Beyond repair.

[[Wi...]]

 

I think I am beyond repair. Feels like my akathisia is getting worse slowly. Every wave is more horrific. Today it’s been the worst it’s been it seems. I slept well but in the morning I started getting the churning in my stomach and an overwhelmed feeling in my head and then a horrible wave came over my body from my brain down. Like adrenaline shooting. Like a white hot flame. I still feel more are to come as I can feel my CNS is revved up. I am not strong enough to deal with that. It will never pass. I feel like something broke down so bad that I will never even have a window. I have a tiny baby. I am long off all drugs, probably got fucked up because I had meds during pregnancy and during labour. I don’t take anything at this point. It’s sooo bad  I was doing okayish for the last two weeks and now worse than ever. I can’t keep doing this much longer…

 

Edited September 15, 2023 by [Wi...]

[[de...]]

Sorry you are finding things so difficult right now.    Try to remember that you have had some better days.   This process is very non-linear.  You can have some good days and then have some very hard days.   During these ups and downs you are healing.    You will get through this!!!

 

[[Wi...]]

3 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

Sorry you are finding things so difficult right now.    Try to remember that you have had some better days.   This process is very non-linear.  You can have some good days and then have some very hard days.   During these ups and downs you are healing.    You will get through this!!!

Thank you ❤️

[[be...]]

@[Wi...] sorry you are struggling, but it sounds like your Brain trying to heal maybe from medication ingested during childbirth or stress in your life, and sadly as we all know, it takes time and lots of patience, hang in there, better days will come. I know it must be hard with a wee one, do the best you can. I think it is a good sign that you felt better for two weeks. Stay Strong.

💖Peace and Healing.

Edited September 15, 2023 by [be...]
wrong word

[[le...]]

Think your hormones are all over place after having a baby. Any emotional stress makes things worse. I’m over 4 years off had lot family stress last couple years made things lot worse. Looking after a small baby is bound affect your nervous system, sue things will calm down. Last couple weeks I swing  between crying and sort functioning every day, Labour is hard don’t beat yourself up for having meds to help sure it wasn’t those.

[[Wi...]]

Thank you people for your support ❤️

[[Sw...]]

@[Wi...] it’s true your hormones are a huge contributing factor. Also lack of sleep and if you’re nursing that Al takes a toll on the body. 
don’t give up!

I remember when my baby was 1 and I started to get suicidal thoughts I cried every day I swore I’d kill myself BUT every day I looked at her was another day I held onto hope. Instead I said I’ll wait until she’s 18 to give up. 
 

glad I waited because I did get better! And she’s happy and healthy now!

[[Wi...]]

52 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

@[Wi...] it’s true your hormones are a huge contributing factor. Also lack of sleep and if you’re nursing that Al takes a toll on the body. 
don’t give up!

I remember when my baby was 1 and I started to get suicidal thoughts I cried every day I swore I’d kill myself BUT every day I looked at her was another day I held onto hope. Instead I said I’ll wait until she’s 18 to give up. 
 

glad I waited because I did get better! And she’s happy and healthy now!

Oh yes looking at her makes me hold onto hope. Thank you. Yes, I am nursing.

[[Le...]]

If you seen where I were in the beginning in my healing journey you would be amazed at my progress now. I just want to tell you that you will heal. Its tough now, and it seams like it always going to be like this. But it wont, you will recovery. There are coping strategies that helps, but they wont take away the symptoms. But it makes it easier to get trough the withdrawal. 

I wish you all the best and keep going one day at the time, eventually life will be great again.

[[Ho...]]

I'm so happy that you're nursing, what could be better for your little one! And I'm so, so sorry for your suffering, those horrible waves, just unbelievable. Your body is incredibly unstable right now as it recovers from the benzos but also as it finds its way back to pre-pregnancy status. Nursing helps that, too, and the same mechanism that lets your milk flow releases calming hormones, which is good for you; very good.

I hope that you find your healing stepping up more and more. If you felt better before, that means you will feel better again. Waves leave you higher on the shore, and this one will too. Be sure that, as often as you are able, you let yourself enjoy anything you can. Your new baby's scent, the wonder of those little fingers, any moment you notice something that reaches your heart with even the slightest joyful chord, sit there in it for as long as you can. Collect them.

Everyone is right, one day at a time wins this race! It really does. 

Sometimes we think we're worse but really, it's not. Most of the time it's:

1. a new symptom of healing

2. we were feeling better and this re-run took us by surprise. We thought we were past it but it's the same old, so somehow it feels like a new kind of bad.

You're not worse. You're healing and being restored. It feels AWFUL but that's what's going on. When you have a scab form, it shrinks. It pulls, it itches. Part of healing. 

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[Wi...]

You will heal!

I think it’s helpful to understand what’s going on in your body from a physiological perspective. 

Your Gabba receptors are in the process of repairing so they can upregulate and then balance out your CNS with the calming Gabba neurotransmitters. At the moment, you mostly have the excitatory glutamate neurotransmitters firing off in your CNS, no Gabba neurotransmitters to balance and calm you. 

By going through this process of tapering and recovery very overstimulated and stressed, it conditions the autonomic nervous system and in some cases, the immune system to overreact. The more we are overstimulated by fear and stress, the more the autonomic nervous system conditions to that overreaction because it learns to sense danger in everything. As your brain detects danger, you are thrust into the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight), which is why you experience the adrenaline, cortisol and the release of other stress hormones. Whenever we are stuck in the sympathetic nervous system, we experience anxiety and panic as we are flooded with the adrenaline and cortisol, which then intensifies other benzo related withdrawal symptoms. 

As your Gabba receptors upregulate and balance and calm your CNS with the Gabba neurotransmitters, you won’t be thrust into the fight or flight response so easily, but your brain will still be sensitive to anything stressful because that’s the way it’s been conditioned through this process. This is where we need to retrain our brains to not overreact… just as they learned to overreact to certain stimuli, they can also be taught to not overreact to that stimuli. This is where meditation and resonant breathing practice are very helpful, especially when one is in the recovery process. Over the long term, these practices teach us to remain calm through stressful situations, and therefore, avoid being triggered into another wave so easily. It retrains the Insula and amygdala to feel safe again. 
 

 

[[Ma...]]

What I forgot to say . Hormonal drugs and antibiotics triggered yours am I correct?

maybe if you can afford it buu two packages of the probiotic VIVOMIXX

it is the best probiotic to help the gut and replace the bacteria responsible for neurotransmitters . Also if I was you I would add more meat and beans which are both needed for proper liver function. Pregnancy and medicines make us deficient in several vitamins and minerals. 
you will get there just give it more time I think 

[[Wi...]]

1 hour ago, [[M...] said:

What I forgot to say . Hormonal drugs and antibiotics triggered yours am I correct?

maybe if you can afford it buu two packages of the probiotic VIVOMIXX

it is the best probiotic to help the gut and replace the bacteria responsible for neurotransmitters . Also if I was you I would add more meat and beans which are both needed for proper liver function. Pregnancy and medicines make us deficient in several vitamins and minerals. 
you will get there just give it more time I think 

Yeah, exactly. Like psych meds did something to me and all these other drugs made it waaaay worse.