Acute like setback since I got off methylphenidate and now Propanolol

[[Ca...]]

Hi Buddies, 

I don't know whether you still remember me as I haven't been here and posted for almost a year, it was because I was improving so well though I still suffered from BIND but doing ok so far until mid of April... 

 

I am off of Klonopin for over 15 months by now. I was out of acute after 10 weeks off last year... than after 6 months off I had another good improvement and after 9 months off I entered what some Buddies call stage 3 or probably rather 4... 

By then I actually felt somewhat quite close to final healing! I had my Identity back. I had much of myself back and was really  optimistic. I looked so much forward this spring and summer and bet to have even more improved by then...

 

But then this April (April 18) I got off methylphenidate via microtaper and once off I was immediately hit with an extreme uptick in symptoms it slowly got worseand worse over the past 3 months. Total different symptoms -definately caused by dependence on methylphenidate. (Took it for 9 years)...It just hit me in acute, not reallywhile microtaper! All the progress I made from the Klonopin was gone by day one off of methylphenidate (Ritalin)

And it has gotten slowly worse eversince then! May was still acceptable but June was bad and July I now I feel like I was back to square one= Acute withdrawal like last year April til June-July... only different symptoms but similiar though.

 

I recently also got off the last 2.5mg Propanolol I held for 3 months due to bad methylphenidate acute before I jumped these days... I just wanted to jump just because I didn't want to drag this out no longer at this point. I know I will only fully be ready to heal and recover once I am off of really everything! 

 

Actually it doesn't make me wonder that I got such an uptick in symptoms and feel back to acute or find myself in a severe setback.... only I am a bit scared and concerned because usually my sets of waves didn't take longer than 10 weeks altogether until I would get another period of just windows for maybe 3 weeks until it then gets into this window wave thing again ... and peaks usually come at the end of a 10 week long set of waves... usually the last 2 or 3 weeks -that's the way I was used to after Klonopin

... ... but this time around since methylphenidate it's more than 12 weeks for me being in tjis wave thing and not many windows at all...and it got worse and peaky instead of better as I was used at this timeline of the waves from last year ...and since I jumped off of Propanolol I am 80-90% bed ridden again just like last year in very acute...

 

And I got nasty symptoms... the Derealisation turned into an even nastier Depersonalisation, I have absolutely no emotions,  I feel like I aged 10 to 20 years in a few weeks, my skin looks so bad and much older, feels softer, muscle wastage, I always looked so much younger than my age and was so proud of that. I am just in my 30s. I am scared this won't go back to normal...I lost muscles and the skin in my elbow pit looks so wrinkly as if I was 70. My hands look 70, too and my veins bulge out. I suddenly have Anhedonia and OCD and lost a lot of weight. Klonopin was much more physical... methylphenidate is very mental! 

 

And the Fatigue is the worst! Never was rid of it since rapid Taper and then Detox of off Klonopin! Toxic naps happen a couple of timed a day. I think the Fatigue with absolutely no restorative sleep makes my skin look so bad and older and my hair is so extremely dry and brittle and broke. Looks like granny hair. I completely  lost my Identity,  I don't recognize myself, like nothing was left of me! Just so brutal! Just so BRUTAL! That's all I can say in words. Just unbelievable! The Damage is so huge what it did to my body and mental health. I just feel like I had miles and miles in front of me until I heal... therefore I once this year felt so close! 

 

I worry because the long wave/acute setback doesn't lift! I never had a set of symptoms that long! I know I will heal but I am so scared it will take such a long time for me! Will this go on for the rest of 2024 and maybe even 2025? I had already made such huge progress... all gone by now! Just since I got off those 2 other meds! Can all progress I made be destroyed by getting off the other meds?

 

I would like to hear your stories about getting off other meds while suffering from BIND! How did it affect your symptoms and when did you improve again? Did it cause setbacks, too, for you? How long did it take for you to recover from these setbacks! Is it normal to have such a bad reaction when freshly off of other meds? I am sure all of these meds have their own withdrawal syndromes.  They definately do..but  I also think the other withdrawal syndromes fuel BIND like hell! It adds up!

 

I am so scared that this goes on for months and years now! I just want to enjoy my life again! I had my Identity back and my joy ...but all gone now since I got off methylphenidate.  Now I have an identity crisid and a mid life crisis. I just beed a bit of reassurance! Will I have to go through last year again or is it just another wave?

 

I don't regret at all that I got off of the 2 other meds! I strongly felt I had to do that.  I thought it was time to fully heal! Not drag this out longer. I believe you will only heal once off of everything! I am now off of everything.  Even the Valerian... for that I am happy but I am so scared to lose more of my "best years" 

 

Sending you lots of healing vibes.

Edited July 16 by [Ca...]

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

All the progress I made from the Klonopin was gone by day one off of methylphenidate (Ritalin

I highly doubt this is the case at all. Coming off of methylphenidate did not reverse the healing that has occurred thus far from your klonopin usage.

If you look up nicotine withdrawal, you will find people may experience depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irrational fears, suicidal ideation, restlessness etc. For some people quitting nicotine, they feel that way for several months, often in a windows/waves pattern.

Now imagine if you were 2 years off Klonopin and decided to come off nicotine and the aforementioned symptoms came on strong and stuck around for awhile. You would probably make the same assumption. Yes benzo withdrawal is probably the worst and most intense of all withdrawals, but it often leaves us with a very sensitive cns for quite awhile. That means there is a chance that the withdrawals from other substances may feel more intense/longer-lasting than they would if benzo withdrawal had never occured prior.

Methylphenidate withdrawal may certainly be a factor. It may be occurring in tandem with a benzo withdrawal wave. Whatever the case, you have not set your recovery back in relation to benzo usage. You will get better once again, and most likely in far less time than the whole of your benzo recovery.