When will it end? Anyone tempted to reinstate?

[[Gr...]]

This is so much. There are too many people having trouble off and for long with weird stuff too. I am afraid of gettibg weird stuff. Going along good and something starts it all over.

Almost ready to reach for a pill

[Guest [...]]

Even when taking these medications, we are damaged. The Gabba receptors are downregulated because they are not needed because the benzo plays the role of the receptors. Once we taper off, it takes time for those receptors to repair, upregulate and calm the nervous system down. Unfortunately, we can’t know how long this process will take for each individual member, but, please don’t project another’s experience onto yourself. You may heal much faster than the person you read about. You are also assuming that if it did take 2 years, you would still be experiencing the same intensity of symptoms you are experiencing right now, which would be a mistake, and only feeds more fear into your current state of mind. Fear itself is a symptom of BW, so you can’t trust any of these fearful thoughts. Because of what you are experiencing in the thick of withdrawal/recovery right now, you are completely wired to the negative, which is understandable, so it’s important that you try your best to develop and maintain trust in the healing process, which is always in process, even when you are extremely symptomatic.

Remember, you are drawing yourself to reading isolated cases of long term recovery, rather than the majority of cases who recovered along the normal timeline. 

I cannot advise you one way or another… but, I wouldn’t like to see you reinstate just because you had read one story about a 2 year recovery. You may possibly reach a point soon where you begin to experience symptom free windows, and I think that you are most likely very scared because you haven’t yet reached a point where you can say to yourself ‘I think I can see some improvement occurring’. 

You are still only 2 months in… so what you are experiencing is absolutely normal, even for someone who will recover in good time. 

Im very sorry to hear of the strain on your relationship. Maybe if your husband was more informed as to how normal it is to be experiencing exactly what you are experiencing at this point in your recovery, and that things will indeed improve over time. It’s very scary for those around us if not properly informed about benzo withdrawal and the recovery process. 

[[...]]

Breath through your nose.

Edited October 11, 2023 by [...]

[[Gr...]]

God help me. I praywith no answers. Too much. I have to get through but I have no control. It does too many things to so many. I wish I knew about any of this. Can't go there now. I need to sleep. I think it will help me sleep. 

There are some things weird and some better since ending them. I don't think my face is as saggy, it seems I am unable to pull up my cheeks bc they seemed to have tightened up again, whereas I was pulling up my cheeks when on them. I lost the weight I tried taking off. I am not a zombie, eating late at night, doing strange things like talking to invisible people. 

On the other hand, there are the weird things I am going through and who knows how long and whatcwill come back. 

I don't know

[Guest [...]]

Focus on the things you notice have improved. 

Every day, write down all of your symptoms and rate them out of 10. You will find that many members who have recovered, wished they’d journaled and kept a daily symptom log, simply because it’s almost impossible to keep track of symptoms or notice improvements without tracking them daily. 

As Evn mentioned… breathe deep and slow in through the nose and out through the mouth. Normalising your breathing sends a calming message to the brain that there is no danger, everything is okay, even though you may be extremely symptomatic. When you get caught up in fear and panic, it pushes you deeper into fight or flight and intensifies symptoms. Practice the Resonant Breathing I explained as often as possible. We need to remember to breathe when we’re caught in fear and panic. 

[[Gr...]]

@[Wi...] Petrified I have nerve damage and I know it would be from this, did not have symptom before.

read this: https://news.cuanschutz.edu/news-stories/benzodiazepine-use-associated-with-brain-injury-job-loss-and-suicide?hs_amp=true

I was keeping track, but I stopped because it was depressing me. I threw out some days of logs. Things can improve, but again, I've read here wgere they came back after a long time.

My husband has been very supportive and non-judgemental. He never knew I took that stuff. I had to embarrassingly tell him. He didn't think anything of it. He says just like all here, that I need to not think about it. (Not easy when you're driver's seat.) He doesn't fully understand. He says I had a bad reaction to a medication. That's close enough. I get upset because I am afraid of what's happening to my body and brain because this stuff has such evil properties. He worries about me and doesn't like to see me in pain and like this. I've said some crazy things which worried him. He has been a gem considering he's not typically the warm and fuzzy type. I may scare him away if I don't focus.

I'll try the breathing while I hope for a sign. Thanks

 

 

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

On 18/08/2023 at 23:49, [[H...] said:

Hi Scsred8,

I didn't cold turkey so I don't have a lot of experience in that part of it! It's not recommended, simply because it throws you off so badly and so fast that it's hard to even think!

First, it's not your fault. Not in any way, shape or form. You relied on the professionals who are supposed to know. That's why we go to them.

Most importantly, you don't have permanent nerve damage. Your brain and CNS, with all their neurons, have the capacity to restructure and figure out how to get you back to homeostasis. It's called neuroplasticity and it happens over a long period of time. In the meantime, your job will be to figure out how to get through your time of healing.

On these boards you'll get a lot of information that can help you! Distraction, deep breathing, light exercise, healthy eating are some, along with plenty of people who will chime in with information or at the very least, commiseration! You aren't alone, that's for sure!

Concentrate on the stories that are not horror stories. There are plenty of them! Here I've encountered people who cold-turkeyed and got better in 12 months, 14 months, 18 months. There's no correlation between how you came off and how long it takes to heal, either. There is only one truth, and that is you will indeed heal.

@[Ho...] I feel same as Scsred8 about docs failing us, also I am concerned I have permanent nerve damage in my nasal cavity -- yes, strange. I am numb, tingling with pressure-pain. Like a shot of 24/7 novocaine with a syringe left up there. I'm glad to read you saying Scsred8 does not have permanent nerve damage for I am concerned about this because of the strangeness of it.

Everything you say in that post has been said to me by many. I have to heed these suggestions. I'm just fearful of this process and the uncertainty. 

[[An...]]

Personally, if I was on Klonopin, Xanax, or Ativan and did a CT or a rapid detox and had been off for a month or longer and the suffering became intolerable during the acute phase and I felt I needed to reinstate, I would personally not reinstate with one of the high potency benzos mentioned above. I would go with valium and you could probably start with a low dose like 5 mgs and possibly get some relief after it builds up in your system and then slowly start formulating a plan to get off the valium after stabilization. I also found the SSRI Lexapro to be extremely helpful, although you will probbaly see a spike in SXs at the start of SSRI therapy until the therapeutic effects fully kick in after 4-6 weeks.

Professor Ashton said in her manual>>>>

 

Quote

 

Antidepressants. Antidepressants are the most important adjuvant drugs to consider in withdrawal. 

There is a school of thought, mainly amongst ex-tranquilliser users, that is opposed to the taking of any other drugs during withdrawal. But suicides have occurred in several reported clinical trials of benzodiazepine withdrawal. If depression is severe during benzodiazepine withdrawal as in any other situation, it seems foolhardy to leave it untreated.

Antidepressants not only alleviate depression but also, after 2-3 weeks, have anti-anxiety effects. They are in fact a better long-term treatment than benzodiazepines for anxiety, panic and phobic disorders, and may in some cases actively help the benzodiazepine withdrawal process.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] How about Doxepin? Trazodone? Geez, they're all drugs. I am wavering, feeling now I ruined myself if this d*mn nerve thing does not go away soon. I'll say it again. I'm petrified.

[[An...]]

I don't really know anything Grace about the two drugs you mentioned (have never taken either), so I can't really comment on them. Yes, they are all Rx drugs and come with risks and benefits. I don't think you have ruined yourself even tho I know you are scared and suffering terribly. It can take a while before you start having some windows and the intensity of the bizarre SXs you are currently experiencing starts to wane.

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] Just wish I had normal common side effects so I could relate. Too strange.  I hve to get out of this funk Someone up there give me a window.

Good thing we are anonymous because I feel like a freak

Edited October 11, 2023 by [Gr...]
addition

[Guest [...]]

You are not Xray, @[Gr...].

You are just ‘projecting’… fearing your own experience must equate to Xrays. This is untrue. Each individual is unique, and we cannot know the reason why X-ray has taken longer, although at two years is quite common to still have some remaining symptoms.

You have every reason to feel confident in your healing. It’s only the fear causing all the doubt and worry. 

[[Gr...]]

I think I may be able to cope with the rest if this weirdness goes away. What is causing.this?  I need a CT or MRI to see what's going on. I have to get someone to order it. If nothing shows up then it's benzo weirdness and I will know it's all part of the healing. Nerve damage, nerve irriation or circulation issue needs to be ruled out. I think thst's a good idea. 

[Guest [...]]

If you feel having tests done will help allay your fears, then it’s worth looking into that. You will actually find that many members here have had countless tests done, spent enormous amounts of money, only to have all the results return as normal. If you think it will help put your mind at ease, then, it may actually be worth it. 

[[Gr...]]

10 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

You are not Xray, @[Gr...].

You are just ‘projecting’… fearing your own experience must equate to Xrays. This is untrue. Each individual is unique, and we cannot know the reason why X-ray has taken longer, although at two years is quite common to still have some remaining symptoms.

You have every reason to feel confident in your healing. It’s only the fear causing all the doubt and worry. 

@[Wi...] My fear is fueled by my pain and the odd symptoms I can't relate with anyone else or typical benzo WD. (Right now as with each night, it's bad, painful, and keeping me from sleeping.)

I read his symptoms and it's a long list. When us newbies read ones like these, they put us in panic mode.

The success stories sometimes have bad stuff. Stories are mixed in onectopic because people go there tocread and then add theirs. Many of those mixed in are good ones. Maybe new topic should be started for each new success. Easier to see them individually.

Edited October 11, 2023 by [Gr...]
addition

[Guest [...]]

Sometimes it’s good to take a step back, @[Gr...], avoid too many benzo related stories. You may not realise it, but because of the fear state you are in, your mind is ready to pounce on anything negative… it’s hyper aware of anything that reinforces a fear of the worst possible outcome. 

If you feel that you are really only scaring yourself more when perusing posts, it may just help to step back and give yourself a bit of a breather. 

Your symptoms profile will settle in time.

You are still early on… but, you are in the process of healing all the time. 

[[An...]]

5 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[An...] I was still taking Ambien when I had symptoms already from X. The A helped a little, but may have extended my WD.  I am not sure if I stayed with A it would have buffered this WD. Scares me that I stopped both so close together. This is difficult. I want it to end. At end of rope. 

IDK Grace but in hindsight, it may have been better to just stay on the Ambien for a little while after the rapid benzo detox but that is water under the bridge now.

[[An...]]

I do agree with what @[Wi...] just said. It is good to come here and talk to others but don't overwhelm yourself with all the endless possibilities. I am USA EST and it is after 3AM here and you are still up posting Grace. I am up now because I slept earlier for 4 hours. I don't know what time it is where you are. I fear you may be scaring yourself unnecessarily by the constant worry. Have you slept any today? You need to try to sleep as much as you possibly can.

Just because someone experienced something bad does not mean that you will.

[[...]]

My acute was five months long. 

1 hour ago, [[A...] said:

 

 

[[Gr...]]

@[Wi...] I am VERY petrified this is nerve damage and would be caused by the WD. I am lucky to have good insurance. This scares me badly. It's so painful and uncomfortable it keeps me awake. It throbs too. My nose gets cold. Maybe it's circulation, but the neurologist insisted my good carotid artery test was the only test for that. He's far from a rocket scientist and tgere's a 4 month wait to see other ones around here  I am beside myself with this because I have no idea what this is. Pain shoots in my forehead

[[Gr...]]

@[An...] I'm East Coast USA, too. I rested a lot today, yet if I had my normal life back, I'd be more active.

I am trying to sleep, but my face is throbbing, swollen, and the novocaine feeling is still up my nose with the syringe and shooting pain up forehead.

Same every night and day  Why I want this weirdness gone now.

Clocks get set back soon.

Hope I sleep.

 

[[Gr...]]

This is going nowhere. I don't see how this can clear up or just go away. It's strange. I go to sleep numb, swollen and wake up the same. The pain, throbbing, and headache increase as the day goes on. On top of it, I feel hideous. I have a famity doc appt and another ENT appt this week. I don't know if anyone will figure out what this is. It my be another benzo mystery.

Today I have facial tingling, numbing and burning, too.

Makes me want to reinstate. I am doubting this will heal. It's just too strange, not even on any symptom list, no one here has had this. I feel like I am making it up because of the strangeness, but I'm not, it's real. Depression has set in for sure. God help me, please.

[[Gr...]]

I forgot if I asked this:

Does the gaba go back in motion if you reinstate? Will the med begin the process again?

[[me...]]

12 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[de...] I should have worded it differently. I mean that had I gotten any side effects I would have stopped it. They are sneaky drugs.

I feel violated. I wanted so badly once I stopped these that I would feel alive because of how low they were keeping me. Now I'm sad this is the result. I may have reduced my dose and stayed on it if I knew at all this could happen. Sometimes I don't feel like myself, which could be depression setting in. I want to feel positive that this will pass soon. Everyone wants that.

I get scared reading posts of people having so much trouble getting there. I am petrified. I know I can't worry about long-term protracted. I only learned about (acute) withdrawal once I stopped, at first it didn't seem too bad from reading online it lasts up to 28 days. The symptoms weren't a long list. They didn't say anything about the bad ones. I didn't read on those lists about nerve-whatever thing I have. Plus skin being compromised. That would have scared me into reducing or finding proper tapering. 

I try to accept, but part of me is still disgusted with myself because this is self-inflicted. Many go through that notion we should have known better. I have to get past that, but I guess I'm not ready. 

I want to go back in time.

Hi Decatur I with you on that as many on here would be....need a time machine...it's like doing time in the dirtiest meanest cruelest jail ever we need to go forward and take each day as it comes 

Hope you improve and heal soon 🙏

[Guest [...]]

There are just so many potential symptoms that are not on lists, @[Gr...].

The numbness and tingling in certain parts of the body would be quite familiar to many members, past and present. 

I don’t know your medication history, @[Gr...], which needs to be factored in when considering reinstatement. 

What was the reason you came off both the medications? 

Were you experiencing any side effects/symptoms/interdose withdrawals whilst on the medications?