Hello I am new

[[Pe...]]

Minujje, again, this type of thinking is very very common in w/d.  Thinking you are worthless and a failure, all of it is very common.  Just realize this is not the real you, this is the w/d making you think this and you will not be like this forever.  Once you are healed picking up the pieces and making a life will not seem hard like it does now.  Benzo w/d strips us of our self esteem and makes us paranoid about everything.

[[Mi...]]

But Perseverance, thank you so very much!

 

But you did hear me say that this is how I was before the k before the ad ... ?  So, how can it be only the wd?

[[Gr...]]

I just said, I had all of this before I stopped the rx's. (fear of being poor and homeless and hating my life).

 

I knew my life was horrible, that no med. could help me. Attorney's had gotten most all of my money. I have little time left that I can support myself. I have never been able to keep a job. The rx's just keep me unclear and let the years pass.

 

IF I get through this wd I can't make a life for myself. I never could. Someone always had to take care of me. I am not able to.  I am putting myself through this for nothing. i wish I would have remembered how useless I was before. I am only fooling myself to think i will be ok. it's not possible for me. I need to be taken care of.

 

What Perseverance is saying comes from her own experience, and I know from my own experience that the Rx's that I took for insomnia also messed up my thinking while taking them, and that is one of the reasons I am working to be done with them. It takes a while for them to leave our systems; our brains particularly, and so, while years have passed, there is still time to heal.

 

And, maybe right now you did need to be with caregivers who can help you through this difficult time, Minuuje.

 

 

[[Pe...]]

I was just re-reading your previous post.  You have been on benzos and ADs for 23 years right?  That is a long time.  I had a lawyer take all the money in a settlement after a I was hit by a semi truck who lost his brakes so I can sympathize.  My car was totalled, I was injured, I lost a ton out of pocket  money before the settlement, and in the end the lawyer took all the dough.  But I didn't let it destroy me.  Sometimes we learn some pretty tough lessons in life.

 

But we can pick up the pieces and move on.  Try to stay in the present, not worrying about the future or dwelling on past mistakes.  Benzo w/d has to be at the top of the list for now.  Once you get through this everything else can be worked out.  But this has to come first, you have to be well in order to do anything.  You are on your way, you have taken the first step.

 

Grace made a good point.  Do you have anyone at all who can help you while you are going through this?

 

 

[[Mi...]]

I have no one. If I did I could have a chance. I have been alone divorced and on z. and ad. for 16 years. This is impossible for me. I have no family or friends anymore. A person can't survive this way. It's not possible ... not a girl like me. I need help. I can't go beyond 12 min's from my home. Can't do math. And I am a nice person. Oh what's the point of this. You people are so very nice to talk to me today. Thank you so very much! I don't know what I will do. I am in terrible trouble. I really need help. but there is nothing out there I can accept, accept for you sweet people and we can only write. It's not enough. I can't do this.

[[Gr...]]

Minujje,

 

May I ask how old you were when you started taking the K and the A/D's?

 

 

[[Gr...]]

I ask that because I believe that you are being very hard on yourself, and like Perseverance said we need to stay in the present moment and focus on getting well from the w/d and not dwell on past mistakes or what will be in the future. Do you see that?

[[Pe...]]

Minujje, I have to leave for about an hour but I swear I will check on you by coming back to this thread once I am back.  Please hold on, I PROMISE I will be back to talk to you.

 

Grace- I am hoping you can stay here and talk with Minujje for a little while?

[[Gr...]]

Take care, Pers~ Glad you are here.

[[St...]]

Hi Minujje,

 

Earlier you mentioned about a group therapy you signed up for, at this point I think it would be good for you and I would encourage you to attend. It may bring in a new light of healing for you that you're not alone. Have you confirmed your reservation there? I know you said there was a waiting list. 

[[Gr...]]

Thank you Star. I will keep telling myself what you have told me and I hope to eventually believe it. Yesterday you asked me about talking and I thought you meant on the phone, I was hoping so. I read about the problems here, but I hope there might be a way you could call me. Is that possible ... until I can get through what feels like an impasse?

 

Also, I said 'yes' to an out- patient hospital treatment for women's trauma, a 6 week program. (I have been on a waiting list). They called today. I will not allow any meds. I go next wed. for an eval., they may not except  me if I let them see the shape I am in an and tell them "no meds. Also, I am aware that this is a time to be calm and maybe therapy isn't good right now. I hope you will tell me it's ok to try and get some help now. It's just that I know dr.'s don't understand what I'm going through (wd), they think it's over and I'm mentally ill. By the way, today was much better, thank you so much.

 

Please, please, please tell me it will be ok for me to try the therapy.

 

 

I just went back to find that post, too, Star, was thinking the same thing. And, you say you have an evaluation scheduled for next Wed., right, Minujje? That could be very good, and you can keep in touch with people here in the meantime. Or call one of the places Star mentioned in an earlier post, too.

[[Gr...]]

I think therapy would be very good right now.

 

And, you said yesterday that you were feeling a bit better, and so you can feel better again. These feelings do come in waves, Minuuje.

 

[[Mi...]]

I am not going because I can't afford it. It's out of the question.

[[Gr...]]

Are you going to the evaluation at the out-patient hospital for the woman's trauma program? I thought there would be therapy there, and that that was what you were referring to.

[[Mi...]]

I am sorry to have taken so much of everyone's time. Thank you so much for everything.

[[Mi...]]

It's to expensive grace.

[[Gr...]]

Maybe you can still go for the eval and find out if there is some kind of aid that you can receive. Do you have medicare or medicaid? They may be able to be applied there.

 

You're not taking up my time, M.

 

I am glad you are here. BB's has helped me greatly, and there is hope for us.

[[Gr...]]

Have a cup of tea?

[[St...]]

It's to expensive grace.

 

Since you've had this problem before klonopin then of course it's not all benzo withdrawal, but the withdrawal can intensify this greatly so what you're experiencing now is magnified simply from the drug and will improve in time. There's only so much we can do for you here and I think you should research additional avenues to help you. Have you tried to call NAMI ? Here's a link http://www.nami.org/  there might be some good resources for you to start with, they may be able to guide you to a support group or program in your area.

 

We're here for you with what we can do though.

 

<edit> fixed link

[[Mi...]]

grace I did answer I don't see it.  Stopped everything to quickly.

 

xaxax about 1987

 

clon. about 1997 to mar. 4, 2011

 

ad's  1987  to Jan. 12, 2011

 

Also, restoril about 1988 and diff. ones all up to 2011

 

and v

[[Mi...]]

Please maybe I am wrong! I want to be wrong. I want to be ok.

[[Gr...]]

You are okay, and you will be more okay. Did you see the post to the support link that Star posted?

 

 

Since you've had this problem before klonopin then of course it's not all benzo withdrawal, but the withdrawal can intensify this greatly so what you're experiencing now is magnified simply from the drug and will improve in time. There's only so much we can do for you here and I think you should research additional avenues to help you. Have you tried to call NAMI ? Here's a link http://www.nami.org/  there might be some good resources for you to start with, they may be able to guide you to a support group or program in your area.

 

We're here for you with what we can do though.

 

<edit> fixed link

 

I need to get going, dear Minujje, I will be sending you good wishes and keeping Light and prayers coming your way. Remember that you are a wonderful human being with a precious heart and spirit.

 

I will check in with you to see how you are doing later, and hope to hear what you found out at the link that Star posted. I will check that link out too, later. Take good care.

 

Peace and blessings to you,

 

Grace~

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Please don't tell me there is something wrong with me!!! Please give me encouragement!! it's what has been keeping me going! Don't send me away to some place for mentally ill people! I am not mentally ill. I am only afraid. I have always had anxiety from my parents. Please keep telling me it's the wd so I may keep going. Please.

[[Pe...]]

Minujje, you will be ok, you will.  I saw Star posted the NAMI website for you.  I went to it and found their helpline info, here it is:

 

The Information HelpLine is an information and referral service which can be reached by calling 1 (800) 950-NAMI (6264), Monday through Friday, 10 am- 6 pm, Eastern time.

 

I would also suggest contacting you local Social Services.  It will be in the government section of the phone book.  You could also file for Social Security Disability (SSD) if you have worked in the past.  If you have never had a job, or did not earn a lot of money in the past you could file for SSI.  The social security office can advise you which would be best for you.  Tell them that you are unable to hold down a job due to depression - do not say benzo w/d because it is not recognized.  If you have had a mental diagnosis from a doctor or psychiatrist in the past like anxiety disorder or PTSD you could use that.

 

It will take some time to process the claim, but if you are approved you will get retroactive pay from the day you filed.  I worked with the Deaf (one of the many hats I have worn, lol!) and am very familiar with this process.  It is not hard, you just go to your local Social Security office and tell them you want to apply.  They will even help you fill out the paper work.

[[St...]]

No one is sending you away Minujje, we're simply trying to help you further with where we come up short as we're not professionals. Others may be able to talk to you on a more beneficial level than just this forum platform. I don't believe NAMI would 'send you away', they're there to help like we are here but with them you can talk on the phone.

 

I truly believe that once this withdrawal wave is over and you recover you'll feel alot better and able to cope.