My daily Xanax withdrawl routine. 9 months in, major struggle... You're not alone

[Guest [...]]

I'm down to .25 mg of Xanax. Down from 1 mg a day. It has been a total struggle. Each day is really just torture. I run a business with 115 employees and they just come at you left and right. Everyone has a problem, everybody needs you to fix it for them all the while you are hanging by a thread. People are so selfish it's insane. No empathy in this word and as long as their problem is solved. that's all that matters. I wake up in the morning with dread. The mornings are the absolute worst! The DP/DR is crazy high. I don't even want to face the day. I stumble to my garage and look outside at the sunshine I used to enjoy.I turn my radio on take my pre-workout and start boxing to the blood flowing. The boxing helps some but my anxiety levels are at an all time high. My job stress is at an all time high with the economy like it is. Pressure on top of pressure, and being in withdrawl life is almost unbearable. I then proceed to take a hour long hot shower and dread when the water turns cold and its over. I stumble out of the shower and start getting dressed to somehow go to work. I go to face employees, customers and just try to fight through the day. The paranoia, intrusive thoughts of the what might happen in the future, all of which are worst case scenario. I make it through the day somehow and come back home to safety and comfort of my home and can't wait until the darkness comes and I enjoy the night because the day is over and know I don't have to face it again until morning. My work ethic and drive over 20 years along with the deaths of my parents and pressure of my job drove me to taking anxiety meds and now I am reeling from the effects of Xanax. I have taken xanax for about 6 years snd topped out at 1 mg. I have worked down to .25 and life is not fun. I have never felt like giving up more in my life than right now. Just being somewhere safe and away from people seems like a huge goal at this point. On top of the way the world is today with all these entitled people and just the nasty world we live in it makes it even more difficult.  Hopefully at some point I can write a success story but as of right now it seems very far away. I wrote this for specific reason for our fellow readers to know they are not alone. Many posts on here have helped me get to this point and I wanted to help others as well. Without this site, I might not be this far along. I hope this helps someone.

 

 

[[Pa...]]

@[Ni...], I’m so glad you shared what’s going on with you, I’m in awe of what you’re able to do in a day!  I know its torture but working full time helped me get through my cold turkey, it was hell but the distraction helped.  I couldn’t imagine sitting at home all day with just my thoughts and symptoms, that would have been worse.

I can relate to wanting to be alone, being around people is a nightmare when we’re going through this, I can’t imagine having to face your employees as well as customers.  When I was working, sometimes I’d hide in a bathroom stall or go for a walk around the building, anything to escape.

Can you tell us a bit more about your taper, how fast are you going?  Would it help to slow it down a bit so you can function a little better?  

 

[Guest [...]]

Thank you for the reply. My taper has been unusual at best. Last fall as I was still managing my use, I would take a .5 or a 1mg on my work days. M,T,W F nothing on Thursday or the weekend because I wasn't working, I was going into interdose withdrawl and not even knowing it. I was agitated, mean and short with just about everybody. I went all through the holidays doing the same routine. I was under major stress at work and started drinking heavily and taking xanax through the holiday and into the first of the year. I was actually on a high during that time because of 1 mg xanax and all the alcohol. I really didn't realize what was wrong until I stopped drinking and lowered the xanax to .5. Boy I didn't know what I was in for. Dropping so much so fast put me straight into full withdrawl and I started studying what was wrong with me. WOW.  At this point around March I started trying to taper. I tried CT 4 times, never making it past day 13. TORTURE! In the first couple days you think I'll battle through this, but day 3...... No go. I still don't know how I did the 13 days. After fighting through March, April, May, June total torture, I started just taking .25 on July 6th and have got to this point. This is 100% without a doubt the toughest fight I have ever had in my life. I also don't know how I do it everyday. I long for nights, and days off and those are not long enough. I'm holding at .25 for 2 months now. I go into interdose withdrawl after about 8-9 hours after I take the .25. I try to take it around 1 pm so it works into the early evening then I can sleep the night through but the mornings are so bad I started taking it in the morning to shut down the morning torture. I'm also using VIT C, COQ10, and gabba supplements to lower the glutemate levels in my brain. I have studied this a lot in the last few months. I have no idea if I'll make it, but I have fought this really for almost a year now. My life is certainly turned upside down right now, but I'm gonna keep on keeping on and hopefully I'll beat this. My job stress will never go away so I'm gonna need some major determination to beat this.

[[Pa...]]

I’m glad to know you’ve educated yourself, that helps tamp down the fear this process creates.  I’m glad you’re determined and understand the only way out of this is through it, and I agree, it was the worst experience of my life.

I’m amazed you can take it once a day, are you sleeping at all now?  What is your plan for the rest of your taper?  

[[Sw...]]

@[Ni...] do you  have a stress protocol? you workout i read, but what about breath work, progressive muscle relaxation, guided immagery, anything to activate the relaxation part of the brain. The more you can practice and increase  your window of tolerance the more your body will build strong wiring for handling stress.. what i want you to hear me say is that you can  start with 3 minutes a day of body work and increase it two 3 minutes two times a day then 3 minutes 3 times a day then 5 minutes  then 10 then 30 and pretty soon you will be able to handle stress better and allow healing to take place in your body. watch every video by therapy in a nutshell on youtube if you are interested in this. 

[[Be...]]

 @[Ni...] My Xanax taper is similar to yours, except the withdrawal is not that bad, yet.  You mentioned that you are experiencing  interdose w/drawal. Have you considered splitting the .25 mg and taking 1/2 in the am and 1/2 in the pm? I am starting to consider that now that I'm at .25mg. It will keep you at a more even keel.