Mostly Recovered

[Guest [Pf...]]

I finished my taper about a month ahead of you, and so perhaps you can gain some insight of my exphe erience with symptoms.  I also was on for a long time like you.  But I did not cold turkey -- even so.

 

I don't think I ever got to the point of posting a success story.  Not because I never felt 100% but because I didn't feel that way for long enough.  But after I stopped at the beginning of May, I had a period from late may through late June where my symptoms were occassional and manageable.  Not great, but I told myself that I was so early in the process that if I felt this way now I would just continue to get better and better with no serious blips.

 

Then in late June I got hit with a bad wave.  But then had two very good weeks in mid July.  Then in late July I really got hit.  Since then I haven't had anything nearly as bad for any length of time. When the symptoms have been bad, they pass fairly quickly, and generally not intense unless in very specific circumstances that tend to trigger them -- mainly very bright light.

 

So in short, as I get close to my sixth month off, I still have waves, but they are shorter and less intense than before. But as I hit the three and four month period, I did have setbacks that made me think that I was getting worse.  But they didn't last long.

[[ji...]]

I finished my taper about a month ahead of you, and so perhaps you can gain some insight of my exphe erience with symptoms.  I also was on for a long time like you.  But I did not cold turkey -- even so.

 

I don't think I ever got to the point of posting a success story.  Not because I never felt 100% but because I didn't feel that way for long enough.  But after I stopped at the beginning of May, I had a period from late may through late June where my symptoms were occassional and manageable.   Not great, but I told myself that I was so early in the process that if I felt this way now I would just continue to get better and better with no serious blips.

 

Then in late June I got hit with a bad wave.  But then had two very good weeks in mid July.  Then in late July I really got hit.  Since then I haven't had anything nearly as bad for any length of time. When the symptoms have been bad, they pass fairly quickly, and generally not intense unless in very specific circumstances that

tend to trigger them -- mainly very bright light.

 

So in short, as I get close to my sixth month off, I still have waves, but they are shorter and less intense than before. But as I hit the three and four month period, I did have setbacks that made me think that I was getting worse.  But they didn't last long.

 

 

Thank you for posting this. I'm having the same experience at 4 months out right now. I need hope!!!

[Guest [Pf...]]

It does seem that a lot of people get hit hard at the two, three or four month period.  Of course it is very individual.  But from what I have read of people who have waves, rather than simply being fine once they are off is the following:  If they went cold turkey, they get hit hard almost right away and then after starting to feel OK, get hit by a wave one to three months later.  For those who go with a slower withdrawal, they are often better than they thought at first, then get an initial problem a few weeks later, and then get a hard wave in the next month or two.

 

Looking further down the road, it seems that these people say they do sometimes get later waves, but that they are not as bad and nothing along the lines of that first waves seems to occur.  Some people do say they get worse things when outside stress or circumstances cause the problem, whenever that is.

 

So it is not clear why this happens.  Some think that some symptoms are brought about changes in the brain that are part of the healing process.  And maybe every few months that happens, but since healing is taking place, each time it is not as bad.  But who knows. 

 

What I haven't read, fortunately, is someone saying that they were fine at 6 months and then got really bad again.  The worst I saw of that was that they did get some subsequent waves, but not very intense and not long lived.

[[re...]]

Thanks for sharing your story. I have heard from others who blazed the trail that 6 months out was usually a good turning point. I see healing happening, like I dont hallucinate anymore. Or sounds dont make me feel terror. Lots of things that in the beginning were cruel  to cope with.

 

Now I have the body sx and the mental stuff is the hardest. Emotions of rage, then fear, then shame, then black depression.. it just cycles around. I know mine feelings are tied in to my abuse I lived through and then pushed away from healing by taking klon and then in later years drinking when the klon was pooping out.

 

I know I am healing not only from the klon but from the abuse. It feels really good to be clean and sober and healing!!

 

 

One day at a time.  

 

 

[[mi...]]

I was WAY overly optimistic.

 

I am 16 weeks out and got bashed by a wave last night that came crashing in, hour after hour. I could feel it increasing and there was NOTHING I could do other than hold on.

 

I have sx that had all but gone a few weeks ago. Big sigh.

 

I had a VERY emotional day yesterday so my hunch is that is a big factor.

I am sorry if I misled anyones hopes with my posting here. I so WANTED to believe I was close to healing.

Back in the hurt locker.

 

so much luck in your recovery...i am sorry to that you have a wave.. once the emotions settle in you should start feeling better again... you will be t here in freedom all the best to you

luv

mishi

[[re...]]

I want to add to this post I started ages ago. Even though I have some body sx left, I consider myself a success story. I went through hell, but I am back in heaven. Life is sweeter than ever. I lost hope many days in this battle, but I held on. I am so glad I did.

 

Life is wonderful.

Hang in there everyone. You will get your miracle too.

I am back at work and loving it.

I have a wildlife certified garden now because of wd. too.

 

I am grateful.

[[Re...]]

I am so very happy for you. You have worked very hard for this and persevered. Well done.

You never gave up hope even thou you suffered so. You knew if you held off ever taking another

pill again you would reach this happiness.

 

I have always considered you a success.

 

xoxo

SB

[[Ga...]]

thanks so much, recovering for coming back and telling us you are healed! So good for you

I remember how much you used to suffer.

God bless you, recovering. I hope everything from now on is great for you

[[Ja...]]

Thank you so much. I love this place, Iwish we could have some kind of weekend gathering. I know thats not possible, but thanks for your story. Like all BBs hangin out and doing this together, man I could use that! Bye for now

[Guest [ma...]]

Thanks so much for taking the time to post updates. Your original post was very helpful to me during some difficult times and your update has helped me get through today.....I read it over and over and thought to myself if you can do it so can I. 

[[re...]]

Back in a wave but I am working and know I will continue to heal.

Life is still good, even with the wave.

 

Hang in there everyone. Healing takes time. A  lot of it!!

Dont ever give up. Unless it is life of death don't reinstate. I wanted to so many times, and so glad I did not.

Freedom is sweet!

 

 

[[Sc...]]

You are so strong.  You've been a great support to me personally through my own journey post-benzos and I thank you for that.  It is amazing to me that you can work!  After a cold turkey!  Gardening has become a lifesaver for me these past 2 months and it makes the waves go by a bit faster I believe.  My garden hasn't looked this good...ever!  lol 

 

You are awesome, and thank you for the update.  I know your body is still working had to heal, but you have a great attitude and always have.

 

Hugs and healing,

Schatje

[Guest [...]]

hey Recovering found it now im going to go read it and get some further inspiration.

 

thanks Lizzy

[Guest [...]]

wow Recovering just read it all.  You are amazing are you not what a long journey you have had and to suffer such trauma and now you are dealing with it med free.  Way to go.  I was only on the stuff 7 months and also c/t and rapid tapered i know about that incredible fear.  I would love your help and its not just around benzo stuff.  I have been totally traumatised by my experience with medications and have spent a total of 9 weeks of my life two seperate times coming off this stuff.  The fear and terror still linger in my memory Im just wondering if you could share any of your dealing with trauma knowledge Im determined to move through this and want to deal with it all now not waste anymore time getting over it.  Anyway thank you very much for sharing with us.  Just saying you have done so very well and Im so happy that your life is getting on track again.

 

 

Lizzy

[[He...]]

Hi recovering,

 

Just wanted to say a big congratulations! Still seems a little bumpy for you having read through all the posts here, but you are doing so well, it is inspiring. Having gone through the horror of w/d I am sure you will be able to find the required strength to deal with any other issues that may remain,

 

Wishing you all the best and continued and quick healing.

 

Henryk.

[[re...]]

wow Recovering just read it all.  You are amazing are you not what a long journey you have had and to suffer such trauma and now you are dealing with it med free.  Way to go.  I was only on the stuff 7 months and also c/t and rapid tapered i know about that incredible fear.  I would love your help and its not just around benzo stuff.  I have been totally traumatised by my experience with medications and have spent a total of 9 weeks of my life two seperate times coming off this stuff.  The fear and terror still linger in my memory Im just wondering if you could share any of your dealing with trauma knowledge Im determined to move through this and want to deal with it all now not waste anymore time getting over it.  Anyway thank you very much for sharing with us.  Just saying you have done so very well and Im so happy that your life is getting on track again.

 

 

Lizzy

 

Lizzy the biggest thing that helps is acceptance. When I struggle against my sx I am in more pain. Emotional or body. It was hard for me to accept, but I knew I would be better if I could allow the process of healing to take place. I was not in charge! Gardening helped me too. Having a project I loved and looked forward to every morning was great. Being around people I love and focusing on them also got me out of my own misery and horrible thoughts. I prayed every day, often. I have a deeper love of God now, and am able to tell God what I really feel, which some days is anger at him.  

 

I just refused to give up. I refused to go back on a benzo. I refuse for my old underlying anxiety to run my life. I keep doing what I need to do to be healthy. I eat super clean, I juice 8 veggies/fruits every morning, I do not eat gluten, I dont do dairy except milk in a latte (decaf!) on occasion, and I avoid sugar in any form. No sodas etc and NO processed or fast food. Just good whole foods that the universe grows for us.

 

Be patient. Breathe. Go look outside at the wonder that is this world. Listen to the birds singing. Feel the morning sun on your face. Do your best to allow the sweet goodness of life into your heart. I know it can be hard in wd, as the depression walls us off (or the terror) from the joy of life, but go out and try to feel it. IF you can not, thats olk. Dont beat yourself up. Just know that it is there waiting for you, for when you can feel it again. And you will.

I look up at the moon and stars in wonder every night. The universe is beyond anything I can understand, but I am a part of it. I got an invitation to this thing called LIFE. I refuse to throw it away. I will not squander my time here with worry. I will be present, and open to life. I am showing up, every day.

 

Patience. And a deep unrelenting belief you will heal. Acceptance. Distraction. Good food.

 

Hang in there. You are healing. YOu cant stop it from happening. The brain takes a long time to heal but you are healing. As you read this, your brain is doing its best to right itself after being damaged by a benzo.

Believe in your brain.

 

Be well.

If I can help with more posts to you let me know.

I am not on here as much as I used to be as I am rebuilding my life and my career. But I will check in on you when I can.

 

You will be healed one day.

[Guest [...]]

oh wow Recovering

 

all you information and advice is so what I need to here right now and guess what I do so much of it.  Im in awe of the night sky I feel just a you its like wow I cant believe Im a part of all of this.  When I go outside I try to connect with nature as much as I can and am starting to feel it as well.  I previously lived my life like this this stuff is so powerful.  I also do a weekly acceptance and commitment therapy course so im working on myself all the time.

 

You make absolutely perfect sense and I so thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

 

In appreciation

 

Lizzy

[[Ja...]]

Hi Recovering,

 

Good to hear that you are feeling much better.

Can I ask what kind of juicing are you doing? I'm thinking of starting that myself, however I'm so afraid to change my diet.

 

 

 

[[re...]]

Jasmine I have a Brevelle juicer. I juice a kale, cucumber, carrots, celery, oranges, apples, a big plug of ginger, beets, and purple cabbage, one half sweet lemon. YUM! Sometimes I throw in Broccoli or radishes.

 

I found I could drink the juice even when I was too sick to eat or food was disgusting.

I love juicing.

 

There are movies you can watch about it on Netflix.

 

Hope you are healing quickly.

[[re...]]

I am HERE

 

Today was the first day in well over a year that I feel like ME! I am sitting here listening to music I used to love and I can fel the joy in my heart. I am remembering good times in my life!!!  Sweet, sweet memories of living in Aspen. My house, the way the wind blew through the trees when a summer storm marched into the valley. I remember the feel of the air before a snowfall. I remember sitting under a million stars in my hot tub, happy to be alive. I remember. Oh, I remember. Today, it is rushing back in.

 

For the first time in a long time, these tears of mine are happy tears.

 

I am so grateful I am off klonopin!! I am so grateful I am healing.

Life is amazing. Simply amazing.

 

For those of you still fighting, keep at it. Don't give up. This side of the battle is ..... indescribably delicious.  You will get there. If I can heal after all most 20 years, a horrifying taper that had me bedridden and a cold turkey that took me to the brink of insanity, you will too.

 

What an amazing day. Thank you God. Thank you. 

[Guest [...]]

nice one Benzo paints a beautiful picture thanks so much for sharing.

 

 

Lizzy

[[Be...]]

Hi recovering,

 

That was simply the most lovely thing to read this morning.  I can feel your peace and joy in your words!  And somehow that transfers to me, thank you.  Enjoy every day of your new found health, it's much deserved.

 

Betsy xxxx

 

I'm a great juicer also. Right now it's cucumber, celery, fennel bulb, spinach, chard,  lemon, parsley and ginger.. Yum!

[[re...]]

Betsy I havent thought about fennel. That would be great. I 'll give it a try.

 

Things are good here. still battling pain etc but mentally feeling good. My 26 year old son just bought a house today. I am SO over the moon about it.   SO proud of him. A year ago I would have not been able to feel this deep and luscious joy.

 

Hang in there everyone. We do heal. I know my body will be healed in time. Grateful the mental stuff has lightened up.

 

If you are wondering if its wd or the new you, please give your healing more time. I was SURE I had uncovered the old anxious me. Ha!  It was just wd and the benzo brain talking. I am better than before.  

[Guest [...]]

hey Recovering

 

Congrats on your sons's new house that is fabulous news and Im happy you can feel this and be happy for him and with him.

 

Just thought I would tell you I had a visit with my doctor who looked after me when I c/t he told me he had never seen a sicker person in a very long time and he agreed with me finally that it was the drugs he said when he first met me and I was saying I was poisoned by the drugs that perhaps I was delusional to get closure on this and validation from him today was fantastic.  He also said I was in recovery stages and that I would continue to get better.  Just thought I would share this with you.  Thanks again you really lifted me and I have just reread again what you wrote to me.

 

Sending lots of positive vibes your way.

 

Lizzy

[[...]]

hello every body, iam really happy to c ur posties its really did help me really good iam almost 5 months now benzo free after iwas taking buspar for month and i stopped it cold turkey so idid sufferer from crazy w/d symptoms ,specially visual problems like sensitivities from light or feel over load on my brain when i go to the big malls, but i need to know whats the sign i start getting batter couz right now idont have panic attacks any more and most of the symptoms gone except what idid saye b4 specially when ihave some steers its bring it some days i feel ok some days no but its not like b4 its kinda effect me little than before ,thx every body.