Resentment to people who are unsupportive

[[En...]]

I have been and had been going through hell to get through this and have had no support system around me. In fact people have been harmful to my recovery including my Dr. 

I have been finding myself feeling resentment to those people and am angry that I have had such no support. I ak starting to feel this especially to my Dr and some family and my coworkers. I guess hurt feelings are becoming angry feelings now.

It has been a truly lonely experience. 

[[kn...]]

We should start a club. Many more here would quickly join. I hate to say it, but this sort of thing goes with the territory. My Dr. didn’t even believe or acknowledge my symptoms. Friends have deserted due to the fact that I can’t drink alcohol at dinners and backyard BBQ’s anymore. My lovely and supportive wife and family have long since grown weary of my compromised ability to do much of anything. Yet, they expect me to show up in life whenever requested. I’ve come to the decision that the only place I can dump my grief is right here. Nobody else believes the stuff I’m going through or wants to hear about it. 

[[WU...]]

Angry with the countless doctors who continued to prescribe them yes, very angry.

I don't have any support, no one, so at least I can't be disappointed. Though by the sound of it even if I did have someone they wouldn't be much use! I wouldn't blame them though as they really cannot be expected to know how this feels.  With non-stop physical symptoms as well as cognitive, anxiety, tension etc.. this all looks to the outside world like mental illness and everyone seems to be afraid of that. Much better to have broken an arm or leg as it is more predictable and people know what to do.

[[En...]]

10 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

Angry with the countless doctors who continued to prescribe them yes, very angry.

I don't have any support, no one, so at least I can't be disappointed. Though by the sound of it even if I did have someone they wouldn't be much use! I wouldn't blame them though as they really cannot be expected to know how this feels.  With non-stop physical symptoms as well as cognitive, anxiety, tension etc.. this all looks to the outside world like mental illness and everyone seems to be afraid of that. Much better to have broken an arm or leg as it is more predictable and people know what to do.

People in our lives seem to grow weary of our condition. My wife thinks I can just snap out of it when i am in deep withdrawal. It is impossible to imagine that medication can do this to someone. People think it is treatable or a state of mind. This is different from normal anxiety or fatigue. Only someone who has been through this truly knows. 

I can always tell when someone truly understands. They stick out like a sore thumb. 

[[st...]]

 

We do have each other, who understand this situation. We also have time, which becomes our biggest ally in fighting this crap. With time, we prove all these ‘experts’ and naysayers wrong. That it’s not us, it’s the drugs.

Doctors who don’t read and communicate the full extent of risks involved, should sell used cars instead! From my experience, many who choose medical school, do so for the wrong reasons (family pressure, prestige and money). What’s missing is the desire to truly help and care for other people, not just treating them as another number.

Conventional medicine is mostly based on masking and managing the malady, not finding its cause to resolve it. By going through withdrawals we are removing the cause, the drug.

People around me also didn’t understand until I had them read success stories. Then they knew enough to at least listen and give me time.

 

Edited yesterday at 00:05 by [st...]

[[En...]]

13 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

We do have each other, who understand this situation. We also have time, which becomes our biggest ally in fighting this crap. With time, we prove all these ‘experts’ and naysayers wrong. That it’s not us, it’s the drugs.

Doctors who don’t read and/or communicate the full extent of risks involved, should sell used cars instead! From my experience, many who choose medical school, do so for the wrong reasons (family pressure, prestige and money). What’s missing is the desire to truly help and care for other people, not just treating them as another number.

Conventional medicine is mostly based on masking and managing the malady, not finding its cause to resolve it. By going through withdrawals we are removing the cause, the drug.

People around me also didn’t understand until I had them read success stories. Then they knew enough to at least listen and give me time.

My Dr told me that depression is just a state of mind and in my head and I could change my thoughts if I really wanted to. He thinks prescribing more medication is a cure. I have lost all trust in the medical system. And now I know who is truly there for me in my time of need. Not many.

[[Kr...]]

It’s tragic because that lack of understanding and support on top of mental SI from this can be brutal to say the least.

Yesterday, I was told I was not healing fully because I eat fruit and drink tea. That finding the right mineral supplement will take most of my fatigue away. They don’t want to get it, humans are difficult creatures.

i was very hurt and then angry. This woman sells health products and doesn’t believe people have any sensitivities to anything that grows in nature. How ignorant.

I guess people who eat a peanut and die are making that happen to themselves.

[[Id...]]

I just can say that I feel you @[En...], especially because those were the people I would have done this and more for them. I am afraid that even if I survive this internal fracture won’t heal and to remain disillusioned as I was brought to be, whit everyone. 
I hope you will heal 

[[Ti...]]

I’ve found that only people with chronic illnesses themselves that experience daily suffering can even remotely get it. Everyone else seems to give up on us or look away. The lack of support has been brutal and at times find myself becoming quite nihilistic. I’ve accepted that validation is only going to come from within, or from strangers on the internet with similar experiences, and that’s just sad. 

The good thing is there are more benzo wise doctors now, but without the financial means that help is not attainable to many. 

Edited Friday at 20:51 by [Ti...]

[[En...]]

39 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

I’ve found that only people with chronic illnesses themselves that experience daily suffering can even remotely get it. Everyone else seems to give up on us or look away. The lack of support has been brutal and at times find myself becoming quite nilistic. I’ve accepted that validation is only going to come from within, or from strangers on the internet with similar experiences, and that’s just sad. 

The good thing is there are more benzo wise doctors now, but without the financial means that help is not attainable to many. 

I got to go see my monkeys ass of a Dr next week. Not looking forward to that at all.

[[Cr...]]

6 hours ago, [[E...] said:

I have been and had been going through hell to get through this and have had no support system around me. In fact people have been harmful to my recovery including my Dr. 

I have been finding myself feeling resentment to those people and am angry that I have had such no support. I ak starting to feel this especially to my Dr and some family and my coworkers. I guess hurt feelings are becoming angry feelings now.

It has been a truly lonely experience. 

It is truly disheartening when others don't understand the true extent of suffering that benzo withdrawal can create.

I would caution against letting that anger manifest into a long-lasting resentment towards family, friends, and coworkers. From the outside, our suffering truly does sound fantastical and exaggerated. It is easy to believe that if you were in their position you would have been more supportive and understanding, but there is a good chance we would have acted just like them.

Imagine if you never took any benzos or even heard of benzos and one of your coworkers that hasn't been doing their best at work tried blaming it on issues from a med that they stopped 12 months ago. It would be hard to believe, especially if you didn't understand the whole wave/window cycle. If they felt good the 2 months prior due to a window but now they are back in a slump, you would assume they are making excuses, blaming the wrong thing, or went back to using the med again (how can withdrawal symptoms be back?!). Not many people have heard of withdrawals that last longer than a few weeks, let alone symptoms that come and go many many months later.

Resentment towards doctors I can understand because most, if not all, of us were never told that withdrawal from benzodiazepines could potentially be severe and longlasting, even with short-term use and low doses. Even though our cases are the minority, we should at least have been informed of the chance of facing what we did.

Try to afford all the important people in your life the benefit of the doubt. It is much easier to put ourselves in their shoes than it is the other way around. I'd hate for you to make it through withdrawal but then ruin close relationships through anger over an understandable ignorance.

[[jo...]]

This is a big problem in this process. There just isn't much help for us. We're on our own for the most part. It can be incredibly lonely. Why this isn't more widely understood I dont know because it is really no joke.

[[En...]]

2 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

It is truly disheartening when others don't understand the true extent of suffering that benzo withdrawal can create.

I would caution against letting that anger manifest into a long-lasting resentment towards family, friends, and coworkers. From the outside, our suffering truly does sound fantastical and exaggerated. It is easy to believe that if you were in their position you would have been more supportive and understanding.

Imagine if you never took any benzos or even heard of benzos and one of your coworkers that hasn't been doing their best at work tried blaming it on issues from a med that they stopped 12 months ago. It would be hard to believe, especially if you didn't understand the whole wave/window cycle. If they felt good the 2 months prior, you would assume they are making excuses or blaming the wrong thing. Not many people have heard of withdrawals that last longer than a few weeks, let alone symptoms that come and go.

Resentment towards doctors I can understand because most, if not all, of us were never told that withdrawal off of benzos could potentially be severe and longlasting, even with short-term use and low doses.

Try to afford all the important people in your life the benefit of the doubt. It is much easier to put ourselves in their shoes than it is the other way around. I'd hate for you to make it through withdrawal but then ruin close relationships through anger over ignorance.

I am thinking back to the beginning when I was so deep in withdrawal and suffering immensely. I have gone through the worst hell by myself. This was even before I came here. 

The one person I am truly disappointed with is my Dr. Like you said he never told me of the suffering I would endure when I was taking the meds initially. He only told me later I was going to suffer when it was time to taper. He drugged me up so I wouldn't bother him. I was a walking zombie and he wanted that. 

[[Cr...]]

2 hours ago, [[K...] said:

Yesterday, I was told I was not healing fully because I eat fruit and drink tea. That finding the right mineral supplement will take most of my fatigue away. They don’t want to get it, humans are difficult creatures.

Eating fruit and drinking tea holding you back? Wow. Even naturopaths and former BW sufferers are not immune to being narrow-minded. There are some people that have gone through withdrawal that assume they only recovered because they avoided X and used Y, not realizing that their outcome may have been the same regardless. Which is fine, until they tell other people what they 'must' do to recover.

[[En...]]

1 minute ago, [[C...] said:

Eating fruit and drinking tea holding you back? Wow. Even naturopaths and former BW sufferers are not immune to being narrow-minded. There are some people that have gone through withdrawal that assume they only recovered because they avoided X and used Y, not realizing that their outcome may have been the same regardless. Which is fine, until they tell other people what they 'must' do to recover.

This is mostly what I eat is fruit. 

[[Cr...]]

2 minutes ago, [[E...] said:

This is mostly what I eat is fruit. 

Well apparently according to the person that talked to krissirk, you are not going to heal 

[[En...]]

Just now, [[C...] said:

Well apparently according to the person that talked to krissirk, you are not going to heal 

I am saddened by this news. I guess I should just give up 

[[Bu...]]

I'm right there with y'all.  I'm finding that I've got a lot of anger and resentment going on right now.  Not so much for my doctor, or rather the dozen or more doctors that I've seen over the 13 years prior to my taper for my "mysterious" illness, just because I feel like the problem is so much bigger than them and further up the chain.  They don't know what they don't know, so how can they know what they should be learning?  (Hope that makes sense?)

My doctor is my doctor.  There's nothing personal there and I don't expect any love, support or understanding.  But my family and friends...those are relationships built on love, support and understanding. 

I know that this is a difficult thing to understand.  If you aren't in it, it is impossible to fully understand, but they should try.  Actually, I don't need them to understand.  What I need is their compassion, their sympathy and their belief.  

That said, I know that some of them just won't or can't, but that doesn't mean that it's on me to keep that relationship afloat, especially right now.  I think it's ok to put those folks on the backburner until I am well enough to decide what I want to do about them.  When this is over, and I am surveying the wreckage, then I can decide what is salvageable and how to go about doing it.  Is a conversation in order to try to fix a relationship?  Can I overlook some hurt from some people for whatever reason?  Are some relationships better just left in the ashes?  I know that right now I'm not qualified to analyze all that.  I also know that pretending that it's ok and just letting people off the hook for their crappy behavior isn't good either.  So for now, I'm getting comfortable living with a lot of "to be continued..." 

[[Kr...]]

40 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

There are some people that have gone through withdrawal that assume they only recovered because they avoided X and used Y, not realizing that their outcome may have been the same

Yes. 
People heal who could only afford to eat fast food or frozen pizza because they were too sick to cook or make grocery decisions.

also, those of us who have serious negative ocd loops that tell us the worst heal too.

The most important thing is just make it through another day however that shows up for you, whether at he gym or suffering black depression and debilitating fatigue/pain.

That’s what we need to hear. Now that’s hope!

[[Kr...]]

1 minute ago, [[B...] said:

They don't know what they don't know, so how can they know what they should be learning?  (Hope that makes sense?)

Perfect sense 

[[Kr...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

but that doesn't mean that it's on me to keep that relationship afloat, especially right now

Amen sister! 

[[He...]]

The best advice i got is to tell your self time after time that you forgive and bless all the people that has harmed you .If not you will end up eating yourself from inside with hate .It is a releafe to forgive and bless feels better .

[[Bu...]]

I agree that forgiveness is a good thing and helps with managing anger once you've acknowledged it to yourself.  Forgiveness is something that doesn't require the other person's participation.  I don't need an apology or acknowledgment of wrong-doing to forgive someone. 

  But if we're talking about repairing and having healthy, trusting relationships with people and clearing out the resentment and hurt, that's reconciliation.  And reconciliation requires accountability and responsibility.  It's a two person process with respectful and honest conversation.  I just don't have the ability to do that right now.  Down the road, when I heal, I can tackle that one. 

[[jo...]]

Unlike most here I got myself into this mess and not a doctor. I find it hard to forgive myself, I feel stupid. I do agree that most doctors are clueless with regards to these drugs. That's based on my experiences of them since.

Even if someone makes a catastophic mistake, that leads them to a lot of pesonal suffering, they at least deserve to have there suffering acknowledged. The maybe even deserve to be forgiven for there mistake.

A lot of people will find it easier and preferable to turn away from you. Whether its lack of understanding, lack of compassion, or both. This is a huge test of personal inner strength. I sometimes refer to this as a process, as do many of us. I'm starting to think of it more as survival.

Edited Friday at 21:55 by [jo...]

[[Bu...]]

Oh, @[jo...] being truly sorry for the things we've done wrong deserves forgiveness.  And compassion.  Everyone makes mistakes and no one should be beat over the head with them once they have acknowledged them and are learning from them.  Don't be too hard on yourself, my friend.