Plenty of Pain, Then Comes The Greater Gain: Freedom!

[[Ta...]]

Thank you so much for your answer! I will search on BB to find out how long it lasted with other people and what they've done to find a bit of relief. You're a kind person sir or madam staystill and I'm so gratefull for your helpfull answers ❤ Love, Tante

 

[[ha...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 21:05, [[s...] said:

--------------

I now have no triggers. In my success story I listed some symptoms but here is a more complete list:

Abdominal pains and cramps
Aching jaw
Aching joints
Aching muscles,
Acute hyper excited state,
Agitated sight
Agitation
Allergic reactions
Allergic reactions to foods previously tolerated,
Allergy & nasal symptoms exacerbated,
Anxiety
Appetite - loss of
Ataxia - can't coordinate muscle movement,
Back pain,
Band around head,
Bladder incontinence
Bladder irritation - feeling of having an infection or cystitis,
Bleeding from the nose
Blepharospasm - eye twitches,
Bloated stomach, distended abdomen, (benzo belly),
Bloated, diarrhea, constipation,
Blood pressure fluctuations,        
Blurred vision, seeing spots, flashes, vivid vision
Body feels like jelly
Body odour - stinking sweat,
Body temperature fluctuations,
Body temperature reading higher or lower than 98.6,
Brachycardia - slow heartbeat/pulse,
Breathing difficulties
Breathlessness,
Bruxism (teeth grinding)    
Burning along the spine
Burning sensation around the mouth
Buzzing, burning, tingling limbs,
Changes in skin colour, tone, texture,
Chemical sensitivities
Chest tightness,
Chills - (can feel like the heebie-jeebies when viewing a scary movie),
Choking
Clumsiness
Confusion,
Constipation
Cracked and sore lips
Cramping in stomach,
Crying fits,
Dark circles under the eyes,
Decaying teeth and bleeding gums,      
Dental pain,
Diarrhea,   
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty holding a fork, due to muscle weakness,
Difficulty writing,
Disorientation       
Distended abdomen
Dizziness - in general, or a feeling like falling off the couch/chair/bed   
Dry mouth
Dry throat, sore tongue, and thrush
Dry, itchy skin
Dry, tickly cough
Dyspepsia (indigestion)
Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing)
Dyspnea (breathing difficulty)        
Earache, and sinus problems,
Electric shock feelings
Excitability
Exercise - love it but could not, exacerbating all benzo symptoms,
Exhaustion,
Extreme cold,
Extreme lethargy    
Extremely nervous and jumpy       
Eyes - sore, tired, seeing floaters, spots, itchy,
Falling hair, graying hair
Fatigue, leaden heaviness
Fear  
Faeces - appears abnormal looking,
Feeling bloated
Feeling of extreme cold
Feeling of impending doom             
Feelings of shaking inside and out
Fingernail problems - median nail dystrophy (line/ridge down the centre)
Flashbacks
Fluctuations in blood pressure
Flushing,
Fuzzy feeling in head,
Gait disturbance - hard to walk straight,
Gastritis
Glassy eyes
Goosebumps - very visible to the eye,
Grinding teeth
Hemorrhoids
Hair - loss, thinning, dullness,
Headaches - mild or severe,
Heartburn
Heavy arms, legs and head,
Hurts to wear clothes, a car seatbelt,
Hyper sensitive (unable to watch the news, see films, read the newspaper),
Hyperactivity
Hyperacusis - profound hearing sensitivity, hurts to talk on the phone, music, etc.,
Hyperosmia (sensitive sense of smell),
Hyperreflexia (‘jumpiness’)
Hypersensitivity to being touched,
Hypersensitivity to light, sound, and other stimuli
IBS - irritable bowel syndrome,
Impacted bowels,
Impairment of motor coordination,
Inability to comprehend the simplest things,
Inability to concentrate,
inability to cope with a lot of information
Inability to draw a satisfying breath,
Inability to read
Incontinence, frequent need to urinate, to hold or pass urine,
Increased saliva
Indigestion
Insomnia       
Intense fuzzy feeling in the head               
Intense jaw pain             
Irritability
Jaundice,
Jaw, tooth, neck and shoulder aches and pains,
Jaws clamped together
Jerks in arms, legs fingers.
Joint aches and pains,
Jumpiness,
Lack of concentration
Lack of co-ordination
Left/Right-sided symptoms,
Legs arms and head very heavy
Leukonychia (whitening of nails)
Loss of concentration
Loss of control of movement,
Loss of memory
Loss of taste or metallic taste
Loss of appetite
Lung pain,
Memory problems - short term,
Mouth and tongue soreness,
Muscle spasms
Muscle tone, wastage,
Muscle weakness,
Muscles locking and rigidity,
Muscular aches, pains, cramps, spasms,
Muscular rigidity,
Nausea
Nervous ticks or twitches,
Nervousness
Neurological problems - topical nerve anaesthesia,
Night sweats,
Nose bleeds,
Numbness - around the face, mouth or any other part of the body,
Numbness, pain,
Painful scalp
Pains in neck and shoulders,
Pains in temple,
Pains in the chest       
Pains in the lungs
Paraesthesia (numbness, tingling)
Perspiring, night sweats
Pins and needles
Premature wrinkling around the eyes and face,
Problems of decaying teeth
Rapid blinking of the eyes
Rapid changes in body temperature
Rapid mood changes
Rapid weight loss
Rashes and blotches on skin,
Recurring sore throat,
Restlessness
Saliva running from the mouth at night
Scalp pain and burning,
Screwing up of the eyes
Seeing spots before the eyes
Seizure - 1
Sensitive or painful teeth
Severe cramping in the stomach       
Severe headaches
Severe muscle rigidity
Shaking - inside or out or both,
Sharp throbbing pain in the wrists
Shivering - feelings of extreme cold or hot,
Short-term memory impairment
Sinus pain
Skin problems - dry, itchy, rashes, slow healing, tickling, burning,
Smell problems - everything smells bad,
Smelling bad, but only to you,
Sore and tired eyes
Sore mouth and tongue
Speech difficulties
Stomach cramps
Stuttering,
Swallowing difficulties       
Sweating
Teeth - pain, throbbing, sensitivity, feel like they are falling out, grinding,
Tension between eyes,
Thrush-like symptoms,
Tickling and itching
Tight band around the head       
Tight band around the legs and ankles,
Tightness in the chest
Tightness in the head
Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
Tiredness       
Toe and finger nails change color
Tongue - sore, burning,
Toxic naps - feeling worse upon wakening,
Tremor or feeling of inner vibration
Twitching of the head
Under-eye puffiness,
Sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or the newspaper)
Urinary problems (continence or incontinence)
Vertigo
Visual disturbances - waves, sparks, flashes of light, seeing spots, floaters,  blurry
Voice quality changes,
Vomiting

I’m sure a few are forgotten but it was all worth it.

OMG What a list! I'm so happy you are doing well now! Amazing result!

I've recently faced the issue of bladder incontinence that was mentioned here. I never thought I would have it in such an early age and would need to address hdis customer service for special products, but I still hope for healing. 

Edited May 22 by [ha...]

[[st...]]

18 hours ago, [[h...] said:

OMG What a list! I'm so happy you are doing well now! Amazing result!

I've recently faced the issue of bladder incontinence that was mentioned here. I never thought I would have it in such an early age, but I still hope for healing. 

---

Hi,  thank You for reading my story! I am thrilled to be back! Yes it resolved itself and went away for sure! The thing not to do is to get down on yourself for having it because it is just a very commonly occurring symptom during the withdrawal. I wish you the best!

 

[[st...]]

 

I want to compare having faith during withdrawal to running in a race.
It's hard, it requires concentration of will, energy of soul, acceptance of pain.
And then, your feelings of elation when the recovery finally happens.

 

Where does the power come from to see a race to its end? From within.

A video comment said: "This clip makes you feel like you can do anything in the world. You just have to have faith in your dreams and put one foot in front of the other."

 

 

[[Bl...]]

@[st...]Thanks so much for coming back and giving us your story. I'm in a nasty wave at present and it really helps me to hear of others healing. I have to keep reading it as my default mind state is so negative. No joy allowed. I hope I can one day come back and write a success story myself. Did you get depression, sort of obvious that you must have, but it's not on your list. My thoughts are so negative.

[[En...]]

On 30/04/2024 at 20:14, [[s...] said:

Never took any drugs before this debacle. I was prescribed klonopin 2mg/d and ambien 10mg/d (equiv. of valium 45mg/d). It did nothing for my insomnia but it transformed me into a shell of a person that still could not sleep. After 10 days I had to get off. First, I tried to get off in 10 weeks and then had a first ever seizure. So figured I need to slow down and take it easy. Upped klonopin back to 0.5mg/d  and did a gradual 15 day switch to valium 10mg/d with a 4 week hold to accumulate. It took me another 15 months so a total of 18.5 months to taper and get off this poison, oops! I mean potion. I could only eat organic oatmeal with soymilk and plain lentils with avocado for the duration of the taper because other flavors were too overwhelming and different textures made me choke. This went away slowly after taper.  

Every second of my withdrawal felt like an eternity. Now when I look back the whole withdrawal feels like it lasted but a mere second. I never ever thought I would feel better until I finally did. In the months after tapering, I pushed myself gently to do stuff that I couldn't do during my taper because I knew that feeling sorry for myself and sitting on my thumbs wouldn't help much. God tested me but He also spoke to me and said: “I will be with you always and to the end of Age” and I believed it. I could not read so I listened to audiobooks to distract.

All these symptoms are gone now:
Ants in my pants 24/7 - now I’m cool as a cucumber
Pissed - now it’s water off my back
Going nowhere and seeing no-one - now I get out
Vertigo aka where did I go - now I’m well balanced
Hazy vision - now crystal clear
Couldn’t take the heat or the cold - now it don’t matter
Tight jaws - now comfy
Constipation - now smooth going
Feeling heavy - now motivated
Dreams noir - now gone
Too much saliva - now just right
Half of hair gone, the rest turned gray - now back to normal
Hypersensitive to everything - now to nothing
No sleep - now making up for it
Couldn’t do much - now I’m back in business
Diaphragm breathing - now it’s automatic
Night sweats - now no sweats
Peeing nonstop - now much less
Hypersonic ear sounds - 90% gone
Overall - thrilled to be alive!

I read all the success stories twice and I thank all the benzobuddies that helped me. It’s been another 18 months post taper so about 3 years in total and I am calm now, eat a great variety of foods and sleep a lot. Life is amazing. I will answer all the questions anyone might have so go for it.

This rings truth to me. I know exactly what you are saying here. When I'm in withdrawal every second of the day seems to be an eternity. I try to keep my mind busy by doing lots of reading. I could teach a course on benzodiazepine withdrawal. I know exactly why benzodiazepines screw up the brain and why withdrawal happens. I did that much reading for distraction. I educated myself on tapering strategies. My Dr doesn't even tell me how to taper at all. I dont think he knows how to. I did all my own research and learned how to get through this on my own. I look forward to the day I can look back and say what a journey this has been. I feel like a Hobbit. 

[[st...]]

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[st...]Thanks so much for coming back and giving us your story. I'm in a nasty wave at present and it really helps me to hear of others healing. I have to keep reading it as my default mind state is so negative. No joy allowed. I hope I can one day come back and write a success story myself. Did you get depression, sort of obvious that you must have, but it's not on your list. My thoughts are so negative.

 

Yes, it felt like I was living under a mountain. During this time I had no idea who I was. I was frightened of everything and could not accomplish anything at all. So I kept reading the success stories over and over to keep believing things will get better. These months became a time of intense introspection on what I'd like my life to be when I'm off these nasty pills.

I have to say that my mind was very creative during this time as far as planning the future, listening to audio books and trying to figure out what I can do to make the world a better place. The more time went on, the more of my damaged by the drugs neurons were repairing. The more things I was able to do, the depression just lifted. I soon realized I was a good person, that I can still accomplish a lot. God bless You!

 

[[st...]]

2 hours ago, [[E...] said:

This rings truth to me. I know exactly what you are saying here.

 

It’s fantastic how passionate and knowledgeable we have become about recovery. Now, when I have a problem, I can find the answer without interference from oil snake salesman. When they say “trust us, let us protect you” I reply that I’ve tasted first hand what they have to offer.

I don’t need protection in the form of mind control. It’s like putting someone in jail to make them feel safe. Do no harm? They have no idea what they’re doing. Their treatment lacks in basic human decency and respect. Their illusion of god status is just that.

I’m about empowerment and self-protection. I rather take action to understand my true self. I’ll never again relinquish autonomy to those who understand less than me. It’s my responsibility and I have healed me. I have the power, I can act, I can invent, I can cure myself.

 

[[st...]]

20 minutes ago, [[E...] said:

Amen!!!

God Bless You!

[[En...]]

Just now, [[s...] said:

God Bless You!

God bless you too. He has helped me through this.

[[Mi...]]

Wow how inspiring.  I am only on day 11.  I was mainly on Ambien 10 mg for close to 8 months, I tapered the last 2 months.  How bad was your insomnia?  Did you end up taking any AD's?  You are inspiring thank you for your story it helps.  My insomnia is off the charts and I wonder if I will ever heal.  I am happy for you.  Cheers!

[[st...]]

11 hours ago, [[M...] said:

How bad was your insomnia?  Did you end up taking any AD's? 

 

Thank You for reading my story and writing to me.
I had insomnia for 1.5 years. During the withdrawal when I was in a compulsive thinking mode, hashing over issues and symptoms like insomnia, I would wake up around 3 am and try to figure out how not to have insomnia. So obsessing over insomnia caused the actual insomnia. Once I didn't care about it anymore, the sleep returned.

I listened to more than 100 audiobooks  which not only reduced the insomnia but made me much more focused on other things. I always thought of how I can use this state of affairs to my advantage. For example, I did pencil drawings that I would never even think of doing if not in withdrawal. Looking back, I would give Leonardo Da Vinci a run for his money!

I would never take AD drugs because I don’t think they work for me. Any low mood resulted from a combination of benzos/z-drugs being depressants and questioning my identity, feeling like my territory was obfuscated by the withdrawal. I called my mood a ‘productive melancholy’ and it sure was for it allowed me to figure out who I am: a person I like, what is really going on in this world and who pulls the strings, why dis-ease happens and why I should not be reactionary and instead downgrade situations, let things just slide of my back that before would have ruffled my feathers.
 
An interesting caveat I came across here is that, for women, contraceptives can also cause depression and depression is one the most common reasons women stop using birth control pills.

Also a piece of info on antipsychotic drugs (that act on dopamine but can also act on serotonin): a study in the Journal of Mental Health (2017) concludes that when taken for a long time beyond the acute phase, they may “compromise the contribution of individual effort in recovery” and “reduce likelihood of functional recovery.”

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09638237.2017.1294735?scroll=top&needAccess=true

Things started looking up for me the more time passed and today things are still becoming better and better. For example, yesterday I mowed with a push mower for 4 hours and loved the physical effort, the sun, the wind. Where as during the withdrawal, I could not experience any of that. Passing of time, persistence and prayer healed me. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO FIGURE. WE DO GET BETTER!

 

 

[[st...]]

 

Thankfully, I learned during my withdrawal not to get down on myself so much and that in itself was harder than any of the pain, the constant internal strife, or my inability to do anything. I repeated to myself nonstop: You will get better! I read that if I was mighty disappointed in my performance (which was less than zero at the time) I could experience some other serious issues:

- When feeling like I needed to (but couldn’t) tell people off or chew them out, I would have problems with my jawbones and teeth - so I realized I didn’t need to be so reactionary

- When feeling like I was horrible at my relationships at the time of withdrawal ( and I was) my shoulders, upper arms and collar bones would suffer - so I tried not to internalize the 24/7 chatter of my inner critic

- I am a person of action. I create with my hands and during the withdrawal I could not even wipe my tushy effectively. When I felt like I couldn’t use my hands, I learned that my wrists, hands, and fingers would likely suffer - so I tried to let go of my disappointment

- I also read that whenever I felt unsupported, I would feel pain in my lower back - so I found support in talking to God and my cats

- I honestly don't know how I endured this withdrawal situation, because it was hell on earth. But if I suffered in doubt, it would cause my hips and femoral necks to suffer in pain - so I tried to endure it with my head up

- When feeling continuously disappointed in my physical performance (I couldn’t walk, run, dance, or jump), my knees and lower legs would be hurting me - so that feeling was a mistake because now I can do anything.

So in conclusion, I don't blame myself for stuff any longer, I just do my best.

 

[[be...]]

Congratulations on you journey, it gives me hope to see there's light at the end of the tunnel. 

 

[[Ca...]]

This is going to help so many of us!! Thank you so much for your testimonial 

[[Ta...]]

On 22-5-2024 at 22:00, [[G...] said:

Bedoelde u 1/2 mg of 12 mg? JC.

I really meant 12mg - twelve mg. And at the same time I stopped CT with Lorazepam 2mg/d and with Tramadol drops, which I used quite often. I wish you much courage with your taper - or did you stopped CT like me? Love, Tante

[[st...]]

 

One thing that helped my recovery was eating only whole organic foods, because many packaged foods contain MSG which revved me up.
 

 

https://www.hungryforchange.tv/article/sneaky-names-for-msg-check-your-labels

Hidden Names For MSG And Free Glutamic Acid:

Names of ingredients that always contain processed free glutamic acid.

Glutamic Acid (E 620)2
Glutamate (E 620)
Monosodium Glutamate (E 621)
Monopotassium Glutamate (E 622)
Calcium Glutamate (E 623)
Monoammonium Glutamate (E 624)
Magnesium Glutamate (E 625)
Natrium Glutamate
Yeast Extract
Anything hydrolyzed
Any hydrolyzed protein
Calcium Caseinate
Sodium Caseinate
Yeast Food
Yeast Nutrient
Autolyzed Yeast
Gelatin
Textured Protein
Soy Protein Isolate
Whey Protein Isolate
Anything :protein
Vetsin
Ajinomoto

Names of ingredients that often contain or produce processed free glutamic acid

Carrageenan (E 407)
Bouillon and broth
Stock
Any flavors or flavoring
Maltodextrin
Citric acid, Citrate (E 330)
Anything ultra-pasteurized
Barley malt
Pectin (E 440)
Protease
Anything enzyme modified
Anything containing enzymes
Malt extract
Soy sauce
Soy sauce extract
Anything protein fortified
Seasonings

 

 

[[Li...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 11:35, [[s...] said:

Hi BurnTheShips, thank You! I also felt really terrible until I finally didn't. It feels never-ending but then improvements happen. Not even for a second I thought it would get better until after being 8 months off. My recovery then sped up and I never had a return of symptoms.

@[st...] this gives me hope !!! I'm almost 8 months off !!

[[he...]]

Thank you for posting @[st...]. I too was injured almost immediately by clonazepam, though I didn't recognize what it was and thought it was my new "panic disorder" getting worse, and my doctor told me it was me, of course. I quickly went from PRN use (.25 mg at a time) to .875 mg per day over four months. Once the chemical anxiety hit, I researched, found out was going on, got my doctor to prescribe to me while I tapered at my own rate (though he didn't understand it), and I made it off in 19.5 months microtapering with a lab scale and file and going as fast as I could go. I'm 13 months off now and still have a few symptoms lingering, including a terrible fuzzy head (my worst symptom all along). But yes, it does get better! And God is good, despite the hell this journey can be.

[[st...]]

17 hours ago, [[h...] said:

 But yes, it does get better! And God is good, despite the hell this journey can be.

And people say: is it all worth it? This monumental epic in one’s lifetime, journey filled with enormous struggle, with more deep ravines than plateaus. Fighting for your life like nobody’s business. Look at even the tiniest insects, how much they fight for their life when cornered. They don’t lay don’t and say do whatever you want to me, they never stop trying. For when the dust settles down and you begin to see clearly, you can make a difference in your life, somebody else’s life and even improve the world. So just say to yourself: keep going, keep going, keep going, and it will get better. From personal experience and those thousands that came before us, I know that it will and that it is so worth it!

[[st...]]

On 04/06/2024 at 02:43, [[L...] said:

@[st...] this gives me hope !!! I'm almost 8 months off !!

Ahoy there and thank You for writing to me. I love to read your replies!
I hope you already see that there’s a profound difference between being a captive of a drug and a captain of your ship. A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner and that's how, in this tapering and coming off the drugs, we learn to sail in all weather. I wish You all soft but steady breezes filling your sails and taking you safely to your destination of a drug-free life.

[[st...]]

 

In the past few generations, many of us have become complacent, soft, dependent, as if swimming in a sea of malaise, not using our will to become stronger mentally and physically.

But imagine people during World War 2, no food, no shelter, no electricity, no sources of credible information, no drugs to make them more comfortable or sedated. People overcame because they knew they had to, no matter what stood in their way.

When, after a seizure caused by these poisons, I found myself on a floor laying in bodily fluids and not remembering who I was, I swore to never let anything control me like this and resolved to come off these drugs at any cost necessary. I knew that I was stronger than this rubbish and would win eventually because of the thousands of brave, wonderful people who proved it has been done in their success stories!  

So I finally did. It was the toughest trip I ever took but now I am a force to be reckoned with. I’m glad overcoming this experience took a form of training or a bootcamp because now I will never doubt my strength again.

 

 

Edited June 10 by [st...]

[[st...]]

Normally, before you say ‘I love you’ to someone, you get to know them well. So I have to say to those that are tapering, thinking of tapering, and those already off the devil drugs, I know you and I love you because you are my kind of people. You are an ever-growing group that stepped up to be enormously challenged while fighting the good fight. You are doing what is right, when it matters most.

[[st...]]

 

Gettin' Better
Tesla
Fallin' rain outside my window
But I'll live on, I know
It's gettin' better every day

Soon the sun will shine through my window
When it's gonna come
You know I really couldn't say
Oh, but I know, it's gettin' better every day

Oh, it's gettin' better now every day
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm a hardworkin' man doin' all that I can
Tryin' to make ends meet
Just a-makin' my way through the jungle today
It's gettin' the best of me

But I know it's gettin' better
And a change is gonna come my way
Yes, I know it's gettin' better
Better every day, oh-oh, yeah

Been a-changin' the scene if you know what I mean
Good things are comin' my way
Now I'm livin' my life and I'm doin' it right
Sun shinin' every day

I can feel it gettin' better
And a change is gonna come my way
Yes, I feel it gettin' better
Better every day, yeah, yeah

Now it's only gettin' better
And a change is finally come my way
Yes, it's only so much better
Oh, gettin' better every day, yeah

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
Getting better
Oh, every day
I feel it, feel it gettin' better
It's gettin' better every day
I'm gettin' better
I'm gettin' better

 

[[st...]]

Now that I know what can happen when taking a prescription drug as directed, I rather avoid the mental invasion by properly identifing and resolving the cause. I don't want to be a dupe, I want to be free!

Edited June 16 by [st...]