Going to work, wish me luck!!

[[gu...]]

Hey all, i’ve been posting a ton about what a wreck I am. Things are really escalated for me. Well, I’m going to go to work today because the idea of sitting around and not working feels terrible, even though I’m scared shitless how I’m going to feel at work. I’m going because I know it’s good to keep up a normal routine if possible. I’ve had a shit load of total overwhelm lately and I really hope it doesn’t happen to me when I’m in my office. Wish me luck! 

[[En...]]

1 minute ago, [[g...] said:

Hey all, i’ve been posting a ton about what a wreck I am. Things are really escalated for me. Well, I’m going to go to work today because the idea of sitting around and not working feels terrible, even though I’m scared shitless how I’m going to feel at work. I’m going because I know it’s good to keep up a normal routine if possible. I’ve had a shit load of total overwhelm lately and I really hope it doesn’t happen to me when I’m in my office. Wish me luck! 

Being off work has been a stressor for me as well. I feel useless not working and a loser. I can understand you wanting to go back to work. I have been contemplating this as well. 

Good luck in normalizing your life.

[[Js...]]

<3 Happy for you and good luck. You can do it!

[[or...]]

7 minutes ago, [[g...] said:

Hey all, i’ve been posting a ton about what a wreck I am. Things are really escalated for me. Well, I’m going to go to work today because the idea of sitting around and not working feels terrible, even though I’m scared shitless how I’m going to feel at work. I’m going because I know it’s good to keep up a normal routine if possible. I’ve had a shit load of total overwhelm lately and I really hope it doesn’t happen to me when I’m in my office. Wish me luck! 

Hi gutsy, appropriate name for you as this takes courage and you obviously have it.  I just wrote on another board about something I heard yesterday.  They said that courage is not a lack of fear, but it's facing our fears, head on.  I've had the experience during withdrawal, and before, through the years, and facing a fear has been so rewarding for me.  Even if something didn't work out the way I hoped it still showed me fear is just a shadow, and a liar.  The dreaded "what ifs". 

moving ahead in spite of "fear" trying to cripple us, is true courage, oregonlady

[[gu...]]

Let me be clear, I have worked all through withdrawal. This week was the first time I thought I wouldn’t be able to because things got so bad. So it’s actually a really scary thing for me to go today! I’ll let you all know what happens. 

[[...]]

Good luck gutsy! 👍 

[[jo...]]

I often wonder if going back to work would help. It would be really tough in a wave like the one I'm in now but mabey it would be helpful in some ways I'm not sure. Good luck and please share your experience.

[[gu...]]

You will be very surprised to know that I’m a psychologist in private practice

[[gu...]]

Well, I made it through the first session, but it was really difficult, pretty awful. These freaking Neuro emotions I’m having are running the show lately.. my client would have no idea how, I am able to appear and work normally even when overwhelmed, but it’s a misery. Such a strong feeling of dread and this awful stab of anxious anxiety I get in my gut… I’ve been avoiding interacting with people like crazy so this was particularly hard for me. But I don’t want to give in and just hide from everybody!

Edited June 17 by [gu...]

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[g...] said:

Let me be clear, I have worked all through withdrawal. This week was the first time I thought I wouldn’t be able to because things got so bad. So it’s actually a really scary thing for me to go today! I’ll let you all know what happens. 

My philosophy is if you are going to feel horrible no matter where you are, work or home, you may as well be where you will get paid to be miserable.

Although the symptoms follow us around like an albatross, the distraction provided by work can help even if it is only minimal.

I think once you reach the point of having a "I don't care, do your worst!" mentality towards these symptoms you will find that, while they are still present, you don't fear them as much and thus their hold over you is greatly diminished to where you may reach a point of feeling "functional".

[[gu...]]

Crono, I agree with you 100%. What’s the toughest for me is because of the kind of work I do, I have to appear normal no matter how I feel. That can be tough When really overwhelming shit is going on!  Fortunately, my analytic brain still works when I’m in my office.

as far as telling withdrawal to do its worst, I love that idea, but the problem is my symptoms have only been reaching their worst very recently! So I am terrified of them still.

Edited June 17 by [gu...]

[[gu...]]

I absolutely love the idea of getting to the point where I wouldn’t be afraid of my symptoms. I know they get amped up terribly because of that.

[[pi...]]

Good for you @[gu...]! I worked throughout my taper and recovery. I do have the luxury of having a piano studio in my home. Still, it was a challenge but in the end a good thing. It helped me forget or at least distract from withdrawal for a period of time. I wasn’t always at my best, by a long shot. However, I craved my ‘normal’ life pre benzos, and this is a big part of it.

[[gu...]]

I’m curious, does anyone else get that awful Neuro emotion of a stabbing sensation of anxiety in their chest or belly that can come on for no reason at all? I hate that symptom! It makes me feel really crazy.

also, with the level my symptoms are currently, I can’t distract from them no matter what I do, unfortunately. Work used to do that for me, but not anymore.

Edited June 17 by [gu...]

[[Cr...]]

32 minutes ago, [[g...] said:

Crono, I agree with you 100%. What’s the toughest for me is because of the kind of work I do, I have to appear normal no matter how I feel. That can be tough When really overwhelming shit is going on!  Fortunately, my analytic brain still works when I’m in my office.

I find that having a very analytic brain can potentially negatively affect recovery. When it comes to benzo withdrawal, ignorance is not always bliss as not understanding what is happening can cause immense fear and false diagnoses.

On the other hand, understanding what is happening but overanalyzing every little happening in our mind/body with a critcal mindset in an attempt to 'control' the process and outcome can easily become an obsession, consuming every minute of our lives. After fighting this mental battle so long a person will believe that if they stop overanalyzing/fighting the symptoms, the symptoms will overwhelm them. 

I believe the best path forward is a combination of knowledge and acceptance. Know why the symptoms exist, but accept that they will be present no matter what so there is no need to fight them or even fear them. They often use fear as sustenance and will leave when that food source runs out or a wave is over.

You probably gravitated towards psychology because you naturally have a very analytical mind. That is a special gift that makes you very lucky but also can lead to living life overanaylyzing everything. My eldest sister (an RN) is like that and she deals with the downsides of that come with her way of thinking but has been learning better ways to avoid being too analytical as the years go by.

[[ji...]]

best of luck to you @[gu...].  trying to live life as normal as possible through this, in my opinion, is best.  wishing you a wonderful feeling on your return to work~~~ jil

[[Bi...]]

Good luck @[gu...], and great that you're giving it a go!

I have worked since early on in my recovery, as I couldn't have afforded not to, but in many ways I have seen benefits from it - both as a distraction from the benzo stuff, good to meet people and feel more normal (particularly when in acute) but also as it was a new job role that I really clicked with some colleagues and that gave me a new boost during the tough times. I'm sure it'll go well and be the positive change, distraction and next step to help you keep making it through your healing!  

[[gu...]]

Whoa got thru work but now feel decimated

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[g...] said:

Whoa got thru work but now feel decimated

Well done