Would you reinstate after tapering and being off if "rescue doses" triggered severe withdrawl with real life altering symptoms you never had before?

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41 minutes ago, [[b...] said:

Will support you no matter what you decide, whatever may come. I  didn't want to sound harsh, but give you my experience with what your thinking about doing.

You didnt sound harsh at all and i agree with everything you stated, thats why i cant take the pill or even look at the pill box. I guess i'm freaking out more about the colateral damage the symptoms indirectely caused that are irreversible or at least not treatable because i cant take any med for that ever again or do anything about it

[[Cr...]]

Edited June 5 by [Cr...]

[[ba...]]

Please reach out regarding your despondancy. Give it to us here, it will help. Perhaps you need some love and camarerie to help. I wouldnt decide this in a very downcast emotional state. Let us help you, and reach out to a crisis line. They are very good at listening. When I have gotten so depressed, I have used them.

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1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

Your withdrawal symptoms are not causing you damage anymore than pain is preventing a broken bone from healing or making its damage worse. While it may be possible that some changes were made in your nervous system that will forever make your body not capable of tolerating benzos correctly, therefor causing horrible lengthy symptoms, that does not correlate to you now being permanently damaged and forced to suffer the current state of your mind/body indefinitely.

You said it has only been 6 months since the 'first' setback dose. In your case your healing may need to be considered from your last rescue dose simply based on how you reacted to them.

While it can be disturbing to think that you no longer have benzos as quick fix to anxiety or other issues anymore, it is important to remember that humans have survived without their presence for 99.9% of our history. And there are several useful/lifesaving med categories that a lot of people can't take or can no longer take for health reasons. Life just has to be adjusted accordingly.

Instead of continuing to scare yourself with catastrophic ruminations you may want to at least give your body the standard 6 to 24 months to heal instead of assuming all is lost and this is permanent. There are no inevitabilities in the recovery process beyond learning from our mistakes and naivety... so try to get away from the falalistic view that experiencing a major setback from kindling means this is permanent.

I can understand why you have a cynical mindset after so much suffering, but even members that have experienced repeated kindling have gone on to recover.

Thanks for your answer. I was referring to injuries caused by the symptoms itsellf. For example, something is broken, strained or conpressed in my neck from uncontrolable movements i made as a result of muscle contractions. Cant move head, trapezius swallen and painfull, not sure if its tendons or other tissues, bones pooping and cracking, feels inflamed and getting worse as the months pass. If a take a step it hurts more, muscle relaxers or topical creams, heat, ice makes it worse and increases other symptoms. Every med or supplement, specially what acts on the CNS, and even massage or similar interventions like experienced, triggers setbacks to a lot of people even if off the benzo for many years, so i cant risk it, meaning i cant treat things. There are other things such as sticky bones creating a big hunchback and general body deformation, i believe from muscle issues, and damaged heels pad fat on the feet that wont grow back, from standing for too long

[[Cr...]]

Edited June 6 by [Cr...]

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18 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

My mistake Agua. While having a sensitized nervous system due to withdrawal does make taking various supplements and medications much more difficult, that sensitization is usually temporary and people find that when they finally heal, outside of benzos, they can tolerate things they could not while in wd (some can even tolerate occasional alcohol use).

Of course that brings up the major issue of how do you bring relief to non-Benzo Wd related pain/issues when your benzo withdrawal has caused temporary changes in how you react to medications and supplements while you are still healing.

You will obviously have to take it on a one by one basis. You can't rule out every medication because you had a bad reaction to a few. And you can't rule out every otc med, supplement, etc.. just because you had a bad reaction to a few. Almost everyone going through withdrawal has a very sensitive nervous system. In BW, a 5mg Lexapro dose almost sent me to the ER, when a 10 mg caused no issues 7 years prior.

Even if a med causes a flare-up in certain symptoms that does not mean your recovery is set back, assuming the med doesn't act on Gaba-a. At that point you would have to look at the symptoms that the med/supplement is causing and determine if the trade-off is worth it for the symptoms that are relieved.

And while it is frustrating when people don't believe the suffering we go through is real and don't fully understand what all benzo withdrawal entails, it is also true sometimes our own anticipatory anxiety to getting a reaction to something can create a negative reaction. When someone has had genuinely bad reactions to some medications (due to wd) it is possible that afterwards some reactions to later different medications could have been psychosomatic responses due to stress and negative expectations. 

I am in no way downplaying your suffering. And for all I know you may have already taken the psychosomatic possibility into consideration and put it to the test. I just want you to find some relief. I simply bring these possibilities up in case they are something you may have not given much thought.

You said you read about "other people" having reactions to meds/supplements years off so you don't want to risk it. So i assumed there are lots of things you haven't tried out of fear of a setback. Your topic is about reinstating benzos which would be going back on what caused this major setback. I would much rather take chances with non-benzo meds and supplements while in withdrawal than I would with using benzos after recovery or during recovery.

It was actually because i didnt think it would bring issues that i tried a single dose of a muscle relaxer (one that Google says it doesnt act on Gaba, at least directly, but of course you never know, and the fact that it acts on the CNS has the potencial of wrecking things more as it showed), it made me feel weird in the head and with sensory sensations i cant even describe but are very unconfortable, it didnt have any effect on the muscles. Similar experience with a painkiller pill. And of course the clássic magnesium supplement, one single capsule made everything worse and i believe i"m still dealing with that effect. This has left me traumatized to take anything and i dont think i will recover from that because worse than this i could not take it. I feel this damage, for some people,  its like a disease in remission that has the potencial of being triggered by anything at any time. Most of the things people may "need" in some point of their lifes, like steroid shots, anesthesia, progesterone, muscle relaxers, anti-inflmatories, antibiótics, etc acts on Gaba in some way, thats why life after benzos, even after many years off and manily if mistakes like CT or kindling were made, its like walking on egg shells and that alone is terryfing, like a death sentence. Thats how i feel it in my specific case, i hope this is me very mentally ill and once recovered, if that is even possible, i can see things differentely. I used to be fearless, thats why i took those doses the way i did, now i fear literally everything and cant see how i"ll ever be free from that, it completely changed my world to a very small one