Just musing....can we be grumpy, miserable and isolated and still heal? And what about the subconscious mind?

[[WU...]]

I say this with burning tongue in burning cheek!  Seeing people who have healed on YT vids they have become almost saint-like, or does healing do that to us, make us more grateful and alive and generally better people all round?   I also wonder how much our subconscious mind has to do with all of this. I think mine must be furious with me for taking these pills in the first place and might even be stringing this out a bit longer to get its own back !  Mind you I still can't quite understand what happened last year, out of the blue I suddenly got the message that the pills were the problem, so maybe my subconscious mind came to the rescue saying "right that's it, I'm intervening, this has gone on long enough!"

 

 

 

[[Ka...]]

You are right.

I was compliant at the start, as I was in crisis, so took the damn pills really out of desperation. I didn’t want to & was given no info/warning. But I wanted relief. 
I think I was duped. Benzos are not the answer for me. They did initially dull the anxiety but long term use has brought terrible consequences & paradoxical effects. 
So the mind is powerful & mine said - “enough”! 
I’m now an angry (grumpy/miserable), duped, overmedicated, burning mouthed (see topic we’ve exchanged shared experience) anxious person who’s a bit more savvy than several years ago. 

 

 

Edited January 8 by [Ka...]

[[wi...]]

Of course we can be grumpy, miserable, and isolated and still heal!!

My goodness!

 

[[WU...]]

 

@[wi...]"Of course we can be grumpy, miserable, and isolated and still heal!!"

Oh that's good to know, I wouldn't want to change my whole personality, only bits here and there!

 

[[WU...]]

@[Ka...] hello again. Yes we were all duped!  No warnings given, nada. It makes my blood boil. But we're not supposed to get angry either as it is socially unacceptable!  According to some more modern thinking people most of our bodily malfunctions are down to muscle tension from repressed anger!  So perhaps the G.P's of the future might offer repressed anger retreats instead of messing up our brains with chemicals. I will continue to dream......

Edited January 8 by [WU...]

[[Ka...]]

Sign me up @[WU...] for repressed anger retreat - I’m in! 

[[Bl...]]

Regarding burning mouth syndrome I had it for a year while I was on Mirtazapine, had to stop the drug, then it went away.

[[ns...]]

Hi wu we, you know our subconscious is really our brain I think, idk, maybe our flesh? Nut I do know that gratefulness and being thankful has really helped me. I am a spiritual woman but I still must say, this season has tested me and still does. It seems as if God is changing me, bringing me closer to Him. What I mean is I was lacking discipline,  obedience to him, I smoked, did alot of worldly things even though I called myself a Christian. We go thru the fire to be cleansed, purified and I'm finding at least it seems that I have been going thru this fir that purpose. I'm more grateful and thankful, I look 10 yrs older, I am humbled, I don't complain as much even though I'm miserable, I need Him more than ever and this is the point. He wants to be our All in All, with the holy spirit working thru us, changing us day by day. Yes, I think we cone out on the other side better for it, I practically walked away from my faith due to illness but it wasn't my intention but so much meds, I didn't even know myself anymore. I think that's the point at least for me, when He calls and we don't answer, He will get our attention one way or another, even thru suffering we come out refined by the fire.

Truly an incredible experience,  I would rather not go thru this, but when this is over, I know I will have vern renewed in the spirit of my mind, into a new creation in Christ and I can't wait for the final chapter. 

Yes, too much religion on this site can get me in trouble,  I don't mean to offend anyone, just sharing my experience.

Be well

[[El...]]

1 hour ago, [[w...] said:

My goodness!

That made me laugh. 

I believe it to be true as well. Of course you can heal regardless of how you feel in one moment or if you tend to be introverted and you don't like crowds, have a reduced social life or are just... unhappy with your current situation. Doesn't mean you're not healing. Just means you're going through a very very very tough time that a lot of people seem to be completely oblivious to even though so many of them actually take these drugs as well I would bet. 

I struggle with letting myself feel and be that grumpy, miserable self often. I feel somehow (from conditioning) that I "SHOULD" always feel ok, or at least show that good side of me, be amicable, or at least agreeable. I think for women the social pressure growing up is very heavy on us, to be pretty, to smile, to be grateful, to be this or that. So one thing that this experience is teaching me is the hard lesson that is UN-learning the need to be socially agreeable and smiling and happy at all times and that my experience, my emotions, my body sensations and my overall sense of self is important, changes over time and that I need to be able to express this outwards, even while around people. And really... if someone is angry or unhappy with me because I'm being myself they have no place in my life, because it means they don't respect who I am and what I'm going through.

So of course we're healing, grumpy angry and isolated regardless. And I agree with @[ns...] that I believe the subconscious to be our bodies, flesh, what is felt more than thought really. So... when infuriating symptoms started to become life threatening to me, I stopped, paid attention, and started to listen and have been since I started all this taper journey. 

But anyway. I hope that this helps. I believe we heal whatever is going on, with  time, with experiences, with love, with compassion, with allowing anger and other less acceptable emotions, and with solitude  too 

Edited January 8 by [El...]

[[Bu...]]

6 minutes ago, [[E...] said:

Just means you're going through a very very very tough time that a lot of people seem to be completely oblivious to even though so many of them actually take these drugs as well I would bet. 

Do you wonder about that?  How many other people out there are taking these things and have no idea what is coming for them?  Because it does seem to get everyone eventually.  

And I'm grumpy a lot and yet I still seem to be healing, albeit very, very, slowly, even when I don't want to admit it ;}

[[WU...]]

Yes @[ns...] I have heard it said our body is our subconscious in physical form.  I do have a sense of shedding my old skin and jumping out of it renewed, as painful as it is.

Yes @[Bu...] I do worry about the others totally oblivious like we all were. I like grumpy people, they tend to be more honest!

@[El...] definitely breaking out of conditioning and just being ourselves, oh what joy, not to people please, not to worry if we've said the wrong thing, just feeling free of all that nonsense. Doesn't mean we become rude or nasty, just having the confidence to say how we really feel

[[me...]]

I am starting to trust my own instincts and I'm not going to people please anymore my health is important......🙏

[[ve...]]

My biggest fear is getting to Buddhahood lol.  I've seen 2 friends believing they were Jesus Christ after abusing LSD.  

But hey, I survived alcohol detox without going to AA and being a Born-Again Christian knocking my neighbours' doors!  Maybe I should do this when I finally detox from benzos, but in the nude!

Edited January 9 by [ve...]

[[WU...]]

@[ve...] I quite like the idea of dressing in biblical robes

[[me...]]

Hi I wouldn't mind being a monk I've read alot about Buddhism etc it facinates me how simple and complete their lives are I live simply at home etc but here in hospital I'm overwhelmed with  the routine and the amount of food  maybe I'm already living the simple life at home I'm very anxious here in hsp🙏

[[El...]]

21 hours ago, [[B...] said:

21 hours ago, [[E...] said:

Just means you're going through a very very very tough time that a lot of people seem to be completely oblivious to even though so many of them actually take these drugs as well I would bet. 

Do you wonder about that?  How many other people out there are taking these things and have no idea what is coming for them?  Because it does seem to get everyone eventually.  

And I'm grumpy a lot and yet I still seem to be healing, albeit very, very, slowly, even when I don't want to admit it ;}

Yes I do wonder often how come it's not more of an open topic, since it's so widespread. But I have lived most of my life in France and we hold a record I believe in terms of prescription of these drugs. Most doctors I spoke to, and even the nicest psychiatrists was pretty clueless about what I was on about. I do wonder if everyone just suffers in silence and just isn't aware of the issue on a global scale. 

My hope is that once I feel more recovered and after tapering I'll be able to use my art to make this issue more of a widespread talking point and to make sure there's help when it's necessary, help think of structures and solutions for people who are in the horrible situations I used to be in, and I had to go through alone. 

So... Yeah. We heal because we allow ourselves to be angry and grumpy I think. There's a lot of good things that come from positive thinking, from intention, from practice of gratitude... But there's also a lot that comes from using the anger we have as a fuel to make this world better

[[me...]]

@[El...] my sentiments exactly it need to be transparent the doctors need to get clued up even the hospital I'm in have no idea they have put me on my full dose of clonazapam again instead of working out a taper I'm scared of kindling now....

 

I wish I had found this site before I realised the dangers of clonazapam.    I live in the UK and when my nightmare is over I'm going public.   ....it's helps the gp and politicians if we are compliant with the benzos I'm so angry inside I nearly lost my life through them.....but none of the medical profession in the hsp care that I have broken ribs and torn tendons with the c p r 

⚖️⚖️🙏

[[Bu...]]

2 hours ago, [[E...] said:

My hope is that once I feel more recovered and after tapering I'll be able to use my art to make this issue more of a widespread talking point and to make sure there's help when it's necessary,

Hey @[El...],

I think this is admirable.  I don't want to hijack the tread, but I was wondering about what kind of art you do.  Do you have anything posted elsewhere on this site about it? 

[[WU...]]

go ahead and hijack @[Bu...] I'm interested in seeing any art too. So much more needs to be done. It is incredible these nasty drugs are still handed out like smarties

[[El...]]

On 09/01/2024 at 20:42, [[B...] said:

Hey @[El...],

I think this is admirable.  I don't want to hijack the tread, but I was wondering about what kind of art you do.  Do you have anything posted elsewhere on this site about it? 

Hello @[Bu...] thank you for saying this. I just feel like if I can make it even just a tiny bit better by opening up the dialogue (possibly to french people who for instance don't often understand english well enough to actually read forums like these, or to read medical information that'd be so important in decision making etc.) and to make this issue part of my life's work it'll be a worthy cause to dedicate my life to. 

I'm glad you're interested in my art, no I haven't posted anything here because I didn't really feel like advertising, I don't feel it's the right place. I did post some pictures of the outside, nature etc. I'm a filmmaker, film-editor and a writer, novelist, poet. I have made a couple of short films focusing on "mental health" (I don't really like this term, don't know why, I guess it's because I feel "mental" here is reductive :)) but they were made when I wasn't as informed, or as involved. One is very short and is called 'The Pill' and the other, a lot longer, 'The Therapy'. And my debut novel, that I'm currently sending to agents to get some help publishing, is a magic realist drama literary work of fiction, that talks at length of trauma, the process of recovery and finding some peace with what caused my character so much pain since she was a child. 

I've been feeling for ages that I want to aim my work in writing and filming a lot more on medication and how much pain it causes, being given like smarties as @[WU...] very adequately put it. I've just been feeling like I'm not... in a good enough state to really move forward with these ideas. But maybe I was looking to be 'perfect', to be rid of it all because I hate being unwell, and showing that side of me to the world. And maybe that's exactly what is required. Would have more impact anyway that I show myself and share my ideas WHILE struggling and being hurt and so on, rather than all recovered and then my anger, my sadness, my feelings of loss wouldn't be as raw and present. Anyway, I started to go on a bit here. But I just had that epiphany earlier, that's why haha.

I guess since you asked and are interested, I can share my Youtube channel without feeling too weird about advertising my work as an artist:

This is my latest work and although it is without words it was made with healing trauma in mind and also works as a music video for Hania Rani: 

You can check out the two films I mentioned here: 

 

Edited January 14 by [El...]
adding some links

[[WU...]]

Hi @[El...] will check out your YT channel and subscribe.  Just watched The Pill, yes and ouch !

I agree with you about the term "mental health". It is not kind to label people like this. People are in distress not mental ! Usually from childhood when they were missing basic needs,  physical and emotional, and this has long term consequences. Can be boiled down to lack of any kind of love or affection.  I also can't stand being "unwell"  But in this phase we are forced into looking at ourselves and how we got here, maybe our "higher self" has guided us here. I can't remember which philosopher ( maybe Tolle) it was who said words to the effect, be present in this moment, whatever it is, as though you had chosen it.  Perhaps our higher self chose it, having had enough of running about doing everything to distract and/or taking magic pills,  instead of having a good hard, realistic look at ourselves and realising we are actually pretty nice people once we discard all the crap we've been dragging round with us. Somehow we need to step out of the shabby cloak we've been wearing and put on something bright and shiny

[[El...]]

6 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

will check out your YT channel and subscribe.  Just watched The Pill, yes and ouch !

Hey! Thanks! It's an old one and I was trying out filming myself probably for the first time here, but it works quite well I think by being very... to the point. 

7 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

I agree with you about the term "mental health". It is not kind to label people like this. People are in distress not mental !

I meant that "Mental health" excludes "body health, inner, spiritual health, emotional health" and that I strongly advocate nowadays for a holistic view of well-being, health for individuals. It's all connected and it's high time this separation from "mental/mind" and the rest of us would dissolve, because there's no separation at all imo.

But no, I agree that labels are the worst, they imprison us and a lot of them shame us. And yeah, shabby cloak discarded, now let's be brave and embrace the scars and show the world and ourselves how we shine, regardless of pain (I'd even say: EVEN MORE SO because of pain. Claire Wineland was a great public speaker that taught me a lot about what I just wrote, she died very young from Cystic Fibrosis but she's still a beacon of hope and love in my mind, and she's so fun, I'll link one of her talks her if it interests people. She gave me a whole new perspective on suffering, on how to carry ourselves and how to show up in the world with pride and with purpose, regardless of suffering, because suffering is not only part of human experience, it actually works as tool for growth and for empathy, compassion, for shedding the layers (which is close to what you said as well :))

 

(also weirdly, the title of this talk is very much... on the nose about what I realised earlier about my work, and "waiting to be healed and perfect" etc. before I could help and work towards this. Spooky.)

[[WU...]]

@[El...] agree body/mind/spirit, no separation,  like layers of an onion. Modern medicine picks just the outer layer, the body, and completely disregards the rest. No wonder we ended up here! Oh well, won't be fooled again as the song goes.

Hard on emotions watching Claire Wineland. Fantastic spirit that lives on even if she isn't "here"

 

 

[[Da...]]

On 08/01/2024 at 14:30, [[W...] said:

Mind you I still can't quite understand what happened last year, out of the blue I suddenly got the message that the pills were the problem, so maybe my subconscious mind came to the rescue saying "right that's it, I'm intervening, this has gone on long enough!"

OMG in one of my other posts, I said the exact same thing!  It was like I woke up in a panic one morning in a panic and said "It's the Clonazepam!"  I booked myself into REHAB (bad idea) I stayed 2 weeks and came home to deal with this nightmare on my own.  I had been praying for answers as to what was going on with me and BOOM I got them.

[[WU...]]

@[Da...] Yay! We have our "inner knowing" to thank for finally giving us the information we needed.  It was the pills, the pills!