Plenty of Pain, Then Comes The Greater Gain: Freedom!

[[Ma...]]

Also, did you feel like you had a tin head, like you were looking through a fish bowl?

I went to a restaurant recently-for the 1st time in 2 years-and the menu confused me…

Did you feel somewhat like a child at times, relearning basics?

And stamina-the fatigue-did that come back so you could be awake and alert past 9 p.m.?

Thank you so much for staying and being available to all of us with questions! Just, thank you 😊!

[[Ma...]]

1 more, if I may: could you go to the salon and get your haircut??

[[Rh...]]

36 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

1 more, if I may: could you go to the salon and get your haircut??

Sorry to chime in, but I’m realizing more and more how similar we are…I haven’t been able to get my hair done/cut in months because it’s too stimulating and I’m too sick to even sit there.  My cousin does hair and she recently came to my house when I was having a “better” day and even that was super hard.  

52 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

Also, did you feel like you had a tin head, like you were looking through a fish bowl?

I went to a restaurant recently-for the 1st time in 2 years-and the menu confused me…

Did you feel somewhat like a child at times, relearning basics?

And stamina-the fatigue-did that come back so you could be awake and alert past 9 p.m.?

Thank you so much for staying and being available to all of us with questions! Just, thank you 😊!

My head feels like it in a fish bowl and I have constant weird head/brain sensations and weird eye issues.  
 

I also have to go to bed by 8:30/9 because I’m so exhausted and cannot keep my eyes open (but also because by that point my head feels like it wants to explode along with my eyes.

And I feel like a child wherein I cannot make decisions…like it’s too hard.

55 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

Also, did you feel like you had a tin head, like you were looking through a fish bowl?

I went to a restaurant recently-for the 1st time in 2 years-and the menu confused me…

Did you feel somewhat like a child at times, relearning basics?

And stamina-the fatigue-did that come back so you could be awake and alert past 9 p.m.?

Thank you so much for staying and being available to all of us with questions! Just, thank you 😊!

[[st...]]

1 hour ago, [[M...] said:

Was your exhaustion, fatigue debilitating?

Did you have difficulty conversing like an educated, whole person with others?

How did you know it was actually over and you were in the other side?

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! 🎉 An enormous victory and wonderful success story!!

---------------------

Thank you so much! Fatigue was enormous and I couldn’t do anything, but it went away slowly. Recently, with just one other person, I moved a baby grand piano from a house to a truck and then off the truck to another house, smooth sailing!

My education went out the window. I’m usually not an introvert, but I didn’t talk to anyone during the 19 months taper and 8 months post taper. The first time I was able to go to a store, I knew I turned a corner. You will be victorious and shine like a diamond!

 

 

[[st...]]

1 hour ago, [[M...] said:

Also, did you feel like you had a tin head, like you were looking through a fish bowl?

I went to a restaurant recently-for the 1st time in 2 years-and the menu confused me…

Did you feel somewhat like a child at times, relearning basics?

And stamina-the fatigue-did that come back so you could be awake and alert past 9 p.m.?

Thank you so much for staying and being available to all of us with questions! Just, thank you 😊!

-----------

If my head was not attached, I would have forgotten it. Since I couldn’t read books, I had to slow the audiobooks down to 75% so my brain could keep track. Thank God the brain does repair in time. Not only that, but it overcompensates and I feel smarter and more with it now. These days, I’m awake till 3am sometimes and love it.

 

[[st...]]

1 hour ago, [[M...] said:

1 more, if I may: could you go to the salon and get your haircut??

--------------

I have never been in a beauty salon but I’m sure they’re wonderful.

 

[[aa...]]

16 hours ago, [[s...] said:

-----------

At some point I took a two year hiatus from BB. I stopped believing the success stories because I felt so miserable. Now, I know all these stories were true and everyone, I mean everyone, gets better. Soon after, we are twice as good as before.

Undetectable healing is happening every hour of every day. Pain sucks but it’s a sign of healing. For my migraine headaches I took coffee and it decreased the swelling in my brain, getting rid of the migraines. I’m here for you.

Really coffee decreased ur headaches? We ve brain symptoms n it's not headache. Doesn't coffee maje us worse? 

[[ap...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 11:14, [[s...] said:

Never took any drugs before this debacle. I was prescribed klonopin 2mg/d and ambien 10mg/d (equiv. of valium 45mg/d). It did nothing for my insomnia but it transformed me into a shell of a person that still could not sleep. After 10 days I had to get off. First, I tried to get off in 10 weeks and then had a first ever seizure. So figured I need to slow down and take it easy. Upped klonopin back to 0.5mg/d  and did a gradual 15 day switch to valium 10mg/d with a 4 week hold to accumulate. It took me another 15 months so a total of 18.5 months to taper and get off this poison, oops! I mean potion. I could only eat organic oatmeal with soymilk and plain lentils with avocado for the duration of the taper because other flavors were too overwhelming and different textures made me choke. This went away slowly after taper.  

Every second of my withdrawal felt like an eternity. Now when I look back the whole withdrawal feels like it lasted but a mere second. I never ever thought I would feel better until I finally did. In the months after tapering, I pushed myself gently to do stuff that I couldn't do during my taper because I knew that feeling sorry for myself and sitting on my thumbs wouldn't help much. God tested me but He also spoke to me and said: “I will be with you always and to the end of Age” and I believed it. I could not read so I listened to audiobooks to distract.

All these symptoms are gone now:
Ants in my pants 24/7 - now I’m cool as a cucumber
Pissed - now it’s water off my back
Going nowhere and seeing no-one - now I get out
Vertigo aka where did I go - now I’m well balanced
Hazy vision - now crystal clear
Couldn’t take the heat or the cold - now it don’t matter
Tight jaws - now comfy
Constipation - now smooth going
Feeling heavy - now motivated
Dreams noir - now gone
Too much saliva - now just right
Half of hair gone, the rest turned gray - now back to normal
Hypersensitive to everything - now to nothing
No sleep - now making up for it
Couldn’t do much - now I’m back in business
Diaphragm breathing - now it’s automatic
Night sweats - now no sweats
Peeing nonstop - now much less
Hypersonic ear sounds - 90% gone
Overall - thrilled to be alive!

I read all the success stories twice and I thank all the benzobuddies that helped me. It’s been another 18 months post taper so about 3 years in total and I am calm now, eat a great variety of foods and sleep a lot. Life is amazing. I will answer all the questions anyone might have so go for it.

It's wonderful you healed. But for some such as myself 22 months out and balance and walking us badly affected.  We have to be gentle with ourselves. A little walking is enough. We do not have to push ourselves too much, we are all different. It is wonderful that you have clearly healed and enjoying your life again. 😊

[[st...]]

5 hours ago, [[a...] said:

Really coffee decreased ur headaches? We ve brain symptoms n it's not headache. Doesn't coffee maje us worse? 

Hi, I could not and did not drink coffee during and post taper. Only 12 months after taper finished I slowly introduced it and only because of migraines (not because I love it).

[[Rh...]]

5 hours ago, [[a...] said:

Really coffee decreased ur headaches? We ve brain symptoms n it's not headache. Doesn't coffee maje us worse? 

I have had several people on here till me coffee helped their migraines/headaches as well.

I haven’t had coffee in several years while tapering and going through WD and I was scared to try.  I did try a very small amount the last 3 days because I wake with daily migraines/headaches and it kind of helped??!!! I don’t know if I didn’t drink enough or it just doesn’t really help me, but I’m scared to drink more.

also, from my understanding (which is very limited) it’s a neuro excitability so I’m afraid of that too! 

[[st...]]

On 02/05/2024 at 07:58, [[a...] said:

It's wonderful you healed. But for some such as myself 22 months out and balance and walking us badly affected.  We have to be gentle with ourselves. A little walking is enough. We do not have to push ourselves too much, we are all different. It is wonderful that you have clearly healed and enjoying your life again. 😊

Hi, I also didn’t go from doing nothing for this long to just moving pianos. My vertigo was so bad during taper and eight months after, that when I went for a slow five minute walk on grass, I would fall five times. But I kept making light of it and said “where did I go” instead of “vertigo”. Then, very slowly it got better. It was a marathon, not a sprint for me. Anything that got in my way, like pain, anxiety, insomnia… I treated it as a pest and enemy and told it to go away, knowing deep inside that this crap would pass one day. Easy does it, I totally agree.

Edited May 3 by [st...]

[[Ma...]]

@[Rh...] Caffeine is neuroprotective and reduces inflammation. Most, from what I understand, cannot tolerate it but some can-myself included.

I drink them for the above reasons, for my headaches and severe fatigue.

[[st...]]

 

I always appreciated the small things, like birds, ice cream, walk in the woods or spring smells in the air. But now, that I passed the storm and reached the summit of this mountain, I really appreciate the big things that I can see from up here, like life, God, truth, freedom and love.

“ 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change”
Free Bird
by Ronnie Van Zant

 

[[ap...]]

19 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Hi, I also didn’t go from doing nothing for this long to just to moving pianos. My vertigo was so bad during taper and eight months after, that when I went for a slow five minute walk on grass, I would fall five times. But I kept making light of it and said “where did I go” instead of “vertigo”. Then, very slowly it got better. It was a marathon, not a sprint for me. Anything that got in my way, like pain, anxiety, insomnia… I treated it as a pest and enemy and told it to go away, knowing deep inside that this crap would pass one day. Easy does it, I totally agree.

I know that fall over feeling, you are inspiring though 

[[st...]]

6 hours ago, [[a...] said:

I know that fall over feeling, you are inspiring though 

Thank you very much. What I learned from all my symptoms is that I can overcome anything. It might take time, patience, prayer, and a fierce commitment to persevere. But I rather fight on my feet than be captured and on my knees. Have a nice weekend!

[[st...]]

Stronger every day

 

[[Gi...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 19:05, [[s...] said:

--------------

I now have no triggers. In my success story I listed some symptoms but here is a more complete list:

Abdominal pains and cramps
Aching jaw
Aching joints
Aching muscles,
Acute hyper excited state,
Agitated sight
Agitation
Allergic reactions
Allergic reactions to foods previously tolerated,
Allergy & nasal symptoms exacerbated,
Anxiety
Appetite - loss of
Ataxia - can't coordinate muscle movement,
Back pain,
Band around head,
Bladder incontinence
Bladder irritation - feeling of having an infection or cystitis,
Bleeding from the nose
Blepharospasm - eye twitches,
Bloated stomach, distended abdomen, (benzo belly),
Bloated, diarrhea, constipation,
Blood pressure fluctuations,        
Blurred vision, seeing spots, flashes, vivid vision
Body feels like jelly
Body odour - stinking sweat,
Body temperature fluctuations,
Body temperature reading higher or lower than 98.6,
Brachycardia - slow heartbeat/pulse,
Breathing difficulties
Breathlessness,
Bruxism (teeth grinding)    
Burning along the spine
Burning sensation around the mouth
Buzzing, burning, tingling limbs,
Changes in skin colour, tone, texture,
Chemical sensitivities
Chest tightness,
Chills - (can feel like the heebie-jeebies when viewing a scary movie),
Choking
Clumsiness
Confusion,
Constipation
Cracked and sore lips
Cramping in stomach,
Crying fits,
Dark circles under the eyes,
Decaying teeth and bleeding gums,      
Dental pain,
Diarrhea,   
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty holding a fork, due to muscle weakness,
Difficulty writing,
Disorientation       
Distended abdomen
Dizziness - in general, or a feeling like falling off the couch/chair/bed   
Dry mouth
Dry throat, sore tongue, and thrush
Dry, itchy skin
Dry, tickly cough
Dyspepsia (indigestion)
Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing)
Dyspnea (breathing difficulty)        
Earache, and sinus problems,
Electric shock feelings
Excitability
Exercise - love it but could not, exacerbating all benzo symptoms,
Exhaustion,
Extreme cold,
Extreme lethargy    
Extremely nervous and jumpy       
Eyes - sore, tired, seeing floaters, spots, itchy,
Falling hair, graying hair
Fatigue, leaden heaviness
Fear  
Faeces - appears abnormal looking,
Feeling bloated
Feeling of extreme cold
Feeling of impending doom             
Feelings of shaking inside and out
Fingernail problems - median nail dystrophy (line/ridge down the centre)
Flashbacks
Fluctuations in blood pressure
Flushing,
Fuzzy feeling in head,
Gait disturbance - hard to walk straight,
Gastritis
Glassy eyes
Goosebumps - very visible to the eye,
Grinding teeth
Hemorrhoids
Hair - loss, thinning, dullness,
Headaches - mild or severe,
Heartburn
Heavy arms, legs and head,
Hurts to wear clothes, a car seatbelt,
Hyper sensitive (unable to watch the news, see films, read the newspaper),
Hyperactivity
Hyperacusis - profound hearing sensitivity, hurts to talk on the phone, music, etc.,
Hyperosmia (sensitive sense of smell),
Hyperreflexia (‘jumpiness’)
Hypersensitivity to being touched,
Hypersensitivity to light, sound, and other stimuli
IBS - irritable bowel syndrome,
Impacted bowels,
Impairment of motor coordination,
Inability to comprehend the simplest things,
Inability to concentrate,
inability to cope with a lot of information
Inability to draw a satisfying breath,
Inability to read
Incontinence, frequent need to urinate, to hold or pass urine,
Increased saliva
Indigestion
Insomnia       
Intense fuzzy feeling in the head               
Intense jaw pain             
Irritability
Jaundice,
Jaw, tooth, neck and shoulder aches and pains,
Jaws clamped together
Jerks in arms, legs fingers.
Joint aches and pains,
Jumpiness,
Lack of concentration
Lack of co-ordination
Left/Right-sided symptoms,
Legs arms and head very heavy
Leukonychia (whitening of nails)
Loss of concentration
Loss of control of movement,
Loss of memory
Loss of taste or metallic taste
Loss of appetite
Lung pain,
Memory problems - short term,
Mouth and tongue soreness,
Muscle spasms
Muscle tone, wastage,
Muscle weakness,
Muscles locking and rigidity,
Muscular aches, pains, cramps, spasms,
Muscular rigidity,
Nausea
Nervous ticks or twitches,
Nervousness
Neurological problems - topical nerve anaesthesia,
Night sweats,
Nose bleeds,
Numbness - around the face, mouth or any other part of the body,
Numbness, pain,
Painful scalp
Pains in neck and shoulders,
Pains in temple,
Pains in the chest       
Pains in the lungs
Paraesthesia (numbness, tingling)
Perspiring, night sweats
Pins and needles
Premature wrinkling around the eyes and face,
Problems of decaying teeth
Rapid blinking of the eyes
Rapid changes in body temperature
Rapid mood changes
Rapid weight loss
Rashes and blotches on skin,
Recurring sore throat,
Restlessness
Saliva running from the mouth at night
Scalp pain and burning,
Screwing up of the eyes
Seeing spots before the eyes
Seizure - 1
Sensitive or painful teeth
Severe cramping in the stomach       
Severe headaches
Severe muscle rigidity
Shaking - inside or out or both,
Sharp throbbing pain in the wrists
Shivering - feelings of extreme cold or hot,
Short-term memory impairment
Sinus pain
Skin problems - dry, itchy, rashes, slow healing, tickling, burning,
Smell problems - everything smells bad,
Smelling bad, but only to you,
Sore and tired eyes
Sore mouth and tongue
Speech difficulties
Stomach cramps
Stuttering,
Swallowing difficulties       
Sweating
Teeth - pain, throbbing, sensitivity, feel like they are falling out, grinding,
Tension between eyes,
Thrush-like symptoms,
Tickling and itching
Tight band around the head       
Tight band around the legs and ankles,
Tightness in the chest
Tightness in the head
Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
Tiredness       
Toe and finger nails change color
Tongue - sore, burning,
Toxic naps - feeling worse upon wakening,
Tremor or feeling of inner vibration
Twitching of the head
Under-eye puffiness,
Sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or the newspaper)
Urinary problems (continence or incontinence)
Vertigo
Visual disturbances - waves, sparks, flashes of light, seeing spots, floaters,  blurry
Voice quality changes,
Vomiting

I’m sure a few are forgotten but it was all worth it.

Thank you so much Staystill and congratulations 🥂.

I have a question. I have terrible crampy/spasms in my back and my torso seizes up. Did you experience this symptom at all? 
 

I am so scared it won’t go away, it resembles dystonia. My muscle just pull, squeeze, tighten and seize.

Thank you for any hope ❤️

[[Tw...]]

On 01/05/2024 at 15:07, [[M...] said:

Also, did you feel like you had a tin head, like you were looking through a fish bowl?

I went to a restaurant recently-for the 1st time in 2 years-and the menu confused me…

Did you feel somewhat like a child at times, relearning basics?

And stamina-the fatigue-did that come back so you could be awake and alert past 9 p.m.?

Thank you so much for staying and being available to all of us with questions! Just, thank you 😊!

I am experiencing all of the symptoms just how @[Ma...]described. Thank you for the validation. I do feel like a child sometimes, relearning basics, and unfortunately, I am awake and alert past 9 pm. I read all these articles that say that lack of sleep can cause heart problems and death, and it's really scary when I cannot sleep. 

[[Tw...]]

28 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

Thank you so much Staystill and congratulations 🥂.

I have a question. I have terrible crampy/spasms in my back and my torso seizes up. Did you experience this symptom at all? 
 

I am so scared it won’t go away, it resembles dystonia. My muscle just pull, squeeze, tighten and seize.

Thank you for any hope ❤️

Benzodiazepine withdrawal can cause muscle spasms @[Gi...]. It happened to me and it can be scary. The Benzodiazepines put parts of our bodies and muscles asleep. The Benzodiazepines relaxed our muscles. Our muscles are waking up on their own when we quit taking Benzodiazepines. Healing takes Time and Patience and Perseverance. Hang in there even though you are suffering. If you feel you need to, see a Doctor. These symptoms are Temporary. 

[[st...]]

40 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

Thank you so much Staystill and congratulations 🥂.

I have a question. I have terrible crampy/spasms in my back and my torso seizes up. Did you experience this symptom at all? 
 

I am so scared it won’t go away, it resembles dystonia. My muscle just pull, squeeze, tighten and seize.

Thank you for any hope ❤️

I also experienced severe cramps in legs and toes morning and night. The steps went like this: huge pain, spasm and then a very brief paralysis of a muscle. I noticed what alleviated it was not fighting it just saying to the pain: it's ok, it's ok i don't resist you, I'm not stuck with you, I’m not stuck here, I'm just on the way to my destination. I learned that these muscle spasms come from me subconsciously thinking I was stuck in this withdrawal and couldn't escape it. But these spasms and pain went away completely, 100% gone and never came back because I am not stuck with it anymore. So my answer is: Yes it will go away, I'm sure of it!

[[st...]]

26 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

I am experiencing all of the symptoms just how @[Ma...]described. Thank you for the validation. I do feel like a child sometimes, relearning basics, and unfortunately, I am awake and alert past 9 pm. I read all these articles that say that lack of sleep can cause heart problems and death, and it's really scary when I cannot sleep. 

The less I worried about the sleep, the more sleep I got. Please, just forget about it, the sleep will come.

[[Tw...]]

35 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

I also experienced severe cramps in legs and toes morning and night. The steps went like this: huge pain, spasm and then a very brief paralysis of a muscle. I noticed what alleviated it was not fighting it just saying to the pain: it's ok, it's ok i don't resist you, I'm not stuck with you, I’m not stuck here, I'm just on the way to my destination. I learned that these muscle spasms come from me subconsciously thinking I was stuck in this withdrawal and couldn't escape it. But these spasms and pain went away completely, 100% gone and never came back because I am not stuck with it anymore. So my answer is: Yes it will go away, I'm sure of it!

@[st...] I also had muscle spasms and it was very scary. My doctors ignored this withdrawal symptom of muscle spasms. Eventually Time healed the muscle spasms. I quit benzos two months ago. 

[[Tw...]]

35 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

The less I worried about the sleep, the more sleep I got. Please, just forget about it, the sleep will come.

I agree with @[st...] Eventually and miraculously, the sleep will come. 

[[st...]]

What put my recovery in a proper perspective was seeing twins conjoined at the head that lived for sixty some years like that and they shared 30% of their brain. They looked nice, well dressed and happy. Their acceptance of their whole life was so inspiring. When I heard everyone on BB say I'll get better, a few years of trials and tribulations didn't faze me as much. You’ll get here too. Please just keep going and going as long as the brain needs. I do think It’s unfortunate but so necessary and worth whatever we have to go through to get here.

[[st...]]

The worst thing to do during and after a hard taper was to feel that I was of less value because I can't do anything. I experienced so called self-devaluation or loss of self-worth. For example:
- intellectual self-devaluation - when I couldn't think
- relationship self-devaluation - thinking like I failed  as a partner, friend etc.
- often feeling guilty and blaming myself
Buying into these false feelings could lead to other serious health issues. I made a quick turn around from it by realizing those inabilities are here only temporarily and will go away. Like when healing from any other injury. The simple truth of that is what saved me and made me stronger.