New Here & Feeling confused

[[Ha...]]

I just created this account but the depersonalization is bad and I’m not very tech savvy to begin with so I’m just trying to learn to navigate the site. I am tapering from Clonazepam and went from 3mg to .25 over 18 months but have been holding at .25 for 2 years due to life circumstances but since I had surgery in November and then I tried a ketamine infusion 2 weeks ago my symptoms are back to being unbearable. The worse thing for me is the inner restlessness in my chest which is at times unbearable. I have a great deal of physical pain and mentally I’m feeling defeated again. The brain fog and depersonalization are very real again so while I have researched extensively and plan a micro taper I feel I need to stabilize somehow first. I’m so alone and feel so foolish for holding for so long and am hoping to learn and find support as soon as I can figure out how to navigate this site. Any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks

[[Ha...]]

I apologize for my scrambled and repetitive wording but I just can’t think straight currently. 

[[...]]

@[Ha...], hi and welcome to Benzobuddies!) We're so glad you've found us and are posting here. Your wording is very good, really)

Down from 3 to 0.25 of clonazepam is quite a step! My congratulations! You can always start tapering further but first you certainly need to stabilise. Sorry for your symptoms coming back but i guess it's no wonder with benzo and can be sorted out in the end. 

Please, feel free to post throughout the forums from now on. I'm sure you'll find all support and advice you need! Hope other members will soon join in. Good luck to you!

[[...]]

@[Ha...], pls, ask any question, including navigating the site. Other members and i will be glad to help you in any way:) 

[[kn...]]

I took 4 mgs of clonazepam for nearly 3 decades. So don’t beat yourself up over any sort of pharmaceutical stuff you’ve done. We’ve all been there. I did a cross over to diazepam and started from there. After 3 years, I’ve dropped from 60mgs down to .3333. It was way too much and way too fast. I got into a time when I was so sick that ‘held’ for 6 months and spent most of that time in bed. Thereafter, I up dosed and am now micro tapering. So, once again, no need to apologize for anything you’ve done with your taper. You won’t encounter any judgement from us. We’ve all been there. 

[[Ha...]]

I don’t have much medical support or even knowledgeable so I am unable to switch over but did it ease symptoms any? The taper I’m looking at takes 300 days to complete so wondering if anyone has any thoughts if this too long? 

Edited June 10 by [Ha...]

[[Ha...]]

Any advice on stabilizing or even coping would be much appreciated 🙏🏻 

[[kn...]]

Hey there, it’s @[kn...] again. The length of your taper does not sound that bad, but the big question is: how is it working out for you?  If you haven’t already done so, search out a copy of ‘The Ashton Manual’.  It’s free. It’s pretty much the Bible when it comes to knowledge and WD of Benzos. Also, try posting on the withdrawal support forum. I spent a lot of time there when I first signed on. Lots of good advice and posts to help. You can, of course, post your own topics and needs as well. The Brighter Side of Life will help you stay afloat through of this. You can also help keep your mind stable by checking out the blog site. I post articles of my own there, but for your immediate needs, check out ‘Pickle’s Protracted Progress’. She has some excellent practices to keep your body and mind on track throughout your taper. Good luck and welcome!  🤗 

[[Bu...]]

Hello @[Ha...],

I also wanted to say "hello and welcome".  I'm glad you found us.  Like everyone else said, don't worry about how long you've been holding.  We understand that this is quite a process.  And I think you are right about stabilizing first; there is no rush here. 

I also think your proposed timeline sounds reasonable.  The most important thing to keep in mind is to be flexible with it depending on how you are feeling.  It may take more time or less and that's perfectly fine.  Everyone's road off these meds is different.  I stayed on clonazepam all the way down and didn't do a switch to anything else and that worked for me.  For other people, if they run into a problem the switching over to diazepam can be very helpful.  We all just reassess as we go.  

And don't worry about sounding "scrambled" (which you don't), it's pretty common around here.  

[[Ha...]]

Thank you for the kind responses and making me feel comfortable. Luckily the feeling in my chest has subsided some. My doctor has labeled it as tremors and gave me propranolol which seems to work sometimes but mostly I just try to breath through it out of fear of taking anything more. I would love to know if anyone has experienced this and how you try to explain it to others or yourself ? It’s inexplainable to me 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

[[Ha...]]

Thanks for the tips! do have the Ashton Manuel from my first half of taper and recently have purchased the Maudsley Guide which was recently released. Curious to hear thoughts on it if anyone is familiar. 

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[H...] said:

Thank you for the kind responses and making me feel comfortable. Luckily the feeling in my chest has subsided some. My doctor has labeled it as tremors and gave me propranolol which seems to work sometimes but mostly I just try to breath through it out of fear of taking anything more. I would love to know if anyone has experienced this and how you try to explain it to others or yourself ? It’s inexplainable to me 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

@[Ha...], i'm glad your chest feeling is a bit better. I slso took propranolol for a while at my worst. Can't say it helped much and always and yet helped.

I don't know how to go about explaining exactly the chest symptom. The issues we have are often so various but i think, in general, most of the symptoms we feel mean our nervous system's reaction to readjustments of the body to changes because of benzo.  They often seem to be a bit similar to our personal reaction to being under stress but last much longer and caused by changing brain chemistry, a physical process. Smth like that. Anyway, however hard the symptoms feel, they don't mean anything is really wrong with the body. Simply unpleasant up to horrible sensations. Just my speculations. I'm not an expert.

There is a post here, which really helped me to understand the whole process better, "What is happening in your brain".

https://benzobuddies.org/topic/183039-what-is-happening-in-your-brain-by-parker/

 

 

[[tr...]]

Welcome to the site! Lots of support here! 

the truth is you may not "feel stabilized". It is fear that keeps people holding onto some microdose for months. Even with tapering there is no guarantee it will be less symptomatic. The only thing tapering does is ensure you won't have a seizure from jumping from a higher dose.

you've done really well tapering, and yes you've had a bit of a flare up from the ketamine. Nothing helped me "feel better". I did a rapid taper bc my symptoms were outrageous at the .5 dose of ativan I was prescribed, I couldn't imagine tapering for years. 

I'm 4 years + now. Yes I am still healing but am quite functional and happy. The first year is hell no matter what method you choose bc your gaba receptors have to repair. And only time can do that. the years to follow have challenges as well but you'll start to see changes that at least give you some hope.

I know  I may be coming across very direct, but I don't want to sugar coat it. Don't drag this out. We truly heal once it is all out of our system and our body figures out how to function again without it. As long as we take it the body depends on it. 

I'm so sorry you are suffering but  it does get better, you will go one day at a time and one moment at a time if needed. Each day you will live for future you, because future you has a good life again. Future you will laugh, and enjoy life and love people and live with purpose. you may live life differently bc you will need to take very good care of yourself, but it will be so much better than how you feel today. 

your brain will clear, your memory come back, you will sleep again, the awful rebound anxiety goes, and the seemingly endless crying will stop. Our bodies have an amazing ability to heal, and out brains have neuroplasticity. Hugs to you..from someone who is on the other side of this madness:)

Trina75

 

[[Ha...]]

Thanks for your response. I feel like a year is way too long to taper as  well. This is what was recommended to me in a group and while I don’t love the idea I have no thoughts on what to do at this point. After I get off of the Clonazepam I have to still taper off of several other meds but I’m the most concerned is gabapentin but I will cross that bridge when I get there. Symptoms have been rough so I haven’t really explored this forum or done much of anything. 
I need to figure out a taper I guess and start regardless if my symptoms subside or not. 

[[...]]

@[Ha...], hi! I can understand you being at a loss. But i'm sure everything is manageable. I think your current symptoms should settle down over a while. Guess you need more time to reach stabilization  The ketamine infusion must have caused a kind of setback. Such setbacks by other medications happen only too often and it can take more than 2 weeks to feel better afterwards. Plus the operation last November. It's possible to taper off benzo without feeling stable, i did, but it's quite torturous and better avoided.

How long all in all have you been on Clonazepam? How often did you take it? Did you develop any weird or inexplicable symptoms while taking it or feel ok till doing the tapering? Let's try to figure out your taper together and, as i hope, with the help of other members as well.