I can't do this anymore....

[[S_...]]

I will never be me again ... I think this is what healing is... I don't think it gets better than this....I will never be the same again....I need someone to talk to I can't do this anymore.... 

[[An...]]

@[S_...]

What is going on? Can you elaborate?

[[S_...]]

@[An...] I don't feel like myself anymore I can't feel joy is it really worth continuing like this? I feel like giving up...

[[S_...]]

I'm not gonna make it...

[[An...]]

Are you still on or detoxing @[S_...]? Which benzo?

[[Ja...]]

S_123 it’s horribly frustrating,your still in there though,.are you still in tapering of or jumped pal

[[S_...]]

@[An...] I don't know which benzo I was spiked for 6 weeks straight and cold turkeyed my life was robbed from me I will never be me again it's been 8 months 

[[S_...]]

What did I do to deserve this....I really don't understand.....

[[Fi...]]

15 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

I will never be me again ... I think this is what healing is... I don't think it gets better than this....I will never be the same again....I need someone to talk to I can't do this anymore.... 

I am in a similar state, we will make it.  And it is going to be so beautiful on the other side of this.  It is difficult to stay positive, but it makes it easier to tell myself I am healing opposed to I am stuck.  Better days are to come.

[[Ja...]]

The fact you were spiked has most probably put you in a state of shock as well,that could be making you feel like hell alone

[[S_...]]

I just want my life back....that's all I want.....I wanna go back... 

[[Fi...]]

Just now, [[S...] said:

I just want my life back....that's all I want.....I wanna go back... 

I know, me too.  It will come soon, could be tomorrow.

[[Cr...]]

23 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

@[An...] I don't feel like myself anymore I can't feel joy is it really worth continuing like this? I feel like giving up...

Who does feel joy when they are in a wave. I think if you did you would be an outlier. I can understand the sentiment of feeling like you want to give up. As day after day I got assaulted by horrible morning terror, persistent intrusive thoughts, burning skin, nausea, etc... my will felt like it eroded and every minute was a "I don't want to do this anymore!" kind of feeling.

The truth may be that superficially you probably don't want to fight anymore, but the real you wants to beat this beast. Underneath all the fear and wd symptoms is someone that has a lot more strength than they realize.

You were thrown back into a wave at 8 months. That is not at all unusual during recovery. The same holds true for the cessation of waves and getting windows. Once this wave ends you will be so glad you kept of fighting. The future you is probably shouting right now at you to keep on pushing forward.

Oftentimes members experience a better baseline after a horrible wave. The harder this is hitting you the more repairwork is being done. It is an exhausting process, but enduring it will be well worth the effort. 

Please keep your chin up. You are not alone in this battle. The enemy (benzo WD) is getting desperate because it knows it is going to lose the war. Don't let it's temper tantrums get you down.

[[Na...]]

29 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

What did I do to deserve this....I really don't understand.....

This isn’t about deserving anything. You don’t deserve this. None of us do.

But unfortunately in this world bad things happen to good people. I had a friend that got pancreatic cancer at 35 and died. He certainly didn’t deserved that.

We just got dealt a bad hand when we were prescribed these horrible drugs.

I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re still in the early days of withdrawal. You have absolutely every chance and likelihood that you will recover from this and you’ll one day look at this period of your life in your rear view mirror.

Hang in there. You will get better.

[[I ...]]

32 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

@[An...] I don't know which benzo I was spiked for 6 weeks straight and cold turkeyed my life was robbed from me I will never be me again it's been 8 months 

Don't give up!!! Eight months are nothing believe me.. I know, it knows to be unbearable, but there will be improvement with the time..

What to say me in 30 month and struggling again from last month, after amazing 8 months without symptoms and feeling completely myself.

Don't give up..It knows to be boring but there will be amazing days, months and years maybe...

I had it.

[[Ra...]]

123
I was once where you’re today. I think that all of us were to some degree or even worse. The good thing is that you will get better. The hard thing is that it’s difficult. You will make it. It’s hell but doable. Read the success stories. I did along with many others. Take it hour by hour and day by day. It’s sucks but it gets better.

Ranchman 

[[An...]]

12 hours ago, [[S...] said:

@[An...] I don't know which benzo I was spiked for 6 weeks straight and cold turkeyed my life was robbed from me I will never be me again it's been 8 months 

Were you only on benzos for 6 months b/f the CT? Why were you Rx'd these drugs? What are the primary SXs you are dealing with?

[[S_...]]

@[An...] no not 6 months I was on it for 6 weeks only and I was not prescribed by doctor. Some one mixed it in my matcha drink for 6 weeks straight and that's how I got Into this hell...the acute was soo bad I almost died...

[[S_...]]

@[An...] right now all my physical symptoms and most of the scary mental symptoms are gone but I'm left with severe depression and emotional bluntness 

[[An...]]

1 minute ago, [[S...] said:

@[An...] no not 6 months I was on it for 6 weeks only and I was not prescribed by doctor. Some one mixed it in my matcha drink for 6 weeks straight and that's how I got Into this hell...the acute was soo bad I almost died...

How did you discover this? Which benzo? How much? Who did this? Why would someone do this to you? I have never heard of anything like this before.

[[S_...]]

@[An...] me neither I have never heard this happening to anyone else. It was my roomate and I honestly have no idea why he did this to me .... if u hate me soo much why not just leave my life why drag me into this hell? Anyways I realised when I stopped having the drink for a week and that's when the symptoms hit me but they came gradually like at first I felt delirium and my vision was getting blurry I thought something was happening to my body... went to the doctor they couldn't find anything and then suddenly few days later I start getting akathisia I didn't even know what that is and I googled akathisia and it said benzo or other psychotic meds withdrawal ! That's when I realised what had happen to me then few more days past and I got into full blown withdrawal with all the symptoms people listed on here. It was my fault for trusting.... I just want my life back 

[[PE...]]

13 hours ago, [[S...] said:

@[An...] I don't know which benzo I was spiked for 6 weeks straight and cold turkeyed my life was robbed from me I will never be me again it's been 8 months 

You were tricked to take benzos?

[[S_...]]

@[PE...] yes 

[[Al...]]

Did you go to the police? It might be difficult to prove but spiking your drink with benzos is definitely a crime.

[[PE...]]

How did this happen?