Plenty of Pain, Then Comes The Greater Gain: Freedom!

[[st...]]

 

Reading success stories taught me to tough it out!

I know one of the reasons I got well again was because I read all the success stories on BenzoBuddies 3 times. I learned that:

• I will get better because everyone does
• everyone’s recovery is different
• distract, distract, distract and keep going
• there is a purpose for this withdrawal madness
• it is not me, the culprit is the damn drug
• when I get better everything else will too and it did!

 

[[fa...]]

On 14/08/2024 at 14:13, [[s...] said:

Reading success stories taught me to tough it out!

I know one of the reasons I got well again was because I read all the success stories on BenzoBuddies 3 times. I learned that:

• I will get better because everyone does
• everyone’s recovery is different
• distract, distract, distract and keep going
• there is a purpose for this withdrawal madness
• it is not me, the culprit is the damn drug
• when I get better everything else will too and it did!

Your story sounds similar to mind. You seemed to have gotten almost every symptom

[[st...]]

15 hours ago, [[f...] said:

Your story sounds similar to mind. You seemed to have gotten almost every symptom

 

Hi,
Thank you so much for reading my story. Yes I have gotten over all my symptoms! I still have a tiny bit of tinnitus sometimes but I tell ya, life is worth living!

 

 

[[st...]]

This, in essence, is how benzobuddies works: when I was unsure, the benzobuddies who came before me "adopted me" and I began to realize that I could do this.

 

[[be...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 15:05, [[s...] said:

--------------

I now have no triggers. In my success story I listed some symptoms but here is a more complete list:

Abdominal pains and cramps
Aching jaw
Aching joints
Aching muscles,
Acute hyper excited state,
Agitated sight
Agitation
Allergic reactions
Allergic reactions to foods previously tolerated,
Allergy & nasal symptoms exacerbated,
Anxiety
Appetite - loss of
Ataxia - can't coordinate muscle movement,
Back pain,
Band around head,
Bladder incontinence
Bladder irritation - feeling of having an infection or cystitis,
Bleeding from the nose
Blepharospasm - eye twitches,
Bloated stomach, distended abdomen, (benzo belly),
Bloated, diarrhea, constipation,
Blood pressure fluctuations,        
Blurred vision, seeing spots, flashes, vivid vision
Body feels like jelly
Body odour - stinking sweat,
Body temperature fluctuations,
Body temperature reading higher or lower than 98.6,
Brachycardia - slow heartbeat/pulse,
Breathing difficulties
Breathlessness,
Bruxism (teeth grinding)    
Burning along the spine
Burning sensation around the mouth
Buzzing, burning, tingling limbs,
Changes in skin colour, tone, texture,
Chemical sensitivities
Chest tightness,
Chills - (can feel like the heebie-jeebies when viewing a scary movie),
Choking
Clumsiness
Confusion,
Constipation
Cracked and sore lips
Cramping in stomach,
Crying fits,
Dark circles under the eyes,
Decaying teeth and bleeding gums,      
Dental pain,
Diarrhea,   
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty holding a fork, due to muscle weakness,
Difficulty writing,
Disorientation       
Distended abdomen
Dizziness - in general, or a feeling like falling off the couch/chair/bed   
Dry mouth
Dry throat, sore tongue, and thrush
Dry, itchy skin
Dry, tickly cough
Dyspepsia (indigestion)
Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing)
Dyspnea (breathing difficulty)        
Earache, and sinus problems,
Electric shock feelings
Excitability
Exercise - love it but could not, exacerbating all benzo symptoms,
Exhaustion,
Extreme cold,
Extreme lethargy    
Extremely nervous and jumpy       
Eyes - sore, tired, seeing floaters, spots, itchy,
Falling hair, graying hair
Fatigue, leaden heaviness
Fear  
Faeces - appears abnormal looking,
Feeling bloated
Feeling of extreme cold
Feeling of impending doom             
Feelings of shaking inside and out
Fingernail problems - median nail dystrophy (line/ridge down the centre)
Flashbacks
Fluctuations in blood pressure
Flushing,
Fuzzy feeling in head,
Gait disturbance - hard to walk straight,
Gastritis
Glassy eyes
Goosebumps - very visible to the eye,
Grinding teeth
Hemorrhoids
Hair - loss, thinning, dullness,
Headaches - mild or severe,
Heartburn
Heavy arms, legs and head,
Hurts to wear clothes, a car seatbelt,
Hyper sensitive (unable to watch the news, see films, read the newspaper),
Hyperactivity
Hyperacusis - profound hearing sensitivity, hurts to talk on the phone, music, etc.,
Hyperosmia (sensitive sense of smell),
Hyperreflexia (‘jumpiness’)
Hypersensitivity to being touched,
Hypersensitivity to light, sound, and other stimuli
IBS - irritable bowel syndrome,
Impacted bowels,
Impairment of motor coordination,
Inability to comprehend the simplest things,
Inability to concentrate,
inability to cope with a lot of information
Inability to draw a satisfying breath,
Inability to read
Incontinence, frequent need to urinate, to hold or pass urine,
Increased saliva
Indigestion
Insomnia       
Intense fuzzy feeling in the head               
Intense jaw pain             
Irritability
Jaundice,
Jaw, tooth, neck and shoulder aches and pains,
Jaws clamped together
Jerks in arms, legs fingers.
Joint aches and pains,
Jumpiness,
Lack of concentration
Lack of co-ordination
Left/Right-sided symptoms,
Legs arms and head very heavy
Leukonychia (whitening of nails)
Loss of concentration
Loss of control of movement,
Loss of memory
Loss of taste or metallic taste
Loss of appetite
Lung pain,
Memory problems - short term,
Mouth and tongue soreness,
Muscle spasms
Muscle tone, wastage,
Muscle weakness,
Muscles locking and rigidity,
Muscular aches, pains, cramps, spasms,
Muscular rigidity,
Nausea
Nervous ticks or twitches,
Nervousness
Neurological problems - topical nerve anaesthesia,
Night sweats,
Nose bleeds,
Numbness - around the face, mouth or any other part of the body,
Numbness, pain,
Painful scalp
Pains in neck and shoulders,
Pains in temple,
Pains in the chest       
Pains in the lungs
Paraesthesia (numbness, tingling)
Perspiring, night sweats
Pins and needles
Premature wrinkling around the eyes and face,
Problems of decaying teeth
Rapid blinking of the eyes
Rapid changes in body temperature
Rapid mood changes
Rapid weight loss
Rashes and blotches on skin,
Recurring sore throat,
Restlessness
Saliva running from the mouth at night
Scalp pain and burning,
Screwing up of the eyes
Seeing spots before the eyes
Seizure - 1
Sensitive or painful teeth
Severe cramping in the stomach       
Severe headaches
Severe muscle rigidity
Shaking - inside or out or both,
Sharp throbbing pain in the wrists
Shivering - feelings of extreme cold or hot,
Short-term memory impairment
Sinus pain
Skin problems - dry, itchy, rashes, slow healing, tickling, burning,
Smell problems - everything smells bad,
Smelling bad, but only to you,
Sore and tired eyes
Sore mouth and tongue
Speech difficulties
Stomach cramps
Stuttering,
Swallowing difficulties       
Sweating
Teeth - pain, throbbing, sensitivity, feel like they are falling out, grinding,
Tension between eyes,
Thrush-like symptoms,
Tickling and itching
Tight band around the head       
Tight band around the legs and ankles,
Tightness in the chest
Tightness in the head
Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
Tiredness       
Toe and finger nails change color
Tongue - sore, burning,
Toxic naps - feeling worse upon wakening,
Tremor or feeling of inner vibration
Twitching of the head
Under-eye puffiness,
Sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or the newspaper)
Urinary problems (continence or incontinence)
Vertigo
Visual disturbances - waves, sparks, flashes of light, seeing spots, floaters,  blurry
Voice quality changes,
Vomiting

I’m sure a few are forgotten but it was all worth it.

 

On 01/05/2024 at 15:05, [[s...] said:

--------------

I now have no triggers. In my success story I listed some symptoms but here is a more complete list:

Abdominal pains and cramps
Aching jaw
Aching joints
Aching muscles,
Acute hyper excited state,
Agitated sight
Agitation
Allergic reactions
Allergic reactions to foods previously tolerated,
Allergy & nasal symptoms exacerbated,
Anxiety
Appetite - loss of
Ataxia - can't coordinate muscle movement,
Back pain,
Band around head,
Bladder incontinence
Bladder irritation - feeling of having an infection or cystitis,
Bleeding from the nose
Blepharospasm - eye twitches,
Bloated stomach, distended abdomen, (benzo belly),
Bloated, diarrhea, constipation,
Blood pressure fluctuations,        
Blurred vision, seeing spots, flashes, vivid vision
Body feels like jelly
Body odour - stinking sweat,
Body temperature fluctuations,
Body temperature reading higher or lower than 98.6,
Brachycardia - slow heartbeat/pulse,
Breathing difficulties
Breathlessness,
Bruxism (teeth grinding)    
Burning along the spine
Burning sensation around the mouth
Buzzing, burning, tingling limbs,
Changes in skin colour, tone, texture,
Chemical sensitivities
Chest tightness,
Chills - (can feel like the heebie-jeebies when viewing a scary movie),
Choking
Clumsiness
Confusion,
Constipation
Cracked and sore lips
Cramping in stomach,
Crying fits,
Dark circles under the eyes,
Decaying teeth and bleeding gums,      
Dental pain,
Diarrhea,   
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty holding a fork, due to muscle weakness,
Difficulty writing,
Disorientation       
Distended abdomen
Dizziness - in general, or a feeling like falling off the couch/chair/bed   
Dry mouth
Dry throat, sore tongue, and thrush
Dry, itchy skin
Dry, tickly cough
Dyspepsia (indigestion)
Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing)
Dyspnea (breathing difficulty)        
Earache, and sinus problems,
Electric shock feelings
Excitability
Exercise - love it but could not, exacerbating all benzo symptoms,
Exhaustion,
Extreme cold,
Extreme lethargy    
Extremely nervous and jumpy       
Eyes - sore, tired, seeing floaters, spots, itchy,
Falling hair, graying hair
Fatigue, leaden heaviness
Fear  
Faeces - appears abnormal looking,
Feeling bloated
Feeling of extreme cold
Feeling of impending doom             
Feelings of shaking inside and out
Fingernail problems - median nail dystrophy (line/ridge down the centre)
Flashbacks
Fluctuations in blood pressure
Flushing,
Fuzzy feeling in head,
Gait disturbance - hard to walk straight,
Gastritis
Glassy eyes
Goosebumps - very visible to the eye,
Grinding teeth
Hemorrhoids
Hair - loss, thinning, dullness,
Headaches - mild or severe,
Heartburn
Heavy arms, legs and head,
Hurts to wear clothes, a car seatbelt,
Hyper sensitive (unable to watch the news, see films, read the newspaper),
Hyperactivity
Hyperacusis - profound hearing sensitivity, hurts to talk on the phone, music, etc.,
Hyperosmia (sensitive sense of smell),
Hyperreflexia (‘jumpiness’)
Hypersensitivity to being touched,
Hypersensitivity to light, sound, and other stimuli
IBS - irritable bowel syndrome,
Impacted bowels,
Impairment of motor coordination,
Inability to comprehend the simplest things,
Inability to concentrate,
inability to cope with a lot of information
Inability to draw a satisfying breath,
Inability to read
Incontinence, frequent need to urinate, to hold or pass urine,
Increased saliva
Indigestion
Insomnia       
Intense fuzzy feeling in the head               
Intense jaw pain             
Irritability
Jaundice,
Jaw, tooth, neck and shoulder aches and pains,
Jaws clamped together
Jerks in arms, legs fingers.
Joint aches and pains,
Jumpiness,
Lack of concentration
Lack of co-ordination
Left/Right-sided symptoms,
Legs arms and head very heavy
Leukonychia (whitening of nails)
Loss of concentration
Loss of control of movement,
Loss of memory
Loss of taste or metallic taste
Loss of appetite
Lung pain,
Memory problems - short term,
Mouth and tongue soreness,
Muscle spasms
Muscle tone, wastage,
Muscle weakness,
Muscles locking and rigidity,
Muscular aches, pains, cramps, spasms,
Muscular rigidity,
Nausea
Nervous ticks or twitches,
Nervousness
Neurological problems - topical nerve anaesthesia,
Night sweats,
Nose bleeds,
Numbness - around the face, mouth or any other part of the body,
Numbness, pain,
Painful scalp
Pains in neck and shoulders,
Pains in temple,
Pains in the chest       
Pains in the lungs
Paraesthesia (numbness, tingling)
Perspiring, night sweats
Pins and needles
Premature wrinkling around the eyes and face,
Problems of decaying teeth
Rapid blinking of the eyes
Rapid changes in body temperature
Rapid mood changes
Rapid weight loss
Rashes and blotches on skin,
Recurring sore throat,
Restlessness
Saliva running from the mouth at night
Scalp pain and burning,
Screwing up of the eyes
Seeing spots before the eyes
Seizure - 1
Sensitive or painful teeth
Severe cramping in the stomach       
Severe headaches
Severe muscle rigidity
Shaking - inside or out or both,
Sharp throbbing pain in the wrists
Shivering - feelings of extreme cold or hot,
Short-term memory impairment
Sinus pain
Skin problems - dry, itchy, rashes, slow healing, tickling, burning,
Smell problems - everything smells bad,
Smelling bad, but only to you,
Sore and tired eyes
Sore mouth and tongue
Speech difficulties
Stomach cramps
Stuttering,
Swallowing difficulties       
Sweating
Teeth - pain, throbbing, sensitivity, feel like they are falling out, grinding,
Tension between eyes,
Thrush-like symptoms,
Tickling and itching
Tight band around the head       
Tight band around the legs and ankles,
Tightness in the chest
Tightness in the head
Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
Tiredness       
Toe and finger nails change color
Tongue - sore, burning,
Toxic naps - feeling worse upon wakening,
Tremor or feeling of inner vibration
Twitching of the head
Under-eye puffiness,
Sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or the newspaper)
Urinary problems (continence or incontinence)
Vertigo
Visual disturbances - waves, sparks, flashes of light, seeing spots, floaters,  blurry
Voice quality changes,
Vomiting

I’m sure a few are forgotten but it was all worth it.

Hi! I'm glad you're well. How long did the dyspnea last?

[[El...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 02:14, [[s...] said:

All these symptoms are gone now:
Ants in my pants 24/7 - now I’m cool as a cucumber
Pissed - now it’s water off my back
Going nowhere and seeing no-one - now I get out
Vertigo aka where did I go - now I’m well balanced
Hazy vision - now crystal clear
Couldn’t take the heat or the cold - now it don’t matter
Tight jaws - now comfy
Constipation - now smooth going
Feeling heavy - now motivated
Dreams noir - now gone
Too much saliva - now just right
Half of hair gone, the rest turned gray - now back to normal
Hypersensitive to everything - now to nothing
No sleep - now making up for it
Couldn’t do much - now I’m back in business
Diaphragm breathing - now it’s automatic
Night sweats - now no sweats
Peeing nonstop - now much less
Hypersonic ear sounds - 90% gone
Overall - thrilled to be alive!

I'm so happy for you, and so happy to read this list of "before" - "after" which made me laugh by the way (the "vertigo aka where did I go" haha) 

Well done, and thank you so much for sharing, I was in need of something like this. ❤️

[[Pa...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 03:14, [[s...] said:

Never took any drugs before this debacle. I was prescribed klonopin 2mg/d and ambien 10mg/d (equiv. of valium 45mg/d). It did nothing for my insomnia but it transformed me into a shell of a person that still could not sleep. After 10 days I had to get off. First, I tried to get off in 10 weeks and then had a first ever seizure. So figured I need to slow down and take it easy. Upped klonopin back to 0.5mg/d  and did a gradual 15 day switch to valium 10mg/d with a 4 week hold to accumulate. It took me another 15 months so a total of 18.5 months to taper and get off this poison, oops! I mean potion. I could only eat organic oatmeal with soymilk and plain lentils with avocado for the duration of the taper because other flavors were too overwhelming and different textures made me choke. This went away slowly after taper.  

Every second of my withdrawal felt like an eternity. Now when I look back the whole withdrawal feels like it lasted but a mere second. I never ever thought I would feel better until I finally did. In the months after tapering, I pushed myself gently to do stuff that I couldn't do during my taper because I knew that feeling sorry for myself and sitting on my thumbs wouldn't help much. God tested me but He also spoke to me and said: “I will be with you always and to the end of Age” and I believed it. I could not read so I listened to audiobooks to distract.

All these symptoms are gone now:
Ants in my pants 24/7 - now I’m cool as a cucumber
Pissed - now it’s water off my back
Going nowhere and seeing no-one - now I get out
Vertigo aka where did I go - now I’m well balanced
Hazy vision - now crystal clear
Couldn’t take the heat or the cold - now it don’t matter
Tight jaws - now comfy
Constipation - now smooth going
Feeling heavy - now motivated
Dreams noir - now gone
Too much saliva - now just right
Half of hair gone, the rest turned gray - now back to normal
Hypersensitive to everything - now to nothing
No sleep - now making up for it
Couldn’t do much - now I’m back in business
Diaphragm breathing - now it’s automatic
Night sweats - now no sweats
Peeing nonstop - now much less
Hypersonic ear sounds - 90% gone
Overall - thrilled to be alive!

I read all the success stories twice and I thank all the benzobuddies that helped me. It’s been another 18 months post taper so about 3 years in total and I am calm now, eat a great variety of foods and sleep a lot. Life is amazing. I will answer all the questions anyone might have so go for it.

If i read correct you just take it 10 Dady and took you 18,5 months to get off? 

[[st...]]

On 22/08/2024 at 12:17, [[b...] said:

Hi! I'm glad you're well. How long did the dyspnea last?

Thank you so much. Dyspnea lasted about 2 years.

[[st...]]

6 hours ago, [[E...] said:

I'm so happy for you, and so happy to read this list of "before" - "after" which made me laugh by the way (the "vertigo aka where did I go" haha) 

Well done, and thank you so much for sharing, I was in need of something like this. ❤️

That's great!  Thank you kindly! I couldn't laugh or smile for 3 years when in withdrawal! It is true what they say: laughter is the best medicine. I also find it encouraging that now I have the last laugh when it comes to this poison

[[st...]]

2 hours ago, [[P...] said:

If i read correct you just take it 10 Dady and took you 18,5 months to get off? 

 

Yep, only 10 days on, then 18.5 months to get off.

This was not by choice, at first I really tried to get off as quick as possible. My first attempt was to get off reducing over 3 days but then on day 4 the extreme symptoms were beyond tolerable, putting me in the worst place and I had to reinstate to half of original dose. I did not take this decision lightly and hated the fact that the drug did so much damage within those first 10 days. I say ‘within’ because I think it happened from day 7.

My second attempt was to get off in the next 2 months by tapering from 1mg K to 0.25mg over 6 weeks and holding at 0.25 for 3 more weeks. Symptoms were not getting better, so I up-dosed for a couple of days and felt much worse, so then, over next 5 days, I reduced down to zero and after 2 days at zero I had the worst kind of a seizure possible, my first and only. It took 2mg just to ‘stabilize’ and then I had to reinstate at 0.5mg. A whole week afterwards I was just trying to get back to walking and talking again. The seizure was quite a shock.

Over next 10 days just taking K made me feel worse and worse immediately after. I had to switch to 10 mg V and tapered for 16 more months. Symptoms began to leave after being 8 months off.

 

[[st...]]

 

Here are some really weird symptoms I had that all went away by themselves

• all sweet things tasted salty: the sweeter they were, the saltier they tasted
• my back spine looked like I had a hunchback
• I developed a condition of slipped ribs
• I had a non-stop sore throat
• everything was too heavy: an empty snow shovel, a bowl of oatmeal, a cat, etc!

 

 

[[Co...]]

11 hours ago, [[s...] said:

everything was too heavy: an empty snow shovel, a bowl of oatmeal, a cat, etc!

This might be partly explainable:

Spoiler

[[st...]]

I am the Victor over all drugs and drug lords, and so are all of You!