When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[Gr...]]

@[Bl...] I'd rather be on this for a while than to endure this agony. I don't know what to do. 

[[Bl...]]

1 hour ago, [[G...] said:

@[Bl...] I am so afraid. I am in constant pain all day long. It doesn't stop. I shake. I am older. my body is not handling this well. it' s affecting my marrisge. I am like a mannequin. I pray thse doses get me on board. I'm limited. I wish I knew all of this stuff on this site. I had no idea till it was late when I got here. i can't think about it anymore. I already want to kick myself.

I'm really sorry to hear this. It makes me so mad to see this happening because of irresponsible...I'll stop there. It's not you. It's the system, so out of control.

Try to space your doses, maybe to twice a day. I did not use a scale. I just eye balled the amount. With the Ambien I crushed it to a fine powder. One should mix the powder up, since during its production more of the drug may have ended up concentrated in one area of the pill. Found that out after I had already gotten off of it. Oh well.

I'm not sure what you have decided on as to your starting daily dose. It seems logical that a dose early in the day and then the last dose can be taken later in the day. However you feel you can tolerate it best. The idea is it needs to maintain at a certain level in your blood without change. I'm no expert. If someone knows how to explain it better, or correct anything I say, please do chime in!

You will still have intense symptoms. But as you had said, it may be best to reinstate. Nobody really knows the answer of what is best accept the person making that decision. This process is so individualized.

I chose not to become a member of Benzo Buddies during my taper, due to the fact I did not want to read anything that could change my decision on how I was going to approach getting off of these drugs. I knew one thing for sure, I was going to get off of them. I too had the burning sensation, in the throat and face. It was torture. 

I basically went by the Ashton Manual. You need to write down how your are going to taper. A planned out schedule. I remember feeling so befuddled during this process. I was fortunate to even have a doctor agree to allow me to reinstate and then to taper. He did not give me any suggestions. But I am indebted to him, nonetheless.

 

 

 

[[no...]]

My apologies if i've missed the answer In this thread to the question im about to post. I'm just confused about if reinstating & doing a slower taper is the right answer.. The Dr at the Hospital prescribed the "6 week" taper from .75 mg - .25mg & like I said before he closed my file I guess the same day he prescribed it.

they changed my afternoon appt yesterday to morning last minute but told them I couldn't make it in the morning so I be called back.. still waiting for that

Could it a good idea to go back on .25mg  & taper that over  4 weeks?  or just keep going & hope it doesn't get intense like last time.. not sure what I should do, just want to make it as comfortable as possible of course

hang in there to everyone going thru it

[[Bl...]]

9 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[Bl...] I'd rather be on this for a while than to endure this agony. I don't know what to do. 

I began my taper in December 2013 and it ended July 2014....approximations. I am 66 and, pushing 67. So I believe I was younger than you which does make a difference I feel. 

Also, if you decide to stay on a certain dose for a while until you feel ready to begin tapering, that would be a decision for you to make. I would probably feel inclined to try to see if I may stabilize before beginning my taper.

I was stable enough when my taper began in 2013. So I did not stay on the drug after reinstating. The taper started right away.

In your case your decision on the amount and, length of time between when you reinstate and when you begin tapering and, or if you decide to just remain on the drug; these are decisions that only you can make. You have to live with the results in the end. No one else. I would not judge you for any decision you make. I'm just so sorry you have to basically go at this alone. But you do have people here who have been through it. Maybe in a different fashion/approach, but still who understand what you are up against with these drugs.

[[Gr...]]

8 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

I'm really sorry to hear this. It makes me so mad to see this happening because of irresponsible...I'll stop there. It's not you. It's the system, so out of control.

Try to space your doses, maybe to twice a day. I did not use a scale. I just eye balled the amount. With the Ambien I crushed it to a fine powder. One should mix the powder up, since during its production more of the drug may have ended up concentrated in one area of the pill. Found that out after I had already gotten off of it. Oh well.

I'm not sure what you have decided on as to your starting daily dose. It seems logical that a dose early in the day and then the last dose can be taken later in the day. However you feel you can tolerate it best. The idea is it needs to maintain at a certain level in your blood without change. I'm no expert. If someone knows how to explain it better, or correct anything I say, please do chime in!

You will still have intense symptoms. But as you had said, it may be best to reinstate. Nobody really knows the answer of what is best accept the person making that decision. This process is so individualized.

I chose not to become a member of Benzo Buddies during my taper, due to the fact I did not want to read anything that could change my decision on how I was going to approach getting off of these drugs. I knew one thing for sure, I was going to get off of them. I too had the burning sensation, in the throat and face. It was torture. 

I basically went by the Ashton Manual. You need to write down how your are going to taper. A planned out schedule. I remember feeling so befuddled during this process. I was fortunate to even have a doctor agree to allow me to reinstate and then to taper. He did not give me any suggestions. But I am indebted to him, nonetheless.

@[Bl...]  I was thinking of spacing them. I'd like to to do all at once at night just because I don't want to be drugged during the day, what if I have to drive. Evenly spread doses are better for consistency. The X are scored. They are 0.5 each. I was taking 1mg a day when I would remember, but now I would only start with 0.5 (2x.25). Less is more?  I dread this, but I dread how I feel today and tomorrow. I am truly hoping this helps me get through my days as if I had not gone into withdrawal. I have read bad stories about it not working. A lot of them were with Klonopin, not sure if that makes a difference. X is no bargain.

I don't ask anyone to give me advice. I just ask questions of others' experiences and go from there. Dear Lord. I have had no quality of life since this. My nights are always horrible. I wish this will work for me. If I begin to feel better, I don't know when it will be when I will think of stopping because the thought of WD scares the life out of me. I don't like feeling dopey and drowsy taking these meds, but if it calms the system, if, it will be so much help to me. As I've said over and over, I am very scared.  I don't do other drugs or drink. I don't know if that interferes with people when they reinstate and it doesn't work. Only God can be on my side right now. 

[[Bl...]]

I wasn't doing other drugs or drinking at all either when this z-drug/benzo ordeal popped out of the woodwork at me in August 2012. I'm just glad it's basically behind me. I'm petrified of any pharmaceutical drugs. But will go a certain distance with them depending...clearly I'm not anti meds. Just very cautious.

Fortunately, I have the wherewithal to not be bullied into thinking that some drug is going to solve certain issues regarding any health issue I might be going through. I'm just now having to really stand up to what I will and will not permit. The industry can be so aggressive. 

 

[[Ho...]]

Hi @[Gr...], no, I am mot tapering. I jumped Auget 30, 2022. I'm also older; I"m 70. I didn't really do a great taper at first because I followed my doctors' advice. I cut down .25 mg at a time until I was at .25 mg (started at .75 mg) and of course knew I was in trouble. The remaining .25 I tapered for maybe three months. By then I was in the soup though.

I've never had windows either. For me it was like a spiral. I'd think I was getting better and then feel worse. but after a while I realized that with each turn of the spiral, I was a little higher up and felt a bit better each time. Not that it wasn't terrifying; it was. There were days when I needed a LOT of reassurance.

The problem with using meds in the hopes that it makes your CNS calm down is that there is no guarantee that it won't do the opposite. In my opinion, once your CNS has been roughed up, it just takes time for it to calm again.

No one likes to hear that time is your best friend here, but it is. Do whatever you have to do to get through the days with as many pleasant moments as you can. I had no pleasant moments for months. Such misery. I finally learned that I'd have to manufacture some by being thankful, by noticing even the smallest thing that gave me the tiniest boost. When I finally learned to identify those things, then I had to learn to sit in them for a bit. Funny how those fleeting moments were so under-appreciated all those years!

You may not be there yet, but you will be. Distract, distract, distract. I even cleaned the grout in the bathrooms. Just let time pass, it's all you can do and that's enough. Get through it. Find what works for you and do that.  

[[Gr...]]

Just now, [[B...] said:

I wasn't doing other drugs or drinking at all either when this z-drug/benzo ordeal popped out of the woodwork at me in August 2012. I'm just glad it's basically behind me. I'm petrified of any pharmaceutical drugs. But will go a certain distance with them depending...clearly I'm not anti meds. Just very cautious.

Fortunately, I have the wherewithal to not be bullied into thinking that some drug is going to solve certain issues regarding any health issue I might be going through. I'm just now having to really stand up to what I will and will not permit. The industry can be so aggressive. 

@[Bl...] True. It's ironic with me that I was not willing to take a statin because I feel I can get myself healthy, yet here I was taking this poison med and I had no energy to get myself healthy. A reason I wanted out because I wanted to get out there and thought I'd be full of energy. Here I am over 2 months later and look at me. I cry so much. I can't believe what has happened. I try so hard to distract and all of that, it's too hard. I couldn't walk my dogs yesterday. I used to walk miles. This is insane. I feel like my health is compromised. I will be 67 soon. Sure, I may have years ahead where this "may pass", but may is not definite. It's easier for others who have passed this point. When you are going through it now, it's horribly debilitating.

[[Bl...]]

3 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[Bl...] True. It's ironic with me that I was not willing to take a statin because I feel I can get myself healthy, yet here I was taking this poison med and I had no energy to get myself healthy. A reason I wanted out because I wanted to get out there and thought I'd be full of energy. Here I am over 2 months later and look at me. I cry so much. I can't believe what has happened. I try so hard to distract and all of that, it's too hard. I couldn't walk my dogs yesterday. I used to walk miles. This is insane. I feel like my health is compromised. I will be 67 soon. Sure, I may have years ahead where this "may pass", but may is not definite. It's easier for others who have passed this point. When you are going through it now, it's horribly debilitating.

I understand given your age how you would feel. There just isn't an easy answer when it comes to benzos. We really are left on our own to figure out what we will do if up against them. I just wish I had never started Ambien for insomnia in the first place. I never thought such evil of this kind existed in a little white and innocent looking pill, could pack such a wallop. I'm still reeling from it. But IT does get better! I am still seeing positive changes even this far out from when my taper ended in July 2014. 

[[Gr...]]

@[Ho...]  I want to and need to do so many things, but I am like jelly and painful.. I have trouble standing. I have pets and a husband and I feel I have to be on for them.  I also don't know about the diet and food stuff. I am eating a healthy diet, but I don't know if I'm eating something on the not so good list, but then anything can set this off and it may not be food, I think.  I just want to be stabilized whatever it takes. I spontaneously stopped this without too much thought. What an idiot I am.  A few months ago I was laughing and enjoying things though I was on this poison. I just want to be in that place again even if I am on it again for the time being until I have some kind of good plan in place. Maybe at my age, I will just stay with the low dose if it works and never worry about it again. I definitely do not want 1mg.  I wonder if I should start with 0.75 (from the 1mg I had done at first), or would that take me over the top at first?  If I can get there sooner, it would be better, but then maybe that's too much. Oh I wish there were definitive answers.

[[Gr...]]

@[Bl...] I didn't realize Ambien could be so bad. I have used it in the past a long time ago and I didn't have any problems with it, not feeling well. but I don't remember using it each night.  Did they give you 10mg or 5mg?  

I wish I never heard of these meds. I am in a hole now. Trying to dig myself out. This is absurd. My fault a lot of this. I want to scream. Now I don't know if I can get caught up with reinstating. Because I feel like my skin is burning off? My eyes have blown up underneath. What does that?   I am sorry to cry on your shoulder. I am beside myself with this. I am new to any of this. I don't know to handle any of it. All the lingo, etc.  I want to scream.  I have to get moving. I'm stuck in a hole. I want so much this fall. I want to ski in the winter. I have a season pass. I don't want miss out because of this.  What happened to me?  Sorry. I need a grip. 

[[Pa...]]

6 hours ago, [[A...] said:

Hi all , those that have recovered, kindly advise what medication helped with the bad symptoms when getting off the benzo. Please help.  Does Epilizine help in any way.

Hello @[Av...], you’ll get more responses if you start your own thread, just be sure to put to title it with the subject you most want answers to. 

Pamster

[[Pa...]]

1 hour ago, [[n...] said:

My apologies if i've missed the answer In this thread to the question im about to post. I'm just confused about if reinstating & doing a slower taper is the right answer.. The Dr at the Hospital prescribed the "6 week" taper from .75 mg - .25mg & like I said before he closed my file I guess the same day he prescribed it.

they changed my afternoon appt yesterday to morning last minute but told them I couldn't make it in the morning so I be called back.. still waiting for that

Could it a good idea to go back on .25mg  & taper that over  4 weeks?  or just keep going & hope it doesn't get intense like last time.. not sure what I should do, just want to make it as comfortable as possible of course

hang in there to everyone going thru it

Hi @[no...],

It would be better to ask this question in a thread of your own so you can get a variety of answers from other members, this thread is one @[Gr...] started so most of the input here is about her situation. 

Pamster

[[Gr...]]

@[Pa...] Thank you for all your help. I'm sure you are tired of my crying and blues. I don't mean anything by it. I've been petrified of this since a few weeks into this withdrawal when I was not getting better, but yet worse. I now teeter on this crazy reinstatement out of desperation for balance, if it would even help. I am so happy for you that you are so far ahead of me in years of healing. I just read someone who just posted who has been out 2 years and still suffering so badly. Yes, it all depends on the person, but you can see how scary this is knowing these cases happen and many are like this. I know you don't have the magic answer. Pamster, I wish you did.

[[Gr...]]

I'm sorry everyone. For those who know about the effects of these meds, it may be easier to understand and see the forest for the trees. For those of us who are new at this and experiencing horrible symptoms, it is frightening and at times seems dismal this will ever end or if we ever see a window, even just one. I am one of those. I am hanging on for dear life trying to figure out what's best for me. If I could go back on X at a low dose and stay there for a while and get relief, it would be so very wonderful. It's unknown if that will happen. In the worst case, I would hope I just be on it and that's it, but of course I want these symptoms to subside. I really thought for a short time that I would get though this, but symptoms have increased and do not let up. I know a lot of this for me is anxiety because of how I am feeling. I am breathing and meditating. The pain takes over. I don't know what to do anymore. I am too old. I was so feisty. I miss me. I want to be that person again.  It was only a little over 2 months ago.  I feel like I am having a heart attack most times. Night is upon me and nights are the worst for me. I endure horrible symptoms which keep me up.  I don't want to be a pain on this forum. You have all been so wonderful and positive. I want to have something to tell you, a window story, anything. I want many windows that never close. Why is taking so long in acute? I'm 10 weeks now. I may screw this up with a reinstate. I may stay in this horrible way without a reinstate. I don't know. God please help me. I am really lost and I don't know where to go from here. I just cry.  I need to stay positive. 

Edited October 25, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[Bl...]]

51 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[Bl...] I didn't realize Ambien could be so bad. I have used it in the past a long time ago and I didn't have any problems with it, not feeling well. but I don't remember using it each night.  Did they give you 10mg or 5mg?  

I wish I never heard of these meds. I am in a hole now. Trying to dig myself out. This is absurd. My fault a lot of this. I want to scream. Now I don't know if I can get caught up with reinstating. Because I feel like my skin is burning off? My eyes have blown up underneath. What does that?   I am sorry to cry on your shoulder. I am beside myself with this. I am new to any of this. I don't know to handle any of it. All the lingo, etc.  I want to scream.  I have to get moving. I'm stuck in a hole. I want so much this fall. I want to ski in the winter. I have a season pass. I don't want miss out because of this.  What happened to me?  Sorry. I need a grip. 

Yes, Ambien which is a z-drug, works on the same receptors that are all throughout our bodies(if I have it correctly, there are more GABA receptors in our stomachs than anywhere else in our bodies. Our brains would be the next place where GABA receptors are mostly concentrated). I won't go into details, since I lack the knowledge in the technical lingo of it all. Plenty people on Benzo Buddies have written excellent and well-stated descriptions of what is happening to us. Just type GABA receptors in the search bar and you will see how many have written on this subject. Right now you feel like just getting from minute to minute. But eventually and, it is our hope, that eventually you will have more energy to use in coming to understand what's happening to you.

After I reacted to Ambien, throat began burning relentlessly, I checked myself Inpatient. The night I did that I was put on Ativan, a benzo. Wow...relief. Surprise, surprise...turns out, as I would find out a year after that fateful night, that both drugs are basically very similar. So at that point in this ordeal I was taking 10 mg Ambien and 1 mg Ativan. By then I had been on Ambien for three years...maybe even four. I planned on getting off of it before my throat began burning, since it hadn't been working as well for some time. I clearly had been in tolerance for some time!!! All along the damage to my poor receptors was happening!!!

[[Gr...]]

@[Bl...] Are your receptors damaged?  Do they get damaged? OMG. Are we doomed that these meds have done us that harm?  I thought they "heal."  I can' handle any of this anymore. I am in a dark place. Today my face is burning again where I had a slight break, although I loved when my husband told me I had a bad under my right eye because the eye swelled up for no reason because of this WD.  How do we we fix these things? These are the receptors?  Do we get paralyzed in our faces?  Many of us have nerve pain shooting all over. Is that damage?  Is is normal for me to feel so much pain it makes me want to die? I can't take pain BlueRose. It's relentless. All over. 

Edited October 25, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[Bl...]]

7 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[Bl...] Are your receptors damaged?  Do they get damaged? OMG. Are we doomed that these meds have done us that harm?  I thought they "heal."  I can' handle any of this anymore. I am in a dark place. Today my face is burning again where I had a slight break, although I loved when my husband told me I had a bad under my right eye because the eye swelled up for no reason because of this WD.  How do we we fix these things? These are the receptors?  Do we get paralyzed in our faces?  Many of us have nerve pain shooting all over. Is that damage?  Is is normal for me to feel so much pain it makes me want to die? I can't take pain BlueRose. It's relentless. All over. 

I can't say what exactly these drugs end up doing in the long run. I just know that I am still seeing healing and I'm pretty far out...and at my age! I have been trying to do everything right as far as diet etc. but even then it really seems that time is what heals in the end. But clearly we want to take care of ourselves to the best of our abilities. 

If you had a slight break from your face burning you could look at that as a "mini" window. Any kind of a break from a relentless symptom should be looked at in a positive way. I remember writing down my symptoms as I gradually tapered. Apparently it helped my attitude to stay positive. It's been too far back to remember how it all played out. But I certainly haven't forgotten this wild and crazy trip. And it is still in my face daily, due to how traumatized I was from it(and anyone who witnessed it, they too were dragged into this to a degree, as I went through it for a whole year without knowing what was even happening!!!!). It sickens me to think about it...but like you, I'm feisty , and I will not let benzos have the last word.

Research receptors....GABA receptors are throughout our entire body...if I have it correct. And they play a significant role in how we function moment to moment. It's scary to think, so many people on these drugs and, unwittingly causing damage to their bodies. Whether the damage is irreversible or not....I can't say. But I can say that things are getting better for me. But I will say, I lean in the direction that some things are not irreversible and that is based SOLELY on my experience. So please do not read too much into my feelings on this subject. I am functioning and have been alone throughout this process.

[[Ho...]]

6 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Ho...] I don't know what do anymore. I took one day's dose. I don't know what  to do. I have Valium. Is that better than the X? Neither? You said you had 3-4 mos real bad but you are still tapering. I know I asked this earlier. I am not tapering. I am with nothing. I wonder if I try it for 2 weeks if that would push me into some other place in my withdrawal. I literally cannot go on like this WTH do I do?  Try a week? Would that push me back at all? I don't know. Time is of the essence with this stuff in making decisions, isn't it?  

Just to be clear, I was not tapering.  

[[Gr...]]

@[Bl...] What these things do is really a mystery and sad at the same time. Sad too that doctors can't help us. I am done with trying to find why I am numb in the worst place for me, which causes constant pain. ENT feels it's nerve, neuralgia or neuropathy. Or it's this weird WD. that I did not mention to him.  if I get lucky it will calm. I hope this just goes away now. I'll take that over everything else I have.

Dear Lord, I hope it's not a case of things being reversible or irreversible.

Don't gaba receptors just affect mood and things like that? Physical?

Mt husband is lost trying to comfort me. He doesn't know how I am feeling. I don't even know. I can't help but cry. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am sad, upset with this, I want it to end faster. I am overwhelmed. can't believe.

 

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Give me this again. You started Valium how many months after stopping K?  You've been holding at same dose all these decades?  I know it's apples and oranges, V to X and I can't compare me and you. I am trying the very low dose X. I know this maybe a bad idea I don't recommend it. You know I'm in a bad situation. I may stay on this for a very long time. V didn't agree with me. I don't like feeling drowsy on anything. I hope in a week or so I can see some settling if it doesn't backfire.  I will take one day at a time from here. It s*cks, really. 

[[Bl...]]

9 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Bl...] What these things do is really a mystery and sad at the same time. Sad too that doctors can't help us. I am done with trying to find why I am numb in the worst place for me, which causes constant pain. ENT feels it's nerve, neuralgia or neuropathy. Or it's this weird WD. that I did not mention to him.  if I get lucky it will calm. I hope this just goes away now. I'll take that over everything else I have.

Dear Lord, I hope it's not a case of things being reversible or irreversible.

Don't gaba receptors just affect mood and things like that? Physical?

Mt husband is lost trying to comfort me. He doesn't know how I am feeling. I don't even know. I can't help but cry. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am sad, upset with this, I want it to end faster. I am overwhelmed. can't believe.

@[Gr...] this is from a post @[Pa...] made on Saturday. The link will take you to the Ashton Manual. The more you learn on this subject of how benzos affect us etc., the more likely any stress from any unknowns will lesson for you.  This particular resource is definitely a good starting point, as it is both informative and comforting. Also its author holds a special place within the benzo arena, due to her credentials. 

Pamster's Post:   Posted Saturday at 13:02

I used to draw comfort from reading chapter 3 of the Ashton manual because she listed our symptoms as well as tried to explain what she thought was happening.  https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.html 

I'm so sorry your husband is not able to be there for you....that is to the extent that you are needing him to be there, given what's happening/been happening to you.

I personally was never able to get my family to see/understand how powerful these drugs really are. This is not unusual for many to have family who can't fathom that these drugs are what we're claiming. It can be very trying each time I bring this subject up, since I know that it's more likely than not, to fall onto deaf ears.

They just can't seem to grasp it...and I can't deny that their reaction really hurts me. But, let's face it, this benzo subject is complex and, even many doctors can't grasp its scope! 

 

Edited October 27, 2023 by [Bl...]

[[Si...]]

Hi Grace,

How is the reinstatement?

I read that you were very affected by 2mg valium, very drowsy.  Did it relax you for extended time?  If it did it seems to me your receptors are still very sensitive to the benzo which is a very good sign, it would mean there isn't much damage 

[[Gr...]]

2 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Hi Grace,

How is the reinstatement?

I read that you were very affected by 2mg valium, very drowsy.  Did it relax you for extended time?  If it did it seems to me your receptors are still very sensitive to the benzo which is a very good sign, it would mean there isn't much damage 

@[Si...] Yes, V made me very drowsy, chest pain and headache. Is that really a good sign of receptors? You say isn't "much" damage. What does that mean?  Oh God, could it mean no damage? I am concerned about numbness which I am hoping is  inflammation, reaction or side effect that may subside as long as this experiment works. I really, really need it to work for relief. I am now taking small dose X for starters, the least amount first.  Only day 2 so far. I don't want to go any higher than the original 1mg, not even close if I can get by . Even small dose of X making me drowsy & knocked out. Is that good sign? I feel I have to try this in order get second chance to try again the right way if it takes me months. It's a gamble. I honestly want novpart of this but taking that first pill years ago put me here. Sad shame this is what it does to us and cannot be easier. Sinful.

Edited October 27, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[An...]]

Grace, did the Xanax alleviate any of your SXs?