When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[me...]]

1 minute ago, [[G...] said:

@[me...] That's what I fear. At my age, unable tto return to normalcy. I'm already stuck. Icwould normally be running errands. The pain keeps me from all things. I am not the same. I' m dull. My husband will probably get tired of me. I have failed myself

Hi grace I know we will heal I arranged my f***real afew weeks ago my daughter in law was quite worried I was keeping something from them(I'm not) I told her I'm planning to do a parachute jump when I'm a hundred lol.also I think with this covid hanging over us is traumatizing I don't buy a paper and I just watch dvds this has been since my accident ,5yrs ago I've decluttered so my home is easy to manage. I need to downsize but can't think we're to go...I used to be sporty and a marathon walker I lived for it I hope to get it back but I'm so tired with the pain and insmnia 🙏

[[Gr...]]

thus is hell. trembling. this stuff ruined me

[[me...]]

Grace it won't be forever sending healing and 🤗🤗🙏🥰

[[Gr...]]

@[me...] But look how long it's taking you and others

[[Gr...]]

I'm so swollen. Why? my heaalth is upside down8

9First thing ask for a sinus CT, better yet, MRI since. I had CT 6 mos ago. It may get approved because of need to check merves. Then see of this ENT has another opinion. Have him tske care of my numb, red, ear. 

okay. See what fsm doc can do. maybe circulation test. IDK. Worth a try. 

Should I lrave out this withdrawal since it may cloud things and he may not understand?

 

A question about diet bc I don't know what to eat with this. Does Mediterranean work? It has tomatoes. What if I take antihistamine? 

[Guest [...]]

You must ‘Let Go’, @[Gr...]

You are simply not in a position to live up to your own expectations of yourself whilst in the acute phase, so you must let go. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself in living up to the every day roles you would normally play. You cannot bargain with benzo withdrawal, and self loathing will not help you through this. All you can do (like the many others) is try to let go and wait for the tide to turn. You won’t be like this forever, the tide will turn. You will heal. 

[[Gr...]]

@[me...] Did you recover? How long in acute? I can't imagine me being in it very long as I wasn't taking the meds for decades. I seems like I should get better soon. I want to back to me. I"m concerned things have been altered. What is swelling my nose like this and numb yet with pain inside? Any ideas?  My skin. I never had anything like this.

I'm not sure about taking another benzo or something like an AD. Scares me. 

That doc should be sued for what he's doing to people.

 

 

[[An...]]

Grace, when do you see your family doctor this week? Was this the doctor who was prescribing the Xanax and Ambien to you prior to your detox? Besides your husband, do you have other close family members (children,brothers, sisters, parents, etc) that live nearby that you can talk to? It is really hard for anyone who is not going through benzo w/d or have already gone through it to sympathize and empathize, but everyone here knows exactly what you are experiencing. Altho hindsight now, I really wish you had found BB and started talking to others prior to your decision to rapidly detox. With a really slow taper, these horrid SXs you are currently experiencing might not be as intense as they are right now. From your posts, it sounds like they are intolerable and you can only withstand this for so long IMO.  If you only had a crystal ball and knew when things were going to start letting up...... it would give you the impetus to continue to wait it out but the not knowing when is truly maddening.

[[An...]]

21 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

You must ‘Let Go’, @[Gr...]

You are simply not in a position to live up to your own expectations of yourself whilst in the acute phase, so you must let go. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself in living up to the every day roles you would normally play. You cannot bargain with benzo withdrawal, and self loathing will not help you through this. All you can do (like the many others) is try to let go and wait for the tide to turn. You won’t be like this forever, the tide will turn. You will heal. 

Excellent and totally agree. Our bodies are continually trying to restore and maintain homeostasis. Why these drugs cause such bizzare and painful SXs for so long after you detox them from the body is anybody's guess. I know you feel after 2 months, why am I not feeling better, if only slightly? I would feel the exact same way after 2 months and no let up but as Winters said, you will not be like this forever.

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] I know, but so msny have taken many months, years before that happens. And I've read about relapses. I can't be like that. I only have 2 wishes right now which are to make this right, whatever the heck is going on with my sinuses, and stop the burning of mt facial skin. I am so mixrd up how I got such a dose of this. I am dealing with the shskiness, tingling toes, etc as I said. It does wear on me, but I'm accepting those common ones, plus, they are intermittent. I am having hard time with the 24/7 strange ones.

I know, it's 2 months and no letting up. You do understand my fear of how long can I go through this. Fear I have permsnent nerve damage. 

[[An...]]

4 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] I know, but so msny have taken many months, years before that happens. And I've read about relapses. I can't be like that. I only have 2 wishes right now which are to make this right, whatever the heck is going on with my sinuses, and stop the burning of mt facial skin. I am so mixrd up how I got such a dose of this. I am dealing with the shskiness, tingling toes, etc as I said. It does wear on me, but I'm accepting those common ones, plus, they are intermittent. I am having hard time with the 24/7 strange ones.

I know, it's 2 months and no letting up. You do understand my fear of how long can I go through this. Fear I have permsnent nerve damage. 

Yes, I completely understand what you are currently going through. Keep posting and using BB as a lifeline. We all want you to start feeling better Grace. I wished I lived nearby in real life. I would come by and give you a hug. I know the pure hell you are going through.

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Thank you. Aww. I accept your virtual hug. I was thinking the same thing about living nearby. 

I honestly think this sinus related beyond what the doc could see in office. I have a headache from it and there is a lot of pressure and throbbing. Or some kind of nerve out of whack. I will beg for MRI. Ironically, docs will give out benzos by the hundreds, but they won't order MRI, as if it were coming out of their pocket.

I would welcome a window from this before appt. Where is the window? A small one will suffice.

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] I've been getting the pressure in bridge area of nose and forehead headache & throbbing worse at night. It's doing that now. Some weird vibrations, like little elves are hammering inside. I am hoping this means it's coming to a head and poof! it will be gone. IDK. When it stops being numb, I think that will be the best.

[[An...]]

6 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] I've been getting the pressure in bridge area of nose and forehead headache & throbbing worse at night. It's doing that now. Some weird vibrations, like little elves are hammering inside. I am hoping this means it's coming to a head and poof! it will be gone. IDK. When it stops being numb, I think that will be the best.

I hope so Grace. Out of all your symptoms, is this one the worst?

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Yes, it is now. Startedcwith numbness entire face including liips and tongue. Then it was in center of face with inner cheeks. Last few weeks it's been just in and out of my nose, sonetimes upper liip.

The pain and pressure is all new, a coiple of weeks when only nose has been affected.

It's doing a lot of weird stuff like it does at night. My nose and forehead are throbbing. Bad headache.  It's wacky now. I'm hoping it's getting better, not worse. .

Tingling all over my face Burning neck and jawline

I can't stand this WD stuff. I keep dwelling about how I should have not taken that stuff. I wouldn't be going through this madness. God help me

Edited October 11, 2023 by [Gr...]
addition

[[Gr...]]

It's happening again. I'm swelling. Why? I need a window. I think the burning will start too. Terrible. Maybe it altered my circulation. My nose was cold now it'was an swollen This ia a curae God help

[[wi...]]

48 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

It's happening again. I'm swelling. Why? I need a window. I think the burning will start too. Terrible. Maybe it altered my circulation. My nose was cold now it'was an swollen This ia a curae God help

I have all those symptoms. It’s hard to endure this, Grace. 
I just wanted you to know I’m sending you thoughts of healing and strength. 
 

God bless you.

[[Gr...]]

@[wi...] You have these? Whatcdo you have? Do you have numbness in your nose? Mine is numb and swollen. It's unbelievable, mumy nose doubles in size. I am self-conscious. I feel like I was altered. My nose is cold most of the tine . I am not sure if it's circulation or a damaged nerve. It stsrted after I stopped the Xanax. It csn't be a coincidence I have a health issue. My labs were good a few weeks ago. I am distressed about this. This is my appearance. Plus, my facial skin is shiny and strange. It burns sometimes. I can't put lotion on it. I am having a problem with these symptoms. I have others, but they are not seen by others andxthey are not painful

[[wi...]]

I’m sorry to say there is nothing I have found to help these things.

I’ve been brought to the edge of myself in struggling against these issues over how old and ragged I look , that I have had to radically accept this for now. It sucks and it hate it, but I can fight it anymore. I have to believe my skin will improve, my hair will grow back, my body won’t be in pain daily, my mind will return to normal, etc.

They say our looks and health with return.  I’m choosing to believe that.

 

[[Gr...]]

44 minutes ago, [[w...] said:

I’m sorry to say there is nothing I have found to help these things.

I’ve been brought to the edge of myself in struggling against these issues over how old and ragged I look , that I have had to radically accept this for now. It sucks and it hate it, but I can fight it anymore. I have to believe my skin will improve, my hair will grow back, my body won’t be in pain daily, my mind will return to normal, etc.

They say our looks and health with return.  I’m choosing to believe that.

@[wi...] 

What happened to your hair and skin? My skin is weird. It's shiny yet rough. I noticed while I was on Xanax and Ambien that my face looked like it suddenly dropped. I realized what they were doing to me. . I was feeling like my cheeks were drooping and it seemed I could lift them if I was being looked at for a facelift, but now they seem back to where they were before the meds. I don't have anything to lift. 

It will get better for you

What were you taking? How long? 

How long ago?

 

[[Gr...]]

Not going to take anything else. I don't want to compromise my WD and my health. More risks than guarantees 

Have to ride out this cr*p. 

[[Gr...]]

I don't know what happened. It all came back at once. Everything. Few hours now. Oh boy

[[Gr...]]

Barely any sleep. Ridiculous how swollen and in pain I get, yet I am numb. I nodded off several times and kept waking up. Hard to sleep when my face feels like it's expanding and throbbing. It was burning half the night. I seemed to have a break from the facial burning for a day or so. I didn't get too excited so not to jinx it. Everything all over came back for a while earlier tonight. It was awful. This thing, curse, whatever it is does not want to give up.

I was reading lots of posts. Oh boy, I wondered what's going to happen with me after seeing them. It put fear in me. I would have stayed on the stuff if I knew it would be this bad. Wish I knew about this site back then

I noticed many new posts, but they didn't return. Is that a good sign that they may have gotten better? 

I am trying to keep busy, but I am in some kind of funk. It must be from stopping the meds. I wanted to have my energy back, the energy they robbed of me. I figured I'd gain it back. Not the case. I need to pscyhe myself. Today, I picked raspberries from my garden and tore down pepper plants. It's fall here. It was a challenge because I was trembling. I cursed the drug. Oh, how I wish I had my life and me back. This experience is undescribable torture. I hope at least 95% of it ends soon so I can put it behind me.

I hope I can get some sleep. I can't keep this insomnia up.

[[An...]]

Grace said>>>

Quote

I noticed many new posts, but they didn't return. Is that a good sign that they may have gotten better? 

I think many ppl do recover and leave Grace. I can't say I blame them after this horrific ordeal but I do wish they would all write a brief story on the Success Stories board before leaving.

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Saw fam doc. My entire nose is swollen. It's not rosacea. Bridge is painful and throbbing. Pain in entire area, a pressure shooting up to forehead with tremendous headache. He did nothing since I have ENT appt tomorrow. Really don't know what ENT will do. I don't want to tell him my nose is numb and whole area feels numb down to my lip because he will push me off to a neurologist. Plus, I won't tell him about the WD, he will think I'm crazy. I am upset where this is. I have constant pressure pain in my face and ear pain now. 

So, I am wondering, have you ever heard of or read anything like this on this site?  I couldn't find it. What would you think is going on? What could make me swell? I can see the numbness. I wonder if this WD stuff affects trigeminal nerve which has branch to nose. Or is it neuoropathy -- permanent damage. Then how do they tie in with swelling. Doesn't make sense.

I don't think I will ever know. I am doubtful this will end soon or ever end. I feel punished by this poison as if getting this in a sensitive place would make me self-conscious and may be permanent. I cry a lot. A lot. I am getting used to the zaps and other nerve pain although they are painful.

Sorry about yesterday's PM. This makes me hopeless. Nerve pain all over while I tried to sleep. Trying to wait this out, but wow, so many stories on here that scare me. I don't want to take meds, but I keep thinking if I took a couple Xanax, would things calm. I regret stopping it. Wow, this WD doesn't give up. I wish I knew if reinstating a few doses would calm this. I guess a Xanax or 2 would set me back.