I’m so scared

[[Lo...]]

What do I do if this stuck thought never leaves my mind ever , I can’t live with it I know that for sure , I can’t leave my house or see anyone because of it 😞 what do I do , this one theme in my head has stoped me being able to see anyone , go anywhere or watch tv , everything 

[[Lo...]]

I have 4 children 😞

[[Cr...]]

It won't last forever. You are stuck in a chicken/egg scenario. You would be less afraid of this thought if only it went away, but the thought won't go away until you learn to be less afraid of it.

Your fear of this thought will not determine whether it comes true or not. Quit trying to stop the thought. Allow it to be there. Acceptance takes time to fully implement and not just passive time but active effort.

Nothing we can say at this forum can change the reality of your life as it relates to the content of this thought. Try to start typing out of annoyance, rather than fear, and see if that helps some.

You said you feel worse after talking about this thought to people. Acceptance means you acknowledge it but stop giving it so much prominence by feeding it attention manifested from fear.

I remember when I used to constantly check my heart rate to see if it went down. My heart rate would not slow until I finally decided to stop checking it so much.

Think of this thought like a bruise on your skin. It is going to be there no matter how often you check on it. Try to stop checking your thoughts all the time to see if the scary thought is there. You already know it is there, so just like a bruise.. let it fade away on its on. If you keep pressing on it, it will stay around longer and hurt far more.

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...] yes I know I have to do this , how do I start . I’ve done a lot of resolving it again today , trying to find reassurance . Checking etc . Would I be able pm you about his thought or is it not aloud . I have exhausted every corner to see ok safe and yet the next day the loop starts up again 😞 and it’s affected nearly every aspect of my life . I also have flash back memories very badly spinning in my head in the morning when I’m in bed  , I spoke with the mental health team and they said they have never heard of that  . I feel like I’m dying when it happens. I have a feeling of electrical fizzing in my body , burning arousal on and off and electrical fizzy in my mouth as well as needing to be out of my body . Dread and fear  , do u think the withdrawal is causing these mental stuff ? 

[[Cr...]]

Is the content of this thought something that you can affect through choice or action? For example, say you are stressing that your gram will find out you sold off her family heirlooms that were in the attic. Chances are she will never go up there to notice, and may never notice through the rest of her life. Coming forward and telling her would be an action that can affect the contents of the thought.

If your intrusive thought was about the moon crashing into the earth, then there is no capable action on your part that can change the reality that reinforces that thought. You would have to tackle intrusive thoughts as a concept and not the actual content.

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...]Yes so basically it is something that actually happened but it didn’t happen if that makes sense , like I want to go to the people and ask them but everyone keeps telling me nothing has happened so in doing that I creating a situation that isn’t there , I keep trying to reassure myself and going through the facts all the odds are defiantly stacked in my favour but it still creates so much fear and I worry everybody else knows so I don’t want to leave my house 😞 I’m scared I’ll never ever get over it , I can’t take it for one more day 

Edited Thursday at 18:50 by [Lo...]

[[Cr...]]

14 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

I also have flash back memories very badly spinning in my head in the morning when I’m in bed

That is very common in times of high anxiety and/or depression, especially when benzo withdrawal is a factor. Don't forget that benzos can numb us to emotions and the impact of things that happened while we were on them. During withdrawal our anxiety will bombard us with sad memories, past regrets, and feelings of doom about the future. Having those feelings is normal. I have experienced them and I am sure other members will say they did as well.

How about you make a deal with yourself. You will tackle the content of that intrusive thought after you heal from benzo withdrawal. Let your brain know it is unfair to expect you to deal with this issue until you have had time to mentally recuperate.

[[Lo...]]

@[Cr...] how will I know if I’m healed ? Do u think the though will be there after 

[[Lo...]]

I also have all people I have know through my life looping through my head as well as the flashback memories like there on a rota wheel spinning fast , I honestly feel as though I’m dying 

[[Cr...]]

5 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

@[Cr...] how will I know if I’m healed ? Do u think the though will be there after 

Yes. Intrusive thoughts I had during withdrawal still exist, but they no longer after me 24/7 and so intensely.

Once you heal further (or even get a window) you will find the truth about this thought and your ability to cope with it. At some point in the future you will look back in amazement at how you could possibly have let this thought affect you the way it did.

You are in WD right now, so you can expect to feel anxious and take an anxious approach to how you view all matters in your life, no matter how big or small.

[[Lo...]]

 @[Cr...] so how do I deal with it whilst in withdrawal as it’s stopping me leaving my house or taking my children to school as I think everybody knows , even though everyone tells me this isn’t the case 😞

thank you for your help , I lay in bed for 6 hours today with my head spinning , I just can’t take it 

[[Lo...]]

I mean I’m even thinking if I need to hire a carer to help me get through the day it’s that bad 

[[je...]]

13 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

so how do I deal with it whilst in withdrawal as it’s stopping me leaving my house or taking my children to school as I think everybody knows , even though everyone tells me this isn’t the case 😞

I had some irrational thoughts and fears during withdrawal. One of them was that my previous employer would track me down on this forum, think that I’m a drug addict and use that as reason to fire me from my job. I was paranoid I was going to get fired. I knew it was irrational. I knew it would be unlikely to happen yet I was terrified. I didn’t want anyone on here to know I live in Australia as that would make it easier for them to track me down. I changed my writing to American English instead of the British English we use. Things like that. 

Then what helped me was to face my fears. I posted that I lived in Australia. And nothing happened. The more I posted the more comfortable I became with it because it showed it was unfounded. You might want to start taking your children to school to see if you can get over the initial fear. Take some family members with you for support. It can be really quick and you don’t have to talk to anyone. In fact the first time you can stay in the car. 

Facing my fears is what helped me.

[[Lo...]]

@[je...] I’m scared I don’t know how to get over it , I’m worried I’ve been seen in my bedroom window in the mist of a anxiety attack mass of symptoms ,  I’m worried the whole town will know about me and all the parents and so on . I can’t even go to the hair dressers incase they know , what if this hangs over me for life 

[[Lo...]]

Did it help you strait away or was it a gradual process and was it fear or ocd too ? 

[[je...]]

1 hour ago, [[L...] said:

Did it help you strait away or was it a gradual process and was it fear or ocd too ? 

It was both fear and OCD. I couldn’t control the thought and it overshadowed everything. When I decided to face it and started posting my location which was my greatest fear, it initially got worse for a day or two because I didn’t know what the consequences would be and my brain kept telling me I screwed up. Then when nothing happened after a day or two there was a big relief but the thought was still lingering but not as intense. It gradually got better within a couple of weeks.

If your brain is telling you that people already know (but your family says it never happened) and you go out and face people, then it won’t change anything. If you believe they already know, then going out won’t change the fact that they know. It’s just important that you don’t talk to them about it as you don’t want to start rumours about something that never happened.