I’m devastated right now and thinking of reinstating

[[Lo...]]

I can’t get out of bed in the morning . I can’t care for my children or my home . I feel trapped and have no support . I don’t know which way to go . Please I’m thinking of going back on , 5 months into a setback caused by what ?? I don’t know stress? Flu? 

I was almost healed twice in a few years out I can’t take this another second 

 

major ocd , 

intrusive thouggts 

shame , guilt 

intense regret , flash back memories , SI on and off . Burning fizzing through my body 

burning aviation in pelvic region 

need to get out of my body feeling 

agitation and electrical voltage on mouth 

constantly comparing myself to others 

dread 

impending doom 

depression 

acrophobia now 

o feeling something bad on pending or about to happen to me 

[[Ne...]]

My heart goes out to you!  What has happened to us is so unbelievable and inhumane.  9 years post benzo and only short term user (5 months from start to taper) but I, too, have suffered beyond words with most of the symptoms you described.  I'm currently in my 6th setback.  I'm just entering month 17.  No windows ever.  I have healed in between my long setbacks.  I know you will again, too!  Please keep hanging in there and don't reinstate.

[[Lo...]]

@[Ne...] I don’t think I can do it , how with my children to care for , I feel trapped , how are you keeping going ? Do I have the ocd? It’s all too much , my husband is pressuring me 

[[Ne...]]

I'm 70 and alone and the only way I have survived this is I have forced myself to work everyday.  I don't have OCD and never had any of the symptoms prior to benzos.  I was prescribed for sleep and only took occasionally the first two months.  If I knew what I know now, I would have recognized those first two months I was already in inter dose withdrawal.  I currently have about 20 symptoms.  I don't have burning or electrical voltage and SI has dissipated.  I don't compare myself to others but just hearing others talk and laugh at work triggers me so bad since I can't feel joy or pleasure.  I don't feel like I'm a part of anything or belong.  Severe depression and no motivation to do anything.  When I am home, I just lay down and distract to TV and I can only watch certain things.  Cannot watch the news.  I've been force-feeding this whole setback.  Just the thought of food and smells make me extra nauseous of which I feel constantly.  Severe, severe fatigue is constant. 

I know it's extra, extra difficult for you since you have children.  I totally understand.  It's hard enough for me to just take care of myself.  I haven't even seen my grandchildren in years because I don't want them to see me in this condition. 

Keep hanging on!  Your setback WILL end!!!  My last 5th setback that lasted 18 months, I kept a journal everyday.  Sometimes I go back to review it.  Toward the end in the journal I wrote that I cannot go on and then I was healed three months later.  But still NEVER a window and all my symptoms lasted until the very end will super super slow slow healing the last month.

YOU WILL HEAL!

[[Ma...]]

My heart is also breaking for you. I’m 4 years and the suffering is indescribable.

Reinstating can make things so much worse. I know you want relief, would do anything to get your life back but the risks…just the risk may not be worth it.

Have you considered an a/d? Maybe try a microdose of 1 and see if that lifts the depression.

I labored on and on about LDN which didn’t work for me but, trust me, my system has been assaulted with drugs for over a decade.

Please do a search here as there is a huge thread that explains all of it. Maybe that can help.

And Lamictal, a mood stabilizer, lifts the depression pretty quickly.

I hope you can hang on a little longer .

[[Lo...]]

@[Ne...] I have horrific which I now know is ocd , I reply situations over and over and feel intense regret and shame and guilt it physically painful , I never had it before the drugs . I have flash back memories constantly like I’m on my death bed , and yes I feel sick all the time , I feel sick when I wake and it stays most the day ( is that dread / anxiety causing it ) I don’t enjoy foods. The electric need to get out of my body can be so bad , when did your symptoms start to ease slightly in this setback ? 

[[Lo...]]

@[Ma...] my doctor did suggest lorazepam or qutieapean . I wish I could how on I keep trying to figure out in my head how I can cope I go through all these coping strategies and then I wake in fear , dread , impending doom , racing thoughts and I can’t get out of my bed I lay there thinking I’m dying with bad SI , I then panic and ring helplines , and my poor children are just scraping by , I’m such a hands on mum and they are my life and right now I can’t even care for myself let alone my 4 children , I feel desperate 

[[Ma...]]

Questions in an antipsychotic-please do not touch it.

Google Emma Saunders and call her-she reinstated successfully and knows many others who have done the same. She’ll speak with you for free and is very kind.

There’s no guarantee it will work, there are risks, but it does work for some.

It’s a gamble and you are going to have to decide if it’s worth it.

[[Lo...]]

@[Ma...] how do you get hold of her ? 

[[Lo...]]

😞 I feel so trapped and lost 

[[Ma...]]

Google her and you will find her site

[[Lo...]]

@[Ma...] I can’t find a website for her

[[Cr...]]

@[Lo...], reinstating may not provide the relief you are looking for. Should it fail, I fear you will really beat yourself over facing benzo dependency again in addition to your other issues.

I agree with @[Ma...] that antipsychotics generally should not be looked at lightly and avoided if possible. However, other members have been using quetiapine with some success, although mostly in low doses for sleep.

Some anti-depressants do provide relief for ocd-type rumination, but they often take 4 to 8 weeks to work and can add rough start-up symptoms onto people that are already suffering.

If I was in your situation, I would probably choose an AD as the lesser of 3 evils. An antipsychotic may provide quicker relief in the short-term for your intrusive thoughts, so if things are really unbearable for you maybe you could look into using one until an AD/Therapy combo takes effect and then discontinue it.

Should all else fail and you decide to reinstate, you will still have our support should you decide to come off again.

Please weigh the benefits against the risks carefully in whatever you decide to do. In haste, people often make decisions they regret later.

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...] when I first was put on benzo is was because of a antibiotic reaction and they tried my on antidepressants then and I had horrific reactions to everything then I stopped everything after 5 months and healed a year later , because of how horrific the side effects were and I mean horror show levels I’m just scared what option I have now 😞 I don’t want a movement disorder on top of this that would finish me off . But I can’t cope at all , my doctor said to start on 400mg of quitiapean and bump up to 600mg he said a movement disorder would be extremely rare and unheard of , I really don’t trust him though . That’s why I’m thinking of the benzo, I just wonder if something could stabalize me . I feel like I’m dying alive 

[[Lo...]]

I wonder if it would stop these ocd thoughts and all the rest , I honestly would push through if I could 

[[Cr...]]

3 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

don’t want a movement disorder on top of this that would finish me off .

If you don't mind me asking, what AD were you on?

When you say movement disorder, do you mean Tardives dyskinesia or Akathisia? TD is mainly caused by anti-psychotic meds or dopamine antagonists like Reglan.

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...] Yes I worry quitiapean would cause that , my doctor said it’s unheard of. 
 

I was given nearly every type of ad 😞 all in a short space of time 

[[Cr...]]

Several different types in a short period of time? I bet they started you out at high doses too. If this was when you were in benzo tolerance or withdrawal I can only imagine how your sensitive cns reaction.

I have never used AP drugs so I have no experience to share. I do know that there are others besides just Seroquel, like Zyprexa and Risperdol. Whether those are safer than Seroquel or less likely to cause TD I do not know. You can research them and discuss with your doctor.

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...] thank u I just feel hopeless and the fact I was doing so good last year , I was drug free and living my life I can’t cope with it , I can’t cope that I’ve lost everything again 😞

[[Lo...]]

I just don’t understand why I can’t heal 

[[Cr...]]

1 minute ago, [[L...] said:

I just don’t understand why I can’t heal 

You can heal. For some people the road to fully healed is a lot longer. Any symptoms that you feel that are from withdrawal are there because your brain is doing repairwork to get you back to normal. That process creates these unpleasant feelings.

[[Ma...]]

Please look into Lamictal and LDN as alternative treatments.

[[I ...]]

2 hours ago, [[L...] said:

I can’t get out of bed in the morning . I can’t care for my children or my home . I feel trapped and have no support . I don’t know which way to go . Please I’m thinking of going back on , 5 months into a setback caused by what ?? I don’t know stress? Flu? 

I was almost healed twice in a few years out I can’t take this another second 

major ocd , 

intrusive thouggts 

shame , guilt 

intense regret , flash back memories , SI on and off . Burning fizzing through my body 

burning aviation in pelvic region 

need to get out of my body feeling 

agitation and electrical voltage on mouth 

constantly comparing myself to others 

dread 

impending doom 

depression 

acrophobia now 

o feeling something bad on pending or about to happen to me 

My dearest I'm the same believe me, in the year 3 nearly.

I was also "healed" twice , and again I'm trapped in a very bad tunnel.. Please be patient, will pass soon for sure. Or at least try to find different way of support for your children if is possible.

Go back on benzoses I think is not good idea, I don't think they will help you more than they will cause the opposite. If you experienced twice to feel like healed you'll experience again for sure.

[[Lo...]]

@[I ...] I feel so so awful , I can’t cope with these feelings inside me , there so bad 😞 and the thoughts , are you able to function ? 

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...] I have a very strong symptom of constantly comparing myself to others , it’s unbearable I only have to see someone or fb in a group or in life I I have these feelings accompanied with guilt and shame and it makes me burn inside , I think they would never have made my mistakes all these things I beat myself up for that I’ve done while unwell , I keep imaging others and how they wouldn’t have behaved like me , is this a symptom??