10 years off. back in acute PLEASE HELP

[[wd...]]

Hi group im currently in spain for work with two collegues. I had a particular hard withdrawal many years ago that eventually resolved and I would consider myself 90% healed.

I considered myself healed at 6years off. And im now a total 10 and half years off benzos and was doing great. I finally got a job that I love and have a wife and 2 children back home in the U.S.A.

 

Me and my two colleagues decided to goto a bar and i consumed 3 full strength beers. Hours later I felt a little off but brushed it off.

I awoke suddenly at 3am back into acute with akathesia, i woke up both my colleagues and begged them for help in extreme terror and fear. I asked them to call an ambulance then I told them not to. They tried to comfort me trying to understand the situation as best as they could. I suddenly have devoloped agoraphobia and i am stuck in a foreign country and humilated and back in acute. I am pacing non stop and rocking back and fourth in my motel room. I am 49 years old and crying like a baby. . i am so dizzy and off balance I cant walk, it feels like im been pushed to one side..  I will not be able to return to work and have notified my boss back home in the USA that im handing in my resignation effective today as i know deep down been back in acute is such a long process.. He is very confused what is happening to me.... he doesnt understand that two drinks and im now a mess because of a previous benzo use.

 

Looks like I have now lost my job as I obviously cannot return. I have not rang my wife yet to tell her that it will possibly be months until I can come back home on a flight back to wisconson. And I also havent told her that it looks like will be loosing our house as im the sole income earner while she looks after our children. Im preparing to tell her she needs to contact her family in texas to potentionally live with them (we dont have alot in savings).

I cant do this anymore. I thought this was over with years ago. And please this is not just "anxiety". I dont want to hear it. I am very well versed in benzo withdrawal symptoms and I am back in acute for at least another year i know it.. I am absolutley devasted. My life has been completley shattered into a million pieces again and im not sure when ill be able to get back to my wife. My colleagues are leaving me here in spain by myself as they have to go back. Im currently ordering food to the hotel room but now I am reacting to all foods again with them increasing my symptoms.

 

Mods please dont move this to the long haulers board. I need replies and help urgently.

Im so done.

[[je...]]

Hi @[wd...]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

I’m extremely sorry for what you’re experiencing right now. It must be very scary especially being in another country. I do want to implore you not to make any hasty decisions right now such as resigning from your job or sending your family to live with other family members. For all we know this could be a short lived event and you might recover in a couple of days or weeks. 

The fact that you’ve considered yourself healed for 4 years with no complications is a very good sign. This doesn’t mean you are losing everything. We are here to help and support you. 

[[Ar...]]

Difficult situation, but far from impossible ☀️

I would get myself to an ER/medical center or get the hotel to organize a doctor (spanish medical care is very good) in order to get stabilized so that I could travel back home. 

Do you have travel insurance?

Is it possible that at least one of your coworkers stays with you?

Like JB said, its not the moment to make any drastic decisions now. There is time for that once at home.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

This could honestly pass as soon as it came on, meaning don’t catastrophize: you know that is a symptom.

I would encourage you to call your boss back and 1st ask for a leave of absence, do not resign.

If your wife doesn’t know about your past w/d, tell her as calmly as you can that you have been through this before and hope this time it will resolve quickly and to ask for her support.

Your body has healed before and it WILL heal again. This happened to Matt Samet and he fully recovered.

You also know the drill and to take things 1 day at a time, 1 moment at a time; breath, distract and keep coming here for support.

Again: please do not resign from your employer.

Breathe…

Edited Sunday at 11:17 by [Ma...]

[[fa...]]

How long did the aka last previously?  

[[Ya...]]

Plz reconsider dropping everything at once , currently in a setback myself n the only thing that strengthens me is resuming life as if I'm normal. This too shall pass