When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[Gr...]]

@[Ch...] Not well. Not better. Can't believe any of this. Every day is hard, I am sure you are there, too.

[[Gr...]]

2 hours ago, [[A...] said:

I think I did 20 mgs Grace after I was discharged from detox but just for a little while to get some into my system as fast as possible bc I was in really bad shape. I quickly came down to 5 mgs and that is where I stayed.

@[An...] 2mg hard for me. Knocks me out. Giving me headache making it less desirable. I only took 2 days, 2x4mg. Would I have withdrawal if I don't like it and can't do it anymore? I don't know how you could take so much of it.

Antibiotic cream not doing anything. Trying to be hopeful.  not a drop better. Has WD done anything like this to anyone?

Edited October 21, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[Pa...]]

5 hours ago, [[G...] said:

I only took 2 days, 2x4mg. Would I have withdrawaL

I believe if you stop it now you’ll most likely will return to your baseline without additional symptoms. 

[[pi...]]

I agree with @[Pa...], stopping valium now should not be an issue after only 2 days of use. Valium is very sedating, I found it very difficult at the start. 

[[Gr...]]

whatever this is, infection or WD, a puffy lump inner corner right eye, as if it is drooping, same side which is swollen. My husband told me he saw it. Was not like this yesterday. Is this from the V?  What is happening to me?  I am scared

Edited October 21, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[An...]]

9 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] 2mg hard for me. Knocks me out. Giving me headache making it less desirable. I only took 2 days, 2x4mg. Would I have withdrawal if I don't like it and can't do it anymore? I don't know how you could take so much of it.

Antibiotic cream not doing anything. Trying to be hopeful.  not a drop better. Has WD done anything like this to anyone?

Grace, I am now a little under 2.5 mgs of valium. I am tapering down every 3 weeks. I am sorry to hear it is not helping you. I also agree with what Pam said to you. 

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Are you good on that low amount?  Maybe V doesn't have to be so high as with others. I see why X knocked me out. I didn't need so much. I just followed directions. Regretful.

I'm a lightweight. Maybe 2mg is enough for me, split in half twice in day. Try a few more days of 2mg, see if it works for me? Less to taper too. 

[[An...]]

1 hour ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] Are you good on that low amount?  Maybe V doesn't have to be so high as with others. I see why X knocked me out. I didn't need so much. I just followed directions. Regretful.

I'm a lightweight. Maybe 2mg is enough for me, split in half twice in day. Try a few more days of 2mg, see if it works for me? Less to taper too. 

I am ok Grace as I slowly taper down but still have symptoms. I don't think there is a way to totally eliminate all benzo w/d SXs as you detox, but a slow controlled taper helps to minimize the severity and intensity as the body slowly tries to restore homeostasis as the drug is gradually being removed.

Edited October 21, 2023 by [An...]
word edit after proofreading

[[Ch...]]

14 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Ch...] Not well. Not better. Can't believe any of this. Every day is hard, I am sure you are there, too.

I weighed my pills today and I am getting ready to taper 

[[me...]]

Best of luck Chantel the support team on BBS are always here you are not alone I'm in the same place too 

You can do it❣️🙏

[[Gr...]]

3 hours ago, [[A...] said:

I am ok Grace as I slowly taper down but still have symptoms. I don't think there is a way to totally eliminate all benzo w/d SXs as you detox, but a slow controlled taper helps to minimize the severity and intensity as the body slowly tries to restore homeostasis as the drug is gradually being removed.

@[An...] I was on way to cope and accept the symptoms as the bad ones seem to wax and wane. But, I still have ongoing 24/7 I believe is WD and not infection. Lord, hope I'm wrong. I should be somewhat better by now with medicine if infection, but am not. It's so distracting, I have hard distracting myself. I am trying to mentally hold on. This whole thing is wearing me down. I am not as strong as others here. 

[[Gr...]]

On 20/10/2023 at 12:16, [[A...] said:

GM @[Gr...]

By Tolerance w/d, I was not trying to get off the klonopin during this time in my life. I was still taking the drug as prescribed but it basically had stopped working and I was experiencing w/d symptoms. It was horrible. This was the only time in my life I became suicidal. The pain was unreal when I voluntarily entered inpatient detox. Klonopin worked good for over 11 years and I only took .5 mgs during the entire 11 years. I don't recall too much numbness Grace but I had many other horrid SXs like burning skin from head to waist, front and back. I had constant 24/7 chest pressure, tightness, and heart palps.  I felt as tho I was having constant heart attacks and was about to die. I had the air hunger where it felt like I could not get in enough air during inhalation and it felt as if I was constantly suffocating. I had horrible head pains and headaches and I typically do not suffer from headaches. I was weak with no energy. I had no desire to eat food. Anxiety and fear were non-stop 24/7 and constant panic attacks. There were more SXs but those were the worst ones. It simply felt like I was about to die but I did not and the doctors there told me all my vitals did not indicate any medical problems.  You feel like you are dying and the doctors are telling you nothing is seriously wrong with you that they can detect. This is truly maddening.

How are you doing today Grace? I am about to meditate for 20 minutes. I just finished my 20 min morning indoor bike ride.🙋‍♂️

@[An...] That sounds horrible what happened to you. How did you recognize it was withdrawal symptoms?  Is it something easy to detect for an average person? Burning skin seems common on or off these meds. What you went through was unreal and I see how it kept you from keeping the job you liked. Now that you are tapering slow with V, you said you have some side effects, not as severe as with K WD. What are they? Are you able to get through pretty good each day?  How long before you think you will be completely off the V? How much do you taper in what timeframe?

I've had enough of this. I am having awful time trying to get through. I'm really at end of rope. Sick of it. I am back and forth if V could get me by for time being or skip the idea. I wish I tried it sooner. Would it have mattered?  I hate taking any of this junk. 

[[Gr...]]

Still pain among other. when will this end?  This has to end. This is tiresome. I regret ever taking any of that stuff. I am so mad at myself. I want to scream. I can't help but cry. I am trying to accept, distract, it's hard with 24-hr pain in the center of my face, swollen, pressure, and Tylenol no help. I was hopeful I was getting my skin cleared up, but it seems it doesn't end. My dogs are only reason I keep going. Dark thoughts.  I'm sweating, overheating, burning again. Trouble sleeping. God help.  

. 

Edited October 22, 2023 by [Gr...]
typo

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Do you know anything about skin infections, cellulitis, sinus inflammation? I've never had anything lije this. I need it gone. As I've said over and over, I hop it's that so it will go away with treatment. Rather that than WD which is a mystery. 

I took V again today in split doses for 4 total. giving it chance. Third day. Hoped it would help me sleep, but not. Allergic to melatonin. Miss Ambien. Wish it was safe. That's all I needed in first place & I was duped into benzo for doc to justify insurance. I could have skipped it. My d*mn fault. I cry because I was so stupid. I should have been smarter.  Unless this constant pain stops, this is way too much for me. 

[[Gr...]]

I had to stop the V. It's giving me bad headache, causing crushing chest paon and bad sweats.. Not agreeing with me. I am back to zero. Back to hell. I would reinstate Xanax if I knew it would make this better and fix my most concerning symptom.

Still no change with the worst symptom which I am most concerned about. the med and WD did this. I am beside myself something this odd coukd happen. No doctor will know how to fix this. this is no infection. I am disfigured. It is all numb as if something was damaged.  I don't see how it will ever be back to normal. How can it turn around and when? it must have caused nerve damage, in a very sensitive place, smack in middle of my face, my appearance. As if there wasn't enough it has already done and the future is unclear. I don't know where to go from here. I am really going down the tubes. I cannot laugh or smile. It's affected me in a profound way.  Looking bad for me. I am not strong. I am devastated to say the least. This stuff does do much bad to us. I am afaraid 

This is causing me to distance myself from everything. My husband. I hate for him to see me looking like this. I want to leave and live alone and hide. 

God, I am waiting for you to help me, please. I am desperate. Please God. Please help us all.

Edited October 22, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[pi...]]

@[Gr...], did you mention that you had suffered with trigeminal neuralgia? 

[[Gr...]]

@[pi...] Yes. But I have no symptoms for it and the TN is on the left. I would have pain there. I get pain from that in my teeth and near the left TMJ joint. Luckily I don't feel that going on. I can't afford to have that act up. It gets very bad. 

This is horrible. It's in my nose, the skin, nostrils & concentrated in nasal cavity. At times it seems like inflammation, hard to tell if it is actually numb. I have a lot of pressure in the entire area. The bone feels swollen. This may sound unimportant to others, but it is to me. It is as if my nose just grew and may be inflamed. I'm swollen all day long, the bone, the skin -- more on R side. I am told the skin hasc elluliitis so I'm using cream but no improvement. Everything has enlarged. Like a horror movie. Sounds funny, but not at all to me.

Let's say it's neuralgia in my nose, has WD caused anything like that?  Thst scares me because of nerve damage. I don't understand this at all. 

It's uncomforable plus hideous. I can't wear my glasses as the bridge of my nose is sore.  I've never had anything like this. Before this horrible experience, I woke up all the time ready to go.  I cry now. I wish I knew what will make it right again. 

I am tempted to reinstate X if I knew it would fix this and all the rest of the symptoms it's causing me.

I am running low on patience for waiting. Other symptoms I have I've been trying to deal with. I am petrified none of this will go away from reading other posts. My mind is having bad thoughts about my future.

Edited October 22, 2023 by [Gr...]

[[Gr...]]

Can WD cause these issues or is it coincidence? Unreal pressure & pain with headache. A break from this is all I ask. Still have stupid symptoms that continue: pain, tingling, numb, shaky, burning, swollen & burning eye & ears. Sometimes I feel I'm dying. I am not young. How does anyone get through this and worse? Quality of life is important. Too much of this, too long. I'm tired, weak, disgusted. Want windows. relief. 

 I teeter on reinstating, if I only knew I could get back on track. 

[[Gr...]]

crazy anxiety hyperventilating. I thought I could get closer by now. Sorry to be a burden with my posts. I. am scared why there are no breaks

[[Ch...]]

@[Gr...] I hear you. I am in same place. At least you have a husband. I am all alone and I am not sure how I will survive. 

[[Gr...]]

@[Ch...] My husband isn't home much. He works a lot. I spend most of my time alone. He doesn't understand any of this, not that I do. I have been distant from him because of how lousy I feel and look. I don't want to burden him. I feel responsible I put myself in this place. I wish I stayed on the med for a while longer tlll I knew what I was doing. It's good you will taper with help.

I am almost ready to reinstate just to get rid of anxiety for starters, but how will that help after all this time?  The Valium didn't agree with me. This is all too scary and debilitating. I have jelly legs, shaking, and more. You know how that is. Unsure if age makes it harder.

I am going to try to block this out right now even though my ears are hissing very loud, I'm numb & tingling all over. Do you have tinnitus?

I will go on treadmill, do some cooking, baking, pick raspberries, make ice cream, keep busy. I need to feel like this is a regular day before this chaos or I will die inside.

Can you do anything like that? Can you go for a walk? Are you at your own place with ability to cook or do things around your home? 

I am not playing down any of our symptoms. I hate them all. I hate this. I am disgusted this is such a hard thing for people to get through. It should not ne like this. I want my life and health back. Yes, I am scared of tomorrow. This really sucks. 

[[Gr...]]

2 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

@Grace, this should give you hope....me too. It does take patience. Sounds cliche I know but time off is really the only way to recover from the benzo w/d syndrome. When you are in horrible daily pain, this waiting period is a lot easier said than done. This is why these support forums like BenzoBuddies are so helpful during the painful recovery phase. You can connect with other ppl who can truly empathize.

@[An...] Another crap day. I need to push myself. I am shaking, burning, more and I constantly beat myself up for doingcthis to myself. I'm over 2 months which may sound like nothing, but I am not young, so months are like years.

Last night I tried to watch a movie. My legs and feet burned so badly I went in another room to be alone. This is nocway to live for anyone! This stuff should not linger. When it does as with others at 12, 15, etc months, is that protracted? Still tryingvto understand that. Does length of time taking the stuff put us in protracted? I am 2 months 1 week now. How do I know if Ivam close to ending acute? Is there a general idea? 

I need to push myself today as crappy as I feel. I am dying inside without being myself. I haven't laughed or smiled. This evilness has robbed me.  As hopeless as I feel about this crap not letting up, I do feel like I can go forward if some things would please let up so I can be functionally normal. I want the worst to let up. You know what's #1 on my list.  All I need is that and 1 or 2 others so I can feel a window. I am shaking. I don't like this at all Antibenzo7. Not at all 

[[Ch...]]

29 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[Ch...] My husband isn't home much. He works a lot. I spend most of my time alone. He doesn't understand any of this, not that I do. I have been distant from him because of how lousy I feel and look. I don't want to burden him. I feel responsible I put myself in this place. I wish I stayed on the med for a while longer tlll I knew what I was doing. It's good you will taper with help.

I am almost ready to reinstate just to get rid of anxiety for starters, but how will that help after all this time?  The Valium didn't agree with me. This is all too scary and debilitating. I have jelly legs, shaking, and more. You know how that is. Unsure if age makes it harder.

I am going to try to block this out right now even though my ears are hissing very loud, I'm numb & tingling all over. Do you have tinnitus?

I will go on treadmill, do some cooking, baking, pick raspberries, make ice cream, keep busy. I need to feel like this is a regular day before this chaos or I will die inside.

Can you do anything like that? Can you go for a walk? Are you at your own place with ability to cook or do things around your home? 

I am not playing down any of our symptoms. I hate them all. I hate this. I am disgusted this is such a hard thing for people to get through. It should not ne like this. I want my life and health back. Yes, I am scared of tomorrow. This really sucks. 

I have no energy I am hopeless scared of the future. I have no security when I am going to start the taper. If I can work I am homeless. 

[[wi...]]

We all feel the same way. At least I know my symptoms are the same as you guys, so I’m not crazy.

There is nothing that helps. 
this suffering is not human.

[[Gr...]]

@[wi...] Do your symptoms get worse certain times of the day? I have awful nights. I dread nighttime. It is difficult to sleep. I swell up, go numb, burn, tingle, shake. I really want to think positive I can tackle this, but as you said, "There is nothing that helps. 
this suffering is not human." This is like a bad dream. It doesn't seem possible all this harm can come of stopping a med. It's inconcievable. 

When these hit me, I ruminate how stupid I was to ever take that med. I beat myself up, cry, I scream. I get mad at God for not guiding me. I think of moving somewhere by myself so I'm notca burden to my husband. 

I want a night with normalcy. A window. A sign things will change. I could feel positive if that happens. 

I am tempted every day to reinstate. Will it cure these symptoms? I don't know, but I could feel calmer and maybe would not get new symptoms. I've come this far (70 days), but it it doesn't seem far enough when so many are still suffering for years. I am petrified, that's one reason I am tempted to take the poison again, to ho back to before WD poisoned me. 

How about you? What would help you feel more positive your symptoms will end?

Are you taking any kind of antidepressant or Rx sleep med?

 

 

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