we aren't ignoring your post.)

[[cr...]]

Oh, my tinnitus has been so loud the last few days and it is driving me so much deeper into my already bad depression.

 

I really feel like I could sleep if it wasn't for this.  I have long believed that my sleep issues were a combination of depression/anxiety and the tinnitus, but now I am starting to wonder. I say that because I have been taking trazodone 50mg for several days now and am still having a really hard time falling asleep at night even though the medicine is making me tired.

 

I hate that I dread the quiet.  I have always loved the quiet.  I hate that I can't hear the birds sing in the morning anymore.  I have always felt joy from listening to the birds sing.  I hate so much about how the tinnitus is affecting me.

 

I got the results of my tinnitus test sent to me and they concern me.  According to the results my tinnitus is not very loud and is masked easily.  I believe that she said it wasn't much louder than ambient sound or something.  On my graph the tinnitus is charted very close to marks for my hearing.  I can give ya'll the specific numbers if you wish.  The reason this concerns me is because my tinnitus is very hard for me to mask at home.  For example, today I had my ceiling fan on, my radio tuned to static, and my sound generator on "summer night" and it was still driving me nuts.  It is so high pitched and "piercing" that it has this uncanny ability to still make it through anything I try to cover it with.  I also noticed that I habituate to the static sound from the radio rather quickly so my tinnitus comes into the foreground again quickly.

 

I know they say that if I don't focus on it or don't think about it that I won't hear it as much, but I really don't feel that I think about it and THEN hear it, I feel that I hear it and then of course think about it.  And how do I help from hearing it? It is after all very real.

 

I just can't believe I have had this for over 6 months now. Whenever I lay my head on my pillow or am in a somewhat quiet environment it is like I have a tiny smoke alarm going off perpetually in my ear.  And, it doesn't even have to be a completely quiet environment as I mentioned earlier.  Not in the least.  I can often hear it with other noise as I mentioned earlier.

 

It is very frustrating to me that I am not meeting more people who have tinnitus caused by Klonopin or benzo use in general.  And the people I have met have a completely different kind of tinnitus than me. (the kind of sound is different)  I feel so alone.

 

I am supposed to go forward with the Neuromonics.  My dad is going to pay for it. I am worried that it won't work though.  I am especially worried as well that my tinnitus assessment was not accurate (do to me not identifying it properly) and that this will cause the device to be programmed wrong and thus not help me.

 

I have thought of maskers but I know that they are not a solution.  I know that I shouldn't mask it all the time and I don't even know if masking would work. I fear that I will habituate to the white/pink sound like I do to the radio static and the tinnitus will just end up coming right through anyhow.  I also worry about being annoyed by the sound the masker/sound generator makes. I want QUIET!!!!!!! (Well, not absolute quiet, but you know what I mean)

 

I am just being defeated by the tinnitus.  I feel so helpless.  The situation feel so hopeless. I just can't see myself ever learning to deal with this and be happy or be able to concentrate.  What happens if I ever am able to go back to school? (I have been out due to the bad depression) How on earth will I study or take a test in class? The tinnitus will be blaring in either of those circumstances because it is quiet. I have always had to have it very quiet to study and now I can't do that.  What about treatment for my severe depression and OCD? I am currently trying to get assistance to go to an intensive treatment facility and I know that this tinnitus is going to undermine everything so that I have a hard time focusing on or doing the therapy.  The fact that the tinnitus is a hope stealer won't help me any in therapy either. I have to be motivated and at least a tiny bit hopeful.

 

The tinnitus is more than just an annoyance, it is disabling me.  I can't believe this is happening to me.

 

Taking Klonopin again to make it go away would be a lousy solution.  Long term use of benzos is not practical or in my opinion from research, safe.  Being on long term use of Klonopin made my depression worse, effected my judgment, and dulled my senses.  When I entered into tolerance withdrawal and then formal withdrawal I developed many other disabling symptoms including agoraphobia, memory and concentration difficulites, tremors, strange physical senstions, depersonalization and derealization, and awful general anxiety.  I am still dealing with some of these issues today in lesser severity.  I have worked so hard for this whole year to free myself from the beast that is Klonopin and I can't imagine going back on it.  I know that any relief that I gain will soon be outweighed by the horrors soon to follow.  I will need more and more of the drug to keep me stable and the longer I use it the worse I know I am going to feel emotionally.  Even knowing all of this I often go through periods like I have been in recently where I seriously consider restarting drug.  I reason with myself that I am going to be miserable either way, so I might as well be miserable without the awful ringing.

 

God I don't know what to do. I desperately wish it would go away.  I try focusing on other sounds and it just doesn't help.  I try to divert my attention...I really do, and it doesn't help.  I try to talk to myself positively about it.  I even have tried telling myself absurd lies about it like "this is the sound our brains make when it is bedtime" or something else similarly wacky and untrue.  I just can't convince myself to believe my lies though. I have tried pretending it is crickets as the sound resembles very high pitched crickets that don't wax and wane.  Doesn't work.

 

I am so miserable.  I just don't know how to deal with this.  I just don't think I am capable.

 

-michelle

 

[[tr...]]

It is very frustrating to me that I am not meeting more people who have tinnitus caused by Klonopin or benzo use in general.  And the people I have met have a completely different kind of tinnitus than me. (the kind of sound is different)  I feel so alone.

 

 

Actually, there are quite a few people that have tinnitus caused by benzo use.  I'm one of them.  Right now it's loud, I can hear it over the TV but I know there is nothing I can do about it so I live with it.  It's annoying, stress me out at times, but I feel it's a waiting game.  The benzos caused it, I'm off the benzos and I'm healing so it should go away in due time.  I, personally, don't think going back on Klonopin will make it go away.  But if it did, I believe it would be short term and the tinnitus would be back.  My tinnitus actually started with tolerance, so I don't think a benzo would cure it.

 

My tinnitus sounds very shrill, the pitch changes here and there but right now it sounds like a smoke dect. going off.  I believe this to be temporary so I will deal with it.  When I'm really busy it doesn't bother me so much, for me staying busy is the key.

 

Hope you find your answers soon.  You've only been off 6 months, I think time will help you. 

 

TS

[[cr...]]

Isn't there concern that benzos can cause permanent damage/changes to the brain?  In particular here is a quote...

 

"Still, it is a topic of concern, and deserves further research, whether chronic administration of benzodiazepines may in some way permanently alter the benzodiazepine-GABAergic system."

 

from this article,

http://www.acnp.org/G4/GN401000129/CH127.html

 

Thus, if this tinnitus is caused by some permanent alteration in my brain from using Klonopin, then it won't go away. :'(

 

I hate seeing quotes like that because it scares the hell out of me.  Still, don't we have to face the fact that this is a possibility?  I hope research is being done to find out the answer.

[[tr...]]

 

I hate seeing quotes like that because it scares the hell out of me.  Still, don't we have to face the fact that this is a possibility?

 

 

Honestly, CC, I don't go looking for that stuff, and when it comes around if I happen to read it I don't dwell on it.  What's done is done.  I can't change one thing that's happened, all I can change is what I'm willing to do from here on out.  If benzos caused permanent damage to me, well, then there's permanent damage. 

 

No, I, personally, don't have to face the fact that it's a possibility.  I believe positive thinking and looking for the good can change our brains and bodies.  That is a proven fact that we can use everyday to make us better.  If I know that something is negative and going to upset me I won't read it.  Many months ago I belonged to another forum and there were some threads I wouldn't read because I felt they were toxic.  I needed to hear that I was going to heal and that healing was possible, I was already down enough as it was and I didn't need to add that rubbish to my brain. 

 

I'm not looking for what the benzos did to me, I'm looking at how I can function better tomorrow.  Sure, there's been adjustments to my life but nothing that I can't live with.  Life gets better every day.

 

 

 

 

[[bo...]]

-To be honest Ive had it for 2yrs due to a CT off xanax,  after a week I went to a Valium dosage  to taper ,reinstating  didn't totally diminish the tinnitus. So Ive had it 2 years straight mine does resemble yours its extremely invasive and very loud, I don't know what to do either, just hope it gets better. No medical professional will admit the cause could be benzo related. This is no help ,except your not alone.

Take care

Bobers

[[Be...]]

You definitely aren't alone.  I know mine is benzo related because it started when I was 3 weeks off.  I have to have some background noise all the time or I get very irritated but by having some ambient noise and keeping my mind on other things, I'm mostly able to tolerate it from moment to moment.  Really, what choice do we have?

 

Also, you posted about that quote twice and I responded on your other thread:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=11415.msg154081#msg154081

[[cr...]]

 

Tropical Soul- I admire your outlook on the situation.  I admire your hope.  I know that looking at the situation like you do is the right way to handle it, the healthy way to handle it. Yet, I am finding it so hard to look at it that way.  Trying to maintain a positive outlook is very hard for me with my OCD being so out of control.  My strongest obsessive fears are about losing my mental abilities and everything I have went through because of benzo withdrawal has flared those obsessions up real bad.  It is also normal for me because of my OCD to overly focus on anything I am feeling that is uncomfortable or making me feel strange and I worry that it will never go away. Over the course of my life this often happens when I get a bad cold that stops up my ears.  You know how when your ears and head are stopped up real bad that sounds are all distorted and things feel kind of surreal?  Well, having that feeling with a bad cold puts into a terrible state... so you can imagine what dealing with an uncomfortable or scary sensation for months is doing to me.

        I don't want to scare or discourage people, but when I find stuff like that online I really need to hear other peoples take on it.  I am sure other people are reading stuff like that online too and need to hear some discussion about it. I think it is good that we discuss it here, right?

        I hope someday I can have the outlook you do.  I really don't see my situation getting better.  My tinnitus has gotten louder over these 6 months, and many of my other symptoms are still persisting.  You know all about that though.

        Thanks for the encouragement. I need it.  I am just barely hanging on.

[[cr...]]

  Really, what choice do we have?

 

Beeper- Well, you know what other choice I often consider. :'(  I still think about it EVERYDAY. I am so miserable.

        As far as the tinnitus goes... It is torture to be constantly anxious about it being too quiet... Always having to be careful that you have a noise going to try and keep your mind off of the tinnitus is exhausting.  Trying to keep your mind off of something that is constantly present all the time is exhausting.  After all, you have to have some downtime at some point.  It is just terrible.

 

      Bobers- Well, even if they did admit it was benzo related there isn't anything they can do about it.  The validation sure would be nice though wouldn't it? Regardless, you should print out some stuff from the Ashton manual, etc.. to show them. Enlighten them. I have considered doing this. The audiologist I went to hasn't even seen any patients who attribute their tinnitus to benzo withdrawal. I don't think she had heard of it either. While I have met a handful of people on here and another support board who have tinnitus from benzo use and am glad to know I am not completely alone, it is still just a very small number of people, so it feels as though this is rare.  Even Ashton doesn't give me the impression that it is common for it to last so long.

            Have you done anything for the tinnitus? TRT, neuromonics, maskers..?

[[tr...]]

Trying to maintain a positive outlook is very hard for me with my OCD being so out of control.  My strongest obsessive fears are about losing my mental abilities and everything I have went through because of benzo withdrawal has flared those obsessions up real bad. 

 

I think I've become a little OCD since wd, it was pretty evident while planning the wedding, and of course, I think about not regaining my mental abilities completely but I see them coming back so I have hope.  And since I know what the OCD is, and why it's happening, I can live with it.  I think the key to all this is to remain rational and dissect the thoughts accordingly.  I'm off the benzos, so chances are it's only going to get better and not worse.

 

The audiologist I went to hasn't even seen any patients who attribute their tinnitus to benzo withdrawal. I don't think she had heard of it either. While I have met a handful of people on here and another support board who have tinnitus from benzo use and am glad to know I am not completely alone, it is still just a very small number of people, so it feels as though this is rare.  Even Ashton doesn't give me the impression that it is common for it to last so long.

 

I think tinnitus is very common with benzo use, not just wd.  It started with me over a year before I quit.  I don't think people often make the connection and I think drs. are completely clueless about tinnitus as they are with most everything regarding benzos. I think it's not the most annoying symptom so it doesn't get as much attention as other symptoms.

 

It's also common for people that take ibuprofen (over the counter) to get it, it one of the listed side effects, and my rheumatologist told me that so it must be pretty common.  Now, it may not last long when taking ibuprofen but it's not the same class of drug that benzos are.

 

CC, this will improve for you but it does take some time.  Give yourself a gift, the gift of time to heal.  It will happen for you.    TS

[[cr...]]

I hope it does.

 

I have taken lots of Advil over the years for bad headaches I would get all the time (which I have recently learned were likely caused by the anti-depressant I was taking at the time). I get less headaches now, but still I get enough of them that I go through an Advil bottle pretty fast. I also take NSAIDS in general alot for bad period cramps. BUT, I never had a problem with it giving me tinnitus.

 

  You were in tolerance withdrawal so I can see how you had tinnitus while on your benzo.  What about people who aren't in tolerance? Are you saying some of those people have tinnitus too? Even so, I don't think we can really know if they are in tolerance or not.  I never noticed any tinnitus in my year and a half of using Klonopin, even when I had to increase my dose during treatment because it wasn't working at 2mg a day anymore. (I went up to 3mg) My tinnitus started during the last week of my taper. (Which was actually my second week of being on Valium (not Klonopin) because I was on Valium the last two weeks or my taper)

 

    If you are concerned you may have OCD you should read the books written by Jonathan Grayson and Fred Penzel.  I also heard that the books "Rewind, Replay, Repeat" and "Brain Lock" are good reads as well.  I have the first two books I mentioned. Grayson is an expert on OCD.

    The problem with OCD is that thinking rationally doesn't work.  In fact, trying to rationalize is often a mental compulsion that someone with OCD carries out to try and neutralize their obsession... but unfortunately with OCD that approach doesn't work. It can actually fuel the obsessions. The key, the experts would say, is to embrace the uncertainty and the possibility that you may very well be losing your mind.  Doing this is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).  You can learn more about what I am talking about from Grayson's book.  I am always trying to talk rationally to myself. Doesn't do a lick of good.

 

    Doctors are clueless about benzos.  It is so frustrating.  I read something recently that stated that the majority of US doctors are against imposing a time limit on benzo use, and as we all know many of them still consider benzos to be some of the "safest and most well tolerated medicines".  Sure, they may be easy to tolerate...but so is doing a lot of other things that can hurt you I am sure. The logic is just retarded.

[[tr...]]

If you are taking Advil now it could be contributing to the tinnitus.  I never had a problem taking Advil and tinnitus while on benzos or before benzos but I can't take it now.  As you know it has ibuprofen in it so it may be part of the problem.  You may want to switch to Tylenol for pain and see if it make a difference.

[[cr...]]

Since I read that Advil and NSAIDs can aggravate it I haven't taken any.  I haven't had any in over a week and my tinnitus is worse than ever.

[[bo...]]

Hi

Ive been through this for a long time nothing works, Its 24/7/365 I sometimes ignore it but its always there, Unfortunately booze dulls it, but too much dulls it,, which leads to a myriad of other problems so that's not an option.

My is worse than it was , its the only thing left from a horrible experience with benzos.

I just hope it goes away, I read where someone had it for 6 years then spontaneously it went away. No choice I guess cause I'm not going to let it beat me.

Take care

Bobers