An experience like no other

[[Su...]]

Hi pj !

 

Stopping by to catch up on your words of wisdom.   How are Dixie and you getting along ?  Is she still running the house ?

I'm spending a lot of time grooming the yard.....just getting my hands all dirty (filthy) from planting, pulling up weeds, mowing....stuff like that.  Gosh...it feels so good to work with your hands...spending time out in the great outdoors.  Is there any better therapy ? 

 

You have a gift, my friend....of always knowing the right thing to say...and you say it soooo well.

 

Sunny girl 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi ya Sunny girl,

 

Dixie has really blossomed since I brought her home from the shelter.  She was a little shy, and unsure of herself at first, but now she's the 'belle of the ball' who has captivated me with her charm. 

 

Spending time in the garden is indeed wonderful therapy for the soul.  Just like the flowers soak up the rain, we soak up a little peace and contentment.  To see the fruits of our labor blossom and unfold before our very eyes - is Mother Nature enticing us with her best magical show ever.

 

Ok, enough of that corny, cornball talk from me about gardening.  Diggin' in the dirt, smellin' it, touchin' it, feelin' it, gettin' dirty - that's what gardening is all about.

 

Sunny, to have you stop by and visit me in my garden, was a pure delight.  Dixie thanks you for the dog treat, and agreed with me that we appreciated your visit more than she loves to chase squirrels up the Black Walnut tree. 

 

Sorry about all the mosquitos in the garden, but you know what? ... they only bite folks like you ... who are sweeter than clover honey in the summertime. 

 

I want to leave you with these words of wisdom spoken by someone referred to as unknown:  Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes.

 

Take care, and take the advice of Nat King Cole, and enjoy those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

hii pj, how are you my friend iam now 16 months off , ican say iam so close to 100 parentage normal ihave normal anxiety from the stress igot 10 cd from program i saw online about people experience withe the anxiety so they help u to relax they also give u naturale pills to help u in the day but no way iwill take any thing after whats happen even if its only vaitamens lo but man they got me good they say its free found out later they want 300 dollar after igot the order lol but any way stopped to say hi to you and every body and update my info ,ihope you ok and every body

[[...]]

Ya, you sure got scammed real good by the flim flam man, hoda.  If an offer sounds too good to be true, you can bet that it's a scam.  I'm glad that your experience with benzos has taught you to be careful about taking unnatural substances.

 

Thanks for the update, good to hear from you again.  It's hard to believe that it has been 16 months since you have been off the benzos.  I hope all is well with you and your family and that your business is doing good.

 

Have a nice summer, hoda, my friend.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

Pj, thx my friend iam thinking about moving different state jobes here is little and the bussiness so slow

[[...]]

Sorry to hear about your business, hoda.  I read somewhere that Utah, wyoming, North Dakota, Arizona,Texas, and Tennessee are some states where the economy and employment opportunities are pretty good. 

 

Good luck to you if you decide to move.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

[[tu...]]

Hi PJ:

 

Started my job last week.  I really like it.  Kind of overwhelming right now (lots of information and new things to process).  My symptoms have been a bit revved up this week because of it (boaty/dizzy/visual overload thing).  I am a little discouraged to have it flare up a bit, but I am pushing through it.  My volunteer job did this to me for a while also and it was only a half day once a week.  Eventually it subsided.  I imagine this is to be expected, but it is hard just the same.  I am 15 months off now.  Thought I would be done with this by now.  Was feeling quite good before starting the new job.  Hoping to find that equilibrium again soon.  Would love to hear your take on this.

 

Warmly,

TG

[[...]]

Hi turtlegirl,

 

The fact that you have had to process so much new information, meet new people, and your wanting to do your best on your new job, I think have all contributed to your increased anxiety and a revving up of your symptoms. It's very natural, and very normal for this to happen.

 

I know that you want all your symtoms to be all gone by now, and one day they will be.

 

Remember, that new situations, different surroundings and everyday interactions with people and life's demands, will always cause us some anxiety and stress. When your CNS is completely healed, you will look upon life's stresses as just a nuisance, and you won't dwell on them or be bothered by them so much.

 

I'm glad you like your new job.

 

pj

 

[[...]]

Hi Flip,

 

I don't know if you will read what I am about to write on this thread, but this is where I feel 'at home' and the most comfortable in conveying my thoughts, and conversing with others.  I did write a few words on yor blog earlier this morning.

 

When I turned to the Weather Channel yesterday and saw the horrific, mind boggling devistation in Moore, Oklahoma, I immediately thought of you, and hoped that you were okay.  I have since learned that you are indeed alright physically, but mentally your heart and mind must be like a fast-moving rollercoaster filled with all kinds of hurting and confused emotions.

 

Thoughts of those little school kids who were lost, and their parents with their broken hearts, and jangled emotions really got to me, and the whole nation - perhaps the whole world.

 

No words exist that can comfort the hurting hearts or soothe the wounded souls of those wonderful parents.  I pray that in time, with the love of their friends and families, and the community - the pain of this tragic event will lessen some for them, although it will never go away.

 

My heart goes out to you and all the folks in Oklahoma.  Oklahomans are a  strong, rugged lot, who, with the inpiration of Oklahoma's favorite son, Will Rogers, they will bounce back from this and rebuild their shattered homes and displaced lives in a way that will make the whole country be in awe of their kindness towards one another, their tenacity, and their positive, 'can do' spirit.

 

It is tragedies like this one, when we realize just how much our family and our friends mean to us.  Mothers and fathers -hug your kids every day, and tell them that you love them.

 

The best to you, Flip. You are loved by so many folks around here.  We are all praying for you and your fellow Oklahomans.

 

pj 

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hey pj,  I put a link to your dear message for flip on her blog.  What total devastation and loss of life, I know we are all saddened by these events.

 

pj,  turtlegirl's mom joined BB and left a heartfelt thanks to the forum, I think you would like to read it.  What a wonderful MOM she is.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=81966.0

 

turtlegirl:

 

Way to go on the job!!!!

 

pj is right, so much new is going on.  Even being in a new environment can cause the sensitive cns to flare up a bit.  My suggestion is to tell these symptoms that you know they are there and its ok for them to be there.  You can live with them for now and soon they will be a distant memory.

 

BTW,  my shoulder is doing OK pj.  I am sick to death of this sling, but I am quickly becoming a southpaw. Although I either do nothing or too much.   

 

PG 

[[Fl...]]

My friend, PJ,

 

Thank you for your heart felt words.

 

I have found it's possible to hold two emotions in my heart at the same time: grief and pride. I have to say what a distinct honor it is to live among these lovely people of Oklahoma. There have been sung and unsung acts of selflessness, generosity, courage, and love. We will never know it all; the school teachers who shielded the children with their bodies, the passers-by who rushed to begin pulling off debris and are still there, the little boy who brought his entire life savings in a plastic bag and offered it up to help - these are snapshots of the acts that stick with me.

 

I moved to this state in 1995. A month later the Murrah building was bombed and I witnessed the open hearts and willing backs and hands of these people. May 3rd, 1999 was the first F-5 tornado. They showed the same courage then as they are showing right now. It is humbling. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to make my life count for something.

 

The horror is complete. It's worse than the tv cameras can capture. There are no terrorists to be angry at. There is no ne to blame. There is only loving and supporting one another left. I don't know how the parents will recover. They will use  that same deep kernel of human resilience that the parents of the children killed in the daycare in the basement of the Murrah building used. The same strength and hope that the parents of Sandy Springs schools are using still.

 

If anything, PJ, this community makes me even more determined to heal from benzos, to not waste a second being bitter and to use my strength for kindness.

 

I deeply appreciate your support.

 

Flip

[[Bo...]]

PJ,

 

Thank you for stopping by and filling my, mind and ears with the sound of music. I awoke at 3:30 am. It's now 4:04 am...Since I can't sleep I thought I'd see if any of my BB stopped by.

 

My head feels so heavy, especially in the front lobe. Heart beating fast, chest a bit tight, muscles tight, teeth hurt, tremors, tinnitus...hot/cold flashes, you know all the wonderful things that come with healing. Funny how healing hurts so much. I cried a bit, after meditation didn't work to put be back to sleep. I did take .25 mg of ativan and 5 mg of ambien at 10pm and here I am, awake, awake, awake.

 

Made some herb tea, bedtime time by Yogi. A sweet blend of natural herbs to help me go back to sleep. Breathing is getting better. Going to drink my tea and give sleep another shot.

 

Thanks again and I will reach out to you tomorrow with some questions...

 

I'm hopeful that you are in a deep, blessed sleep.

 

K

[[...]]

Hey pj,  I put a link to your dear message for flip on her blog.  What total devastation and loss of life, I know we are all saddened by these events.

 

pj,  turtlegirl's mom joined BB and left a heartfelt thanks to the forum, I think you would like to read it.  What a wonderful MOM she is.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=81966.0

 

turtlegirl:

 

Way to go on the job!!!!

 

pj is right, so much new is going on.  Even being in a new environment can cause the sensitive cns to flare up a bit.  My suggestion is to tell these symptoms that you know they are there and its ok for them to be there.  You can live with them for now and soon they will be a distant memory.

 

BTW,  my shoulder is doing OK pj.  I am sick to death of this sling, but I am quickly becoming a southpaw. Although I either do nothing or too much.   

 

PG 

 

Thanks for the links, pianogirl.

 

I hope your shoulder keeps on improving so you can fully participate in the many summer activities that you enjoy so much.

 

Every tradgedy seems to bring out the very best in people.  Average, nondescript folks, without hesitation, become heroes who are willing to sacrifice themselves to save others.

 

Take care and have a nice summer.

 

pj 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

My friend, PJ,

 

Thank you for your heart felt words.

 

I have found it's possible to hold two emotions in my heart at the same time: grief and pride. I have to say what a distinct honor it is to live among these lovely people of Oklahoma. There have been sung and unsung acts of selflessness, generosity, courage, and love. We will never know it all; the school teachers who shielded the children with their bodies, the passers-by who rushed to begin pulling off debris and are still there, the little boy who brought his entire life savings in a plastic bag and offered it up to help - these are snapshots of the acts that stick with me.

 

I moved to this state in 1995. A month later the Murrah building was bombed and I witnessed the open hearts and willing backs and hands of these people. May 3rd, 1999 was the first F-5 tornado. They showed the same courage then as they are showing right now. It is humbling. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to make my life count for something.

 

The horror is complete. It's worse than the tv cameras can capture. There are no terrorists to be angry at. There is no ne to blame. There is only loving and supporting one another left. I don't know how the parents will recover. They will use  that same deep kernel of human resilience that the parents of the children killed in the daycare in the basement of the Murrah building used. The same strength and hope that the parents of Sandy Springs schools are using still.

 

If anything, PJ, this community makes me even more determined to heal from benzos, to not waste a second being bitter and to use my strength for kindness.

 

I deeply appreciate your support.

 

Flip

 

Hi Flip,

 

If heroes were flowers, Oklahoma would be one big ever-blooming garden.

 

With every new, and devistating tragedy - from the dark days of the Dust Bowl, to the heartbreaking disaster at the Murrah Building, to the devastating tornadoes ... thousands of everyday people have sprung forth to become heroes so that a new generation of folks can reap the fruits of their unselfish sacrifices.

 

I'm so glad that you are okay, Flip.  You are an inspiration.  You are an Angel.  You are somthin' else, girl.  Take good care of yourself.

 

Your friend and fond admirer.

 

pj

[[...]]

PJ,

 

Thank you for stopping by and filling my, mind and ears with the sound of music. I awoke at 3:30 am. It's now 4:04 am...Since I can't sleep I thought I'd see if any of my BB stopped by.

 

My head feels so heavy, especially in the front lobe. Heart beating fast, chest a bit tight, muscles tight, teeth hurt, tremors, tinnitus...hot/cold flashes, you know all the wonderful things that come with healing. Funny how healing hurts so much. I cried a bit, after meditation didn't work to put be back to sleep. I did take .25 mg of ativan and 5 mg of ambien at 10pm and here I am, awake, awake, awake.

 

Made some herb tea, bedtime time by Yogi. A sweet blend of natural herbs to help me go back to sleep. Breathing is getting better. Going to drink my tea and give sleep another shot.

 

Thanks again and I will reach out to you tomorrow with some questions...

 

I'm hopeful that you are in a deep, blessed sleep.

 

K

 

Hi K,

 

Welcome to the temporary, not so wonderful world of withdrawals.  All your symptoms mirror those of just about everyone who has ever had withdrawals from benzos.

 

To survive the benzo battle takes a lot of patience, a positive attitude, and an unwavering belief that you are going to fully recover, because you will recover.  It may take longer than you wish it to, but total, and complete healing does happen.

 

I am sleeping real well these nights, thank you for wishing me so.  Eventually you will be sleeping like the proverbial baby. A far cry from the sleep you are getting now or when I was getting no sleep or just an hour or two a night. 

 

You have a great day.  Remember that you are healing a little bit each and every day.

 

pj

[[...]]

Stop and smell the Dandelions:

 

When I was mowing my yard the other day ... a yard that is more yellow than it is green because of all the dandelions that have taken up residence there, I was reminded of the grouchy fellow that once lived a stones-throw down the road from me when I was a young child. 

 

He was overly obssessed with his yard, especially the dreaded dandelions. 

 

Whenever a new dandelion popped up, quicker than a dog chasing a squirrel, he would run to the shed and retrieve his trusty dandelion eliminator and chop off the head of that little yellow monster that dared to tresspass on his fastidiously manicured grass. 

 

One fine Spring day in May, many years ago, me and a neighbor girl who was six ... I was seven, walked across his lawn to offer him a beautiful, hand- picked bouquet of dandelions from my yard, because we saw that he didn't have any dandelions in his yard, and I had plenty in my yard, so we thought we would share some with him ... boy were we wrong!

 

Instead of a smile, we were greeted with a "get out of my yard, you little fools ! ... Didn't you see the Keep Off The Grass sign?"  We were devistated, because in our childish minds, we thought we were doing something nice, and we were being kind. 

 

He must have been a very lonely and unhappy man when he passed on, for he never got any visits from the songbirds, the butterflies, the squirrels, the hummingbirds or the little kids.  They didn't go where they were not wanted.

 

I don't mean to besmirch the name of someone, who, unlike myself, did not care a whole lot for dandelions.  It's was okay for that ornery, neighbor to have a yard free from dandelions, if that made him happy, but it don't think that it really did. 

 

The lesson I learned that day, and have never forgotten, is that some folks have their priorities so mixed up that they miss out on the simple things that make life tolerable and fun.  If folks do like my neighbor from many years ago did, and lose perspective about what is, and what isn't important in life, they miss out on so much.

 

I hope you all have a real nice Memorial Day weekend.  Try to remember that complete healing does happen, and when it does ... you will find happiness again.

 

 

[[Su...]]

I hope you had a nice Memorial Day weekend....pj.

I enjoyed your story about your not so happy Dandelion Man.  It reminded me of my grandpa...who was afraid that his grandchildren would wear out his grass from walking on it.  

 

God bless all the litlle children who put smiles on our faces with their sweet little acts of kindness.  I'm sure that Momma didn't appreciate my brothers and me turning frogs loose in the house over night, because we wanted them to have a safe place to sleep...I guess.   Momma survived that overnight frog croaking event...but you can bet that we were up very early the next morning ridding our house of those sneaky little frogs who mysteriously hopped right through a closed door.    Momma knew better...bless her heart.

 

I really enjoy your stories from the past. 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi there Sunny girl,

 

Thank you, I did have a very nice Memorial Day.  I started out the day by raising the stars and stripes to half-mast on the flag pole that stands guard in my rock garden in honor of this wonderful country, and it's heroic citizens, and veterans who through the decades, have sacrificed so much.

 

Mark Twain's, Tom Sawyer, would have gotten quite a kick out of you and your brothers letting frogs loose in the house.  That tale really got me a laffin' Sunny girl.  

 

Only a kid, with their innocence still intact, would think of sheltering a frog inside the house to keep them from harm.  It's too bad that we, as adults cannot retain some of that childhood innocence; perhaps we do, but are often too reticent to show it, for fear of being ridiculed.

 

It sounds like Momma was a wise and wonderful woman.

 

Yes, God bless all the little children, and may they be given the love and the quidance so they will always have within them, those sweet little acts of kindness that you mentioned, so folks in our society who are 'down on their luck' are not forgotten.

 

Back to the walking on the grass ... During his induction ceremony into the Baseball Fall of Fame, Harmon Killebrew recounted how one day he and his brothers were playing in the yard, and their mother got upset.  "You're tearing up the grass!" she complained. 

 

Harmon’s dad replied, “We’re not raising grass; we’re raising boys.”

 

The best to you, dear lady.

 

[[...]]

A few days ago I responded to a question from a member who wondered if folks really do recover from a Klonopin cold turkey.  I assured that person that we do indeed recover from a cold turkey no matter if it was Klonopin or any other benzo from Ativan to Xanax. 

 

Although it may be one of the most painful, confusing, and trying events in one's lifetime, folks do recover.

 

Withdrawals tend to cause a person's thoughts to have a negative bent to them, so it is important that folks who may be questioning if they will ever recover, regardless if they went cold turkey or they tapered, be reassured that complete healing will happen. 

 

It's hard to take your mind off of all the painful and ridiculous symptoms that have been heaped upon you by benzos, a drug that many consider one of the most insidious ever concocted, but distraction and a positive attitude can help immensely in your healing.

 

If you are able to, start a journal and document your recovery.  Write about all the things that you are thankful for, write about all the things that make you happy.

 

Write only positive things, because positivity will almost always overcome negativity, causing those negative thoughts that you are having to slowly fade away. 

 

Write about what you want to do when you have recovered, because you will recover.  You must believe that you are going to completely heal.  Even though the benzos may be trying to convince you otherwise ... you are going to  completely recover. 

 

It's hard to be positive when just about every muscle, and every nerve in your tired body is irritated and raw from non-stop burning, causing you unbelievable pain.  It's hard to be positive when depression, anxiety and lack of sleep make you feel like an alien from another world has taken over your mind and your body.

 

But, you have to keep telling yourself that you are stronger than any benzo, and you will come out the winner in your battle to get your life back and be free and whole again.

 

Be kind to yourself, pamper yourself.  Try to find a reason to smile, and when the sun is shining, take a walk in it, and dream of the day when words like benzos, withdrawals, windows, waves, depression, insomnia, and anxiety are all gone from your thoughts, replaced by words like, hope, happiness, freedom, peace, and joy. 

 

When you have completely recovered, and you will ... memories of your horrible withdrawals will quickly fly away and disappear like a leaf in a gale.  Your mind will be as clear as Waterford crystal, your future as bright as the midday sun. 

 

pj

 

 

[[re...]]

PJ -

 

This one, my friend, is going up on my fridge and my cube wall.  Thanks so much, PJ.  Your words of encouragement never fail to inspire me to keep on trudging.  You are helping so many people with your words, I'm sure of it.     

 

 

 

Redeemed.

[[tu...]]

Wonderful words PJ!  I can't wait to be on have my thinking be as "clear as waterford crystal".  Would sure come in handy right now with the new job.  But, in time, right, in time.

[[pi...]]

pj,

 

Your words sparkle like the sun shining on that Waterford crystal.....thanks for being here for everyone!!!!

 

PG 

[[Ja...]]

Tx you so much for your post. Hope is what we all want. I love your analogy to Waterford Crystal. I can't wait to be free.

[[...]]

PJ -

 

This one, my friend, is going up on my fridge and my cube wall.  Thanks so much, PJ.  Your words of encouragement never fail to inspire me to keep on trudging.  You are helping so many people with your words, I'm sure of it.     

 

 

 

Redeemed.

 

I'm glad that you find my words helpful. 

 

When I was having withdrawals, I would stick a lot of positive type material on my fridge to help me make it through each day. 

 

The very best to you, redeemed.

 

 

[[...]]

Wonderful words PJ!  I can't wait to be on have my thinking be as "clear as waterford crystal".  Would sure come in handy right now with the new job.  But, in time, right, in time.

 

As time goes by, your job, and your everyday activities will be more clear to you, because the little bit of fog that is still lingering in your mind will be gone, and yes, then everything happening in your life will be crystal clear. 

 

I know some folks who's version of Waterford crystal is a used jelly jar.  On a hot summer day, several years ago, I had some of the best tasting lemonaide ever, served to me in a jelly jar by an Amish family who's three little kids were the sweetest, and the shyest little souls you would ever want to meet.  We became the best of friends after I gave each of them, with their parents approval, a red Tootsie Pop.  I wish I could have photographed those angelic little faces ... but, contrary to what is shown on television, most Amish still frown upon having their pictures taken.

 

Take care.

 

pj