After 9 years here I've made peace with practically everyone, but myself...

[[Es...]]

I made peace with my dearest Friend here on BB after one year of silence and my absence. I was forgiven and I forgave. I hope to never again run away from those dearest to me cause of my PTSD. Last year without her was so freaking lonely. No words can express...

I have also made peace with many people here on BB with whom I quarrelled in the past. And I now hold them all in my heart. And curiously, I love them most. "What irritates us about others leads us to a better understanding of ourselves." As Carl Jung, a great philosopher and psychologist, once said. 

Even if people hurt me. Or I hurt them. I just don't believe any of this is on purpose. These are benzos or other factors. Some people with serious personality disorders need to be avoided. But I know I don't have one. Not anything of "the Dark Triad" kind. True friendship can wither all storms. I don't have hate or grudge in my heart. I just do not. I have Love and Love only.

Besides, if you want to leave cause you're angry with a person or a group of people. Please remember: feelings are like waves. They come and go. One moment you're angry with them, the next moment you miss them. I'm not talking about toxic people here. But toxic people don't get themselves into such trouble as we do. Toxic people love themselves too much to harm themselves. We are all here Survivors. Differently wounded by life's circumstances. But definitely, we've never known how to really protect ourselves. That's why we have landed here. The anger we may feel towards others may be subconscious anger towards ourselves or other significant people in our real lives. We here are all Survivors, craving Love and Companionship. That would set us free from the Toxic Beast that has ruined our life, be it psychiatric medication or some underlying condition, or both. 

Edited Tuesday at 05:18 by [Es...]

[[Co...]]

Well done, @[Es...]. Making peace is so very important.

It seems that you have turned a corner - that's great!

Thank you for posting your message.

[[Rh...]]

One of the tragedies of WD, tolerance or taking psych meds is they change and distort our personalities and sense of self.  I truly believe it isn’t until we are healed that we can fully unlock who we really are.  I know all the years I was on either a benzo or AD I was a shell of myself and didn’t feel deeply at all.  Since finally being free the emotions I have are real and raw.  I actually feel and it’s really amazing.

We never know what a person is going through, their history and how these meds are affecting them…to be angry is natural and to feel hurt is also natural, but the small task of taking a breather before taking action is something that can greatly help in the long run.

I completely agree with the statement you posted that “if you cannot do anything, at least do no harm”. My mom used to tell us, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!”  Lol. Sometimes no words and no action can be the best path!

Thank you for your words and story and I wish you continued healing!

PS. I feel like I rambled and hope I made sense…all that to say I feel you and understand you.

[[Es...]]

@[Co...]

@[Rh...]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, benzos cause disinhibition. So they aggravate the impulse control disorder. They also make us paranoid. 

As Will Rogers said: "Never miss a good chance to shut up." Oh yes, I agree with him so much. 

For those who know French, there is this beautiful song by Dalida and Alain Delon: "Paroles paroles paroles". I'm grateful to know French only to understand this song. I put it here with lyrics in French, English and Spanish. Enjoy!

I'll tell you what. I should have shut up so many times in my life that I cannot even count. Yes, I think that thinking before talking is such a great asset. As my fav philosopher once said:

Edited yesterday at 08:31 by [Es...]

[[Co...]]

Alas, if you did not know, @[Es...], Alain Delon passed away a few weeks ago. A giant of French cinema.

[[Es...]]

46 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

Alas, if you did not know, @[Es...], Alain Delon passed away a few weeks ago. A giant of French cinema.

@[Co...]

No, I didn't know... I don't watch the news. They trigger me. He was so damn handsome. But the way he left Romy Schneider - it was awful. She killed herself in the end. To be with her beloved son, David. Such a beautiful woman. She was so loved by the French people. I absolutely adored her. Oh, I'm sad Alain is gone😢🤍 They may do some explaining things up there with Romy... if up there exists... And Dalida... if you consider the price people pay for fame, you're just happy not being famous.

Oh my, just read about Alain Delon - the extremities to which people go because of familial hate and money. And I want so much to believe in Peace☮️

It's like the Samsara Circle☸️, really. We hurt others, cause we've been hurt ourselves. And so, ad infinitum? There must be a way to stop it...

Alain Delon: Tragic finale as film great's family is torn apart

Edited yesterday at 17:20 by [Es...]