My experience so far.

[[No...]]

@[Co...], thanks very much for your support. I am thinking on your words and will decide what will be my next move. I still have some hope to stabilise at this dose, next 3 days are crucial about my decision due to too much stress at work and I already barely walk. Next week I can take a break, a long one.

Our doctors are ignorant about benzos, they don't believe. The answer always is "Would you like to see a psychiatrist?". 

[[No...]]

Day 79, still holding. I've split my dose a week ago -1/4 morning and 3/4 at bedtime. Looks like there are some interdose withdrawal issues but the things are still miserable and I just leave any hope for improvement.

I am not bedridden (close to) but already depressed, constant anxiety and panic attacks are brutal, too much neurological symptoms. My kids are confused because I can't manage to be the father they deserve. 

Among all this drama I am trying to be realistic with my options. I am stuck. Can't cut in this condition, can't go up (I can, but it's 50/50 chances for going better or going worse). So holding.. And ofcourse the wildcard: adding AD. Something missing? 

P.S. The anxiety is the key for stability but I feel that it's not a matter of coping skills but chemical imbalance.Wish I was a jedi master..

[[No...]]

Almost 2 months from my last post. In short I've held 90 days and after there wasn't significant improvement finally I've decided to make 5% cut. I am not sure if holding so long helps, but as we know with this drugs there is always some delay so.. 50/50. Anyway my next cut was 28 days later (5% again) and the last one 18 days after that (2.5%). So far so good, I am trying to move slow and steady, maybe too slow but maybe not. I've felt the last cut  immediately in the same night while with the past cuts this happened around day 5. Something important - smoking cigarettes is my key for anxiety. No cigarettes no problem. In general I have a dozen of symptoms, it's not fun but my priority is to stay functional. Keep going..

[[Co...]]

On 22/08/2024 at 14:09, [[N...] said:

Almost 2 months from my last post. In short I've held 90 days and after there wasn't significant improvement finally I've decided to make 5% cut. I am not sure if holding so long helps, but as we know with this drugs there is always some delay so.. 50/50.

Hi @[No...] Yes, there is no point in sticking at a dose for a very extended period if the intention is to quit. Sometimes (quite commonly/usually, actually), there is no achieving feeling perfectly fine until sometime after completing the taper. At some point, we have to bite the bullet to push on.

On 22/08/2024 at 14:09, [[N...] said:

Anyway my next cut was 28 days later (5% again) and the last one 18 days after that (2.5%). So far so good, I am trying to move slow and steady, maybe too slow but maybe not. I've felt the last cut  immediately in the same night while with the past cuts this happened around day 5.

Well, that's progress. It is unrealistic to expect no symptoms, so moving forward (at a manageable rate) makes sense to me.

On 22/08/2024 at 14:09, [[N...] said:

Something important - smoking cigarettes is my key for anxiety. No cigarettes no problem. In general I have a dozen of symptoms, it's not fun but my priority is to stay functional. Keep going..

I don't follow. Have you quit cigarettes and you are feeling fine? Or have a missed something?

[[No...]]

Hello @[Co...], nice to see you are keeping an eye on me. My situation was bad after my 50% cut, almost disabled but going to work. There was no way to push more. I have heart problem which complicates my taper and I can't afford too much stress. 

Now I am going slowly, but hey, 14 months ago I was taking 2.5-3 mg clonazepam, 30 mg mirtazapine, 100 mg sertraline, 50 mg quetiapine! Now I am taking around 0.465 mg clonazepam, nothing else! 

Yes I've quit cigarettes and this makes my anxiety very manageable, which affects and all other symptoms. Apologise, English is not my power. 

Considering all my mistakes, what you said is what I'll follow:

14 hours ago, [[C...] said:

moving forward (at a manageable rate)

Thank you.

Edited August 26 by [No...]

[[Co...]]

16 hours ago, [[N...] said:

Hello @[Co...], nice to see you are keeping an eye on me. My situation was bad after my 50% cut, almost disabled but going to work. There was no way to push more. I have heart problem which complicates my taper and I can't afford too much stress.

Yes, that's a very large reduction, even without the complications of your heart condition.

16 hours ago, [[N...] said:

Now I am going slowly, but hey, 14 months ago I was taking 2.5-3 mg clonazepam, 30 mg mirtazapine, 100 mg sertraline, 50 mg quetiapine! Now I am taking around 0.465 mg clonazepam, nothing else!

You've made very good progress. Well done!

16 hours ago, [[N...] said:

Yes I've quit cigarettes and this makes my anxiety very manageable, which affects and all other symptoms. Apologise, English is not my power.

I thought that is what you meant. I was just surprised that you experienced lower anxiety since quitting cigarettes.

16 hours ago, [[N...] said:

Considering all my mistakes, what you said is what I'll follow:

Thank you.

Yes, moving forward is far more important than the actual rate. After all, there is no point in pushing so hard that you end up reinstating or increasing your dose.

Thank you for keeping us informed of your progress.

[[Fa...]]

@[No...]  This post from beginning has made such an impact.  You have done so, so well.  I just had to express that.  You sound like a Jedi Master to me!

I am at a similar dosage after dealing with many drugs having been put in and taken out over a short period of time.  I can say for myself that with all that my nervous system has been through, this part of the taper will be really important in terms of keeping things slow and steady.  I have to force myself to remember what my body has moved through so that when I feel the impatience and frustration, I don't try to force myself to move faster.

Your strength and fortitude is evident.  I find it inspiring.

Warmly,

F

 

Edited September 3 by [Fa...]

[[No...]]

@[Fa...], thank you very much for your kind words! The truth is that I am not so courageous as it maybe sounds. My life is constant fear and I am just trying to go through this and to survive, nothing more..

Writing here my only intention is to share my mistakes which can help others to avoid them. And ofcourse I am thankful for getting all good advices and kind words! 

I am really sorry that you have been through the same hell and I am really hoping that you are already crossed the worst. The slower sometimes win the race, but.. I think that this isn't a race, this is just our present life situation.

I see a lot of people including myself which are looking only the big picture: when this suffering will end, how long it will take and etc. Looking so forward make people to do mistakes. What I am trying is to look at the small things and to do small things. I can't think for the big picture because this terrifyings me, it's too big, I cant deal with it! Think about it, it will take maybe a year my taper to end, one more year suffering! And what will happen when it's over, maybe more suffering? No way to think about so big problems! That's why I prefer to think about small things, small problems, day by day, step by step. Win the battle, don't think about the whole war. 

Thank you again, I wish you smooth healing!

[[Fa...]]

@[No...]  Everything you just wrote is why I was so inspired by your post.  Courage is just that...moving forward even while feeling extreme fear...which is what you are doing.

And your intentions in sharing your journey in the way you have is incredibly helpful.  It's the energy behind what you are sharing...not only the words.

You're right...the only way through is to stay in the present moment...zooming out can be very challenging to hold emotionally/mentally.  And, it's a very big challenge to stay present even though life is showing me in a plethora of ways that this is the way it is for now.

I wish you only the very best, also.  Thank you, again.

Warmly,

F

[[JA...]]

You've come so far buddy getting of all them phyc meds,I know how hard it is after 23 year on various meds on and of myself 

As a father as well I totally relate to going through this while tryn to be dad,it's hard and for me 1 of the issues that really gets me down

I started in January and done the long 2 month hold to after it getting to rough,.it has its qwerks with a bit of extra sleep but yea you have to move on

Yea it's hard bud and a day at a time is the only way to look at it,.and family is the biggest incentive to keep pushing and get out of this

I hope your ok as can be in your situation buddy

 

 

 

 

[[No...]]

My last cut was a month ago, I've just decided to take a break because I was really tired from all this. Now I am feeling good for first time from a year back. There are symptoms, some of them are bad here and there but at this moment I am functional with nice energy levels. I appreciate this! I am aware that my CNS is very fragile and I am easily triggered. So I am cutting again today, it's only 2.5% cut but I don't mind this. 

Few things to mention: I am experiencing intensive subconscious fears at some moments and this makes my anxiety levels very bad. When this happens I am starting to worry about everything. My "little world" tactic helps at some levels.. What is this? Nothing special, just stop to think about the big problem and focus on the present "problem", which in our situations can be even getting shower. I am not thinking about tomorrow or at least I am trying. As we all know our minds are focused on suffering and there is no need to add more of it thinking about future problems. So step by step is my strategy, I am doing what I am able to do and I don't worry for what is coming next if it is possible.

 

[[Ct...]]

58 minutes ago, [[N...] said:

My last cut was a month ago, I've just decided to take a break because I was really tired from all this. Now I am feeling good for first time from a year back. There are symptoms, some of them are bad here and there but at this moment I am functional with nice energy levels. I appreciate this! I am aware that my CNS is very fragile and I am easily triggered. So I am cutting again today, it's only 2.5% cut but I don't mind this. 

Few things to mention: I am experiencing intensive subconscious fears at some moments and this makes my anxiety levels very bad. When this happens I am starting to worry about everything. My "little world" tactic helps at some levels.. What is this? Nothing special, just stop to think about the big problem and focus on the present "problem", which in our situations can be even getting shower. I am not thinking about tomorrow or at least I am trying. As we all know our minds are focused on suffering and there is no need to add more of it thinking about future problems. So step by step is my strategy, I am doing what I am able to do and I don't worry for what is coming next if it is possible.

@[No...] You have been through so much and yet you are moving forward step by step. Focusing on the present moment is so important. Your 2.5% cut sounds very sensible. Take it slow. Klonopin is a very potent drug. 

Edited September 21 by [Ct...]

[[No...]]

17 hours ago, [[C...] said:

You have been through so much and yet you are moving forward step by step. Focusing on the present moment is so important.

I am a lucky one, there are buddies here suffering a lot more. And in the end I don't have other options except moving forward. A lot of people are stuck in their nightmare scared of everything, so am I, and maybe the only thing which seems to help is moving forward. I don't know how this will ends but you are right:

18 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Take it slow.

I will.