When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[Gr...]]

I had chest pain tonight. Severe dull pain that lasted an hour  I am having head pain shooting above my eye abd down my face. It ' woke me up. I will never know if symptoms are health concens. I. am not sleeping. This is unhealthy for me.

I am worrying my husband. He is probaly tired of hearing me cry in pain.

The next best thing is to reinstate. I am not afraid to start with a small dose. Is going back to Xanax and then to something longer acting what is usually done?  Would I need Xanax again to get things to settle the way they were?

Maybe taper the right way next time?  Through a detox? 

This is too hard for me.  There are no good days. I need a break. I'm tired and weary.

Edited October 2, 2023 by [Gr...]
correction, addition

[[Gr...]]

What is paradoxical?  Kindling?  AD?

Are these Ixshoukd be concerned about if I were to reinstate?  

Are there other things, too?

Thank you

[[Gr...]]

deleted dupe

Edited October 2, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[Pa...]]

17 hours ago, [[G...] said:

Maybe taper the right way next time?  Through a detox? 

A detox facility will take you off the the drug too quickly, a slow taper has been shown to be the best.  Most who go to them will reinstate and do a slow taper. 

 

[[Gr...]]

I am NOT reinstating. You are all right that I've come this far. I am just so scared of what's happening to me. If I had never taken this stuff, I would only be taking supplements. If I had a symptom of any kind then it would be something I'd watch and may have checked out.

But, I can't tell now with this WD if anything could need attention.

I am so desperate for answers as to what I am experiencing. I need to get back to me. I can't take it.

 

[[pi...]]

2 hours ago, [[G...] said:

I am NOT reinstating. You are all right that I've come this far. I am just so scared of what's happening to me. If I had never taken this stuff, I would only be taking supplements. If I had a symptom of any kind then it would be something I'd watch and may have checked out.

But, I can't tell now with this WD if anything could need attention.

I am so desperate for answers as to what I am experiencing. I need to get back to me. I can't take it.

@[Gr...], instead of saying you can’t take it, why not say you can take it. Tell yourself you are stronger than the drug, stronger than withdrawal. Congratulate yourself for making it through another day. Sometimes we crawl until we can stand during this process, but every day gets us farther away from benzos and closer to healing.

[[Re...]]

@[pi...] @[Gr...]Thank you so much. I needed this so so badly.... 

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...] I'm so scared I won't survive this mentally or physically. I'm having new symptoms that worry me because of my age. I don't know if they are this or something else and I am not a somatic person. I hadn't been to the doctor since I had covid in early 2022 and years before then.

I am petrified. My skin burns, my sinuses are dry and swollen. I'm shaking. I have a shooting pain through my eyebrow and forehead with a headache. Tylenol didn't help. My skin is parched and essentially ruined. 

My husband is getting impatient with me. He doesn't understand any of this, not that I do. He thinks I had a side effect from a medication. I had a strange stabbing chest pain last night and because he didn't react, I was upset. I didn't know what was going on. Neither did he. I have that pain today. I am having trouble breathing. My skin burns so badly and I can't moisturize it. This is horrible and a nightmare. I want to hang on, but I'm losing my grip. 

This is ruining me. I don't understand how I would be one who would get through this in the acute phase when so many others go on for years. Is it at all possible that I can tackle this when acute runs out?  The wait is killing me because I am in so much agony.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am so shaky I can't do anything.  I need something to calm me and I don't know what to take. I am not taking anything.  It is so tempting to take a pill again to ease this shakiness. That stuff made me tired. A rock and a hard place. What can I eat, drink or take that would calm my nerves. They are on fire. My legs are wobbling. I'm so shaky I could not finish exercising. A horror show, this is. 

Edited October 2, 2023 by [Gr...]
typo

[[pi...]]

2 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[pi...] I'm so scared I won't survive this mentally or physically. I'm having new symptoms that worry me because of my age. I don't know if they are this or something else and I am not a somatic person. I hadn't been to the doctor since I had covid in early 2022 and years before then.

I am petrified. My skin burns, my sinuses are dry and swollen. I'm shaking. I have a shooting pain through my eyebrow and forehead. My skin is parched and essentially ruined. 

My husband is getting impatient with me. He doesn't understand any of this, not that I do. He thinks I had a side effect from a medication. I had a strange stabbing chest pain last night and because he didn't react, I was upset. I didn't know what was going on. Neither did he. This is ruining me. I don't understand how I would be one who would get through this in the acute phase when so many others go on for years. Is it at all possible that I can tackle this when acute runs out? 

I don't know what to do anymore. I am so shaky I can't do anything. 

Just for my peace of mind I would see the doctor for a full check up. I did this,  more than once. I was lucky to find a doctor who didn’t discount withdrawal as a cause of symptoms. I had tests, many of them, and the results did ease my mind that I didn’t have another medical condition to deal with. 

My husband didn’t ‘get’ withdrawal and frankly I don’t think he read all the articles I gave him. To be honest, only someone who has been through it can really understand. But, he was with me all the way, doing what he could.
 

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...] My husband has been very supportive. He calls me 2-3x a day from work to check on me. I am in such distress I get upset and cry and he says he doesn't know what to do for me. 

I had lab work done a few weeks ago. I don't have doctor who understands this. They just want to prescribe antidepressants. I don't want those. Another withdrawal and side effects complicating this.

I want my life back. I want to take any supplement I was taking. I was taking bovine collagen and it was helping. I was on the pills when I was taking it. Who knows. If I didn't have this burning skin and numbing in my face, I think I could work around everything else. These have not let up so I wonder if I am falling out of acute?  Isn't acute short-term?  Then who knows where I stand because my last Ambien was 9/13.  OMG, today is really bad. Excruciating headache.

Edited October 2, 2023 by [Gr...]
addition

[[Gr...]]

I am afraid I lost everything I've worked for in taking care of myself. I am definitely anxious and I know it's coming from within. This is an evil entity in me. I'm not trying to be dramatic. It seems like something from a horror movie. I just need a sign something has dropped off. 

[[pi...]]

4 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[pi...] My husband has been very supportive. He calls me 2-3x a day from work to check on me. I am in such distress I get upset and cry and he says he doesn't know what to do for me. 

I had lab work done a few weeks ago. I don't have doctor who understands this. They just want to prescribe antidepressants. I don't want those. Another withdrawal and side effects complicating this.

I want my life back. I want to take any supplement I was taking. I was taking bovine collagen and it was helping. I was on the pills when I was taking it. Who knows. If I didn't have this burning skin and numbing in my face, I think I could work around everything else. These have not let up so I wonder if I am falling out of acute?  Isn't acute short-term?  Then who knows where I stand because my last Ambien was 9/13.  OMG, today is really bad. Excruciating headache.

@[Gr...], it hasn’t yet been a month since you stopped taking meds. It’s still very early days. Try to avoid the calendar, it helped me to do this. I found a scrabble game for the computer and played it for hours. I also put on light hearted movies. Maybe I didn’t watch them,  it just provided a distraction.

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...] You are counting Ambien in that month's time? If so, that helps me put it in perspective. You were not better at 5 months, but then you were still taking Ambien long after and then you felt better at 14 months? Is that right?  How long after stopping Ambien was the 14 months or when you did feel better?  Sorry, if I asked this already. 

Do I have a head start because I already stopped Ambien almost 3 weeks ago and not long after the Xanax? 

Is there any hope for me to be done with this without going into a long withdrawal? Is it when I have signs that I know I am healing? Like, a symptom drops off or gets better?

Do you mind me asking if you are retired?  I am.

I have lots to do. I've had sliced jalapenos in the fridge waiting to be candied and canned. I make them for my husband and his work friends. I've been wanting to make a pumpkin pie (I have frozen fresh pumpkin from when I grew them.) I just haven't been feeling well to do things. I have errands to run, but I want to fix myself up to go out and that's not an option now because I can't put anything on my skin. Ugh. I want to live and be free. I've always been active and energetic, reason why I stopped these nasty pills because they were sucking the life out of me.  There are things around the house I need to do.

I will try to get things done today. Life still goes on, right?  

[[pi...]]

6 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[pi...] You are counting Ambien in that month's time? If so, that helps me put it in perspective. You were not better at 5 months, but then you were still taking Ambien long after and then you felt better at 14 months? Is that right?  How long after stopping Ambien was the 14 months or when you did feel better?  Sorry, if I asked this already. 

Do I have a head start because I already stopped Ambien almost 3 weeks ago and not long after the Xanax? 

Is there any hope for me to be done with this without going into a long withdrawal? Is it when I have signs that I know I am healing? Like, a symptom drops off or gets better?

Do you mind me asking if you are retired?  I am.

I have lots to do. I've had sliced jalapenos in the fridge waiting to be candied and canned. I make them for my husband and his work friends. I've been wanting to make a pumpkin pie (I have frozen fresh pumpkin from when I grew them.) I just haven't been feeling well to do things. I have errands to run, but I want to fix myself up to go out and that's not an option now because I can't put anything on my skin. Ugh. I want to live and be free. I've always been active and energetic, reason why I stopped these nasty pills because they were sucking the life out of me.  There are things around the house I need to do.

I will try to get things done today. Life still goes on, right?  

I think you have me mixed up with @[Pa...]. I actually never took ambien.  
Yes, since ambien is a z drug and has the same propensity for dependency and withdrawal, you would count your jump off from the date you stopped it.

It sounds like you have some good activities to do. Take it a little at a time. I used to call it a win when I went downstairs! For a while my bedroom was my oasis.

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...]  I'm sorry, my error. Yes, I remember now it was @[Pa...]  I should have read your story. I mistook you for Pamster. I read yours now. Same thing as with the rest of us, the meds making us sick. This is patient abuse to me what they do to us. 

I am numb all over today. Why does this stuff go back and forth, change in intensity, pop up with new and old stuff? I can't figure it out. It should be done within a reasonable amount of time. I'm trying to understand this process. I feel lost. My head is pounding. I'm dizzy. All new stuff on top of the other crap that I hoped would go away. 

My patience is running thin.

Edited October 2, 2023 by [Gr...]
correction

[[de...]]

@[Gr...]  Sorry you're having all these symptoms.  This is very typical in the early days.  Since you jumped on 9/13/2023, you are almost three weeks off.     Good for you!  Keep going!  Try to distract!   Are you able to take a walk?  That helped me in the early days!    Also, try not to panic and take one day at a time.  This is a marathon, not a sprint.   You might try to read some articles on acceptance.  It is so very important during this journey.   After fighting my symptoms for months, I finally just accepted what was happening and made my peace with my circumstances.  It made a HUGE difference.  I feel really lousy today, but I am sitting outside, thinking of the many things I am grateful for, and not allowing the symptoms to control me but recognizing them for what they are.  

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...] @[de...]  Today is very rough. Horrible.  wave?  A big one, more like a tsunami.

I usually get like this at night, yet it's been with me all day. I am having a very hard time. I am pacing, which I haven't done since the beginning, so that is a sign of my pain level.  My entire body is shaking. It's been asked before, "How can a pill do so much harm?"

I just want this demon entity out of me. I can't waste my life being in pain and be unable to function. I am an energetic person. I feel like that is gone inside me. What have I done?  

I am praying this numbing is not permanent neuropathy or paresthesia. It just can't happen. That will push me over the edge. 

@[de...] After fighting your symptoms for months, did you get relief after those months? I know I am so early out because of that crappy Ambien. I messed up with that. I could not sleep so I finished what I had. Bad move. 

Can I ask if I get any relief, and I know this varies from person to person, but would it subside?  Just stop? Have those windows? Long windows which turn into doors?  

I'm in so much pain. Thank you.

[[...]]

Try ice packs and sleep with your head raised. I've been in a recliner for two weeks and the headache/ pressure in mostly gone. 

If you try this, let me know if it helped or not . Thanks

Edited October 2, 2023 by [...]

[[Gr...]]

@[...] I did that for a few nights. I think it helped more than heat. The heat seems to cause inflammation. I just wonder if I'm constricting any blood vessels which could be root of problem?  The heat is better for that, but it does make it worse. I need to do the ice throughout the day. I was doing it 20 mins on and 40 off.

Thanks. I'll keep you posted.

[[...]]

Yeah I did heat and ice and ended up just ice. Didn't think about that till just now.

I have an ice pack on top of my head as we speak.  )

Edited October 2, 2023 by [...]

[[Ro...]]

On 25/09/2023 at 08:17, [[d...] said:

@[Gr...] Just wanted to let you know that everything is going to be fine, but it might take more time than you had hoped.   One thing that has really helped me in this journey is radical acceptance.    I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my first child and  I was so excited and then reality set in.   My first thought was "There is no turning back now"!   I panicked for just a few days about being a new mom.   With benzo withdrawal there really is no turning back, but there is good news; every day you are getting closer to full recovery.    I believe acceptance can play a role in our recovery.    The other thing that has been helpful for me is practicing patience.    We live in a world where most things happen instantaneously; there is nothing instantaneous about benzo recovery.  It takes time, patience, acceptance, and hope.    I know that I am going to recover fully.   It may take longer than I want, but I cannot control that part.   I can control how I think about my recovery process and I try to stay positive.  Dig deep and you will find you are much stronger than you think.   You will find strength you didn't think possible.  

How was your labor and symptoms after the babies birth?

[[de...]]

@[Gr...]  It will get better!  My recovery has taken a long time, and I am still symptomatic, but I am winning.  I know this will end!  I am going to get my life back!!!  Everyone is different so I can't tell you what your recovery is going to be like, but you are stronger than you think!

[[Gr...]]

@[de...] Maybe the worst I've been since this started. Burning pain. I'm all swollen. It worsens at night.This is sucking the life out if me. So much I cared for is taken from me. My entire face stolen. Things I took pride in such as with good care of my skin and lucky to have good skin. Now that seems to be gone.

I don't know what to do besides wait it out, but I am losing my willpower. I don't know where to go from here. Amother day of this is way too hard

I've been like this since mid-August, right after I had the last Xanax .25 dose of the taper and it hasn't stopped regardless of the Ambien I took until Sept 13. It's remained constant. I can't imagine I won't get a break soon. But there are no signs. I am in agony. I'm crying. Screaming. Cursing the doc, the med, myself, and God.

My husband works a lot, he works doubles. I am alone a lot. No children or family. I want to jump out of my skin.

Edited October 3, 2023 by [Gr...]
correction

[[Si...]]

Hi Grace,

Have you tried anti-histamines?  I've never had any burning skin problems so I don't know, but maybe it might help.

I am also screaming but for me it is the panic and anxiety.

[[Gr...]]

@[Si...] No, because inside of my nose is very dry and I didn't want to dry out more. I think this is nerves from the WD. I have numb upper lip, and nose with a lot of pressure. Sometimes trouble swallowing. My fingers and toes get numb. My face swells on and off. It has to be WD. I am at end of my rope. It's getting ugly for me. I am in a dark place. I can't understand why this is happening. I won't last.