Hello I am new

[[Mi...]]

I am truly sorry to have scared anyone here. It was not my intention. I am having a bad day here. I have no one to talk to. This is the nicest place. I have never written this much about myself before. Star, could you please try and see that I am panicking and looking to be reassured.

[[Pe...]]

Minujje, Star has been where you are, I am sure she she understands!  I forgot to add that if you apply for Social Security and get approved you will automatically get Medicare coverage.  In the meantime social services can help you apply for temporary Medicaid.

 

It is going to be ok Minujje.  We all know how you feel here and will be here to support you all the way.  You will meet a lot of people here and make many friends.  Do you know how to post on threads other people have started or start a new topic of your own?

[[Ni...]]

Hi Minujji,

 

Can you tell us what symptoms you are having?

 

You have said you have been alone in your house for a while. If you have been isolated while you have been going through withdrawal and not receiving any talk therapy and reassurance I think these things can do you wonders.

 

You have said you are frightened. Frightened to be alone, yet too frightened to seek help because you are afraid you will be put away.

 

You have many, many choices and options.

 

Just to name a few besides the therapy you spoke of (and are worried is too expensive) NAMI and social services there are other places to seek help.

 

I don't know how small or large of a town you live in, but look for sections in your phone book for self help groups, religious organizations, personal crisis lines and universities. Universities usually have psychology departments that have very low-cost therapy, individual and group.

 

If it were me, I would call and find a self-help group (that would be free) and see if you can get out of the house to talk to someone.

 

If you had anxiety before medication, then are going through withdrawal it sure would be helpful to talk to someone.

 

We are here for you to write to for reassurance and strength. You can hang in there and come out being just fine. You can start by giving yourself some positive words of encouragement.  

 

 

 

 

[[Pe...]]

Universities usually have psychology departments that have very low-cost therapy, individual and group.

 

Nicolette made some great suggestions.  I esp like the on about the universities.  While I was in my practicum getting my degree to work with the deaf I worked a the universities mental health facility interpreting for the deaf.  I was super impressed by how much individual attention each case got.  It wasn't like the outside where a Psychatrist only spends 10-15 min with you then out you go.  They would spend anywhere from 30-45 min talking to clients.  That is definitely a good option to explore.

[[Mi...]]

If we don't go back to where we were I won't be alright!!  Please understand that I was in an extreme panic! I apologize! A lot of the things I said about myself where verbatim from my father's mouth. I have a very low self esteem right now it appears. I don't think I can take care of myself when I get through this. And I need to worry about getting through this wd first. But, I am completely focused on my future. Please continue support me. I received so little from my parents growing up and I get scared easily. So now you understand this about me. Just keep the positive.

[[No...]]

Now I see my life (after 23 years of benzo and ad's ), very clearly. I can't bear it. I have no future, no skills, family. I have lost my youth. I am losing my mind about my body .... it's not the same as I remember.

 

What you are describing is actually very normal waking up from sedation for so many years. Many has been there before you and you CAN recover. Anger of feeling that you have lost your youth because you are now able to see things more clearly is actually a feeling that many refers to when coming off plus 20 years.

 

Try to educate yourself reading about benzos, and I think that you will be less frightened of what is happening to you.

 

Best of wishes in your recovery!

[[Mi...]]

Thank you Noolie.

[[Pe...]]

If we don't go back to where we were I won't be alright!!  Please understand that I was in an extreme panic! I apologize! A lot of the things I said about myself where verbatim from my father's mouth. I have a very low self esteem right now it appears. I don't think I can take care of myself when I get through this. And I need to worry about getting through this wd first. But, I am completely focused on my future. Please continue support me. I received so little from my parents growing up and I get scared easily. So now you understand this about me. Just keep the positive.

 

If you get approved for Social Security Disability (or SSI) you will get a monthly check and your health care costs will be covered by Medicare.  Not surprised you said you have no self-esteem right now, again, completely normal for w/d.  Everyone here is just brainstorming ideas to help you, no one is judging you.  We all want to help in any way we can.

 

Star is on the Moderation Team and has to remind people of forum rules, no one is looking down on you.  We completely understand where everything is coming from as we have been there ourselves.  Sorry your parents were less than supportive while you were growing up.  We will support you and help you through this.  There are many many members here to help you.  You will meet a lot of really nice people here and make new friends.  It is going to be ok Minujje.

 

[[St...]]

If we don't go back to where we were I won't be alright!!  Please understand that I was in an extreme panic! I apologize! A lot of the things I said about myself where verbatim from my father's mouth. I have a very low self esteem right now it appears. I don't think I can take care of myself when I get through this. And I need to worry about getting through this wd first. But, I am completely focused on my future. Please continue support me. I received so little from my parents growing up and I get scared easily. So now you understand this about me. Just keep the positive.

I don't think we go back to what we were, I think we come out of this with a much richer zest and appreciation for life. It's completely normal that you feel rocked to the core right now after what you've been through but after the dust settles you will be able to rebuild with a calmer, clearer view.  

[[Ni...]]

If we don't go back to where we were I won't be alright!!  Please understand that I was in an extreme panic! I apologize! A lot of the things I said about myself where verbatim from my father's mouth. I have a very low self esteem right now it appears. I don't think I can take care of myself when I get through this. And I need to worry about getting through this wd first. But, I am completely focused on my future. Please continue support me. I received so little from my parents growing up and I get scared easily. So now you understand this about me. Just keep the positive.

 

Minujje,

 

Withdrawal and healing are a process and there are steps to the process. Everyone here knows how you feel. We each took that first step to come on here and start to tell our stories. Much of what you are feeling is very normal for withdrawal.

 

Of course it's good to make goals Minujje, but it's important to take this one step at a time. If I thought about how I was going to handle everything for the rest of my life, I would feel overwhelmed too. Worrying just makes my withdrawal symptoms worse. Making a plan for the next day and writing  down a list of things I think would make me feel better tomorrow helps me feel empowered. Listening to old tapes of telling myself I can't do something does me no good. On the list, I try to do at least some of the things everyday, and in a week I can see that I have made progress.

 

You need to be very kind to yourself, Minujje, you have been through a lot and we are here for you now and everyday you can come write to your buddies. I do everyday and it helps me a lot.

[[Mi...]]

Star, you misunderstood what I said. And maybe I didn't say it well. I meant back up please. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and needed reassurance. But not to be told to go to a m i  place that frightens me more. I know about ssi. I am taking care of my health. I am seeing my dr's.

 

Just please can you be supportive  about the benzo wd?  Thank that is why I came here? You are such nice people. I didn't mean to scare anyone.

[[Ni...]]

Star, you misunderstood what I said. And maybe I didn't say it well. I meant back up please. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and needed reassurance. But not to be told to go to a m i  place that frightens me more. I know about ssi. I am taking care of my health. I am seeing my dr's.

 

Just please can you be supportive  about the benzo wd?  Thank that is why I came here? You are such nice people. I didn't mean to scare anyone.

 

Minujje,

 

Everything is alright. I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. Trust me, there are many people who have the same types of symptoms you were having.

 

There is a protocol here for recommending mental health care for buddies who feel so bad they are suicidal. Others here have had those feelings too.

Minujje, you will have lots of support here, there are very kind and caring buddies that will help support you when you are having symptoms.

I know you didn't mean to scare anyone.

 

There are many buddies that get extra help through talk therapy with a councilor, goodness after what these benzos do to us we need to talk about are feelings and symptoms. Plus a councilor can help strategize about making goals.

 

You are welcome here and pretty soon you might want to explore other areas and ask questions, ask for support and comfort and even help others who are suffering. We are all on the same team to help one another out.

 

Are you feeling a little better now?

[[Wh...]]

Yes to everything Nicolette said.  It is unfortunate that the chatroom is down at this time (temporarily) as it seems you really need to talk.  How did you manage the first 5 months of the w/d?  You must be very strong to have gotten thru the worst of this.  I'm pretty sure you can remain that way and am hopeful that you can remain calm despite the fact that you are over-whelmed by these horrid symptoms.  Alot of us are going thru exactly what you are.  Some of us have gotten thru the worst and come out the otherside.  Some are just starting out or are working at their tapers.  We are all in this together and try to help if we can, when we feel up to it.  In the meantime, stay strong and just realize that you only have to do this today.  Don't allow yourself to think about the future.  Just do your best to take care of your needs of the present moment.  Survival is all that is required right now.

 

You are welcome here at BB as we fight along side each other. 

[[Mi...]]

I am NOT suicidal!!!  I am sorry if I sounded that way. I feel pretty hopeless about my future but I have absolutely no plans or anything to hurt myself. I thought I was clear about that earlier.

[[Mi...]]

Thank you Whoopsie. That meant so very much! I really needed to hear that after the day and night I have had.  So nice to meet you.

[[BY...]]

I am NOT suicidal!!!  I am sorry if I sounded that way. I feel pretty hopeless about my future but I have absolutely no plans or anything to hurt myself. I thought I was clear about that earlier.

 

Thank you for explaining this again. Everyone just cares and worries for each other here. Some are in the same situation or, have gone through what you are going through now. This is why we show concern, all of us know how those intrusive thoughts can make one feel.

 

You will make it out of this terrible time, that's for sure, as the above comment showed how strong you really are.

 

Mike

[[Mi...]]

It's the early part of my fifth month and I took a pill 1 month ago so I ruined my progress. I feel very sick. I have the benzo belly again.

 

Can I ask a question in a diff. place?  

 

I wonder if others when they get scared if their faces feel like marshmellows are being pressed under their eyes, cheeks, lips, diff. places all over their faces? Do their jaws chatter? In this their 5th month? Does their body feel at times not connected the same ? And when you are dressed do you feel different than before ... not as good? Things like this?

[[BY...]]

It's the early part of my fifth month and I took a pill 1 month ago so I ruined my progress. I feel very sick. I have the benzo belly again.

 

Can I ask a question in a diff. place?  

 

I wonder if others when they get scared if their faces feel like marshmellows are being pressed under their eyes, cheeks, lips, diff. places all over their faces? Do their jaws chatter? In this their 5th month? Does their body feel at times not connected the same ? And when you are dressed do you feel different than before ... not as good? Things like this?

 

Why yes you can. You can start a new topic in the Withdrawal and Recovery Support section.

 

If you need any help, let me know.

[[St...]]

It's the early part of my fifth month and I took a pill 1 month ago so I ruined my progress. I feel very sick. I have the benzo belly again.

 

Can I ask a question in a diff. place?  

 

I wonder if others when they get scared if their faces feel like marshmellows are being pressed under their eyes, cheeks, lips, diff. places all over their faces? Do their jaws chatter? In this their 5th month? Does their body feel at times not connected the same ? And when you are dressed do you feel different than before ... not as good? Things like this?

 

You can post a question in the Withdrawal and Recovery Support forum if you would like to get a broader range of support.

[[Mi...]]

Mike, thank you, thank you so very much!!

It helps so much.

[[Gr...]]

Hello Minujje,

 

It looks like you had several people here today giving you support, including dear Star, Nicolette, Whoopsie, and Mike and also Perseverance came back on to check in, too.

 

I'm glad that you are determined and it sounds like your spirit is strong. I am sure that any concern that anyone felt today for your well being was simply because so many of us have felt so hopeless before. The people on BB's have been so supportive and helpful and the information that is available here is really comprehensive and valuable. I am glad you are here.

 

I see that Star posted the link for you to post in general withdrawal and recovery support, and I will look for you and your questions there, but wanted to say hello, and check back in with you tonight as I said I would earlier.

 

All good wishes to you for a good night's sleep and a brighter day tomorrow.

 

Grace~