Be careful who you share your recovery from protracted withdrawal with.....

[[vo...]]

I'm in my twelfth month of withdrawal symptoms. All different symptoms - some tolerable and some that make me feel like I want to die. (But I won't). So a week ago, I was supposed to babysit my granddaughters. I've been spending time at their house with the family as well as babysitting frequently for months now...  A week ago Saturday I was supposed to babysit. I didn't feel all that great, having my usual vibrations throughout my body, itching skin and burning sensations all over. These particular symptoms usually subside when I get my mind busy with other things, like babysitting. I still didn't feel well when I got to my daughter's house, sat on the couch, said I wasn't feeling all that great but that I would be fine. Well, I stupidly mentioned that I was having some of the withdrawal symptoms after ending xanax a year earlier. She knew all about this beforehand, so it wasn't new news. Apparently, she talked to her other half about it and they decided it would be best if she didn't go to wherever they were planning on going to, so I didn't need to babysit my two granddaughters. I stayed with my daughter and granddaughters for several hours (feeling better of course) and then went home.

So fast forward to today, I've only seen my daughter and granddaughters once, for a couple of hours when we took a ride together. No visiting at their house, which normally I would have done a couple of times throughout the week, and no babysitting the girls who are off of school and summercamp, so they really don't have anything to do during the day while their parents are working. Usually, my daughter would have had me go over the house and stay with them throughout the day several days. Tonight, she mentioned they would "stop by" my apartment on Wednesday. My apartment is tiny and there's nothing for them to do here! I have to wonder why she wouldn't have asked me to come over to their house for several hours on Wednesday.

Am I being paranoid, or does anyone on this page see what I see, that ever since they knew I wasn't feeling my best that one day, that they are completely backing off on me going to visit at their house and that my grandmother duties as a babysitter, are no longer needed because they fear that all of a sudden, out of the blue, my withdrawal symptoms are going to be a threat?! I wish I had NEVER said anything! It really looks like what we say on this site, that we should keep our symptoms to ourselves and others going through the same thing. I'm afraid if I approach my daughter on how I feel, that this is going to blow up on me and make the situation worse. What do you all think and how I should handle this?  

[[Cr...]]

Don't go jumping to conclusions too quickly. The way you are feeling may indeed by a factor in the way your daughter goes about visitations. After you mentioned how you were not feeling well due to recovery, she may have taken that as a false hint that you were trying let her know that it is very difficult for you to leave your house and go over there to babysit.

Your daughter may be thinking she is making things easier for you if she doesn't ask you to babysit as often and also brings the grandkids to you.

Just tell her that in spite of how you feel, visiting her house and your grandchildren actually is a highlight for you and makes you feel better. Let her know that if your condition ever made you feel like you would rather not watch them that day, you promise you will let her know.

If my father told me what you told her I also would probably not ask him to come over often as I would feel he is only coming over out of guilt. If he told me that he prefers to come over than stay at home, then I would happily change things back to the way they were.

Again, it may not be about your withdrawal symptoms being a threat to your ability to safely babysit. It may actually just be your daughter trying to make things easier for you. She may have taken your words about withdrawal as a hint to her that babysitting is hard on you and therefor please don't ask you to babysit as much.

[[Mi...]]

I think “the truth shall set you free” - I think very calmly you should tell your daughter you are “concerned”.  And I agree with Crono - let her know that she and your granddaughters are the “light of your life” - it’s possible she may not fully understand.  Bc it’s impossible to understand unless you have been there. If she does say she’s concerned about you watching the kids - perhaps you could let her know that you love spending time with them.  What boundaries would make that “ok” for her.  Maybe you could watch them while she is at the house getting stuff done.  Maybe seeing you with them would give her a comfort level.  Grandparent relationships can get complicated no matter what.  Mine sometimes has with my mother in law - I think approaching with honesty, in an understanding way (seeing it from her perspective) you can let her know - “hey - you are the mom - I respect how you feel - but I love these kids - can we make this work?” I am saying a prayer for you right now.  This is such a tough tough thing to go through and it does put a strain on our relationships with our closest friends and family.  God bless you and hang in there - please let me know how it goes. 
xoxo 

[[vo...]]

Thanks @[Cr...] and @[Mi...]. I'll remain calm and try not to let my brain wander to the worst possible scenarios yet. I'll try to come up with a non-accusatory way to approach this with her. I appreciate both of your suggestions to think about. Situations like this definitely cause my anxiety and symptoms to rise to their fullest. I am going to think twice about telling people too much about why I might not feel well. They just don't understand.

Edited Tuesday at 01:53 by [vo...]

[[Cr...]]

Just now, [[v...] said:

I'll try to come up with a non-accusatory way to approach this with her.

As long as it isn't you walking up to her and saying "I want to see my grandchildren you b****!" with a smack to the face I think things should go okay. 

You may very well be overthinking things but that is perfectly normal for people in recovery due to benzo withdrawal.

[[vo...]]

1 minute ago, [[C...] said:

As long as it isn't you walking up to her and saying "I want to see my grandchildren you b****!" with a smack to the face I think things should go okay. 

You may very well be overthinking things but that is perfectly normal for people in recovery due to benzo withdrawal.

lol! I did a lot of those types of comments when I was using xanax heavily. I was powerful when I was using it. I won't do that. In fact, I tend to rely on ChatGPT to reword my thoughts and it does a pretty good job of doing that tactfully.

[[La...]]

Yes I agree with the above commentts and suggestions. It might be wise to have a gentle talk with your daughter. Let her know that although you don’t feel well because you are recovering, you still would like to keep doing what you were doing with visiting and being around your grandkids. If at any time you are unable to babysit, you will let her know. Then tell her you’ve noticed the difference in the cutting back of family time or babysitting. Ask her if your illness has made her uncomfortable in any way as far as your ability to babysit? If she says yes, then let her know that you’re still able to have grandmother duty and if at any time that changes, you’ll let her know because you wouldn’t allow your illness to interfere with taking care of the kids. If your daughter says no I was just giving you some space until you feel better, then thank her for being considerate and express to her that as of now it actually is a highlight for you to be with your family. 
You sound like you have a beautiful family btw! I do agree that people going through this recovery should be mindful of what they share with those who don’t understand this. 
I wish you well, speedy healing and this issue get resolved soon. 

Edited Tuesday at 13:27 by [La...]