Scared of people I love

[[Th...]]

Not sure where to post this. I don’t come on here often. I’m down to 0.189mg of clonazepam and suffering really badly most days.

Today I had a great day. The 24/7 fear and anxiety I’ve been suffering for a long time just eased off all of a sudden. I exercised, went to the local pool and had a spa and sauna. Spoke to people on the phone which I haven’t been about to do because of severe social anxiety. It was wonderful.

I even spoke to my son on the phone and it was fine (he’s been finding me hard to be around in withdrawal). I had a lot of hope for the first time in many many months.

Then I picked up my son to give him a lift somewhere and the social anxiety kicked in violently and I just spiralled. I’m scared of my own 16 year old boy and there’s nothing I can do about it. Now I just feel fear and panic.

Has anyone else had this sort of thing and been ok in the end?

Please I need some hope.

Edited July 7 by [Th...]

[[On...]]

Bless you, i identify unfortunately. Have had to recover and do nice things ( old fashioned). Like card making, gifts. If can record a nice message.

I unfortunately still have phone phobia, and social media detox for mental health too.

Write a letter or nice mindful message / quote to send.

Sorry I'm not more help. Love/loved ones are massive triggers .

[[Cr...]]

17 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Then I picked up my son to give him a lift somewhere and the social anxiety kicked in violently and I just spiralled. I’m scared of my own 16 year old boy and there’s nothing I can do about it. Now I just feel fear and panic.

When you really examine it, is it truly that you fear your son? Is it more likely that you fear showing him your vulnerable side where your symptoms are too intense to hide from him? It may be a natural instinct that you have as parent that you don't want to cause him worry by seeing you suffering.

On the phone our conditions/symptoms are much easier to hide. Should they become too severe for even phone talk, you can easily say "I gotta go, call you back". In a car ride you are stuck in a transportation commitment for a set distance and time. The pressure from feeling you must do your best not to let your facade of normalcy slip may be causing you extreme anxiety. 

If this is the case it is likely to become an unintentional learned fear that may cause anxiety again in similar circumstances. Luckily there are lots of ways to manage anxiety. I say manage, because withdrawal anxiety is going to come when it wants to, often unpredictable. It is not preventable so don't feel guilty. You probably are in a constant state of low level anxiety that leaves you vulnerable to panic/anxiety spikes when you are put in a condition such as driving your son places.

Until I could cope with withdrawal, I could not talk to my family, gf, etc much at all when I was experiencing bad symptoms. It made my social anxiety skyrocket. I remember going to a pharmacy in a grocery store to pick up a med and just hoping no one I knew would be there and try to start a conversation.

It was scary feeling, and it felt like everyone in the public could see I was in benzo withdrawal and me talking made me fear they could also tell by listening. I never wanted to hear the words "Are you ok?" while in such a state as I felt it would break me.

So all in all you are not alone with this symptom and it is not unusual at all. Slowly practice accepting those anxious feelings and remind yourself that they will not harm you. The anxiety will still be there but with acceptance you should not further spiral into a panic. Your son is not the problem so don't worry, you are still a good loving parent dealing with a harsh condition.

[[in...]]

11 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Not sure where to post this. I don’t come on here often. I’m down to 0.189mg of clonazepam and suffering really badly most days.

Today I had a great day. The 24/7 fear and anxiety I’ve been suffering for a long time just eased off all of a sudden. I exercised, went to the local pool and had a spa and sauna. Spoke to people on the phone which I haven’t been about to do because of severe social anxiety. It was wonderful.

I even spoke to my son on the phone and it was fine (he’s been finding me hard to be around in withdrawal). I had a lot of hope for the first time in many many months.

Then I picked up my son to give him a lift somewhere and the social anxiety kicked in violently and I just spiralled. I’m scared of my own 16 year old boy and there’s nothing I can do about it. Now I just feel fear and panic.

Has anyone else had this sort of thing and been ok in the end?

Please I need some hope.

I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm having trouble being around the ones that are closets to me! It's frustrating because obviously I love these people. I'm 32 days out by the way (from Clonazepam)

[[Th...]]

6 hours ago, [[C...] said:

When you really examine it, is it truly that you fear your son? Is it more likely that you fear showing him your vulnerable side where your symptoms are too intense to hide from him? It may be a natural instinct that you have as parent that you don't want to cause him worry by seeing you suffering.

On the phone our conditions/symptoms are much easier to hide. Should they become too severe for even phone talk, you can easily say "I gotta go, call you back". In a car ride you are stuck in a transportation commitment for a set distance and time. The pressure from feeling you must do your best not to let your facade of normalcy slip may be causing you extreme anxiety. 

If this is the case it is likely to become an unintentional learned fear that may cause anxiety again in similar circumstances. Luckily there are lots of ways to manage anxiety. I say manage, because withdrawal anxiety is going to come when it wants to, often unpredictable. It is not preventable so don't feel guilty. You probably are in a constant state of low level anxiety that leave you vulnerable to panic/anxiety spikes when you are put in a condition such as driving your son somewhere.

Until I could cope with withdrawal, I could not talk to my family, gf, etc much at all when I was experiencing bad symptoms. It made my social anxiety skyrocket. I remember going to a pharmacy in a grocery store to pick up a med and just hoping no one I knew would be there and try to start a conversation.

It was scary feeling, and it felt like everyone in the public could see I was in benzo withdrawal and talking made me fear they could also tell by listening. I never wanted to hear the words "Are you ok?" while in such a state as I felt it would break me.

So all in all you are not alone with this symptom and it is not unusual at all. Slowly practice accepting those anxious feelings and remind yourself that they will not harm you. The anxiety will still be there but you will probably not further spiral into a panic. Your son is not the problem so don't worry, you are still a good loving parent dealing with a harsh condition.

Thanks. This all sound accurate. He said a couple of weeks ago that he can’t be around me at the moment and I took it to heart. I’m just trying to be fun and lighthearted now when I see him which feels very false and is almost impossible. And then withdrawal makes me a spiral. And the panic is enormous.

[[Th...]]

5 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm having trouble being around the ones that are closets to me! It's frustrating because obviously I love these people. I'm 32 days out by the way (from Clonazepam)

I’m down to 0.189mg clonazepam and you’d think being around loved ones would be comforting but it’s harder than anybody else. People I don’t know are much easier.

[[in...]]

3 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I’m down to 0.189mg clonazepam and you’d think being around loved ones would be comforting but it’s harder than anybody else. People I don’t know are much easier.

Again: I'm the exact same way. People closer to you know about your patterns and the way you "usually" behave. With random people you don't have to care as much. You'll probably never see them again anyway.

[[Th...]]

34 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

Again: I'm the exact same way. People closer to you know about your patterns and the way you "usually" behave. With random people you don't have to care as much. You'll probably never see them again anyway.

Exactly. I don’t really care with people I don’t know. I’ll probably never see them again.