When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[Gr...]]

Help. I wish I reinstated way in beginning. Too much this has done. I am breaking sweats with burning chest, something new. Valium didn't agree with me, unless I need more time with it, but could that screw me up if it doesn't work?. I only took it 3 days, 4mg each.. I am having hard time, as you've heard me say over & over. I am lost. What if I go back on X after this time and I take just 0.5 a day?  Is it possible to take a small amt like that daily and hold steady? Can it be taken a couple of times a week instead, without WD symptoms?  I am 70 days out, I know I have come far, but this is killing me. I keep wondering if the WD ties into the infection I supposedly have. It doesn't sound possible, if it is indeed infection?  Reinstating won't cure that, but what if it's WD nerve related? Does X undo what it does in WD??  Trying to figure a way out of this. I wish there was a concrete answer. 

[[Gr...]]

@[or...] Hi. I read you reinstated a while back. How long was it after you stopped? I'm at 70 days drom Xanax. I don't know. Trying to get ideas. Thanks

[[Gr...]]

8 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

Thanks @[an...] 👍

I am having some luck with Lexapro. You are correct about SSRIs ramping up anxiety at the start of therapy. With continued therapy, the side effects slowly went away in my case as the therapeutic effects took hold, approx. 4-6 weeks.

You are also correct about finding the right one. It can be a game of trial and error. You are also correct about how most will negatively affect your libido. That may or may not be a deal breaker for some ppl. 

I plan on eventually getting off the SSRI @[an...] after I am completely off the valium. Do you plan on just staying on the SSRI for a while?

@[An...] I have a burning chest now. I woke up several times including now, because my chest is burning and crushing. I feel like I'm having heart attack. Trying to get back to sleep. I am shaky & feet are weird. This WD is wearing me thin. You are so smart planning it the right way.

About the SSRI. Has Lexapro given you tinnitus or any side effects such as stomach problems? I hear they are hard on stomach. How helpful is it if you are also taking V? What does L do that you also need it?  I don't know if taking something like that would help me this late in game and. would I experience new symptoms to add onto the crap I already have. I have leftover Celexa SSRI that I never took. I have that Cymbalta SNRI I just got. Never had that eiither.

Aren't antidepressants hard to stop as well? I am trying to find a way to get through this. I almost took .25 Xanax tonight thinking maybe I can stay on a small dose, but that's probably not possible for X?  Is it? Temptation is there. Don't some people take small dose and do okay or is that not true of X?  I am so desperate. I need some comfort during this. It's wearing on me. I am not young and the symptoms are hard on me. I. noticed since I dropped so much weight that my skin looks shriveled. Things seem to be getting worse. I thought I had a break. God help me 

[[Gr...]]

I am not being somatic, but what is happening to me? I'm shaking. Crushing chest pain. I'm shriveling up-- losing muscle or fat? 

Please!  What happens when you reinatate after 2+ months? Wrong move? Can I take 0.5 X daily without withdrawal or go to tolerance? I don't know how to make this. I feel like I'm dying. Do peoole go back and do lower dose?

What if I try. 25 or .5, will it set me back? I am tempted to start over and do smart taper, but is that bad move?

Someone who's been there HELP???

[[pi...]]

@[Gr...], I wouldn’t expect Valium to relieve your symptoms immediately, it can take weeks, if it works at all. The same would be true of Xanax, you won’t get immediate results.

It’s not like an antibiotic. When I have a sinus infection, which I have a history of, I know I will start to feel better on the second day taking the medication. Benzos don’t work like that.

As many have told you, reinstatement may or may not work.

[[Gr...]]

OMG this WD did some kind of cellular change to me.. ENT treating me for cellulitis for almost 2 wks but nothing has worked. This is something so weird and profound. It's like changes occurred in my body, nerve signals were damaged or interrupted, numbing in there, and this happened. I am completely swollen everyday. The bone is sore and swollen as if it expanded. I am altered and really disfigured. It's like I need plastic surgery if that would even help. OMG I don't want surgery. I am beside myself. In all the years on this site, have you ever heard of anything like this? It's not a laughing matter. I have CT and second ENT opinion this week, but I am really thinking this is from WD and nothing will show up. How do I even explain the WD to them without them laughing me out of the office? I am petrified this is forever. I hope as anyone reading this can understand the psychological effect on me. I am petite with a small face. This does not fit my face anymore. I had a nice nose. I am devastated what all this WD has caused me. It's all unbearable. I hide from my husband. Icing does nothing. I don't know what to do besides pray

 

[[Ch...]]

I am with you. I am falling apart and I have not started the taper. I have cataracts, my veneers on my front teeth are falling so anxious. I have to work and drive. I am in tolerance. I have no money for surgery of fixing my front teeth. I am in agony of symptoms with really intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what to do. 

[[Bl...]]

@[Gr...] Your experience is similar to what happened to me, BUT not in total. I'm still not well. Symptoms do lesson with time, including the burning sensation on the face. I was on initially 10 mgs Ambien for sleep. Approximately three years after taking 10 mg daily, I had a severe reaction to it. My throat began to burn relentlessly. Within two weeks, I ended up going Inpatient. The first night there I was given Ativan. It seemed like a miracle drug. Well, the relief was short lived.

My story is too long and convoluted to tell it in one post. So long story short, I did reinstate both drugs. 

I would be in one of many Inpatient settings when I experience the brutal C/T. My body and mind went to another level of torture. 

Fortunately, I had enough Ambien to start back on it after leaving that Inpatient setting, AMA(against medical advice).

I was still SO miserable...so, again, I willingly went Inpatient again and,..... then again...UNTIL finally, I miraculously landed an Inpatient setting where the doctor agreed to reinstate me back on Ativan...only, instead of the full dose of 1.5 mg Ativan, I was put on .5 mg Ativan.

I instantly felt calm from that awful inner, relentless agitation. It was at that point, I began connecting the dots. And the relief WAS instant...from that symptom at least. I wasn't cured of it, but I clearly remember that feeling to this day.

As soon as I was able, I researched Ativan(and then Ambien) and was shocked that I had suffered for almost an entire year before realizing the drugs were the culprit! Thank goodness for the Internet. I'm really sorry you are suffering from these drugs. And I get your feeling desperate and, confused as to which way to turn next. It's difficult to read what your enduring...but, please keep on expressing how you feel and never allow yourself to feel isolated!

Ambien: 2010 to 7/2014
   Ambien Taper: 12/2013 to 7/2014
Ativan 1-1.5 mg: 8/2012 to 12/2013
  Ativan Taper: July 2013 to December 2013; Crossover to 5 mg Valium then began taper plan 

**Note:  Approximately a 2 month involuntary Ativan c/t

 

[[Da...]]

I reinstated years ago. Didn't actually realise i was so sick because of the Valium because wd didn't hit until 6 weeks after I stopped. Anyway I reinstated at two months off. Took me at least four months to finally get better. However now I'm in a worse situation trying to get off again. Honestly I wished I'd just stayed on. I'm not young so I think trying to get off was the wrong decision for me. I'd been on decades all told 

[[Gr...]]

@[Da...] What did you reinstate to years ago? Was it Valium? Are you now on Valium and trying to stop? I am so, so, so tempted to start again and accept I will be on for the rest of my life. You know how that goes, will it make it better and if so, how long will it take. It's very bad for me right now. I am in Hell.

[[Gr...]]

13 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[Gr...] Your experience is similar to what happened to me, BUT not in total. I'm still not well. Symptoms do lesson with time, including the burning sensation on the face. I was on initially 10 mgs Ambien for sleep. Approximately three years after taking 10 mg daily, I had a severe reaction to it. My throat began to burn relentlessly. Within two weeks, I ended up going Inpatient. The first night there I was given Ativan. It seemed like a miracle drug. Well, the relief was short lived.

My story is too long and convoluted to tell it in one post. So long story short, I did reinstate both drugs. 

I would be in one of many Inpatient settings when I experience the brutal C/T. My body and mind went to another level of torture. 

Fortunately, I had enough Ambien to start back on it after leaving that Inpatient setting, AMA(against medical advice).

I was still SO miserable...so, again, I willingly went Inpatient again and,..... then again...UNTIL finally, I miraculously landed an Inpatient setting where the doctor agreed to reinstate me back on Ativan...only, instead of the full dose of 1.5 mg Ativan, I was put on .5 mg Ativan.

I instantly felt calm from that awful inner, relentless agitation. It was at that point, I began connecting the dots. And the relief WAS instant...from that symptom at least. I wasn't cured of it, but I clearly remember that feeling to this day.

As soon as I was able, I researched Ativan(and then Ambien) and was shocked that I had suffered for almost an entire year before realizing the drugs were the culprit! Thank goodness for the Internet. I'm really sorry you are suffering from these drugs. And I get your feeling desperate and, confused as to which way to turn next. It's difficult to read what your enduring...but, please keep on expressing how you feel and never allow yourself to feel isolated!

Ambien: 2010 to 7/2014
   Ambien Taper: 12/2013 to 7/2014
Ativan 1-1.5 mg: 8/2012 to 12/2013
  Ativan Taper: July 2013 to December 2013; Crossover to 5 mg Valium then began taper plan 

**Note:  Approximately a 2 month involuntary Ativan c/t

@[Bl...] You are years ahead of me and if you are still having problems, I don't feel too hopeful. I am in in a living Hell right now. I now have welts under my eyes. Burning, everything, all over. I physically cannot do this anymore. I have to find a way to get me through. a few days of Valium didn't work for me. I didn't like it. I caved and took 0.5 Xanax yesterday after 70 days off. It knocked me out and I quickly remembered why I stopped it.  I can't move the last 2 days. It's too much for me. My body is in agony. I don't know. Try Xanax again, 0.25?  Start low? Mistake?  Stay in agony? What do we do? This is insane!  I am afraid I will mess things up, but then there are so many people here who are still having problems way after they are off. It seems it's luck of the draw if you get through it or not, and time, lots of time, months, years, decades. Nothing for us to go on.

[[Gr...]]

19 hours ago, [[C...] said:

I am with you. I am falling apart and I have not started the taper. I have cataracts, my veneers on my front teeth are falling so anxious. I have to work and drive. I am in tolerance. I have no money for surgery of fixing my front teeth. I am in agony of symptoms with really intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what to do. 

@[Ch...]  What do we do? I went for a walk with my dogs yesterday and it was the hardest thing I could do in years. I could not walk. I was in pain, limp, burning. I usually can walk for miles. I am not doing well at all. Not at all.

Is you friend coming soon to stay with you? How are you getting by with work? It has to be hard.

[[Ch...]]

4 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Ch...]  What do we do? I went for a walk with my dogs yesterday and it was the hardest thing I could do in years. I could not walk. I was in pain, limp, burning. I usually can walk for miles. I am not doing well at all. Not at all.

Is you friend coming soon to stay with you? How are you getting by with work? It has to be hard.

I am with you. I am falling apart and I have not started the taper. I have cataracts, my veneers on my front teeth are falling so anxious. I have to work and drive. I am in tolerance. I have no money for surgery of fixing my front teeth. I am in agony of symptoms with really intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what to do. 
 

I am falling apart intrusive thoughts 

[[Ma...]]

[[Bl...]]

@[Gr...] we all heal differently. I am definitely better and, not even close to what I experienced in the beginning of this ordeal. The acute phase will pass. However, if one gets back on the drug, it could set them back. And if that happens then one's anxiety will intensify, thus making this process more difficult to cope with.

Regardless of whether reinstating is successful or not, I would only reinstate with the intent of moving forward by tapering off the drug as my set goal.

No matter where we are at in this process, it's good to know it's not all in our heads. People in the general public, as well as people who know me, don't have a clue as to the nature of benzo w/d.  

[[Da...]]

5 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Da...] What did you reinstate to years ago? Was it Valium? Are you now on Valium and trying to stop? I am so, so, so tempted to start again and accept I will be on for the rest of my life. You know how that goes, will it make it better and if so, how long will it take. It's very bad for me right now. I am in Hell.

Yes Valium. I did get better but it took a few months. Wasn't immediate 

[[An...]]

18 hours ago, [[D...] said:

I reinstated years ago. Didn't actually realise i was so sick because of the Valium because wd didn't hit until 6 weeks after I stopped. Anyway I reinstated at two months off. Took me at least four months to finally get better. However now I'm in a worse situation trying to get off again. Honestly I wished I'd just stayed on. I'm not young so I think trying to get off was the wrong decision for me. I'd been on decades all told 

After you got better, why did to want to get off again @[Da...]? Depending on the person's age and how long they have been on the drug, w/d may not be appropriate. In my case, I started becoming sick while still taking the drug. In these cases, your two options are try to w/d and see how you do or just stay on and stay semi-sick in tolerance w/d. Most ppl who are in tolerance w/d are miserable still taking the drug. Had I never become tolerant to the .5 mgs of K that I had taken over 11 years, I would probably still be on it to this day. Why put yourself through this hell if you are feeling ok taking the drug and are not having to constantly increase the dose to get the same effect or fight off interdose w/d?

[[An...]]

@[Gr...], did you reinstate the Xanax?

[[Gr...]]

1 hour ago, [[M...] said:

You both have burning/dryness? Before my next dose of benzo I’m getting dry mouth, eyes and burning sinuses so bad and feels like a vice around my head.. is this common? 

@[Ma...] I have searched posts about sinuses and found only a few from years ago. It doesn't seem common. At first it seemed my sinuses were dry, but turns out my sinus cavity is swollen with pain, numb, and  inflamed. I have constant headache. Yes, it feels like it's burning. It came out of nowhere. It had to be started by this withdrawal.  I did have a weird complete dryness of my eyes in beginning. My dry mouth is better. I get a numb tongue periodically. 

Oh yeah, ear nose throat doc said I have nasal cellulitis which is infection on the skin, another reason I am swollen. I can't believe this.

This is completely insane. I don't understand why it affects places as these, you know?

[[Gr...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[Gr...] we all heal differently. I am definitely better and, not even close to what I experienced in the beginning of this ordeal. The acute phase will pass. However, if one gets back on the drug, it could set them back. And if that happens then one's anxiety will intensify, thus making this process more difficult to cope with.

Regardless of whether reinstating is successful or not, I would only reinstate with the intent of moving forward by tapering off the drug as my set goal.

No matter where we are at in this process, it's good to know it's not all in our heads. People in the general public, as well as people who know me, don't have a clue as to the nature of benzo w/d.  

@[Bl...] I understand. I am not healing as well as I'd like and I dread this going on so much longer. I have thoughts of reinstating and starting over the right way, long and correct taper. Some people here reinstated after many months and tapered and were good. They were glad they did. I don't know if I can feel any worse than I do now. I may feel same and be stuck, but I am in agony and I have to take a chance as much as I hate going back on poison, but I know it will not be forever. I have a gliimmer of hope it works out better next time compared to my lousy 1st taper.

Only people who experience the same can understand. Whichvis why we are all here to share our experiences.

[[Gr...]]

59 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

@[Gr...], did you reinstate the Xanax?

@[An...] Not yet, but I tried 0.5mg yesterday. Just wanted to see what it would do.  It knocked me out. Seemed so strong. Explains why I had so many pills leftover without filling my last Rx. I was probably taking less and less.

I would only take 0.25 in AM and same in PM. May be enough to see how it goes, maybe I can get by. Problem: I have 28 (0 5)"pills & refill for 30 at CVS I never picked up. Would carry me 58 days at most, 29 at least. Then I need continuing Rx from someone. See if it works or fails. Let's say it works to calm things, hopefully, then where do I go from there? Wait how long to taper?  Can I start a taper as soon as I feel stable, if that happens?  Go to Valium or taper slow with X?  I do dread this, but I am in horrific pain and life is full of chances and choices. Ugh. This better be a good choice, or lucky one.

I am scared, I hate these poisons, but I'm in agony and I am weak, too weak to handle this distress.

Wish I had a crystal ball. 

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Am I allowed to insert my sinus CT results or part of it?  Seems to be something going on, I don't know much. A lot of pain like inflammation or something pressing. Another mystery thing I got after WD. Could be coincidence.  Hmm. I have 2nd ENT opinion on Thurs. 

[[An...]]

20 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] Not yet, but I tried 0.5mg yesterday. Just wanted to see what it would do.  It knocked me out. Seemed so strong. Explains why I had so many pills leftover without filling my last Rx. I was probably taking less and less.

I would only take 0.25 in AM and same in PM. May be enough to see how it goes, maybe I can get by. Problem: I have 28 (0 5)"pills & refill for 30 at CVS I never picked up. Would carry me 58 days at most, 29 at least. Then I need continuing Rx from someone. See if it works or fails. Let's say it works to calm things, hopefully, then where do I go from there? Wait how long to taper?  Can I start a taper as soon as I feel stable, if that happens?  Go to Valium or taper slow with X?  I do dread this, but I am in horrific pain and life is full of chances and choices. Ugh. This better be a good choice, or lucky one.

I am scared, I hate these poisons, but I'm in agony and I am weak, too weak to handle this distress.

Wish I had a crystal ball. 

 on

20 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] Not yet, but I tried 0.5mg yesterday. Just wanted to see what it would do.  It knocked me out. Seemed so strong. Explains why I had so many pills leftover without filling my last Rx. I was probably taking less and less.

I would only take 0.25 in AM and same in PM. May be enough to see how it goes, maybe I can get by. Problem: I have 28 (0 5)"pills & refill for 30 at CVS I never picked up. Would carry me 58 days at most, 29 at least. Then I need continuing Rx from someone. See if it works or fails. Let's say it works to calm things, hopefully, then where do I go from there? Wait how long to taper?  Can I start a taper as soon as I feel stable, if that happens?  Go to Valium or taper slow with X?  I do dread this, but I am in horrific pain and life is full of chances and choices. Ugh. This better be a good choice, or lucky one.

I am scared, I hate these poisons, but I'm in agony and I am weak, too weak to handle this distress.

Wish I had a crystal ball. 

I know Grace, I hate these drugs too with a fierce passion. They drive you nuts in trying to figure out what to do after you stop and months go by with no relief in sight. If you were getting in some windows of relief, that would make waiting on more time to go by easier without thinking about reinstatement so much. But, when you are getting hammered daily with no letup, it will break you after a while. This is the primary reason why ppl take rescue doses and risk reinstatement.

[[An...]]

5 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] Am I allowed to insert my sinus CT results or part of it?  Seems to be something going on, I don't know much. A lot of pain like inflammation or something pressing. Another mystery thing I got after WD. Could be coincidence.  Hmm. I have 2nd ENT opinion on Thurs. 

I think it would be ok Grace as long as you redact any personal identifiable information before you post. They want us to remain anonymous for personal security reasons. You can PM Colin or Pam or one of the other admins to be sure tho.

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Whatever this means. Interesting about a "spur" projecting to the right -- where my pain is.  And I read an osteoma can give feeling of fullness in sinus and headache. Ethmoid is around the bridge and I am in pain there -- can't wear my glasses.  Interesting none of this was on my Feb CT. These are what stand out: 

Mild scattered mucosal thickening in the ethmoid air cells. 4 mm osteoma in a right ethmoid air cell. Mild mucosal thickening in both maxillary sinuses with narrowing of both maxillary ostia.  The nasal septum is deviated to the right with a 2 mm osseous spur projecting into the right aspect of the nasal cavity inferiorly.