Acute wave at 22 months

[[Ki...]]

As the tittle says, I’m coming up to 22 months off all medications and feel this extremely intense chemical anxiety brewing and it’s been building over the last few days. This is exactly how acute felt when it started. First it was for a couple hours then it would go then it would last longer and get worse until I was in a constant state of severe anxiety. Acute lasted for a couple of months before the protracted issues kicked in. Apart from a few episodes since the axiety hasn’t really been there since, more so horrible depression, anhedonia, no energy etc. Now my speed of thoughts are going extremely quick and I have quite a bit of agitated energy like I could talk a mile a minute, the tinitus is really loud, my vision is messed up, my brain is burning and there’s serious head pressure, but worst of all is the chemical anxiety which I feel like I’m constantly fighting off 24/7. I need to constantly distract, as soon as I lift my head from my phone it gets worse, I go for a walk which would usually help but because nothing is engaging my brain the thoughts ramp up. I literally have to stay in bed/on the sofa and distract myself with videos on the phone to keep it at bay. God this reminds me so much of acute.

I had been exercising more recently as I felt able to and that has exacerbated symptoms in the past but not to this extent. This feels like it was a wave that was going to come anyway as I have cycled pretty predictably this whole time and things have been really changing the last few weeks symptoms wise.

Is it true that people experience a final wave just like acute before their final healing? I have seen stories but thought it was rare compared to the gradual healing some experience. If so how long do these typically last?

This is horrible timing as I am due to be going to Greece for one of my best friends weddings in 2 and a half weeks time and have made it my sole aim to go as I have had no life for 2 years. I’d not only regret not going for myself but also for them. I’m worried this will interfere with those plans but I am going to try and rest as much as posssible.

Can someone provide some reassurance?

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[K...] said:

Is it true that people experience a final wave just like acute before their final healing? I have seen stories but thought it was rare compared to the gradual healing some experience. If so how long do these typically last?

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but before I become mostly healed from benzo/alcohol withdrawal I had a really horrible month long wave at around 14 months (16 months from regular alcohol use).

For about 5 or 6 months prior I was relatively stable with minor symptoms. Then came that awful mid April of 2012.

- Morning Anxiety so severe I could feel the cortisol rushes forcing me out of bed. Started dry heaving.

- Horrible agitation that wouldn't let up all day until the evening. 

- A dark depression with nonstop intrusive thoughts playing out negative memories from the past and horrible 'what if' scenarios for the future.

I had to go for lots of walks and when I got home I had to immediately distract myself with a comedy on Tv. Family Guy was playing nonstop.

After a couple of weeks it went away practically in an instant overnight and I never experienced anything that awful from that point forward. So it is very possible this could be a last hurrah, with your withdrawal throwing one final tantrum.

Try not to think about the Greece trip. Live in the moment and remember that these symptoms represent healing changes going on in your body. You will get over this wave and will be another success story. 

One final suggestion. Don't fight the symptoms or try to will them out of existence to lessen their severity. That won't work. Accept that these physical and mental symptoms are going to be there until this wave (aka healing spell) is complete. None of these symptoms can harm you and they represent nothing more than a sign that you brain is repairing itself.

Take care and do whatever you need to get by minute by minute. Relief is on the way.

[[Ho...]]

Hi, I'm at 20.5 months and just finished an acute wave. I think finished. I hope finished. But somehow I seem to have turned a kind of corner. I too was predictable in my recovery; no real window/wave pattern but a steady albeit extremely slow healing over 19.5 months. Then awfulness started last month and I couldn't believe it. Also some life stressors piled in. 

But it left me higher up on the shore. Not perfect but higher. I even had one day when I felt pretty almost normal. 

I do seem to see, over and over, people going through a brief (seems like forever) wave of acute before the final healing kicks in. This may well be your last dance with acute. I so hope and pray it is!

HCHC

[[da...]]

8 hours ago, [[K...] said:

As the tittle says, I’m coming up to 22 months off all medications and feel this extremely intense chemical anxiety brewing and it’s been building over the last few days. This is exactly how acute felt when it started. First it was for a couple hours then it would go then it would last longer and get worse until I was in a constant state of severe anxiety. Acute lasted for a couple of months before the protracted issues kicked in. Apart from a few episodes since the axiety hasn’t really been there since, more so horrible depression, anhedonia, no energy etc. Now my speed of thoughts are going extremely quick and I have quite a bit of agitated energy like I could talk a mile a minute, the tinitus is really loud, my vision is messed up, my brain is burning and there’s serious head pressure, but worst of all is the chemical anxiety which I feel like I’m constantly fighting off 24/7. I need to constantly distract, as soon as I lift my head from my phone it gets worse, I go for a walk which would usually help but because nothing is engaging my brain the thoughts ramp up. I literally have to stay in bed/on the sofa and distract myself with videos on the phone to keep it at bay. God this reminds me so much of acute.

I had been exercising more recently as I felt able to and that has exacerbated symptoms in the past but not to this extent. This feels like it was a wave that was going to come anyway as I have cycled pretty predictably this whole time and things have been really changing the last few weeks symptoms wise.

Is it true that people experience a final wave just like acute before their final healing? I have seen stories but thought it was rare compared to the gradual healing some experience. If so how long do these typically last?

This is horrible timing as I am due to be going to Greece for one of my best friends weddings in 2 and a half weeks time and have made it my sole aim to go as I have had no life for 2 years. I’d not only regret not going for myself but also for them. I’m worried this will interfere with those plans but I am going to try and rest as much as posssible.

Can someone provide some reassurance?

You have basically just described exactly how i have been feeling for the passed couple of days, word for word. 
Just thinking about your trip to Greece makes me anxious 

it is extremely hard!! And i have to work daily with this nonsense. Stay strong man 🤝

[[da...]]

7 hours ago, [[C...] said:

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but before I become mostly healed from benzo/alcohol withdrawal I had a really horrible month long wave at around 14 months (16 months from regular alcohol use).

For about 5 or 6 months prior I was relatively stable with minor symptoms. Then came that awful mid April of 2012.

- Morning Anxiety so severe I could feel the cortisol rushes forcing me out of bed. Started dry heaving.

- Horrible agitation that wouldn't let up all day until the evening. 

- A dark depression with nonstop intrusive thoughts playing out negative memories from the past and horrible 'what if' scenarios for the future.

I had to go for lots of walks and when I got home I had to immediately distract myself with a comedy on Tv. Family Guy was playing nonstop.

After a couple of weeks it went away practically in an instant overnight and I never experienced anything that awful from that point forward. So it is very possible this could be a last hurrah, with your withdrawal throwing one final tantrum.

Try not to think about the Greece trip. Live in the moment and remember that these symptoms represent healing changes going on in your body. You will get over this wave and will be another success story. 

One final suggestion. Don't fight the symptoms or try to will them out of existence to lessen their severity. That won't work. Accept that these physical and mental symptoms are going to be there until this wave (aka healing spell) is complete. None of these symptoms can harm you and they represent nothing more than a sign that you brain is repairing itself.

Take care and do whatever you need to get by minute by minute. Relief is on the way.

Hey crono, how regular was your alcohol use ? I think i can relate more with your experience. I too have/had alcohol and benzo withdrawal. Iv had 3 years regular use of alcohol. But over ten years off the benzo, the alcohol use returned all the benzo withdrawal symptoms and it feels like im back in acute. Im only 1.5months off the alcohol. 

[[Cr...]]

6 hours ago, [[d...] said:

Hey crono, how regular was your alcohol use ? I think i can relate more with your experience. I too have/had alcohol and benzo withdrawal. Iv had 3 years regular use of alcohol. But over ten years off the benzo, the alcohol use returned all the benzo withdrawal symptoms and it feels like im back in acute. Im only 1.5months off the alcohol. 

During my college years 06 to 09, I drank pretty regularly. From March/Apr '08 I was on a daily dose klonopin due to my fiance and mother both battling cancer and my  alcohol use. By the time I cold turkey'd the klonopin in Oct. '09 i continued drinking, often binge drinking 3 to 4 nights a week. I am talking 4 or 5 20oz cans of high gravity (8.9%)beer.  The weird thing was after 18 months on klonopin I didn't have any bad withdrawals at all. I believe my binge drinking kept those withdrawals suppressed.

Needless to say, by end of Dec. 2010 it all caught up to me and I quit drinking on 21st and horrible mental/physical withdrawals went out of control a week or so later. That was the start of a 14 to 16 month battle for my life.

TLDR, alcohol put me on Klonopin and alcohol also sabotaged my recovery from it. I no longer drink and even the sight of alcohol makes me feel uneasy.

[[So...]]

Hey, I just wanted to pop in and say the sameee thing is happening to me right now at 10 months.. I haven't been anxious in awhile it's just been physical crap, but I just hit a wave of prickling anxiety and feeling scared and unsafe.  It feels like the very beginning of my problems a year and a half ago so I'm really scared. Hugs 🫂 

[[da...]]

2 hours ago, [[C...] said:

During my college years 06 to 09, I drank pretty regularly. From March/Apr '08 I was on a daily dose klonopin due to my fiance and mother both battling cancer and my  alcohol use. By the time I cold turkey'd the klonopin in Oct. '09 i continued drinking, often binge drinking 3 to 4 nights a week. I am talking 4 or 5 20oz cans of high gravity (8.9%)beer.  The weird thing was after 18 months on klonopin I didn't have any bad withdrawals at all. I believe my binge drinking kept those withdrawals suppressed.

Needless to say, by end of Dec. 2010 it all caught up to me and I quit drinking on 21st and horrible mental/physical withdrawals went out of control a week or so later. That was the start of a 14 to 16 month battle for my life.

TLDR, alcohol put me on Klonopin and alcohol also sabotaged my recovery from it. I no longer drink and even the sight of alcohol makes me feel uneasy.

Alcohol was the reason why i was put on ativan, and alcohol sabotaged my healing. I didnt know any better but for many years alcohol suppressed my benzo damaged brain.  I healed to some degree and got sober for 3 years, relapsed, and fell back into withdrawal. This chaos of a situation spans from 2012 to date.  If as though im back in acute ; iv been off benzos since 2012, and only sober now for 1,5 months. 
 

i really understand how it went for you. Its literally almost the same story for me. 
 

 How long did it take before your brain fog/ mental symptoms subsided?

[[Cr...]]

58 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

Alcohol was the reason why i was put on ativan, and alcohol sabotaged my healing. I didnt know any better but for many years alcohol suppressed my benzo damaged brain.  I healed to some degree and got sober for 3 years, relapsed, and fell back into withdrawal. This chaos of a situation spans from 2012 to date.  If as though im back in acute ; iv been off benzos since 2012, and only sober now for 1,5 months. 
 

i really understand how it went for you. Its literally almost the same story for me. 
 

 How long did it take before your brain fog/ mental symptoms subsided?

Let me search for one of your threads or you can start another one and we can continue this convo there.  I don't want to take the focus of this thread away from Kiall's struggle.

[[Ki...]]

Thanks everyone for the replies, it’s at least reassuring to see other experience the same thing.

I am still in the wave unfortunately but almost more worryingly I’m noticing that yet again the symptoms that are always there, even when not in a “wave”, are seem to crash during waves. It’s the same pattern I’ve experienced throughout the last 2 years.. I go into a wave, my baseline symptoms get worse and then stay like that until the next wave where they get worse again and don’t recover. Specifically these symptoms are emotional numbness, anhedonia, severe memory and cognitive issues, numb genitals, insomnia and these horrible issue with all of my senses (sight, hearing, smell etc) where my brains processing of each of these senses get impaired or dulled down even more. It’s like every time I go into a wave it damages my brain from whatever is going on in there even more and these cluster of symptoms get worse during the wave and remain that way after.

its extremely scary and demoralising that my baseline of these sticky symptoms that don’t come and go continue to worsen 2 years later. These specific symptoms are worse now than last month, which was worse than the month before and the month before that etc.

I always get told that acute is the worst and that things gradually improve from there but this isn’t the case with me, or someone will say to look over longer periods of time to see the improvements but again that isnt the case. I’ll be glad to come out of this wave where the more actively bad symptoms arise but I know that I’ll generally feel less normal than I did before I went into it.

does anyone else have this same issue? Is it normal? I can never find anyone who explains it this way and if I try to talk this through with a withdrawal coach they (understandably) suggest I may be just thinking that I’m getting worse when I’m actually not, when I can assure you these are measurably worse over time.

Sometimes I think that the medication has done more neurological damage rather than this being withdrawal related because 9 years ago when I came off after just 5 weeks of SSRI use, this same pattern was occurring 8 months off and I reinstated at double the dose (which caused severe kindling) because I didn’t know I was in withdrawal. This also is a pretty horrific thought. I am 10x worse with so many more symptoms than I had back then, yet I was still getting worse 8 months off.. And I have done exponentially more damage from years of use, polydrugging, multiple withdrawals and kindling etc since then. So how can I ever think that I’ll get back to normal any time soon? At this rate I won’t be normal for many more years, if ever, because im not seeing improvement.

[[Cr...]]

12 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

Thanks everyone for the replies, it’s at least reassuring to see other experience the same thing.

I am still in the wave unfortunately but almost more worryingly I’m noticing that yet again the symptoms that are always there, even when not in a “wave”, are seem to crash during waves. It’s the same pattern I’ve experienced throughout the last 2 years.. I go into a wave, my baseline symptoms get worse and then stay like that until the next wave where they get worse again and don’t recover. Specifically these symptoms are emotional numbness, anhedonia, severe memory and cognitive issues, numb genitals, insomnia and these horrible issue with all of my senses (sight, hearing, smell etc) where my brains processing of each of these senses get impaired or dulled down even more. It’s like every time I go into a wave it damages my brain from whatever is going on in there even more and these cluster of symptoms get worse during the wave and remain that way after.

its extremely scary and demoralising that my baseline of these sticky symptoms that don’t come and go continue to worsen 2 years later. These specific symptoms are worse now than last month, which was worse than the month before and the month before that etc.

I always get told that acute is the worst and that things gradually improve from there but this isn’t the case with me, or someone will say to look over longer periods of time to see the improvements but again that isnt the case. I’ll be glad to come out of this wave where the more actively bad symptoms arise but I know that I’ll generally feel less normal than I did before I went into it.

does anyone else have this same issue? Is it normal? I can never find anyone who explains it this way and if I try to talk this through with a withdrawal coach they (understandably) suggest I may be just thinking that I’m getting worse when I’m actually not, when I can assure you these are measurably worse over time.

Sometimes I think that the medication has done more neurological damage rather than this being withdrawal related because 9 years ago when I came off after just 5 weeks of SSRI use, this same pattern was occurring 8 months off and I reinstated at double the dose (which caused severe kindling) because I didn’t know I was in withdrawal. This also is a pretty horrific thought. I am 10x worse with so many more symptoms than I had back then, yet I was still getting worse 8 months off.. And I have done exponentially more damage from years of use, polydrugging, multiple withdrawals and kindling etc since then. So how can I ever think that I’ll get back to normal any time soon? At this rate I won’t be normal for many more years, if ever, because im not seeing improvement.

I wouldn't set normal as your goal for the time being. I would bank on reaching the tolerable or stable label first. Normal will come in due time, it is just easier to wait for 'Normal' when your symptoms are at least manageable. So I can totally understand your frustration and disillusionment with the recovery process.

Benzo withdrawal recovery is strange and quite cruel in that sometimes people with high doses and long uses recover quicker than those on low doses with shorter uses. You can even have two different people on the same drug and dose for the same amount of time and one will probably suffer far more than the other.

That said, there have been members on here that were on far more ADs and benzos than you were, with lots of potential 'kindling' on/off again history and they went on to write success stories.

Some people gradually get better.

Some people gradually get worse before getting better.

Some people get better, then worse, then better, then worse (me).

Some people recover in one month.

Some people require beyond the 2 year time frame to reach recovery.

Please don't rule out your recovery just yet. Are you on any supplements or OTC medications like Nsaids?

Edited May 22 by [Cr...]

[[Ki...]]

50 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

I wouldn't set normal as your goal for the time being. I would bank on reaching the tolerable or stable label first. Normal will come in due time, it is just easier to wait for 'Normal' when your symptoms are at least manageable. So I can totally understand your frustration and disillusionment with the recovery process.

Benzo withdrawal recovery is strange and quite cruel in that sometimes people with high doses and long uses recover quicker than those on low doses with shorter uses. You can even have two different people on the same drug and dose for the same amount of time and one will probably suffer far more than the other.

That said, there have been members on here that were on far more ADs and benzos than you were, with lots of potential 'kindling' on/off again history and they went on to write success stories.

Some people gradually get better.

Some people gradually get worse before getting better.

Some people get better, then worse, then better, then worse (me).

Some people recover in one month.

Some people require beyond the 2 year time frame to reach recovery.

Please don't rule out your recovery just yet. Are you on any supplements or OTC medications like Nsaids?

Thanks Crono, I think the wave is making me require quite a bit of additional reassurance that things will get better. The thoughts really make you think you’re a lost cause. Prior to this wave I was much more optimistic, not that I felt normal but there were better days and the thoughts weren’t barraging me. I’m hoping that I am in that bucket that things can gradually get worse and then turn a corner it just gets concerning when you’re coming up to two years you think that point would have come already. 

Im not taking anything at the moment, haven’t since acute. I became sensitive to foods and sups and given that I’m still very sensitive to exercise, sugar and other external stimulus I imagine it would still cause an issue and it’s a risk I’m not particularly willing to take in my current state. 

[[Cr...]]

8 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

Im not taking anything at the moment, haven’t since acute. I became sensitive to foods and sups and given that I’m still very sensitive to exercise, sugar and other external stimulus I imagine it would still cause an issue and it’s a risk I’m not particularly willing to take in my current state. 

Ok. I was just asking because back in 2011 there was a member (with Bob Marley photo) that just couldn't seem to recover, but when she stopped using several Nsaids daily she felt a lot better. I am not sure what the connection was but that seemed to work in her case.

Have you been thoroughly tested to rule out all other medical issues? Thyroid, Lyme's? Even if nothing is found wrong getting tests done can help solidify that this is simply withdrawal. And if so, you will eventually turn a corner. You said you had better days prior to this wave so I am positive days like that are around the corner.

[[Go...]]

I am glad I came across this thread.  I too abused alcohol for 30 years, and mixed it with Klonopin every time.  I’m guessing the combination makes this worse?

[[Go...]]

@[Ki...] Any update on how things are going?

Edited June 13 by [Go...]

[[fa...]]

On 16/05/2024 at 20:10, [[C...] said:

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but before I become mostly healed from benzo/alcohol withdrawal I had a really horrible month long wave at around 14 months (16 months from regular alcohol use).

For about 5 or 6 months prior I was relatively stable with minor symptoms. Then came that awful mid April of 2012.

- Morning Anxiety so severe I could feel the cortisol rushes forcing me out of bed. Started dry heaving.

- Horrible agitation that wouldn't let up all day until the evening. 

- A dark depression with nonstop intrusive thoughts playing out negative memories from the past and horrible 'what if' scenarios for the future.

I had to go for lots of walks and when I got home I had to immediately distract myself with a comedy on Tv. Family Guy was playing nonstop.

After a couple of weeks it went away practically in an instant overnight and I never experienced anything that awful from that point forward. So it is very possible this could be a last hurrah, with your withdrawal throwing one final tantrum.

Try not to think about the Greece trip. Live in the moment and remember that these symptoms represent healing changes going on in your body. You will get over this wave and will be another success story. 

One final suggestion. Don't fight the symptoms or try to will them out of existence to lessen their severity. That won't work. Accept that these physical and mental symptoms are going to be there until this wave (aka healing spell) is complete. None of these symptoms can harm you and they represent nothing more than a sign that you brain is repairing itself.

Take care and do whatever you need to get by minute by minute. Relief is on the way.

Did you have any physical withdrawl symptoms or was it all mental/emotional?

[[jo...]]

On 17/05/2024 at 01:10, [[C...] said:

- Morning Anxiety so severe I could feel the cortisol rushes forcing me out of bed. Started dry heaving.

- Horrible agitation that wouldn't let up all day until the evening. 

- A dark depression with nonstop intrusive thoughts playing out negative memories from the past and horrible 'what if' scenarios for the future.

This is almost exactly what a wave is like for me.

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[j...] said:

This is almost exactly what a wave is like for me.

Today was actually a little like this...and yesterday.