An experience like no other

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PJ -

 

Hope you don't mind that I hop on here to mention something to M.  M, I too, am on Mirtazipine (generic form of Remeron).  I completed my taper off of Lunesta on 12/22/12.  I plan on waiting about 6 months total before I taper off of the Mirtazipine.  From consulting a few different places, my understanding is that a taper off of Mirtazipine isn't going to be as intense as tapering off a benzo.  That said, everyone's body is different, so there really aren't any guarantees.  Also, I wanted to mention that I currently have a life stressor going on that will pass soon, and so my reasoning for waiting 6 months is because by then the situational stress will have passed.  I don't want to bombard myself with anymore stress than I need to, and almost everywhere I read says to not taper while there are other big life stressors going on. 

 

I know I haven't really answered any of your questions, as I'm looking for answers to those questions too.  But I thought I'd add my 2 cents, for what it's worth. 

 

PJ, thank you for your ongoing uplifting, always positive, always encouraging posts.  They are very helpful. 

 

 

 

Redeemed

Redeemed, my kind, and gentle friend, you are more than welcome to hop on here.  That's what BenzoBuddies is all about, people helping people, whenever and wherever they can.

 

As always, the very best to you.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

A good Sunday morning to everybody.  I hope your day is going okay  

 

Someone sent me a P M, asking . . . "Because of the Ativan, do you think I am going crazy, and that I am losing my mind"? " Will I be forever damaged?"  I am sharing it here, because many folks think the same as that person does. 

 

I asked that person if they felt like they were losing their mind or going crazy before they ever took the Ativan because of insomnia.

 

They replied; No way, Absolutely Not!"

 

I assured that dear person . . . that they indeed, were not going crazy.  I explained to them that because of the way the benzos plays with their mind and distorts their true feelings and their true thoughts . . . and replaces them with frightening, and scary thoughts that have been conjured up by the benzos.  It makes it SEEM like they have crossed over from their familiar world of sanity into an unfamiliar world of insanity.

 

I told them when your whole body feels like it is on fire, when your brain feels like it belongs to a six-year old child, when your ears ring non-stop, when depression takes ahold of you and won't let go, when you sleep for only an hour or two at night, when the slightest noise sounds like a cannon going off or a lightbulb appears as bright as the sun,

 

when you are afraid to leave your house, when you are scared to be alone, when your anxiety makes your heart pound like a sledgehammer, when you look in the mirror, and you cannot connect to the person looking back at you;

 

Of course you think you have gone crazy.  You have never before experienced what you are going through, and will never again.  How could you possibly comprehend all that is happening to you?

 

You have to keep telling yourself that all those crazy thoughts and all that mysterious, horrendous pain that have tranformed you into a shadow of your former self will end one day . . .  and when that day comes . . . you will be completely recovered, and totally healed . . . from the strangest, the most frightening, and the most painful experience in your life. 

 

"Believe in yourself and all that you are.  Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle" . . . Christian D. Larson

 

 

[[ho...]]

TY PJ

[[tu...]]

Such an important thing to say and to remind people of as they go through this experience. I especially liked the quote at the end. Many, many nights I had to say this to myself. It is very true!

[[tu...]]

PJ:

 

Have a question for you (and I know you are not a medical expert), but based on your own experience and what you have read here, is it safe to take something prescribed for coughing at night.  I went to the doctor today (have had a bad cough for the last 10 days and haven't been able to really sleep - neither has my poor family - because I hack all night).  I told him about my Ambien issues and how I couldn't take flouriquinolone antibiotics and all that.  Turns out I have a virus that just has to run its course, but he prescribed me hydrocodone with acetaminophen tablets to help me sleep at night.  I told him that sounded really heavy duty and that I was nervous to take it.  He said all prescribed cough syrups have either codeine or hydrocodone in them and as long as you don't take them for very long and only as prescribed it would be fine and give me some much needed relief and rest.  I asked the pharmacist the same question and she suggested that I take 1/2 a pill and see if that would work before taking the whole amount.  After this last year I am so scared to take anything.  Did you have to take anything like this during wd?  I have a vague memory of you saying you got sick and had to take something.  Just looking for a little reassurance.  Thanks

[[...]]

Hi TG,

 

When I was in the middle of withdrawals I developed a very strange cough.  As I recall it was a dry cough, very loud, and it persisted for over two weeks.  What I did at first was take a teaspoon full of honey, followed by a few sips of warm water.  It actually did help some, but I ended up taking a cough syrup with Codeine, which helped greatly, with no adverse effects..  I don't know if it will work for you; perhaps your cough is of a different nature.

 

I think you should talk to the Pharmacist or your doctor about taking a cough syrup with Codeine, this seems a lot less aggressive than taking Hydrocodone, which is actually Vicodin, although Vicodin will cause more drowsiness than Codeine, perhaps allowing you to get more sleep. 

 

If you do take only a half pill of the Hydrocodone, as the Pharmacist suggested, I can't see where that should bother you at all.  Listen to your doctor.  I don't want to be perceived as rendering medical advice.  

 

Good luck 

 

pj

 

[[tu...]]

PJ:

 

I appreciate your reply and take it for what it is . . . a friend relaying their personal experience and what worked for them.  I asked my doc many questions as well as the pharmacist.  Have inquired to a couple nurse friends I have as well.  All have assured me that this is a very low dose and that I should be fine.  That coughing is helpful to the body and has its place, but that sleep is needed also in order to get well.  All the assurances from everyone have made me feel better.  Now if only my cough would get better I'd be in great shape.  I am drinking hot herbal teas with honey like they are going out of style and taking in lots of steam.  In time my amazing body will kick this virus to the curb.  Thanks for the reply.

[[...]]

You're welcome, turtlegirl.  Other than the nasty cough, you seem to be doing quite well.  That is good news, indeed. 

[[br...]]

I wish I would have read this before! Gives me so much hope.

[[...]]

 

 

I wish I would have read this before! Gives me so much hope.

 

I'm glad that this thread gives you some hope.  Hope is something a person going through withdrawals can certainly use plenty of. 

 

The very best to you, brasileirao

[[...]]

PJ:

 

I appreciate your reply and take it for what it is . . . a friend relaying their personal experience and what worked for them.  I asked my doc many questions as well as the pharmacist.  Have inquired to a couple nurse friends I have as well.  All have assured me that this is a very low dose and that I should be fine.  That coughing is helpful to the body and has its place, but that sleep is needed also in order to get well.  All the assurances from everyone have made me feel better.  Now if only my cough would get better I'd be in great shape.  I am drinking hot herbal teas with honey like they are going out of style and taking in lots of steam.  In time my amazing body will kick this virus to the curb.  Thanks for the reply.

 

Hi turtlegirl,

 

Wondering if your cough has gotten any better. 

 

pj

[[...]]

When I stepped out the door early this morning, the smell of fresh rain and the singing songbirds made me feel so good, that I just had to write a few words to the nice folks on this great site.

 

Don't take too seriously, all that you read on this forum.  Don't worry if it seems like you are not healing fast enough.  We all heal in different way, and in a different length of time. 

 

As far as the receptors being permanently altered, I don't think so. Our brains do a great job of healing from any damage that was done to them by the benzos.

 

I think many folks, once they have healed, are actually able to cope with life better than they did before, because after going through withdrawals they don't sweat the small stuff so much anymore.  They don't worry about all the nuisance stuff that life throws at them on a daily basis.

 

Go about your life with a positive attitude, try to find some joy and inspiration in the simple things in life. Take time out for solitude.  Take time to nurture yourself, away from the the cares and responsibilities of the world.  It's important to find the time for inner strength and emotional healing.

 

Go for walks and enjoy the wonders of nature.  Stop to watch a Robin build its nest.  Take the time to do something special for yourself, something that makes you happy and lifts your spirit.  If you can devote an hour each day just living life on your terms, you will be amazed how the stress in your life won't bother you so much.

 

Don't hesitate to say 'no' before you take on too many commitents, especially if you are trying to balance work and family.  It's important too prioritize.  Sometimes by saying no, you can have more control over your life. 

 

In a fast-moving, unpredictable society, we can never eliminate stress from our lives, but we can learn to manage it by slowing down and taking the time to stop and smell the roses.

 

If you are able to - take time out of your day from worrying about withdrawals, and devote some time to enjoying the wonderful sights and sounds of the fast approaching, and much anticipated summertime.  Close your eyes, and imagine a summer garden filled with colorful flowers, dancing butterflies, and fast moving hummingbirds.

 

 

 

[[ec...]]

pj,once again you have put my mind at ease.I did not know WaitingforRielief,but I was very saddened and afraid by the news myself.Thanks again your words are so nurturing.

[[...]]

Hi eckhart,

 

Thank you for your very kind words.

 

The way I see it - life is a gift.  It matters not, what one's philosophical or religious leanings are, or whether they believe that gift comes from God, evolution or from an alien fluke of nature, life is a gift. 

 

That gift often comes packaged with disappointments, heartaches, loneliness, cruelty, and betrayal . . . which are unavoidable in this world. 

 

But, because we were given the ability to have hope, and to dream . . . most folks are able to overcome any dark- black, hopeless, stress-filled thoughts that can consume every fiber of their existence . . . unfortunately, for reasons unknown, some folks are not always able to overcome debilitating depression.

 

Inspite of all the pitfalls, all the potholes, and all the mud that a person must side-step as they travel down that road of life . . . it can still be such a wonderful, rewarding experience . . . I wish that some how or in some way, everyone were given the opportunity to know, and to see the happy side of life, and to experience just how wonderful it can truly be.

 

The very best to you.

 

pj 

 

Some things can only be understood when you're in a tree house.  With a pile of warm chocolate chip cookies.  And a book. -- Dr. SunWolf

 

 

[[ge...]]

I thought of some of your recent posts today when I was on my daily walk. Your words help carry me, thank you 

[[...]]

You're welcome   A long walk on a warm, sunny day sure can give us that 'everything is ok' kind of feeling.

[[tu...]]

PJ:

 

Doing so much better (thanks for asking).  Still have a bit of a nagging cough, but that is how I am, once I get a cough it hangs on for weeks.  Overall doing great.  My wd symptoms have been a bit revved up through this.  I am chalking it up to my system being over taxed.

 

I ended up not taking the hydrocodone.  I just didn't feel right about it.  Thankfully the tide started to turn and my immunity began getting the better of the virus the day after I went to the doctor, so it all worked out good.  I appreciate your relaying your personal experience just the same.

 

While there are a few driving issues that need to calm down (busy traffic and freeway driving still overwhelm my CNS) I am doing better all the time.  Very close to the finish line I hope.  It will be 15 months on May 10th.

 

I have started looking for a pt job and as long as I can find one close to home I think it will be a wonderful thing for me.  I am ready it.  What a difference 6 months can make.  6 months ago I was starting my volunteer position and so overwhelmed and scared by it.  Seems silly now, but it was truly a big leap for me at the time.  Have to say it was the BEST thing I could have done for myself and my healing.  You have been such a positive support and influence on me through this whole experience.  I am so grateful for the support and friendship I have found on this forum.

 

I am close to writing that success story PJ!  I am trying not to over analyze the whens/hows of what the finish line will look like (most of the time anyways).  Doing my best to let the story unfold.  In the meantime, it means more than I can say to have people available to me that understand this journey and validate my experience.  Thanks for being there for me from the bottom of my heart. 

 

Going out to enjoy a beautiful 70 degree spring day in the mountain west!  Hope you are able to do the same 

 

TG

[[...]]

Hey there turtlegirl

 

I remember like it was yesterday.  You were so overly concerned and worried about taking that volunteer job at the hospital.  Although in restrospect, it may seem silly to you now, but at the time it was indeed a big deal that caused you lots of self- doubt and anxiety. 

 

Look at you now.  You have all the confidence, and self-assurance of a new- born foal, who after a gentle nudge or two from it's mother, stood up on it's wobbly legs, fell down a few times, got right back up, and in no time at all was frolicking alongside her with the confidence of a thoroughbred.

 

Good luck to you on your job search.  Go into any upcoming interview with the attitude that whoever hires you is darn lucky that someone as kind, and thoughtful as you are has applied for a job with them.  Your gentle ways and your sterling credentials will make any employee realize that they have hired the best there is.

 

Your ability and your confidence to drive on busy streets will get better in time.  Don't push yourself to drive where you feel absolutely overwhelmed.  You will know when you feel confident enough to tackle the busy hiways and biways.

 

Today, the weather was beautiful where I am at, too.  I was outside most of the day, getting lots of good ol' natural Vitamin D. 

 

The best to you my 'word friend' . . . I say word friend, because just like many of the other folks on this fine site have done, we too, have also become unseen friends through the magic, the power, and the sincerity of words.  It is amazing how, just through their words, folks kind of really do get to 'know' someone.   

 

I'm glad that your cough is better.  I am looking forward to reading your success story.        

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

hey pj;  you will always be special to me.  you are in a great place.  i am almost 2 years off now and still get hit but so much better.  thanks for being there

[[...]]

Hi pan,

 

Hey - young lady.  You are pretty special yourself, and don't you forget it  

 

I'm so very glad that you are getting better; you sure deserve to.  You're almost 2 years off, so hopefully you are getting real close to being completely healed. 

What a wonderful, and glorious day that will be when you are symptom free, and you can say goodbye to some of the dark days from the painful past, and hello to the many bright days in your future.

 

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." Flavia Weedn

 

I believe that the above saying sort of sums up how many of us feel about the many kind folks that we have come in contact with on this unique site.

 

All the best to you, pan. Have a wonderful summer.  I thank you for your kind words.

 

pj

[[Iw...]]

Beautiful words. Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story and gratitude. It helps 

[[...]]

Congrats, I hope I come back to 100%. This is inspiration.

 

Hi soflyrush, 

 

You are going to heal one-hundred percent ... just like I did, and just like thousands of other folks have done. 

 

I wish you the very best on your journey to a complete and permanent recovery. 

 

pj 

[[...]]

Beautiful words. Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story and gratitude. It helps 

 

Hi Lily, 

 

Thank you for your kind words.  I wish you all the best, and I hope someday in the near future, you will have the life that you are worthy of.

 

pj

 

 

[[tu...]]

Hi PJ:

 

Just wanted to drop a quick hello.  I am doing very well and in fact got a part time job that I start on Monday.  I am very excited about it.  I am nearly 100%, just have a bit of visual stuff at high speeds driving (freeway), that I need to work out.  I just avoid the freeway right now and all is well.  I imagine like everything else it will work itself out over time.  I am not overanalyzing it and rather just letting the healing unfold.  It feels better that way.

 

I try to stop by bb weekly to check up on all my friends here and will continue to do so.  If you don't hear from me it is because I am doing well, living my life and working hard - it is truly a gift to be able to say that again. 

 

Thanks for always being an anchor of support, friendship and validation for me and so many others.  The ripples of your kindness go further than you can imagine and touch many.

 

Have a wonderful spring day!

 

Warmly,

TG

[[...]]

Hi turtlegirl,

 

I feel a great sense of jubilation for you.  You are ready to spread your mended wings, and fly away with your precious dreams, because those wounded wings, are not so fragile now.

 

Just like the beautiful, enchanting butterfly, you too, have emerged from a tunnel of darkness to bask in the bright sunshine of hope and freedom.   

 

You now have the spirit and the desire and the confidence that will allow you to grow and to reach new heights as you continue on your life's journey that was so unexpectedly interrupted for such a very long time. 

 

There is no stopping you now.  Grab life by the horns, and don't let go - hang on with all your might - show ol' man life just how strong you are.

 

Congratulations, and the best of luck to you on your new job.  Your words of kindness have fallen upon a heart that has been humbled by your sincerity.

 

pj