I forgot how my body worked.

[[be...]]

So I took a very small dose of X by water tapering. It was not even like a dose. It was like 1/100 of the 0.125mg. It was just like a sip. I felt like it was somewhat OK for a bit and I got a very small rebound 4 hours later. I think it rebounds fast since it is a very small amount and it gets processed fast. I don't know how to water taper it because if it comes back in 3-4 hours than you have to take it like so many times a day.

 

I don't know if it is even is worth.

 

I just ignored it and didn't take the next shot.

 

Now I just forgot how my body was when it was normal. Everything is surreal. My heart is pounding at 120-130 now and IDK if it is wrong,ok or bad.  I just breath and I'm just alive like a robot with a battery on it. Idk if it is wrong or not. This is unrealistic. I forgot how my body used to function 3 months ago.

 

It is just surreal. What is going on?

I'm not depressed or anxious. I just don't know what my body is like and what it was like. I just don't know what to do.

Edited June 20 by [be...]

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[b...] said:

I'm not depressed or anxious. I just don't know what my body is like and what it was like. I just don't know what to do.

There might not be anything for you to do but try your best to get through each day as they come and hope each subsequent day brings with it a bit of improvement. It has been 3 months since you felt like your normal self. It is not uncommon in WD for people to feel grief as if they are mourning the loss of themselves. Longing for the past, suffering in the present, and holding uncertainty about the future... it is no wonder your frustration and the feeling of defeat is so palpable.

You said you felt 'ok' after that microdose. Do you mean you felt no negative reaction from taking it or that it helped your symptoms? Particularly the electricity ones.

If you are truly serious about checking if reinstatement will work for your symptoms it may take a dose close to what you jumped from to know for sure. Doing all these little experiments will do little to help you either way. Of course, the good news is that I would barely count what you took as even a one-off dose. So if you decide not to bother with Xanax anymore you have most likely not set your recovery back at all.

[[be...]]

32 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

There might not be anything for you to do but try your best to get through each day as they come and hope each subsequent day brings with it a bit of improvement. It has been 3 months since you felt like your normal self. It is not uncommon in WD for people to feel grief as if they are mourning the loss of themselves. Longing for the past, suffering in the present, and holding uncertainty about the future... it is no wonder your frustration and the feeling of defeat is so palpable.

You said you felt 'ok' after that microdose. Do you mean you felt no negative reaction from taking it or that it helped your symptoms? Particularly the electricity ones.

If you are truly serious about checking if reinstatement will work for your symptoms it may take a dose close to what you jumped from to know for sure. Doing all these little experiments will do little to help you either way. Of course, the good news is that I would barely count what you took as even a one-off dose. So if you decide not to bother with Xanax anymore you have most likely not set your recovery back at all.

thank you.

 

the rebound came too fast since it was too little and i don't think i would be able to handle to take it so many times a day.... and i don't think my gaba receptors will ever heal to taper like that.... and more importatnly, IDK when i will be able to jump... this thing is just insane... this whole entire benzo thing is crazy

Edited June 20 by [be...]