Can’t handle the outside world! I feel like I’m in jail!!

[[hl...]]

14 months since my last dose

today was a nightmare. I went to the mall with my girlfriend and it was a terrible experience. I was in the store and couldn’t find my gf and I almost had a panic attack because I was all alone and everything was just too much… too much noise, lights too bright, people everywhere. My pots was going crazy.

walked around some more in the mall and I could feel my brain struggling to function, everything was just too much. I was so overstimulated.

I used to work in this mall before I finished my taper, now I can’t even shop without my brain shirt circuiting.

im so frustrated because I keep reading that people with pots get overstimulated easily and cannot function in the world and I can’t figure out if this is still withdrawal, or the pots! It’s so frustrating! 
 

I just want my life back! I’m going insane!!!!! Why can’t I do ANYTHING??!!!

Has anyone else experienced this and recovered? What is wrong with me? Have I just spent too much time in the house and desensitized my brain to the point where I’m basically non functional?

[[ia...]]

This sounds awful... terrifying and frustrating. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience at the mall. Although getting there (to the mall, after spending lots of time indoors/at your house) ... is a bit of an accomplishment. Remember, In this process, we have to 'crawl, walk, run'. Please give yourself some grace. 

I can relate to some of this. Although I'm not fully recovered, I'm still very early on in recovery. I went to the gym a couple months ago -for some reason, this particular day.. I was just stretching on the mat, and all of a sudden... the walls just started closing in on me. I started FREAKING out. Started having a panic attack; hard to breathe, brain wasn't working, felt overwhelmed ... it was very defeating because I felt like I was taking steps backwards. That has not happened again since, but it might... these symptoms come out of nowhere sometimes. 

I'm sure others will chime in who are 'fully recovered' as you stated in your post. Keep getting out of the house... your brain will adjust and your ability to cope will improve. Hang in there... 

[Guest [...]]

I have to go out right now @[hl...], but I’ll reply as soon as I get a chance. 

What you experienced is normal for some whether tapering or in recovery.

[[pi...]]

@[hl...],

As @[Wi...] stated, this a very common at any time during this process. I was always a very independent person until I was put on benzos. When I had to stop Ativan for a vestibular test, the cold turkey was horrible and I experienced the same things you describe. Even during my recovery I had to take baby steps toward getting back in the world. I would plan my route in the grocery store, get only enough for one bag and hurry to the self checkout.  Every time I went somewhere it took planning. But each time I went out I congratulated myself for the effort.

Little by little my world got larger and larger until one day I didn’t think and plan ahead. I just did it. Congratulate yourself for trying, this time and every time.

pianogirl 

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[hl...]

I know you must be thinking to yourself … “I’m at 14 months and I’m still like this… it’s never ending” but I just want to share something I read by @[Br...], how when she was at 14 months, she was still so terribly symptomatic, however, by 18 months she felt so much better. She said she experienced an enormous amount of healing between 15 - 18 months. 

Point is… a lot of healing can happen all of a sudden.

‘Take it easy on yourself. Don’t take on too much. Often we think we will be okay to go and do something, but we do not see the potential triggers. I drove past a man walking a dog today, and, for whatever reason, that image flooded my body with fear. I couldn’t have known I would react like that, just as there’s no way for you to know what triggers will arise when you are in a shopping centre. As @[ia...] said… we have to learn to crawl, walk, and then run. This doesn’t mean you should completely hide away. Just that you should probably be careful with sensory overload, and I imagine a shopping centre could easily overstimulate someone going through BW. We just never know when we are going to be triggered. Another thing that happened to me tonight… I was on my 5km walk when a ambulance drove past me, and the moment it reached directly next to me, it turned its lights and sirens on… you can imagine how I reacted. It flooded my body with fear and adrenaline. 

You will get better, @[hl...]

And it will most likely happen when you least expect it.

until then, try and practice meditation (if you can) or resonant breathing. When you practice breathing deep slow breaths, it helps signal to your system that everything is okay and there’s no need for it to overreact and keep you in the fight or flight response. 

[[...]]

 The experience at the mall sounds awful.  When you lost your friend in the store, then walked the mall after. I couldn't do that. I would have had to go to the car or sit right down there. Your doing better than me.

 

[[ma...]]

7 hours ago, [[h...] said:

ible experience. I was in the store and couldn’t find my gf and I almost had a panic attack because I was all alone and everything was just too much… too much noise, lights too bright, people everywhere.

 

Hi @[hl...]  I  had a similar experience when I was just starting to go out  after being housebound, agoraphobic for a few years.  My husband persuaded me to go with him food shopping, then he walked off unknown to me…I turned couldn’t see him,  I was stood frozen to the spot terrified and started crying.

It wasn’t long after that  I was able to shop on my own.  It took a few unsuccessful trips until I eventually got through the checkouts.    This phase is tough when you’re going through it. Getting back out there again is scary but you manage it and it soon becomes normal again.  Once it starts It’s amazing how quickly it all comes together.

Magrita

 

[[hl...]]

Thank you everyone for all your responses, it’s helpful i know I’m not alone, although it doesn’t entirely remove the stress of the situation. Today was a bit better, I went to Walgreens with my girlfriend and it wasn’t as difficult…

my brain still feels like it’s burning though, I feel it in my eyes and whole head. It feels so sensitive, like it’s being tickled