Every.Damn.Day.

[[Ma...]]

Edited b/c me complaining isn’t helpful to anyone ❤️‍🩹

Edited Saturday at 16:32 by [Ma...]

[[Th...]]

Sometimes we all need to vent.  Life, along with recovery can be quite overwhelming. 

[[Kr...]]

Sometimes it is helpful to others to hear. 

[[Ma...]]

Well….

My brain is damaged per my Mayo/NIH/FDA dr.-based on symptoms.

I can’t watch TV, except at night laying down and I’m fairly delirious, going in and out. I used to work at The White House and could barely follow the debate. 🥹

Olympic trials? Nope. I lay on my left side, try not to move and listen.

I can’t read a book and have a library of around 1,000 books.

My brain can’t handle unknown environments and feels like 1/4 of it is missing.

My fatigue feels terminal and I am in bed all day except for the willpower of Jobe, I force myself up to walk dogs 5-8 miles/day when it’s not 100 degrees.

Every.Night. for 2 years (have been dealing with this for 4+, I know, less than most and my heart breaks for you) I overheat around 6 and throughout the night as I awake every 20, 40, 90 minutes only to relive Ground Hog Day-from-hell.

Said expert-dr, 3 years or more to heal. But we all know there is no timeline.

Every day piled upon the other just seems like I lose a little more, that the deconditioning of my injured brain is going to cause greater and greater damage. Damage that you just can’t come back from.

I don’t have anxiety to ‘manage’ in social situations. My brain just cannot adapt to it so exposure therapy doesn’t work. I can’t’fake it til I make it, or use Matt Samet’s idea that ‘nobody’ knows what is going on in your benzo brain as my brain doesn’t work.

And I live in a city that has festivals, nights at museums, outdoor concerts, plays, plays, plays, Embassy events-every.DAY. my city and friends are dynamic, to say the least.

The stupid 7 hour NeuroPsych exam said my brain was fine-not. That test was sheer torture. Same with CT, MRI, lab after lab just like everyone.

How do you possibly adapt to a life that solely surrounds survival?

Freaking nightmare for all.

Done with rant, pity party. Thank you for indulging me ❤️‍🩹

Edited Saturday at 18:03 by [Ma...]

[[Kr...]]

@[Ma...]❤️❤️‍🩹💔

[[Go...]]

 

On 11/06/2024 at 17:01, [[M...] said:

Nobody is coming to save you. You simply HAVE to be your own advocate.

@[Ma...] You gave me some good advice that, believe it or not, has really made a positive difference for me in the past few weeks. Rant away, (I know I have at times), but don’t give up on yourself!

 

Edited Saturday at 23:34 by [Go...]

[[li...]]

your anger is good. use it to be the warrior that you are and will continue to be. we all have to fight our way thru during tough & challenging times in this journey. sometimes my toughest days were followed by a few steps forward. not always, but sometimes.