An experience like no other

[[il...]]

Thanks PJ,

That's Milo. We I got him 5 years ago. He's truly my best friend. I've owned Shelties for twenty years but this little guy is very special to  me.

[[ho...]]

I can usually find the words to convey my thoughts, but right now they are not coming to me.  Your thoughtfullness, and your kindness has overwhelmed to the point where I just want to chill, and let the beautiful music created by Mozart, and played by pianogirl, transport me to that big tree in the meadow where I can sit, and dream of pretty girls, warm summer nights, and wonder what it must have been like to be a guest in Mozart's home.

 

 

Thank you, Margo.  In the book of love -- your name is at the top of the first page. 

 

PJ, this thread is a nice place to land.  Thank you for the Mozart link.  And thank you for all your thoughtful words of encouragement.  I rarely reply to them, but always read and appreciate them!

[[...]]

Thank you, hope.  I wish that no one had to land here or on any other thread.  I wish that benzo withdrawals did not exist, and that all the kind folks like you, were free from their struggle and far away from here, living your lives free of pain, free from worry, and free to be that person that you really are, not that person that benzo withdrawals has changed into someone that you sometimes do not recognize.

 

Hope, as long as you keep believing, and as long as you keep on fighting, you will be that person again.  Live in the moment, and do what you can to make the most of the present, and the future will take care of itself.  If doubts start to surround you, chase them away . . . because that glorious day will come when you are healed.

 

Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

 

pj

 

[[ho...]]

Thank you, hope.  I wish that no one had to land here or on any other thread.  I wish that benzo withdrawals did not exist, and that all the kind folks like you, were free from their struggle and far away from here, living your lives free of pain, free from worry, and free to be that person that you really are, not that person that benzo withdrawals has changed into someone that you sometimes do not recognize.

 

Hope, as long as you keep believing, and as long as you keep on fighting, you will be that person again.  Live in the moment, and do what you can to make the most of the present, and the future will take care of itself.  If doubts start to surround you, chase them away . . . because that glorious day will come when you are healed.

 

Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

 

pj

 

 

((((((pj)))))))

[[pi...]]

I can usually find the words to convey my thoughts, but right now they are not coming to me.  Your thoughtfullness, and your kindness has overwhelmed to the point where I just want to chill, and let the beautiful music created by Mozart, and played by pianogirl, transport me to that big tree in the meadow where I can sit, and dream of pretty girls, warm summer nights, and wonder what it must have been like to be a guest in Mozart's home.

 

 

Thank you, Margo.  In the book of love -- your name is at the top of the first page. 

 

How did you know I play this piece?  This music can transport you anywhere you want to go, the serenity and peacefullness will surround you.  I have often used this piece for incidental music before a wedding.

 

Today I would love to picture myself sitting in a meadow surrounded by flowers and nature. Unfortunately mother nature has other plan, it is snowing and blowing like crazy.  Ahh spring....

 

PG   

[[...]]

I can usually find the words to convey my thoughts, but right now they are not coming to me.  Your thoughtfullness, and your kindness has overwhelmed to the point where I just want to chill, and let the beautiful music created by Mozart, and played by pianogirl, transport me to that big tree in the meadow where I can sit, and dream of pretty girls, warm summer nights, and wonder what it must have been like to be a guest in Mozart's home.

 

 

Thank you, Margo.  In the book of love -- your name is at the top of the first page. 

 

How did you know I play this piece?  This music can transport you anywhere you want to go, the serenity and peacefullness will surround you.  I have often used this piece for incidental music before a wedding.

 

Today I would love to picture myself sitting in a meadow surrounded by flowers and nature. Unfortunately mother nature has other plan, it is snowing and blowing like crazy.  Ahh spring....

 

PG   

 

How did I know that you played Piano Concerto No. 20?  I guess that I must be psychic

 

This is one of my favorite compositions by Mozart.  Whenever I listen to it, it's like hearing it for the first time.  I had no idea that you played this piece, I just figured that your playing the piano, and loving music the way you do, that you had to be familiar with this enchanting composition.

 

The snow won't last too long, your warm personality will melt it away

 

pj

[[...]]

                                                  IT'S APRIL FOOL'S DAY ON MONDAY

 

 

                                                                                                    DON'T BE FOOLED

 

Wearing tan shoes with pink shoelaces, and dressed in a bright red jacket, yellow pants, an orange shirt with green buttons, and an over-sized red and white polka dotted bow tie, he looked more like a circus clown than he did an adjunct College Professor.

 

"Good morning, class." "My name is Professor Donald Mc Doofenschirmtz". " I will be standing in today for Professor Randall Laughinghouse, who, along with Dr. Sara Bellum could not make it today because they are attending a conference in Boston."  The students let out a collective groan, the cerebellum joke was getting to be redundant, and they were sick of hearing it. Professsor Mc Doofenschmirtz loved to use that one on the students who were studying to be Neurologists, because it got their attention.

 

"Today, I will be lecturing about Benzodiazepines and the withdrawals associated with them." "Withdrawals from benzos are very real, they are very painful, and they can last for a very long time." " I will be talking about the color-coded wires that carry messages from your brain, throughout the central nervous system."

 

Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz displayed his many colorful charts, and began to explain his hypothesis.

 

"Mr. Benzo, behaving like an untrained electrician, roams around the brain, disconnecting the wires that carry messages, and then reconnecting them in the wrong color sequence, thus creating withdrawals.

 

"He disconnects a green wire that was previously connected to another green wire, and he connects it to a purple wire -- so consequently, folks have stiff muscles, and electric shocks."

 

"He disconnects a purple wire that was previously connected to another purple wire, and he connects it to a black wire -- so consequently, folks have dark, intrusive thoughts."

 

"Mr. Benzo disconnects a black wire that was previously connected to another black wire, and he connects it to a yellow wire -- so consequently, folks have insomnia."

 

"So on and so forth." " Every wrongly connected wire creates a new symptom."

 

" I've noticed that you were shaking your head in disbelief, Mr. Crane", Professsor Mc Doofenschmirtz said to a curly-haired young man who was siting in the front row of the lecture room.

 

"I realize that this is a simplistic, and a rather strange way of explaining withdrawals, remarked Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz, but as a future doctor, one must learn to think outside the box, and that means you too, Jack."

 

"Perhaps you are entertaining the thought that I am a bigger doofus than that character in the Mother Goose book of nursery rhymes, Mr. Simple Simon." "Given your lack of imagination, Jack, your Mother probably never read that book to you."

 

"You may think of me as a Simple Simon, believe me, there are days when I would much rather be a pie man, than a Professor." "I see that you are nodding in agreement, Young Mr. Crane."

 

The students, amused by Professor Donald Mc Doofenschmirtz' rather strange attire, and unorthodox way of explaining the routing of nerves, were all smiles.

 

"NOW . . . how do those wires get reconnected in the correct configuration so folks can begin to heal"?

 

"Mr. Time . . . he's our man . . .  Mr. Time is the 'Electrical Engineer', if you will, who must repair the electric grid in the brain that has gone haywire because of Mr. Benzos interferring with the color-coded wiring system."

 

"As I stated previously, Mr. Benzos disconnecting of a message carrying wire, and then reconnecting that wire to a wire that does not match, causes the brain to send the wrong message to any where in the body . . . resulting in withdrawals."

 

"Working at a snail's pace, ever so SLOWLY, Mr. Time reconnects all those wires that Mr. Benzo has disconnected, and wrongly reconnected." " Mr. Time is the only one who can reconnect all those improperly connected wires because he has the patience and the time do do so."

 

"It may take several months for him to do his repairs, because Mr. Benzo keeps disconnecting the wires that Mr. Time has so methodicaly, and so painstakenly reconnected."

 

"Eventually, Mr. Time has finished his work of repairing the brain's message dispatching system . . . Mr. Benzo is no longer part of the equation." "He has given up and cried uncle." "He has been defeated by Mr.Time." " Mr. Benzo can no longer cause major disruptions to the central nervous system by interfering with the color-coded wires that must be correctly connected, same color to same color."

 

"Now, the folks who have been suffering from benzo withdrawals can expect to be completely and permanently healed."

 

"Professsor Mc Doofenschmirtz, I have a question." " I'm glad that you're paying attention, Jack." " What is your question"? " Does everyone really heal from the damage caused by benzos?" " Good question, Mr. Crane", Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz, replied.

 

"Yes, Jack, if folks do not have any other neurological conditions that prevents them from recovering from benzo usage, you can rest assured that they will completely heal, albeit in different time-frames." " Some folks heal in as little as a month, and others can take twenty-four months, even longer. It all depends on how they are wired." 

 

"I have a question for you, Jack." " Can you please tell me what tolerance means, as it relates to drugs"?  "Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz, simply put, tolerance is a condition in which higher doses of a drug are required to produce the same effect experienced during initial use."  "There's hope for you yet, Mr.Crane." "Good answer." 

 

"In closing, I want to reiterate that, contrary to what you may have heard about herbs or alternative medicines speeding up the healing process, it is TIME, and lots of it, that does the healing.  TIME is the proven healer when it comes to a complete, and permanent recovery from the residual effects of taking Benzodiazepines."   

 

After Professor Donald Mc Doofenschmirts' final comments, the students were thinking that he began to sound a lot like Professor Randall Laughinghouse, head of the Neurology Department.  They were beginning to wonder just who was that Professor that dressed like a carnival barker, and was overly fascinated with colored wires.

 

Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz took to the lectern again, removed his fake beard, his horn-rimmed glasses, and put on his white lab coat with the name Randall Laughinghouse MD, Professor of Neurology embroidered over the upper left pocket. 

 

The students let out a thunderous roar as they watched Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz morph into the renouned Professor Randall Laughinghouse, head of the Neurology department. They couldn't believe that they fell for, what was the best  APRIL FOOL'S JOKE  they had ever had pulled on them.

 

After the students settled down a bit, Professor Laughinghouse, in his usual caring and serious manner, told the students that todays lecture, although being more or less a tongue in cheek April Fool's spoof to add some levity to their usual rigorous training, he reminded them that benzos are a powerful drug that must be tapered.  He went on to tell them that benzos should never be cold-turkied, because seizures can be a definite result of sudden cessation from this class of drugs.

 

"Always remember that your patients have feelings." " They are more than just a number or a ten minute consultation. " "They want a doctor who they can trust, and who will listen to their concerns."  "If you cannot be that kind of a doctor, perhaps you should, as Professor Mc Doofenschmirtz eluded to, become a baker, be a Simple Simon, sell pies."

[[pi...]]

Oh my pj,

 

You are the most creative writer I have ever met.

 

How simple and true is the story you wrote and benzos, wiring and Mr. Time. I think the ENT that so cavalierly gave me a benzo really should sell pies, although I doubt if I would buy any. 

 

Thanks for stopping at my blog, I feel very positive about the shoulder surgery having had it on the left side.  I will be rehabbing a lot but plan to do as many activities as I am allowed. Don't worry, my summer won't go to waste. 

 

PG 

[[...]]

You sweet, melodious, musical mama.  Thank you.  I'm afraid that when it comes to writing, compared to the real writers of the Mercedes Benz class, I am but a fifteen year old Ford, with lots of rust.

 

If I ever did or could write a novel, I would include a character, a concert pianist, who, do to life's circumstances, must work a part-time job playing piano in a smoke-filled Cabaret haunted by the ghosts of John Steinbeck and Truman Capote . . . and real live wanna be book writers, who affectionately refer to the lovely piano player as ... Pianogirl. 

[[...]]

To the folks who are new to this site:

 

Because there were all kinds of strange things happening to your body that you did not understand, and your anxiety or insomnia were getting worse from taking the benzos that were supposed to help you, not harm you, you made a conscious descision that you wanted to quit taking benzos.  Like most folks, you were probably scared, confused, and perhaps a little or maybe a lot angry, because you didn't understand or even realize that you were having withdrawals. 

 

How could you?

 

After all, you were most likely told that you could just stop taking benzos without any consequences.  If you are blaming yourself, thinking it's your fault ... I want to say to you . . . " Don't be too hard on yourself."

 

It's not your fault that your doctor failed to explain to you that benzos were for short-term use.

It's not your fault that you were not told that benzos must be tapered, so you went off them cold-turkey. 

 

It's not your fault that you were tapering much too fast.  How were you to know that a slow taper was probably the better way for most folks to go?

It's not your fault that every time you went to the doctor, you were more or less told that the symptoms you were having, were imaginary, because he/she told you that benzos were a pretty safe drug, and that withdrawals and dependence were quite rare.

 

It's not your fault that you were suffering from tolerance withdrawals, and you did not have a clue that you were, because chances are, your doctor didn't have a clue either . . . most don't.

 

The sad reality is that most doctors, who are very competent in many other areas of medicine, are not properly educated about Benzodiazepines, so before you discovered BenzoBuddies, you were more or less left on your own to figure things out.   

 

Most of the folks in your life have never experienced withdrawals or have been around someone who has, so it's not all that unusual that they do not realize or understand just how devistating they can be. 

They cannot understand how a pill, prescribed for you by a doctor, can have withdrawal symptoms worse than a drug addict they had seen, depicted on television or in the movies. 

 

When I would wear a jacket in my house on a warm summer day, becausing I was freezing cold, a disbelieving glance from a friend told me that, unless someone has gone through this experience themselves, it was impossible for them to understand what withdrawals were all about. 

 

When you were first prescribed benzos, the furthest thing from your mind, was that one day you would be part of a forum dedicated to helping folks be free from benzos.  BenzoBuddies has given you validation that you are not going crazy, and that your withdrawals are very real. 

 

Your time spent on BenzoBuddies can be very rewarding in many ways.  It can be a wonderful learning experience for you. You will meet many amazingly kind folks here, some who you will bond with, and establish a genuine, honest, heartfelt relationship that can last for a very long time.

 

When the way in which you are forced to live your life is no longer dictated by your withdrawal symptoms, and your days and nights are pain free, and you are once again sleeping soundly, and having sweet dreams . . . You won't be quite the same person you were. 

Because, your mind, being unclogged of benzos, is now clear, and your newly discovered outlook on life allows you to be more intune with the simple, kinder things in life. 

 

You willl greet each new day with the anticipation, and the enthusiasm in the way that little children do.  To them, every day is a new, and exciting adventure, to be enjoyed to the fullest, and it will be for you, too.

 

To the folks who have been here for awhile, and are still waiting for that day when you are completely healed, keep the faith, never give up.  Do not lose hope, because those stressful times will pass just like they always do.

 

So put on a big smile , have patience, cause you will survive the pain and the uncertainty.  Your dream of being free from benzos, and completely healed will come true.  That magical day will arrive, bringing with it a new you, and a happier, healthier life.

 

pj 

 

 

[[WT...]]

God I sure hope so..

[[...]]

Hi WTBNA,

 

I know that you have been struggling for a very long time, and I too, sure hope that you can be where you want to be in your life ... healed and happy.

 

Some folks may think that I am a little too positive and upbeat when responding to an individual, in that I seem to be promising everyone a perpetual life of blue skies, and sunshine after they have recovered. 

Folks know that life does not work that way.  But, with a little encouragement, they also realize that circumstances in their life can change, and they can one day begin to have more blue skies and sunshine in their life. 

 

What I am trying to say to folks, is that to have hope, and to think positive thoughts, will do much more for a person's mental well-being, and their healing, than negative thoughts that offer no hope to someone, who, when they are going through withdrawals, HOPE may be all that they have to hang onto. 

 

I do, in all sincerity, wish you the very best.

 

pj

 

 

[[mi...]]

PJ,

Your positive thoughts help me all the time buddy.  :-)

 

Thanks for posting them,

M

[[...]]

Merci beaucoup . . . thank you very much, M.

 

I'm practicing up on my limited knowledge of the French language just in case one day, I realize my dream of visiting France.      Prendre soin . . . take care. 

 

I hope you keep on doing better.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

I want to say a few words regarding the suicide of a BenzoBudddies member.  I did not know WaitingforRelief, but like many of you, who did know her, I am also saddened by this unfortunate turn of events. 

 

Some folks who are struggling mightily with withdrawals, may have become fearful, and worried that suicide can be a common occurrence when someone is having a long, hard struggle with benzo withdrawals. 

 

I want to assure them, that although thoughts of suicide is mentioned as a possible withdrawal symptom, the odds of someone actually committing suicide because of benzos is extremely unlikely. 

 

For someone to contemplate, and to follow through with suicide, there just has to be something much darker, much deeper, and much more unbearable happening in that person's mind or in their life.  Something so far beyond the scope of our ability to comprehend, that we, being mere mortals could never understand. 

 

It's only natural for those to wonder what they could have done to prevent someone with whom they recently had contact with, upon discovering they took their own life, to question what they could have done to prevent it.  The hard, cold answer is, probably nothing. 

Even an educated professional cannot portend to know if a person is capable of committing or if they may be actually contemplating suicide, because this kind of death defies prediction.

 

As members of this wonderful forum, all we can do is be as kind and as understanding as is humanely possible to help those who are struggling and suffering in a way that most folks outside of this site do not understand.

We must remember what someone is experiencing may not be related to benzos.  They could be dealing with issues in their life that we know nothing about, issues that we were not privy to.   

 

When folks are talking about discontinuing or trying a new drug, we must encourage them to see a doctor.  We must never tell them to take or discontinue any medication without their doctor's approval. 

 

Many folks are mad at their doctors, sometimes justifiably so, for prescribing them benzos.  If the situation warrants it, we must do our utmost to see that, that individual seek professional assistance.  We here at BenzoBuddies, who are well qualifed to give understanding, compassion and encouragement, we are not qualifed to act as doctors.

 

I hope I did not offend anyone.  Talk of suicide, like most unpleasant subjects, is difficult to discuss, and so very hard to grasp.

 

 

[[...]]

15 months, still same, just my nerves so high little thinges make me jump and it take me little but if ihear any noise to realize whereits coming from 8ther than that normal

[[...]]

Hi hoda,

 

What a nice surprise to hear from you. How is the new baby?

 

It sounds like you are almost completely healed.  That's good to hear, hoda. 

 

It's a common withdrawal symptom for nerves to be on edge and be real sensitive to all kinds of noises.  I remember when I would get startled by the slightest noise, making me more nervous than a mouse in a room full of hungry cats. 

 

I wish you and your family the very best, and good luck to you.

 

your friend,

 

pj 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi pj , iam happy to  c u again brother, yea whats makeing me worry is when any noies happen take min to know wich side this sound came from plus any noise make me jumby plust iwas ok untill itok plack seed oil its an herb oil but soon itoke it panic attack right away after long time almost 7 months didnt get that

[[...]]

I guess you'd better stay away from Black Seed Oil if it gave you a panic attack.  I read where some of that herb was found in King Tut's tomb, and has been used by people for over 2000 years.

 

Maybe you should see a doctor to find out why it takes you so long to realize what side sounds are coming from.  It could be caused by a problem in your inner ear.

 

I hope it gets better for you, hoda.

[[...]]

Idont know  pj couz this jumbing vrom any sound or any sound happen take me min to realize wich way didnt happen before only after the benzo so idontknow

[[...]]

Because you are startled by noises, and it makes you jumpy . . . which is common in withdrawals, it is most likely taking your brain longer to determine the direction of the sound.

 

Don't let it worry you too much.  It should go away, just like your other symptoms did.  Have a good week, buddy.

 

pj 

[[...]]

Thx my friend

[[Co...]]

Great post!

I am now at (3) .25mg of Valium (liquid taper) and I am sooo excited I'm almost off! 3 more liquid cuts left..

I am also now on remeron 7.5 mg and it's helped sooo much with the withdrawals, but each time I cut (cut every two weeks) I feel waves of dizziness, some anxiety, etc...

I hate being on remeron (an antidepressant) b/c I was never on anything other than a before and the remeron has made me gain weight and nothing I do will combate the weight gain...

So I have 7 pounds of unwanted weight on a 4' 11 1/2 small frame, but I know that taking the remeron is the only way that I can work, be a mommy and a wife while tapering off this medication..the remeron helps with sleep, anxiety, etc..

 

Has anyone else's taken remeron to help them get off a benzo? And if so did you gain weight? How did you combate gaining it.. I excerseze, eat right, etc..thanks!

 

Anyways, After I get off the benzo completely how long should I wait to try to get off the remeron?

 

Congrats to everyone that is now benzo free... I like you just want to feel Norma, and have a normal life/mentally!

I get a lot of breathing issues from all this stuff/anxiety....

 

 

Thank you, M

[[...]]

Congratulations to you, M 

 

Only three more cuts to go, good for you!  That's quite an accomplishment, something you can be mighty proud of. 

I'm sure that when you are eventually off the Remeron, the weight gaining issue will quickly resolve itself.

 

Having no knowledge of antidepressants, I will let other folks who have experience in taking and discontinuing Remeron discuss with you what they have learned. 

 

To be on the safe side, you should probabably be in consultation with your doctor when it comes to when you should begin tapering the Remeron.

 

You are doing fantastic, and are definitely on the right track to becoming another success story.

 

Take care.  I wish you the very best . . . good luck to you.

 

pj

[[re...]]

PJ -

 

Hope you don't mind that I hop on here to mention something to M.  M, I too, am on Mirtazipine (generic form of Remeron).  I completed my taper off of Lunesta on 12/22/12.  I plan on waiting about 6 months total before I taper off of the Mirtazipine.  From consulting a few different places, my understanding is that a taper off of Mirtazipine isn't going to be as intense as tapering off a benzo.  That said, everyone's body is different, so there really aren't any guarantees.  Also, I wanted to mention that I currently have a life stressor going on that will pass soon, and so my reasoning for waiting 6 months is because by then the situational stress will have passed.  I don't want to bombard myself with anymore stress than I need to, and almost everywhere I read says to not taper while there are other big life stressors going on. 

 

I know I haven't really answered any of your questions, as I'm looking for answers to those questions too.  But I thought I'd add my 2 cents, for what it's worth. 

 

PJ, thank you for your ongoing uplifting, always positive, always encouraging posts.  They are very helpful. 

 

 

 

Redeemed