Really struggking

[[Bo...]]

Im struggling so badly … just each day seems to get worse and nights I’m psychotic feeling and so delirious and I feel beyond end of my rope with akathiisa bc I’m bedbound and any stimulation makes it worse. I sm mentally so scared bc I feel like I’m going to lose it all the time. I just need reassurance . Everyone talks mknyhs snd years and I made such good progress during my hard taper after 3 1/2yrs I don’t understand. 
Im in complete panic mode bc typical calming tools aren’t doing anything. 
famiky is terrified bc they know I keep begging for help somehow and they’ve called everyone. 
I came to acceptance or at least managing the day during taper. Wasn’t getting much sleep didn’t have much of a life as spend a lot of time couch to bed to couch but regained functionality this year and watched shows and sports, ran errands with famiky, sat outside and did some light gardening, made things for other people.
 I just don’t see this kind of time frame,… even people who CTd have 18-24 months progress so it just makes me feel beyond hopeless bc I can’t even manage 2 wks off right now and 3 1/2yrs of a lot of grief.
i need a lot of comfort and just anyone.

[[Re...]]

@[Bo...] Much love to you today. Gosh, I hear you so deeply, buddy. We cannot think in months or years which is very difficult. Especially with akathisia so don't put pressure on yourself but have people around you remind you to stay in the minute, hour, day. I understand the need for reassurance from a community. What has worked for me is to circle a few trusted buddies around myself who have healed or are healing from akathisia to support me daily and to take time off of the forum. I have found that the constant reminder of other people's suffering when you already have so much of your own is the opposite of calming. Plus, when you read people's stories, there may be very important details that they leave out that are a reason for the timeline. You just do not know and cannot compare and there is no way to have any control over the recovery process. it is horrible, I totally get it, as you know I am going through the same thing as you right now.

Edited September 12, 2023 by [Re...]

[[Bo...]]

Thank Rebecca. Can someone please be my buddy that is far out, I need people, please to help bring me along. Im devastated. 
plesse I just want to live. I’m sobbing away after bath bc it didn’t help and I’m just feeling so beyond hopeless, I can’t go back in the med.

i am so traumatized by everything. 
 

[[Re...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Thank Rebecca. Can someone please be my buddy that is far out, I need people, please to help bring me along. Im devastated. 
plesse I just want to live. I’m sobbing away after bath bc it didn’t help and I’m just feeling so beyond hopeless, I can’t go back in the med.

i am so traumatized by everything. 
 

@[Bo...], I understand how hard this is and my heart breaks for those of us suffering. When it comes to going back on the drug, personally, I took it completely off of the table. There were many moments when I reconsidered it and posted about it. I am so glad I did not go back on. I know others have been reinstated with some luck. I know a few stories. I am not saying it will or won't work, I just don't know. But you have come this far...I had to go through it twice in one year with Ativan and then Seroquel. If I can make it twice, I have confidence that you can make it too. Others before us like @[Me...] tapered so many drugs and made it. We can do it, Boges. We can. I kept reading Megan's story and told myself if she can do it with all those drugs to taper then I can too. And you are off. It is finished.

[[Bo...]]

Thank you, yes I got polydrugged early on in this bc they came too fast down on K after 7wks on and me wanting to come off. So I’ve tapered off 10 meds in 2020 yhay I was put on for a couple  days, weeks or couple months back to back back for sleep not knowing any better at the time. So it’s been a long journey I understand too well snd this now at the end I just geezo have been beat down after coming s long way and getting myself functionsl to a degree, this year right befor crashing at the end. 

I need so much hand holding and hope Angela can help.

tys k yiu for your kindness.

Edited September 12, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[An...]]

@[Bo...]I definitely think support is the important thing here.  Great that you're talking with Angela. Not only has she been through brutal withdrawal, but she has also seen the whole gamut. 

I feel like support is everything in the worst of this. My primary supports are also a bit frazzled, so needing to rely on some others this week. Withdrawal coach today and a member of our clergy on Friday.

Keep reaching out. Hopefully others who are off can chime in here.